ssshhhhhh...or else I'll snap

I soaked maybe around 2 tablespoons of Salvia, chewed 1 tbsp. My hands started to shake which was strange never noticed this before almost like something was moving it. Then as usual those others were present, the quality feels different perhaps it's more accurate to say my understanding was greater. I was in a completely different state of mind. Absolute real raw awareness of everything. Going much deeper, greater heights than in previous salvia excursions.

I feel part of everything, but not I as a human being, you know the actual physical body felt to be a part of everything and the one perceived was a part of all that. There were great beings and I understood things about Jesus and in particular the story about his disciples fasting and parasites and more of his story, how he mentioned that the father and he was one. I had done a liver flush and got the sense something was connecting with my that action. There was no me, no 'I', nothing existed but what was material and the understanding of it all.

Incredibly deep in this state I had the urge to grab the phone in order to make a note of all that was taking place. Everything around me unraveling in it's truest form, which was unlimited. There were no boundaries to speak of in this experience, anything was possible, viable.  The physical was a form and there was no denying that it was changed, fluctuating between the ordinary, sadly common human limited state to this very real true unlimited state. I'm trying to describe this the best that I could without sounding like very commonly considered illuminated people of the past, without regurgitating the same words. One thing that can be absolutely agreed on, is that it is indescribable. So really I am left to the describable which came along with the understanding. Form can change into anything, in that moment the mind was cleansing so much data but in the process I saw how all the data was put together to create the great magnificent planet called earth and all the ideas of earth behind it. I wasn't thinking of earth, earth was no longer present. In the room I saw the data of the room put together piece by piece, and my here and now was a part of earth.

I grabbed my phone, deep in that state not having allowed a complete wiping away wanting to at least capture this much. Friend was messaging me right at the moment I turned on the screen, I could see the screen as it came about, the words were alive and pulsing, they were a group of beings as well as the profile photo to the left. Almost in slow motion as it came to, it was tempting me, insinuating that a friend was messaging but I saw right through it. I could feel beings around me, routing for me and this friend, they were controlling our encounters. There was no friend, it seemed without a doubt this other friend had no actual existence, completely based on ideas. I text back and the words feel highly suggestive, and I'm not just speaking of the incredibly annoying autotext on the phone. Friend was being a little bit cheeky yet I wanted to keep him alive, to make him real. The alternative was miserable, how could he not be real!? I have had this experience countless of times but I guess this one was a complete blow to my head. I responded to his message and told him what I was feeling, I had to be careful. Then I went on and told him that strangely he was a part of it all and everyone was routing for us. Naturally his question was who's everyone? 'Us'. Then another moment of understanding made me verbalize 'You and I are everyone'. Naturally anyone would be curious and would want to know from the beginning exactly what I was talking about. So I continued: You're part of all everyone.

He asked if I meant in the metaphysical sense? What a brilliant word to describe the state in which I found myself, I couldn't have used a better word, but whilst he meant it figuratively speaking suddenly I knew the literal meaning of metaphysical. They give us shape and form. Now I know what exactly is meant by Metaphysical and how convenient that it should be this word my friend uses. I seperate the word to Meta Physical so that it becomes two, I am still working out the meaning behind Meta. I am equating it to Hyper. A very active state of the physical where there is just the doing, the action of everything. I couldn't stay in the state too long trying to reemerge for my friends sake, perhaps more for my own, trying to make reality seem real like before. However I had to continue, just for the sake of note taking. It knows my every move, the moment I do something wrong it will snap something inside the body eliminating it. This thing which was so grand was keeping an eye literally all around me watching carefully every move. I wanted to tell my friend more things but I couldn't when I told him this he asked me what was stopping me. He, my so called friend was stopping me. I was waiting for that state to shut down, it was taking far too long. They induced all kinds of sensations. An hour or so later I fell asleep.

I had just done a liver flush on Sunday, I think the Salvia did something extra to the liver. This information might be a bit too much but only including here for future reference connecting Salvia with some of the health protocols I am on. My poop came out white the following day, mostly white. At the same moment something ballooned in my gallbladder and swooshed through some internal tubing.

After Love Infusion

An hour after Liver Flushed Love Infusion I was so relaxed and not really waiting to go back to sleep just serene feeling.

So many things took place. I felt the near sensation of an astral projection and started to rotate out of the body. Then back in body, many things taking place. Too many things. I remember at some stage not sure about what was going on lifted my hand and stared at it, my fingers were half missing and the remaining parts were branching out. At first I thought my form was disappearing, that my body was slowly vanishing. Instead the form of my right hand was changing or mutating right before my eyes.

I understood something about what is perceived with ones senses, it takes place in one singular playing field. There's more to it but it's so difficult to describe.

The pressures were intense in the middle of the brows almost like something growing there. At some stage I became aware of my jaw wide open, I began seeing several beings wearing a dark brown robe and some others who looked different. It felt like they were waiting for me. They were all entering through my mouth and the familiar kundalini energetic sensations became pronounced.

I was a little wary and unsure of the brown robed beings, but then there was Love.

Liver Flushed Love Infusion

I've been planning for a while to do a liver flush. Yesterday felt right, with a very low appetite I started to sip the liver flush drink. Later in the evening I started to feel sick, in bed early slept it off. Awakening around sometime at 3am I needed to run to the toilet. I'm not going to get too graphic about this part. I saw a black kind of stone in the toilet bowl which is what must have been hanging out in either the liver or the gallbladder. I recall last night with sick feeling I had a disturbing hiccup was making weird strange sounds and burping a lot. Even felt movement in the liver itself.

After this I was relieved that this stuff came out. Walked downstairs for a little bit and as I headed back to my room I felt strangely light, there was something warming up. I felt absolute love and affection for my family who were all sleeping and wished happiness for them. The feeling started to grow all on it's own. I started to feel an indescribable radiating love. I felt like I was in love with the entire mankind.

This love is not single pointed conditional love. It has no boundaries flowing in all directions, completely senseless and limitless. It doesn't know the difference between Hitler or Mother Teresa. It started off just feeling warm and nice but growing rapidly, it's like a little particle that was growing, extending out and embraced the entire Universe.

It's not the love a man may have for a woman, or a person for another person, or even a mother's love for a child. This is just LOVE! PURE PURE PURE LOVE!

This is REAL, LOVE IS REAL, LOVE IS EVERYWHERE! There is not a single space where love cannot exist. LOVE IS PERMANENT, IMMORTAL ENDLESS EVER FLOWING and WE ARE FLOWING IN THE ENDLESS OCEAN OF LOVE. I don't think I am ever going to write anything more important, more valuable than this.

I can't seem to handle the weight of this love.

It's like there's too much love, such abundance of love. Mankind needs to wake up to it, this is too much for one person or even for a few. I can't absorb it all, my heart is too full!

The Window Portal

I slept early last night, around at 8 or 9 making sure the room was darkened enough so neighbors light does not seep through blinds. Awakened a little after 3am where on the ceiling I witnessed the fluttering of dark shadowy being clusters. Could not sleep after this no matter what I did, I also did not feel bothered to get the day started early. I relaxed and practiced some deep breathing. Got the pillow to see if that helped (I haven't used a pillow for some years now). Finally relaxed body resting in a fetal position facing the left side. I was completely unprepared for what took place this morning.

Had a really scary dream, where I am in my living room and it's dark. Suddenly I see two boys walking by and noticed the window glass is broken. For some odd reason  I call out to the boys thinking they can help me. I am scared for my life at this point when I realize my mistake. I have a chair in my hands. In panic mode not sure whether to call the police or stay on guard for a potential attack as the boys are trying to break in.

Slowly from this dream I am alerted back to my actual bedroom where I think I am in a mild state of paralysis or just deeply relaxed. I continue to relax. Suddenly I see a young looking boy walk through the window and another person beside him. I am obviously afraid, but only slightly. Calmed down, they walk back through the window. Then a young man walks back in. I can see him clearly, he appears to be illuminated though the room is still dark. My fear is down. I'm more curious about this situation and stay calm almost as though I'm not even aware of his presence. He is directly looking at me and seems fully aware that I can see him. He takes a few steps forward approaching me. As he moves forward he looks across the room which stops him from proceeding forward. After a brief glance in my direction he walks back out.

At this point I begin to wonder whether someone else is in the room since the impression I got from this encounter that someone is likely to be there. Which would probably explain other stuff that has been occurring.

I opened my eyes realizing that throughout the encounter I was looking through my eyelids. The pressure was intense in between the brows almost like a balloon forming inside and magnetizing.

I have had many encounters and this blog is a testimony to all my strange happenings. This is a very new experience. The people coming through appeared as solid as I was, well formed and unlike any salvia entities or any others I've witnessed. This actually is kind of a great shock to what I'm accustomed to because if this really did happen it can mean several things.

One being, that there are people out there who can walk through windows and perhaps through any barriers. These were not some strange indescribable light beings, they were very ordinary looking human beings.

There are obviously many different explanation for this phenomena.

UPDATE 14/12/2014: I've experienced something before on Salvia which reminded me of this experience where rather than walking through walls or windows the Salvia beings/people were moving about inside my floor (not on top like moving pictures, but inside it as if there were some secret passages that only they knew about and can move in freely) looking very alive and with actual human forms. You can read about it here The Tour. It's interesting on Salvia I can let my guard down completely, no sense of fear is at all emitted. Just the general curiosity and intrigue at times. Fear seems to be present when these types of experience take place without the use of Salvia.

Brain Activity In Sleep

Last night as I tried to sleep neighbors hallway light seeping through window. Adjusted blind so room was almost pitch black. I relaxed with movements present, most were sensual. Sexual energy was definitely high but I was completely nonreactive to it. There were a few moments of being startled with head jerking in several directions. I get this sense that as I relax there is some activity going on in the brain but it feels like there are others inducing it, almost can feel like being possessed.

This time relaxing rather than sleep I kept myself alert to any changes, however sleep was beckoning and I almost gave in only to be alerted to a sound produced inside the brain like a tv channel white noise type of sound. It was much like this:

It reminded me of a particular experience and another experience that helped form some of my thoughts and impressions regarding it.

I will attempt to observe this each time I try to relax for sleep, making sure that the room is pitch black and also retiring to bed a bit earlier.

Plain Leaf Smoking

After last experience, an hour or so later I loaded pipe with plain leaf to see how different it is to the extract. It was faster and very much like the earlier experiences. Body taking on a rubbery toy like appearance. I got this undeniable feeling that my family members around me knew my this state, it's like as I am aware in this state I notice how aware they really are. Sensing the real side of others.

I turn off the light and get in bed. Relaxed the beings in the body are scrambling about. Clusters composing different parts. I get this impression they think or assume that I am sleeping. A while later I open eyes and then close and start to feel sleepy.

Waking up this morning no major liver pain. I did however have some incredible dreams, there was a lot of action and the theme was mostly to do with survival.

The copious amounts of urination that Salvia causes seems to be having a detoxifying effect. Need to drink more water.

Co-Existing

Small pinch of Salvia 10x extract smoked with plain leaf. Around 6ish pm. My intention, and I got everything prepared, was to smoke and then start meditating. Instead I ended the Salvia process rather quickly to write this up.

The shift occurs instantly, I have a much better coordination. Thought comes in as I transition. Why are my experiences differing from that of others? Why is it different? I ask as I try to ponder the difference I'm referring to. I'm thinking about others, I've separated myself to other living individuals. Why are their particular salvia experiences different, is it because I need to take higher strength? Something I'm pondering. Perhaps my notion that an extract shall catapult me into a completely different world is wrong. I am referring specifically to hallucinations. I recall in the early days taking it with others who have had what seemed like amazing dramatic experiences.

Here in this state I feel so natural and completely normal. This shift that happens, here there is a great level of understanding without even trying to understand. I get the answers before even asking the questions. This is how my questions are answered; they all become invalidated by this new perception.

I move about a little and the thought is there that other people currently, whilst I'm in this state others are not independent of my state but completely dependent. Others do not exist independent of this state. So as I sit here and write this post, and you read this remember that you are not independent, your existence is not independent of this state. Other people exist for me when I exist for them, I exist for others when they exist for me. Although here I am again facing the fact of your irrefutable non-existence.

The shift and remaining there felt more bridged, more complete. What makes it so that some people cannot tolerate these strengths to this degree where the body is equipped with complete and utter control. The communication I received was that the body is wired to handle it. In order to experiment with this I might be looking into getting a much higher strength.

Extract doesn't seem to be pulling me with the great force it can for other individuals. My experiences generally involve the other entities for lack of a better term. They remind me just how fabricated reality really is. A certain energy seems to be located in the right side very near reminding me of a particular incident I recently had and I realized they had orchestrated it.

I think with extract I have an expectation to see spectacular things. Strangely I did in the beginning like that time when I ripped reality open with my bare hands exposing a shimmering light but that was with chewing plain leaf. With extract I expect to be traveling to many worlds and universes. With extract I expect to see lady Salvia that most talk about. Instead I find myself in a state of mind from which I come out of simply thinking Oh... So that's what it is like to be normal...

I do need to start playing dead again, putting the body in a relaxed posture just after taking Salvia.

Touching computer keyboard index finger on right hand was tingling.

Ordinary Sounds Converting to Musicals

I woke up early again today around 4:30 which seems to be something that will be happening throughout the winter period.

By 6 I closed eyes and tried my best to relax. Dosing off I can hear a sound coming from across the street. Heard a machinery type sound so I'm guess something was operating, it felt strangely loud this time maybe because I was more relaxed. The sound seemed to be coming from something that was taking place outside. Slowly the more I relaxed it changed, sounded like a kind of calling in a very singing choir like tone.

This reminded me of a visual experience I had of certain beings where upon coming back I noticed how a part of the table beside the bed could have very likely distorted in order to form what I was viewing. This morning incident seemed to be happening with sounds.

Some thoughts are just clicking in my head and now I have to ramble.

If what I'm seeing or hearing is a conversion of something, then what is the original thing that it is converted from. In other words if the visuals and auditory hallucinations I get are just a conversion of what is consensus reality, then what is consensus reality? If what plays off consensus reality is hallucinatory in nature, I feel the same applies for consensus reality. It makes perfect sense to me.

If memory serves me correctly Advaita Vedanta explains that reality is neither real nor unreal. I think this simply means that on one hand whilst everything appears real and does take place it is also not real. All of reality is subject to change, there is evidently the outward constant change. I am referring to the constant change that happens every moment.

I recall reading something by Krishnamurti, it went something along the lines of 'there's nothing, but that nothing is everything'.

An Experiment with Spoons

This is a sort of law of attraction type experience, I say this because my views on law of attraction have changed somewhat over the years.

I was searching for ceramic spoons for soups. Finding overpriced things online I decided to check out local stores.

I checked enough stores a few times not finding any ceramic spoons whatsoever since metal spoons are more popular.

One day shopping I was in an unusually good mood and for no particular reason. I decided to send out this positive energy towards the people I passed by, the trees and to all things surrounding me. Sending positive thoughts to others around you makes for good therapy.

Before I entered any shops I decided that today I was going to find those ceramic spoons, it was settled in my mind that today it was definitely going to appear. I ended up in one shop where there wasn't any and I've looked here before. Then made an entrance to another shop where again there was no visible ceramic spoons. I turned around ready to exit this shop but got this sense to go back and look again. Standing in one spot contemplating nothing just staring at this spot. A woman accidentally hit me on my left foot and started to distract me with her constant apologies. I assured her that I was fine.

After a moment of this I put my hands in at the back of one shelf where you really can't see anything. I'm not sure what possessed me to put my hands inside this space but I started to feel something and pulled it out. It was wrapped up in paper but there was that knowing feeling what I was about to unwrap. I grabbed a few more, nice ceramic spoons in many different colors.

Seeing that there was no specific price tag I asked the manager for the price. He told me these spoons come with mugs but they seem to be missing so offered 5 of the spoons in my hands for 50pence.

As he walked away I started to observe around me, there was an employee stacking the bottom of one shelf . Customers walking by. In particular as I watched the manager walk away I felt how the entire incident seemed to be set up, this was all scripted. It's an awareness that is hard to describe, that knowing feeling was there. I've had an incident like this before with the same awareness present and that knowing feeling of what it was all about.

I know that I can command greater things than spoons, but the more interesting aspect is figuring out how it all really works.

Morning Visuals

I woke up early around 4am, lately since the days have been going shorter I feel sleepy much earlier and wake up a lot earlier. This is not a good cycle, I think probably has something to do with detox. Next time instead of waiting to fall asleep around 4am I will simply start my day. This has definitely happened a lot in the past, especially on days I'd have involuntary astral projections/OBEs.

Around 6am I relaxed and tried to sleep. It was completely dark but I started to see through my eyelids. At first I could make out faint outlines but not sure what I was observing.
The space around me seemed to morph. The more I relaxed my concentration things changed rapidly. I felt lights encapsulating me. There was that familiar red orangish flame like shade as if I were directly staring at the sun.

There was some minor brain orgasms.

I think that flame color is the sun, an internal Sun. It represents fire and this same fire has a cleansing effect. 

A quick smoke

While I wasn't intending to smoke Salvia I did. It happened suddenly and only because I was actually annoyed about something.

This time no metal screen, I think that might have been causing some issues. I put a bit of plain leaf then added a pinch of extract. I needed several hits, could not hold it in the lungs long enough although it was not at all harsh I was concerned I might have another episode of phlegm expulsion from lungs which the iodine seems to activate.

I went to that other state of mind pretty fast, the others present. There's this sense of friendship and then this feeling of worship. It baffles me each time when I'm in that state how I lose it and forget the actual.

I recall the pain felt in last experience and how they were the ones actually behind it. I didn't know why they induced that sensation but on this occasion I was excited with their presence. I wanted to do something for them. I decided I want to cook something which I was planning to cook for dinner anyways but I wanted them to experience it.

This time in that other state I felt more balanced. Heading out the room and downstairs it was wearing off.

I'll be meeting someone fairly soon and will be trying Salvia with this other. I feel like I've connected so well with this person. In one of my question and answer session which I'm certain now is with the 'others' I've encountered with Salvia, or perhaps long before that, they seemed to not want me to meet this person. I had to go through a series of questions in order to uncover the why.

I feel my mind expanding and the shadows are moving but it feels normal.

Updates

I have a salvia post called Optical Illusions which is saved as draft, for some reason I don't want to publish this.

The Salvia is doing something to my liver, I felt incredible sharp pains around this organ. Fortunately after using hot water bottle pain eventually disappeared. Pain was so bad I don't think I want to take Salvia for a while.

The iodine protocol which I've been doing for several weeks now is going fairly well. I have been having some incredibly cinematic dreams which I believe are associated with detox as well as third eye chakra.

The involuntary head movements have reduced in intensity since eating lamb meat again and including other omega 3 sources such as sardines. There have been a few occasions where head has moved but not as intense as before. The question and answer sessions with head nodding yes and no seems to be a lot smoother. Just yesterday had one of these moments where I felt the urge to ask a question and uncovered something that I should not do, which I was planning to do - apparently really bad for my head at this stage. Recently a few days I've been awakened and suffered bouts of insomnia where I end up falling asleep by 4 am. On one occasion I didn't fall asleep, just relaxed and deep inside forehead, pineal or pituitary gland moving like crazy, almost vibrating at the same time felt like brain orgasms.

I have not listened to hemi sync as much as I hoped but intend to keep practicing as often as I can. I have been having some amazing synchronicities, they have changed in some ways. I feel my gut instincts are much stronger and there's this sense of being guided.

An incredible incident occurred whilst at a local shop recently. It was related to spoons but won't go into details just yet. While at the shop I felt the whole thing being set up. I am unsure how to describe this sense, it just washed over me, the entire incident was fabricated. I felt like I was seeing the inner workings of this fabrication.

Weird Aliens and Scary Goats

I woke up from sleep at around 2am. Could not sleep until some time after 4am. Had a feeling I was going to have some kind of incident as is the case with this kind of sleep wake back to sleep pattern.

I recall having very amorous dreams and then slightly awakened from those until closing eyes again relaxed I suddenly noticed a glass window above me more to my right. There was an unusual looking alien, I can't begin to describe it but like an alien with something unusual about it. My immediate feeling was one of fear or perhaps it was uncertainty with this sudden encounter. I felt like it was trying to come closer. I closed my eyes and opened them again hoping to wake up. I see the same window with a dark shadow lurking of some kind of creature. Repeat close eyes and open again. This time I could see it clearly, it seemed to be hanging upside down but staring at me. I thought it looked like a large goat, it moved it's mouth and seemed to be grinning. I was getting a sinister vibe from this creature. Closed eyes and open again, same creature only two of them. At this point I am trying my best to get out of this state, eyes closing opening was clearly not helping. Realizing escaping was going to be difficult, I toughened up. In the face of adversity one ought to laugh, so I did. My laughing voice sounded so different like it was coming from another being.

With a bit of struggle I came out of the state, exhausted went back to sleep with no follow up incidents that I could recall.

Interestingly when I did come out of the state, I was looking at a part of my raised table beside the bed, it's made of glass and there's a metal component that is visible and I stared at this point where I tried to see if I could create those same creatures as I managed to make a faint outline of the weird alien creature, trying to recreate the same scenes with these components. I feel that it's very likely, and it wouldn't be the first time.

It seems that these incidents are distortions of current physical reality, but one thought that has awakened with the use of Salvia overtime is that physical reality is a distortion of some other factor. Which would mean that everything that can be perceived has an underlying factor.

Salvia like incident with Hemi Sync

Painted 4 or 5 drops of lugols iodine on the heels of my feet. I then listened to Hemi sync opening the heart. Within 10 minutes I was relaxed looking above with eyes closed, it was dark yet I could see through my eyelids faint images of shelf and parts of the walls in my room. Things started to speed up from then and I saw silhouettes of the others in exactly the same way I had in my salvia trips. It was like they were splitting from my view. Prior to all this I was feeling intense sensation in the brain, focused mostly near forehead. A magnetic feel. After the others unraveled they seemed to be causing all manner of sensations in and around the body. The head movement felt even more urgent, so much that even as I write this the movements are present.

I have been supplementing for some days now. Mostly B-complex, Vitamin C, Selenium (L-selenomethionine) and magnesium which are co factors for iodine. My experience so far has been very intriguing, I have had very vivid dreams in the past which had stopped for some time.

As well as all this my diet in particular has changed to include lamb meat, chicken liver and fish. I will be supplementing with omega 3 oil soon. There are also some other nutrition that I have been researching and will slowly start on these.

I think something is definitely working out here. Whether my pineal gland is decalcifying or what I can't really say, but it seems something is happening with the combination of supplements I'm taking. I'm trying to experiment this without any expectations. For the time being I've been a bit apprehensive about taking the iodine internally, not sure I want to go through extreme detox so taking the slower path for now by painting on skin.

Dream Recall Improvement

Interestingly past few years my dreaming slowly came to a halt. Either I was not dreaming or recall was bad. Recently supplementing with lugols iodine by painting on skin. So far I'm recalling dreams so vividly, unlike past dreams. I've read that dreams are an initial sign of detox. It's not bad at all, in fact this is one aspect I seem to be enjoying.

I will experiment and make some adjustments so that I'm not waking up from these intense dreams around 4am.

Iodine supplementation requires lots of research, there are several additions required in order to handle the detox and quite a lot to take in.

Hemi Sync Constricted Pupils

I think hemi sync is doing deeper work within the brain, perhaps with the addition of other physical factors.

Yesterday evening I listened to Opening the Heart, I clicked out and came back to ordinary consciousness as the audio ended. Eye lids were heavy, this time I quickly got up switched on light and checked eyes to find that my pupils had constricted. Something feels very different deep in brain as I re-emerge from these 'Click Out' states.
 

Iodine and the Pineal Gland Connection

I have been painting iodine on skin on and off using the lugols iodine solution. I was a little afraid of using it mostly because of all the known detox symptoms that occurs with use.

Last night I restarted again. I was supposed to only get 3 or 4 drops on the sole of my feet but somehow too much poured out. I didn't wipe it instead went with the amount on there. Within 30 minutes the stain disappeared. According to my research this would suggest that my body is majorly deficient in iodine.

As the body gets more sufficient in iodine the absorption time increases which is good to know so I don't over do it.

I then later felt a major pressure inside forehead and what I'm assuming is pineal gland. This is the same location where I've experienced other sensations. Last night was intense and it was like that part inside my head was concentrating a magnetic force.

Also my body temperature began to soar to the point I was starting to sweat a little.

So far I have noticed it's giving me some very interesting dreams. This morning dream was amazing and I woke up vividly recalling it. If this is a detox symptom I certainly don't mind.

But generally I've noticed that my dreaming has either stopped or my recall is just bad until this morning.

The Salvia State without Salvia

I ponder this a lot, especially whilst I'm in this very special state. It is such a dynamic state and the greatest difficulty is in describing it. To me it feels like all the body senses are fully operational and at the same time other senses are awakened. In past earlier experiences I used to go deeper without focusing too much on the body and have been to other places as well as going too deep that everything was too incomprehensible to describe. Now the focus for a while has been with the body, there is still something that I feel needs to be unlocked.

When in that state there are some balancing problems which indicates some kind of physical imbalance.

Each time I find my self in that state by using Salvia I wonder how it is we don't naturally have that sense and awareness. Could it be a cause of lifestyle and the many distractions we face on a day to day basis? Have we become so immersed in daily activities that we can't see what's going on behind the scenes? or is this fogginess for that specific purpose?

One theory I have in mind is that the human body is so severely polluted just like the external environment and this blocks these senses from being used with greater capacity. At least the body needs a cleaning. The environment definitely needs to be purified.

The human body is some kind of machine, a powerful instrument but only when it is in working order. I think it can do so much more in a whole and full state of optimum health.

Recently after feeling an extreme low I gave in to eating take away, I think on a personal level that I am not being true to myself and this is causing major emotional lows. The last time I had eaten this crap was a year ago and that was because of another low. I eat crap when I feel like crap. I then suffered what felt like severe food poisoning. On the second day I realized I had all the ingredients for home made remedies specifically for food poisoning. Slowly got better. One of the remedy included the use of lugols iodine. I started to read more into this as I remember I only purchased it for removing moles and a scar and decided to start painting it on the skin. One day decided to chew a bunch of Salvia leaves, usually after taking Salvia these types of ailments disappear (only sometimes it gets worse before it gets better). I went through the usual transition, with eyes closed and sometimes opening I felt a new energy greeting me. I knew instantly it was the energy from the iodine solution. I get this a lot on Salvia, meeting and greeting energies that I can identify belonging to a part of physical reality. Another example of an energy system that I've encountered is that of a storm, simply put everything in our ordinary daily life is part of an energy system.

This particular energy from the iodine seemed to be getting ready for something. The next thing I know it is doing something in the throat, then on the side of the neck. I relax as usual trusting these things as I'm used to it. Not sure about what was going on but I imagined that the energy with other energies of the body were trying to correct something as is often the case. Later on that day felt a tightness in my throat, like it was closing up.

If I knew what was going to happen the next few days I would have thought very carefully about taking iodine drops, clearly as I did not do enough research. But I think whatever has happened was for the best and sometimes these procedures can feel like hell.

The next day after incident with iodine energy, I woke up in the morning with a part of my throat  feeling stretched and more open. I knew there was mucous caught up and it had to come out, so I stood above the sink and it did come out, effortlessly without a single cough or struggle. It was the effortlessness of the amount of crap coming out that was incredible, as disgusting as this image must appear it was amazing. I started to wonder about this iodine energy and started painting more near my neck. The next few days coughing became necessary to bring out the remainder mucous, major headache and flu like symptoms. Worst of all was the labored breathing and very unusual heart palpitations.

There were some times whilst bed ridden I could hear more intensely the sound of my heart beat playing musical notes, a melody that seems very familiar from a Salvia trip. This is the same music I heard when I felt other energies carrying me away from the world that I know into some unknown, which felt like my funeral (the physical me).

I tried to listen to it but the coughing was not helping. This has all got me thinking deeply and I'm starting to realize more and more why we are not aware of the actual things that are taking place around us. There are several factors, I think they are mostly our physical health, lifestyle and the many distracting thoughts. When these are corrected and balanced that state will slowly become natural.

Also I feel like I'm being constantly guided, things just work out in such a way where I can make connections. Everything comes together and just aligns perfectly. I'm becoming increasingly aware of this.

As an experiment I'm going to put myself on a protocol to properly balance all the imbalances and take it from there. My intention is that this will induce an organic Salvia state without using Salvia. My future posts will probably be based on the protocol.

Hemi-Sync Head Movement and Clicking Out

Yesterday evening listened to Opening the Heart (1) hemi sync track. Did not feel like listening to The Gateway Experience wave tracks.

I relaxed and after the resonant tuning simply letting go but thoughts randomly popping up. My head turned to the left but instead of rapidly swinging left and right it stayed in this left position. Then head moved a little bit to the right until finally it centered. I thought it was odd my earphones which are very loose stayed put with these rapid movements. Head moved step by step to the right. Eventually opened eyes and second track had just started.

This morning awakened from some vivid dreams and there is some other incident that took place only I can't recall it. In one dream I'm in a water zone with several dangerous shark like creatures lurking and I'm trying to avoid them.

I was reading through some of my old journals and a pattern I've discovered is I end up always quitting the hemi-sync because when I get deep usually something blows up externally for me, or some pressing matter requires my attention and so don't make time to practice. I don't think I will have this problem this time round.

Hemi-sync Brain Change Dead Eyes

In a few recent hemi-sync sessions, there has been some interesting changes in the brain which are controlling the feeling in the eyes.

I think something deeper is going on inside the brain cells. Eyes tend to go numb but in a glued position, when opening it feels very dead which is the only way I can describe it.

This is something that happens to the eyes when I take Salvia, the same sensation only with hemi- sync it feels more pronounced. With Salvia it used to feel like it was part of the process of body shutting down. Can't recall if something like this happening in past sessions.

Just yesterday I opened eyes during an Opening the Heart session, was tempted to look in mirror but with deeper sensations in the brain seemed near impossible.

An Explanation of the Extraordinary Phenomena

Was feeling strangely emotional, empty before this trip. Started reading Krishnamurti Fire in the Mind there is an amazing discussion.

Started on a part raw paleo diet, most of the seafood has not been appetizing (except for shellfish). The raw chicken livers were ok at first but then they made me almost regurgitate my own guts. I've been pretty frantic about my health. The sudden onset of major fatigue is very likely due to vitamin or mineral deficiency which is making me look for all kinds of solution for optimum health. This above detail here is only partially relevant to today's salvia experience which took place around 1:30pm.

I was note taking during Salvia state but it's barely intelligible. But here goes (won't write exact, on paper it looks like I was a maniac brainstorming).

------------------------------  SALVIA EXPERIENCE -----------------------------------------------

I chew the two quids that was soaking whilst reading through JK material, something I do when the world around me doesn't make sense. This time chewed and held in mouth a little longer. I sit back with eyes open throughout the entire experience.

At first going in deep seeing what is actually taking place, feels like being behind the scenes. I thought of a recent idea for a story. Grabbed a pen and paper with much difficulty. Just before I place pen to paper I tell the others not to get alarmed, I'm not spilling secrets it's just some ideas for a great movie. Scribbled 'He holds onto your mind, uses it somehow. There are others who control the reality, it's like they hold on the material giving it its solid like quality. (It can control everything, every event and incident that takes place)'. I look in the mirror with my face changing, veins pumping plastic dummy looking body and consider slipping this part into the story somehow.

At some point going deeper I felt how one would feel ordinarily embarrassed about doing something that just makes you look foolish. The copious worrying about health, the act of ingesting raw chicken livers all in front of them seeing as how they think I am supposed to behave like some kind of demi god.

How do I keep forgetting this actual soveriegn state? Because coming back in this ordinary common state I certainly feel like I forget quickly. The pressures and cranial movements seems to be related to their movements, everything seems to be related to what I percieve there. Here and there is playing off each other within one space.

They tell me something about patterns of thought, that the world around us is the result of a pattern of thought although it was not brought about by thought itself, just moulded into shape. I asked questions: Why are some people sick? as well as even asking why some are extremely healthy but the answer would obviously be the same for both. I was mostly referring to the endless physical conditions that seem to bequeath mankind, but even psychological disorders count. The answer I got back again had to do with the pattern of thinking. There was a great understanding from the impression of a spider, drawing out its web creating according to its pattern and then draws it back inside itself and then goes on recreating.

I got a bit more specific, about how certain vitamins work and actually heal. I was asking this because according to what I experienced in this Salvia state is that these so called vitamins and minerals and all these other health stuff nutritionists discuss had nothing whatsoever to do with my health. That even my concern over physical health appeared very strange to those I encountered.

I asked them if everything is according to pattern of thoughts, then why do some vitamins work? How is it that a certain kind of medicine heals many people and not just someone who thinks it might work? Something can work for someone who thinks it will not work, surely there are countless examples. I for one always take Salvia thinking it's not going to be effective or perhaps it will be less effective than the last time only to get opposite results. Again the answer is through pattern of thought. It goes much deeper though, there is intereference from them somehow, just don't know how to go about explaining this.

I asked them about evil people and saintly people, they obviously must get what they give out. I mean Hitler and Saddam are burning in hell right? I thought briefly but did not mean it in the sense that I wished it upon them. In that plugged in state there was no sense of reward let alone punishment. No one is favored over another. There was an interesting part in JK book about how society breeds on reward and punishment and continues to live within that pattern, but goes onto speak about something beyond this which is not the result of reward or punishment. You cannot get it or get there by following the same pattern we do for reward.

The world is created by millions of years of conditioning, society is a result of that. The result is limited human beings or at least human beings who behave as if they are limited. Humans hold onto thought patterns and live in sync with that. Unable to let go of emotions and breeding attachment mankind lives according to that. Whatever is, is according to the pattern of unitary consciousness all thinking pretty much the same thing. What effects one individual effects the entire world.

Strangely I thought about American Indian tribes and how they used to call out to spirit with their unusual songs and perhaps rituals. They had this interesting relationship with the unseen. I thought carefully about the sounds they must have used and how spirit recieved those sounds, I wondered if what I was percieving is the same thing they percieved and called spirit. I use the word 'spirit' very lightly knowing it can conjure up all kinds of images regarding the others I encounter. It is nothing airy fairy, nothing at all like how one might feel when encountering archangels, or even the great wizard of oz himself. There isn't that spiritual feel to it, my encounters have broken away with what personal ideas I had about encounters with spirits. The seeing is also very different.

I ran out of space on the two pages to write in something very important. It is the essential part of the entire experience and as the understanding came to me I started to write quickly whilst it was all still very fresh. You don't see it... this startled me because the understanding I recieved was so very clear to me I was convinced that what I was writing should be able to clearly depict what I had in mind. There's no talking about it... At this stage I laughed, so much for this great clarity! Then I finished off completely convinced that this should do it... NO WAY TO EXPLAIN THE PHENOMENA THAT IS YOU!

Hemi-sync Sensitivity - Seeing Shadow Being

Yesterday evening around 7pm I listened to hemi-ync audio and eventually ended up falling asleep. Awakened after midnight and unable to sleep until 4am. I was dreading sleeping at this time, having a strange feeling that something very unexpected and horrible was going to take place.

I eventually just gave in. In a deep relaxed state I was aware of some part of the bed, there was that familiar rotation. Rotated outward but not quite moving out. It was like I was rotating only to end up in the same spot.

My head became some kind of radio, I was picking up signals for actual things taking place. Maybe someone watching tv or listening to a radio channel. I got this sense two of my sisters were in the corner of the room.

Still in this state I was aware of other scenes taking place, in one which I recall there was an arm being lifted up. This person was in their bed, I felt he or she was an actual living person.

Then awareness moved back into my darkened room, where quite suddenly I see a shadow form of what seemed to be a man running across my room in my direction. This startled me, so much that I started to shake myself out of the state but soon enough felt daring enough just to get a peep to see what this being was up to.

Still very much in that state there was an intense pressure in the lower abdomen region. At this point I was adamant to get up and managed to break the trance.

It is possible that some strange stuff has been going on, especially with the body during the times I go to sleep. It's also possible that the hemi-sync audio is making me more sensitive and aware of other energies around me. One thing I've noticed is my energy level has taken a massive dip. I have these moments of complete lethargy where I feel I need to sleep forever despite getting enough hours of sleep.

I will be experimenting with this by staying awake for a while and simply repeating the process.

Hemi-Sync - The Gateway Experience Wave I, Orientation

I've started listening to hemi-sync once again. Have had a really difficult week and at the same time noticed sometimes when shit happens it's for the best. Now I'm changing my priorities and I think one of these priorities has to be advancing with hemi-sync.

I have lost count with the amount of times I've started these sessions only to suddenly end it. Hopefully this time round I can commit to finishing the entire program.

Started a session from last night. I listened to the first track Orientation late at night, as I relaxed deeply my head jolted left and right. Several times I was shocked by this movement and how aggressive it has become. Towards the end of the track when I opened my eyes I realized that I clicked out from the last head jolting movement and unable to recall what happened during that click out.

Salvia Remedy

Past two days I was in a very terrible state, I thought it was just a very bad reaction from a supplement I have been taking past few weeks but turns out there's a virus going around. Early in the morning today I had the worst cramps in upper abdomen, horrible pains in the chest.

I soaked Salvia with the intention to see the underlying cause for this. While it was soaking I tried to do so many things to handle the pain, ended up lying in fetal position and slept for a good 45 minutes. Once awake I was so incredibly refreshed, I felt like a newborn. No cramps, nothing.

At this stage I didn't feel like chewing Salvia, wished I hadn't soaked it. Chewed anyways, but really fast not masticating thoroughly. With the last quid I lie back, the beings of the organs are more apparent.

Now all of a sudden they are reproducing the sensations I felt earlier, the major pains on left side were a lot more intense. They are indicating in some form of non-verbal communication that this pain is surgical. In this state I didn't feel as bad as I did without it, the pain was still there just as intense but it didn't effect me. Had the sense the beings can be arranged, orchestrated in a way to change my form.

There was this magnetic field around the body, it was tugging and pulling.I remember at some point I had this sense that the sensations were an indication of some kind of surgical procedure being performed on the body.

Salvia State Bleeding Through

Salvia 10x, small pinch. Transition is extra smooth, during the shift to that state I realized that what has been occuring in the consensus reality for me is actually this state trying to take over. Salvia state is overriding my 'ordinary' state of consciousness. Today my head did a really strange thing where it felt like the head region suddenly vibrating. Currently right now I am in that mild state. As I feel it I can tell that it's going to get stronger and the states are going to occur involuntarily.

Have been also physically getting unbalanced feeling today the same as I do in Salvia. Smoking the extract just now my intention was to focus on NASA satellite images of Hurricane Bertha after hearing in the news about it, going in knowing that I probably would not be able to post any significant findings. I was signaled to relax (body moving involuntarily as though controlled by another) closed eyes I can feel the body. The veins, arteries were vibrating with energies (beings). The structure of the body is somehow relevant to the experience, not Salvia experience but what we experience as our lives. Read some random parts of the Upanishad earlier today, one part has to do with the different organs of the body, another to do with veins will need to look into this part.

I've experienced the beings in the blood before. This has suddenly become more intense seeing that it is getting stronger in my ordinary so called waking consciousness.

I think the Salvia state, which I call the Salvia state simply because I take Salvia to reveal that state, is not in fact  a designated state to which one only arrives through the use of Salvia, this is a state that does occur without the use of Salvia.

I feel going through the kundalini process and having read all the experiences that others have gone through I've been willing to prepare for it. Changes and sudden shifting states of mind was something I've been wholly expecting. 

I was drawn to Salvia at a time when a major phase of the kundalini symptoms died down. Left with an usual urge to look into psychedelics I was led to Salvia. It was not really my first choice, but seeing as how my first choice was not exactly legal I was left with Salvia.

Salvia was the key to end the sudden deadening silence on the Kundalini process, I liked to believe that being led to Salvia was a part of the Kundalini process. Really somehow what I've been doing is secretly preparing myself because deep down I was very aware of what the Kundalini process had in store. Salvia has been my salvation in some ways, it has bought me comfort that there was a state of mind that I could switch on but then just as easily it would switch off.

I do feel now that throughout these past few years, not thinking much on the Kundalini process that the same switch that gets turned on by Salvia is the same switch Kundalini is attempting to turn on.
Only with Kundalini it's not a controlled situation, and unlike Salvia it doesn't end after a few minutes or an hour but then there is no way to predict what will happen.

White lights have been flashing near right side of open eye.

The Resistance

Smoked 10x extract yesterday evening. As I put the pipe down the effects were taking place immediately. Moving about I felt quite lucky that I was able to move freely in that state, got a sense that not everyone has this ability. I do however sit down as the body takes on a very dummy toy like quality. I could feel that I should close eyes but resist and observe and wonder how it is I keep falling back into this spellbound world. How my previous and all other actions would suggest that I've fallen for a trick.There I am in that state, but that state is not very different to this state. I'm still in the physical consensus reality yet what has changed is my perception.

The only way to describe the state is there is this complete fearlessness, with that comes great power  with a sense of anything being possible yet there is nothing that is desired in that state. Again I started to hold onto the illusory self, Jasmine. There was also a focus on recent desires born from this character, it was powerful and today I see some of the manifestations taking place, very subtle. Ordinarily it would have been barely noticeable, but when observant you can see how whatever takes place in any given moment was somehow carefully orchestrated.

The body sensations were stronger. A pulsating magnetic pulling sensations all over the body. Peripheral vision vibrating around the eyes. I haven't timed how long this trip lasted but it's definitely not as long as quidding.

I've been resisting closing eyes in latest trips, but the urgency to keep them closed has become stronger.

One question that remains is, how is it I go into these deep states breaking through illusions only to return deluding myself even more? What is it that causes it?

The answer is desire causes us to be deluded, I know it sounds like something I've taken out of the Upanishads. Desire keeps us bound to the world of illusions.

Dream Reality

Just a few leaves rolled, one quid. The body is controlled, the force has come through I can feel it inside. A gripping sensation in the middle of the chest. It is through this force that everything is happening. I see them in the surrounding, they're inside the blood. Inside the whole system called the body. I need to keep reminding myself I'm not the body, in Salvia state it's clearly so but there's this feeling of being possessed. I was alarmed that I'm having this kind of effect with just one quid.

I look at the mirror at my eyes, they are closing. I look scary and wondered why I look like that until I realized the body is shutting down as if it was dying. The forces come through.

How to explain how I see them, I ponder this. It's like they're hiding all around, but they're not hiding, basically we just cannot see them. It's been set up like that and I don't know why. My guess is to experience what we are experiencing, something we are suppose to learn but even that does not sound quite right.

Had a discussion with sister about religion and stuff and I thought of her, there's something I wanted to say to her, I wished somehow I could show this and I kept repeating to myself that I'll help her to see this.

I told the others around me that I'm going to a movie event soon this week and for them to support me. It seemed like something I didn't need to ask for like whatever I wanted it was so,  even felt odd to ask. I am still in that state as I write this. Typing very fast, they don't want me to write anymore. I feel possessed at some stage my head wanted to go down forward on my fingers typing on the keyboard and it seemed to want to kiss my hands, in fact my head moved down and rested on the hands.

They can turn the body off at any time, it is this energy that makes everything so. I could see shadows and light taking on a new depth, and it's almost like they're seeping through and composed of matter all around, or is matter composed of these beings. I imagine telling someone about this and how what I'm seeing is so clearly visible and how anyone can see it, I might be told that it's all my imagination, that it is my mind creating these images and that I'm hallucinating because of the effects of  this herb but that is exactly my point. I find myself wanting to proclaim the same exact statement to everyone when it comes to the consensus reality. I need to be careful with how much I reveal, especially with them very active within this body.

The world that you see before you is a hallucination, it's like a dream and when you wake up from the dream you don't wake somewhere else but only within the dream and the dream is the reality. Reality is a dream! That doesn't mean that reality is an illusion, reality is very very real.

It's interesting while this type of Salvia experience is not new, I have gone through this many times but each time the quality is changing. It's like with each Salvia trip there's a new clarity that did not exist before.


----The discussion I had with my sister was about religion, how it is all bogus. She was adamant about things that seemed to be facts to her. I recall telling her that really we do not know what the facts are and I started to see that those who were against certain religions were just as blinded by it just as those who have great faith in religions. We are so filled with opinions. I recall wanting to express something about this to get through to her although we were not having any kind of debate.

After this Salvia session I had a little more to chew but had to spit it out quickly. At this point I was having sudden knowns presented in my mind which was related to my earlier discussion with sister. The thought was that Jesus and Mohammed as well as all other prophets were not messengers of God, instead they were actually Gods in disguise. I had this feeling that because of the times in which they existed they did not come out in the open, at least not 100%, or perhaps they did and all that is written in religious scriptures are anecdotes most of which are fabricated.

Practicing Natural Magic

Last night I soaked enough leaves to roll up two quids. Yesterday was a very hot day, my concern with Salvia was dehydration. Even though I was drinking plenty of water Salvia acts very fast on the kidneys. Some of the latest stuff that have been occuring with Salvia is sensations in the eyes and even what I feel like are the kidneys.

It's Ramadan and I have been fasting, only past few days have been unable to fast.

I got started on the quids as usual not sure what to expect, it's been a while since I've used the quidding method.  After processing second quid, I lie down on the bed with door open. Lying down eyes closed, I let go. I'm aware of everything all around me both external and internal in one space. In particular the body seems to be composed of beings, the entire body is like parts of different factories with different types of workers. Then there are the elements all around the space that feels and appears to be the same as the external.

As usual there are other beings wandering in this space, almost as if they've come to observe. Eyes are still closed and I can see (visually, but also a kind of mental perception that is hard to describe) that the beings are curious about others around me. I sense they're watching one of my sisters. I sense her walking past my door, also that she wants to come in but something prevents her, some thought perhaps. After a moment of her distraction she opened the door. My eyes still closed, I assume she thinks I'm sleeping. I go deeper and deeper feeling the ending process. There were bodily sensations present, one particular one was the migraine and intense pressure I was feeling earlier. I felt the beings behind it.

The physical life and everything being wiped out. I understand this better now, it is not that the external world is ending but the entire mental imagery that gives birth to it disappears meaning memories are being wiped out. It was all disappearing, the impact this was having on the brain and the sensations were intense.

The beings do something to alarm me which I can't seem to recall, but it makes me open my eyes especially as I try to recall my life. I see them clearly with eyes open as if they've been very much visible in that space the whole time. Again I get that inspiration for the movie, a perfect scene which I know would be impossible to recreate. My eyes want to keep closing. I see my sister seated in the opposite side of the room looking down at her phone. It was odd.

The functions of the brain feel like they are ceasing to be. It all felt so wrong. I got up a few times trying to compose, fortunately sister was out of the room by this time. 

Again I felt that raw sense of power. Recently I have been watching a show about witches, but I wasn't thinking about it until the beings bought it up. My curiosity sparked and I knew how and what made magic work. It turns out magic is not really all that magical. I tried to make commands, placed my hands over the salt lamp beside me and clicked my finger signalling for them to turn it on. I'm definitely doing something wrong but in my free time this is something I could play with. I think the key is to be in that state. We only need to use switches because we think we need to, it's part of our conditioning.

Magic is not really what my main focus is. I need to be able to go deeper on Salvia but there is this major discomfort that occurs mostly in the head region. After yesterday's trip I couldn't sleep, fidgeting and trying to shake off whatever was happening to the brain. Also I can't seem to describe what was happening to the brain.

I need to chew the quids slowly next time, have found a guide that explains this thoroughly.

Salvia Guide

The Presence on Salvia

Smoked 10x extract around 3:30pm.

The transition happens within a few seconds, still in my room but senses operating more rapidly. It seems nothing in the surroundings change but the senses themselves go through some kind of transformation. I am sure that what we are viewing now as the world and all the many objects contained within it is simply a distortion of the senses.

I sit on the bed and that presence is there, it feels to me as though it has sensed me. There is something very magnificent about this presence phenomena. In that state I'm aware that it comes to those who are like the dead, actually who are dead to this world. Did it make its selection who gets to be aware of it? Was I chosen to be aware of it?

I think about how to explain this experience, it seems to know what is about to happen before it happens, how? It is making those things happen, this thing knows its own script. I think about how to write about all this and at the same time sensing it knowing what I'm about to do and at the same time knowing that it is scripting every move I make.

I ponder deeply whether this thing selects people to have this awareness. My understanding is this, tt is available to all, but only those who are not absorbed by the world are aware of it. Those who are absorbed by the world are blind to it.

Salvia is temporarily lifting the blindfold.

At some point I tried to go deeper by closing the eyes but instead I was switching off whatever was switched on. Even on 20x I was able to do this.

The Sunset Hill

Around 6:30pm, with the weather being warm decided to head out for the park with Salvia ready. First 30 or 40 minutes sunbathing before starting chewing process. At this time the sun was too intense to do the sun gazing.

Chew the first salvia quid and within a few minutes I desperately need to pee, so I head for the bushes. Back on my spot I chew the second quid and slowly the transition occurs. A 60ish year old man walks up the hill almost in a drunk manner. It felt odd as he walked in my direction in that drunken floppy way I felt he was like me in the same state that I was in and he knew. As he passed by I was almost certain he wanted to come up to me and tell me something. Soon enough I see a dog nearby. I stand up just to make the owner aware of my presence, silly of me to think that would deter the dog or his owner from approaching. I smiled and let them walk by without the dog acting out.

Sitting back down I knew I would not be able to close eyes. I just simply observed, the sun was still too intense to gaze at. I looked all around me just observing everything around me. In particular my focus were on the trees, they were as alive as I was. The trees were like people, I had this sense that they did feel frightened whenever approached by tree choppers. The black dog sat under the tree relaxing, the tree was dusting something on the dog and at the same time communicating. There was definitely something being done to the dog. A few minutes later the dog pees near a younger tree and I was aware that its urine was to be picked up by the tree taking in information. Amongst the scattered trees there was one that was the tallest. It had silvery leaves and it glimmered as the rays of the sun played with the dancing branches. I felt deeply connected to these trees, it was such a shame that people, including myself are too busy to even look at or even ponder for a moment the meaning of these creations.

There's a hill to my left where the sun illuminated it in such a way it looked like some kind of special altar. It was almost like it was calling me but I had no intention to get up. I was absolutely in no state to walk that distance until a cyclist came up the hill I was seated on followed by the most scariest viscious looking dog. Some dogs are cute and friendly looking, others like this dog - not so pretty. I did not hesitate to grab my things and get moving. With my bare feet on the earth I was suprised how balanced I felt. I was headed for the altar hill, earlier there were people on here and now it was cleared. I lay down on the lush green carpet of grass and felt so comfortable. Too comfortable I could have slept there. I look to my left where I see a man smoking, he starts to walk in my direction and seats himself about 5 meters away from me. His smoke is blowing in my direction. Standing up agitated I get to the bottom of the hill and walk barefeet towards another hill. It feels so natural walking barefeet. There are two guys I've seen earlier with a white dog. They are staring in my direction and I sense them eye goggling which irritates me a little but I walk on and just as I pass them my trainer shoes fall out of the bag unsure of how that happened. I burst out laughing almost unable to control my laughter, I thought stuff like that only happened in movies. This one in particular would be a comedy.

Moving on I approach the other hill I look to my left at the sun set, mesmerized by the phenomena I'm witnessing here. At this moment I'm not sure what to say of it, while the memory is still there I can't seem to find the right words. My attempt will be like someone was holding a lamp, and that lamp was the sun. This is such a poor attempt at describing it. I couldn't remove my gaze and I didn't seem to care that to onlookers I appeared to look like a lunatic. I'll have to call this hill the sunset hill. As it is from this hill where the sunset can be seen almost close up. I plop myself down on the grass, which is patchy here, the earth here is also rocky and hard unlike the altar hill. Regardless there's this major urge to close my eyes. I relax and go deeper, the beings here seem different. Though the sun is setting it was still a bit too intense to stare at. I keep eyes closed, a few times I felt the need to remain absolutely still. There was some external distractions, a few women walking up the hill, looked like some kind of physiotherapy exercise. There were some people running up and down the hill, which would startle me because the sound of them exhausted sounds similar to wild dogs running.

Observed by the beings, something deeper was going on.

There was a moment where I felt a deep sense of appreciation for how freely the sun gave of itself. I sit up at some point, stare at the sun, it is easier to gaze now. Suddenly a major sensation is present in the abdomen, like a stabbing from the inside. I feel some of the organs here swelling, touching abdomen feels hard. I could feel I need to stay still and endure as much as I possibly could. A short while later I need to get up and get moving, feel like my bladder is about to burst, fortunately find a bush to pee near and head home. Some interesting things have happened since this incident. When I close my eyes sudden scenes of people show up. There is a forming mental image every time I close eyes and relax and I find that its possible to enter these scenes and become a part of them. There are pressures in the head, and several times now have had this signal to take time out and nap. Today napping the scenes appeared at the same time the deeper I relaxed the head thrashing has started again.

While this actually seems like a rather uneventful incident I thought about it for a while and realized that I was being guided or more like nudged to move in a particular direction. First I would not have moved from my starting point, the usual hill that I think I should call the Dog Hill had it not been for that scary mean looking dog. Then from the Altar Hill I would not have moved to what seemed to be the final destination, the Sunset Hill had it not been for the smoker blowing smoke in my face. Now I'm aware that my next trip has to take place on the Sunset Hill.

Barking Mad

Since The Being in the Sun incident I have been waking at exactly 4:35am where before it was around 5:45 to 6:15am.

I've been feeling like this is all somehow planned out. I have thought about going to the park to see what happens when I relax deeper whilst sungazing under the influence of Salvia, so this morning at about 6:15am I headed for the park. It was not as quiet as expected, in the distance I can hear the morning birds and nature chattering away. Park was fairly empty with a few people sitting in the distance.

I got comfortable at the top of a hill in seated position, gazed at the sun briefly then started chewing process not thinking much. The transition started to occur, I needed to lay back. Everything vivid and clear. The energies (I usually call them entities) around me were somewhat different. The transition feels different but I was going through the same process. Breathing changed until at some point felt like there was no breathing. I tried to stare at the sun but it was too intense. I can sense the others around doing something with the body as usual. Something was on the left knee, thought that it might be a bug and I sensed all kinds of earthly creatures around me more intensely. The rays from the sun were warming the skin. All sensations feel very different. My mouth felt numb and smoothed out. It was difficult relaxing because of the open space and anyone just showing up, in particular I was just very wary of dogs.

There was tactile sensation of a pulsing type of magnetic force. It was pulsating all over the body. I closed eyes and went deeper. At some stage I opened eyes and saw the entire world as some kind of setup, they were clearly visible in the sky, manipulating the sky and it's appearance. The sun, there's something about it that I can't seem to convey here. The clouds were covering the intensity of the rays. As I got deeper something very profound was taking place but then I sensed something coming closer, opened eyes and a few seconds later a woman was jogging past me. I felt I needed to get up, sensed something else coming closer and quickly sat up.

The jogging woman was calling to someone and then I saw the dog which was not good, made me panic a little. I could still feel the magnetic bubble around me, I could not see it but still very much aware of it. With activity still ongoing the dog made eye contact with me. I froze and continued staring, it had a very knowing look. It was clear to me that it sensed what was going on around me. Soon it started to bark, its barking was strange it seemed to be saying something. It wouldn't dare to come near me standing about 10 meters away just barking away. The jogging woman is frustrated shouting because the dog would not respond to her call whilst she is gone quite a long way almost leaving her dog behind. I panicked a little more because, though I'm not afraid of dogs, I've never had any experience where a dog behaved like this around me. I couldn't predict its next move but trying to remain as calm as I could. Soon it moved away from the other side avoiding coming around me. I was relieved. However, as it moved more towards the woman, it turned around one more time to stare back in my direction barking again this made the woman even more mad.

Still in that state I couldn't relax after that, stayed seated for a little while until I got up. Movement feels different, I walk a little and in the distance I see two dogs and a woman behind them coming up the hill. I know one of the dog is Freddie having encountered him before. The two dogs approach me really fast rather unexpectedly. They both start to circle around me, I gesture with my arms for them to move along. I'll admit I panicked more this time because one of the dog was a pitbull dog . The woman assures me that they just want to be stroked, I tell her I can't because of my allergies but don't think she was listening. I walk away slowly but with each step the dogs are getting closer. Finally the woman tries to move them along. The pitbull dog comes running back, sits in between some of the plants where I was meditating with Salvia, watching me. Again the same thing where the woman is  frustrated and shouting at the dog to move along. After this I did some barefoot walking on the earth for some grounding. When I got home felt quite tired and was suffering from hayfever.

I have found another hill where I can try this again but would have to get there earlier, as it could get tricky exploring more with Salvia when dogs are around. One other thing I will be trying is just observing the view around me without Salvia next time just to see if I can capture visually what was witnessed in the Salvia state.

The Being in the Sun

 In the past I have been in the garden whilst in the Salvia state but have never remained long enough to observe the environment around me. Despite this in general with Salvia sessions taking place in the bedroom I have been able to sense the environment as well as the elements around me.

This morning I decided to try Salvia in the garden, it was about 7:30am. As the transitioning state occurred I was deeply comparing what was taking place with the experiences that occur for people that are deemed insane. I feel like this with open eyes Salvia sessions, always needing to make comparisons to the insane. I kept pondering how what we experience as our ordinary state of awareness was no different to that of an insane person. Something in the brain makes us perceive reality the way all people do, it's like a spell but at the same time the process is actually very biological.

I sat pondering if something in the brain was actually changing and this in response was changing how the senses were functioning. Looking up at the sky this morning I would not say that the sky was changing rather it was my senses and how I perceived.

There were slight shadows and glimmering light patches, the kind you would see after staring at the sun for some time only I had not yet gazed at the sun. It is cloudy yet the sun shining through.  Gently moving my gaze towards the sun. There was this shakiness of the sun, almost like it was vibrating. At the same time that same movement was felt inside my head. It was like the movement of that sun was actually inside the head. A sense of deeper knowing came from all this. The sun was freely giving of itself to the world, it did not matter who or what you were.

Then I saw the form of what looked like a young child, it seemed to be within the sun or beside it but it was communicating to something. I felt like it was aware of me. My eyes kept closing, so I closed and relaxed. There is movement within the head and some shadows of beings inside there with closed eyes.

I open eyes want to look at the sky again. Then I have this urge to lie down but was unable to with family around.

I got up a few times, those auto body movements smoother but much  more demanding. I followed the movement and understood that the body wanted to spin around. I didn't as there was this sense of feeling to unbalanced.

I've been sitting in the garden early mornings for a while now whenever the sun comes out. For a while there's always these flies, I think they're flying ants and they always fly in a particular direction almost as though with their movements they were producing some kind of shape. Today they were present, it was like they were dancing not for entertainment but as though they were worshiping or rejoicing in something.

I've managed to read Fire in the Mind : Dialogues with J Krishnamurti for past few days and in this experience I felt there was a much deeper understanding of what he was trying to convey.

I think my next session I will have to try in the park, early morning sun gazing.

The Indescribable Brain Procedure

The other day had a session with Salvia plain leaf, quids in the evening. Transitioned as usual but after that something very disturbing happened and I honestly can't find the words to describe it.

It was like my brain was malfunctioning, I kept trying to shake something from off the top of my head. At the same time I felt the familiar process of being unable to think.

Current State as a Condition

With a new batch of Salvia plain leaf I'll be doing some more exploring. I also have some 10x extract, which will be only used moderately.

Today I decided to try the 10x extract, especially with recent incidents I wanted to see if I could understand it through the Salvia state. This extract is lighter green looking than in comparison with 20x extract. I recall 20x extract looking darker.

I put the smallest amount, with one hit holding it in the lungs for probably more than 20 seconds. The transition was smooth, fluttering was present but it was smooth.

In that state which I can't describe clearly enough I was aware immediately that my this physical current state of awareness was like a condition, a disease even. There in the, I'll call it Salvia state for lack of a better term, was clarity. It felt to be the actual state, that which exists not beyond but behind this state as if hiding. This normal physical current state felt like a screen, giving off a filtered and even fractured view. By view I don't mean what is seen with the eyes but with complete awareness. The interesting thing though that state which is healthy in comparison to this state of mind is not hiding, it is our original state just that this standard state of mind is hiding it like a dense cloud that covers the sky.

My recording device was ready and I was trying to state everything clearly but had to whisper because of others around the house. I realized that I was trying my best for the sake of clarity in describing all this in this journal. I have come to realize that this is becoming a hindrance, that because I am trying to hold onto the experience itself I am not living what I learn and only focusing on what is transcribed.

I have to stop focusing my energy on trying to describe the indescribable, to let go to that state completely.

Attack of the Entities

Yesterday at around 7 pm I felt incredibly sleepy, decided to nap only to wake up 4 hours later. Needed to get up to sort some things but after a while of still staying relaxed decided to just sleep and worry about the other things next day.

In this relaxation my body felt different. There was this sensation around my neck, and my necklace was moving a little. Suddenly maybe somewhere in the middle of my sleep I was directly perceiving other beings around me. One of them seemed to be a kind of leader of the group. They begin to attack in every way imaginable.  Sexually, physically and mentally. The entire episode, which lasted near around the whole night in the time I should be sleeping peacefully, seems all very psychological now. Having said that it was as real as now is.

I've had what seemed like malevolent entities trying to influence me in the past, but what happened last night...There was a moment where I was certain that I would need to get admitted to a psychiatric institution.

There has been an odd sensation near right kidney as well as some expansion since waking up this morning, it feels like a sharp pain but I think it may be related to this incident.
When I woke up I should have been panicking, scared and even broken. I was in hell, in its most literal form with demons and all sorts. However, none of what occurred last night has left a mark on me, if anything it has only convinced me that I have absolutely nothing to be afraid of.

Where there should be feelings of animosity towards the entities I encountered, there is this deep sense of appreciation. Somehow I don't think I could ever have known my own strength, this incident has only made it clearer.

While I should have felt the horror of last night, strangely this morning there was this deep sense of happiness that nothing in the world could shake or shatter...not even these dark entities.

Intentions

I am waiting for the Salvia leaves and at the same time I'm waiting for the weather to improve. It is not very sunny here, just dense clouds almost on a daily basis. Hopefully the leaves will arrive before Saturday as I think this might be a good day to go out in nature and explore my intention to see the golden being behind the sun mentioned in one of the Upanishads.

I feel kind of weird writing about this, as though by doing so I am attracting forces that will not approve of me sharing this, also I sense these same forces will do everything in their power to stop me.

Recently I have been trying to meditate. The other day I relaxed deeply and simply let go, the energy seems to be stuck in my head. I allowed it to do the whole head moving thing which has calmed down. Then opened eyes after relaxing deeply and 'it' the energy seemed to be nodding head in order to shut down the process. The surrounding looked to be pulsing a little.

I know I'm meant to give it more time to do its thing, whatever that is. My head feels very full and light at the same time.

Experiencing Senses

Chewing crumbled soaked leaves. Need to get some new leaves soon. Anyways, laying back it felt like it was taking more time than usual and then I realized I had already transitioned to that state. In fact for a while without the influence of Salvia there has been this pull to that state.

One thing I have been contemplating lately is the head movements that have been going on for quite some time now. The swaying and other movements, just the other day had some doubts about what it was exactly. What if it is some condition, some serious illness I should get checked out? I can't imagine myself telling the doctor 'sometimes my head is dancing'. My body and head is swaying even now as I write and 'it' is acknowledging that I am writing about it.

There in that state the movements are stronger and more obvious. I can see the influences behind the movement. They influence most things that we may think beyond our control. I closed my eyes trying to relax and go in deeper. The beings are moving about until a group hovers above me and the same time this above me feels to be inside, like looking at beings molding from the very flesh of the eyelids. I open my eyes feeling my senses are shutting down too fast. Breathing changes to almost being without breath. I don't think the body has stopped breathing, instead it is regulated perfectly balanced that it seems as though I am not breathing. Smell and touch feels like something unique, I feel how wonderful the human experience is, how we as humans have taken the very senses with which we experience for granted. Just as I feel this, I get my phone out. The screen is pulsing, there is a play of the living through material objects, those things that compose the material objects are dancing. I get a message from a friend about certain fragrant herbs and I feel some of the aroma lingering nearby.

I realize I am deliberately trying to avert going deeper. Something about letting go like I used to back in the earlier Salvia days. I can't seem to do it with ease anymore, for the most part just having trouble letting go of the body and its senses. I got pretty hungry after this, or I think I was deliberately wishing to eat something to forget.

A Healer Visits

Recently had a discussion with my dad regarding a man he came across who is able to do distant healing and can diagnose people from a distance. I was curious and asked my dad to ask if he can diagnose me or check up on me to see if there is any information he has for me.

Ordinarily I never talk about subjects of this kind with my dad, he never would believe in such a thing but having recent personal experience he can't help but believe in the special ability this man seems to possess.

This morning I awoke early around 4:45am, after receiving some good news about a long overdue project I went back to sleep eventually maybe an hour later. Relaxing going deeper, was immersed in the familiar different transitioning state. To my right is the man who I believe is the distant healer, he is saying something in my native language but I don't comprehend just very aware of the likeliness that this is the same man my dad was speaking of and he has come to check up on me.

I recall my dad saying how the people he visits are not aware of him, they have no idea they have been visited. If it is indeed the healer, I'm sure he was quite surprised by my awareness of him. I have not asked my dad yet if he has any news for me, but I am intrigued and wonder if he will visit again.

Divine Intervention

Yesterday was stressed because of a mishandling of a project that is almost complete. Thought I deleted an entire 4 months of hard work. I got paranoid and not being able to get hold of the person who could put me out of my misery I was drowning in anxiety and a bit of paranoia. 

Going to bed unable to sleep had a long hit of MJ. I relaxed and let go. Eventually it got to a point where my anxiety and panic attack exacerbated, intensified to the point where I think I was better off without it. This is the first time something like this happened on MJ.

I took long deep breaths and noticed I could breathe in longer than usual, kept on taking in more and more. It was interesting, like some part of me knew what I was doing and some part just curious or intrigued.

It was relaxing and eventually fell asleep. Inadvertently I realized I was doing pranayama while on MJ.

I woke up early, 3 am unable once again to go back to sleep. Anxiety and stress again also feeling very bloated which I knew had to do with the intense amount of oxygen or prana taken in. Then I left all my worries. I recall reading on Jasmuheen recently and decided to communicate with the Divne One Within (DOW), I kinda like the name although Self is just a lot shorter. I simply said that only with the DOW anything is possible and asked it to do whatever it needed to do that was for the highest good, preferrably I did want the issue to be rectified.

I started to relax and focus on breathing, there was an intense moment. I felt my legs moving which were solid feeling. Knees were bending and eventually legs raised up only I could not see my legs, just the solid feel. Suddenly I am being pulled by the legs upward like a hanging carcass. There is an intense feeling of utter bliss in which I find myself being sucked into. Something so very profound was happening. I was so willing to lose myself and completely let go until the brain thing started to happen. The kind of charge that used to take place in the state before astral projecting. It was too much, I could not handle it and eventually forced out of the state desperately trying to grasp some sense of physical being.

I have no awareness after this but awakened somewhat refreshed. Then spoke to the person I have been trying to get hold of and the situation was swiftly resolved. I then got some shut eye and once again waking up felt energized and very happy.

The last few Salvia excursions with extract x25

My affair with smoking extract has now officially come to an end, or maybe not. I think in a few months I'll try it again. If I use Salvia any time soon it will be in the quidding form. I really do want to grow it but being so busy I find I'm putting it off.

The theme for my trips has taken a huge turn, a lot of them and I think mostly on extract has had a conspiracy theory feel to it. Like very paranoid. I mean if one has a tendency to be afraid then it is something that could get worrisome.  I'm not sure if this has something to do with smoking extract.

The beings I encounter do not seem malicious but they have some kind of intention that I'm not sure is at all beneficial. For the most part I get this feeling they are trying to control me.

I have had the sense that they are ordinary people, or they seem like it but they remain completely connected in the state that occurs when taking Salvia. There was that feeling of them being elite and powerful. Then there's this other thing, a state of complete fearlessness. No fear exists at all, it is a state of complete power.

In one of the last trips I encountered beings who knew my every move, they knew everything about me. All my deeds, feelings etc.

In another incident I found all memory was being wiped out and reduced to just a small something related to earthly living and ever so slowly it was building up again.

There was also a moment seated I looked at my hands, and then felt bones in the body being moved. At this point I begged for it, whatever it was to stop knowing that when I return from that state into this ordinary how much pain I would feel.

You Are

Yesterday I was rummaging through the bag I had taken with me on the day I tried Salvia in the Park. In a vial I had some small amount of the extract, at least enough for 4 hits.

In the evening I got prepared. Taking one hit, smooth and very fast. I felt raw with power, there was this intense and complete fearlessness.

This state is calm and peaceful, yet so very powerful. I sat down at some point.

Earlier in the day I've been contemplating changing my diet, one thing I feel my body has been asking for is raw animal meats. It's a huge change from my 4 year of going vegetarian. I've been putting it off for a while not wanting to do this. Just before taking the hit I was researching into raw paleo and came across several well known speakers in regards to the best approach in this.

There in that state it all seemed so utterly irrelevant, I could just completely shed this body and take up another one - it was that simple. I was too pumped with power for any kind of concerns to exist.

I had also listened to some Krishnamurti talks past few days. It dawned on me while processing the information in that state that Krishnamurti and Ramana Mahirshi while they lived in that state they too were not there 100% occupied in that state. There is something that I used to mention in my earlier days exploring with Salvia, and it was the saturation of the egoic centred self (the me) and another self. Sometimes I used to feel that this 'me' was dissolving in that other self, almost like a complete take over with that there was the sense of amnesia which was improved over time.

The same thing is happening only that centred self (the me) seems to be wearing that other self in complete balance it is like we're both one and the same, maybe this might make sense to some, but it is hardly making any sense to me right now as I write this.

I was pondering towards the end as Salvia was losing its grip about the whole process of striving, trying to be something. I felt like an inner voice speaking out and honestly it sounded like something Krishnamurti or maybe someone else would say. You're always striving, trying to become something, to be this or be that and in that process you forget one essential thing: You are. That's basically another way of saying 'I am'.

In Between

Yesterday at around 9pm, I was getting ready for Salvia 25x extract. Opening the zip bag I found that there was less than last time. This is the last extract for now. It was such a small amount I thought that it would not be sufficient but to my suprise this is the most intense I've experienced on extract. It was much smoother, I felt less jittery yet the transitioning was occuring but I had a great deal of control over it.

Staring in the mirror I knew I should remain silent and let what needs to happen, simply happen. I couldn't so I grabbed my recording device and started describing as much as I could.

The thought that I had wasted so much Salvia all those days smoking more than necessary crossed my mind. I cannot remain in this state, if all of a sudden this other state was to completely overcome this current so-called ordinary waking consciousness I would appear to be insane. What is it that would make me appear insane? I'm pondering this.

It's not that there's no way to function in that state, to be normal. The simple fact is, society as it is today cannot accommodate for a person who is in that state permanently.

I've been thinking about it, how to express this which is extremely difficult. What is the state like? How does one feel? I could only summarize it to 'Genius' and I feel I have only just touched upon a fraction of that. Should I have been taken over a hundred percent, no single word could describe it.

At times it feels like being in two worlds, but in the same place only I have one foot placed in one world and one foot in the other.