Yesterday at around 7 pm I felt incredibly sleepy, decided to nap only to wake up 4 hours later. Needed to get up to sort some things but after a while of still staying relaxed decided to just sleep and worry about the other things next day.
In this relaxation my body felt different. There was this sensation around my neck, and my necklace was moving a little. Suddenly maybe somewhere in the middle of my sleep I was directly perceiving other beings around me. One of them seemed to be a kind of leader of the group. They begin to attack in every way imaginable. Sexually, physically and mentally. The entire episode, which lasted near around the whole night in the time I should be sleeping peacefully, seems all very psychological now. Having said that it was as real as now is.
I've had what seemed like malevolent entities trying to influence me in the past, but what happened last night...There was a moment where I was certain that I would need to get admitted to a psychiatric institution.
There has been an odd sensation near right kidney as well
as some expansion since waking up this morning, it feels like a sharp pain but I think it may be
related to this incident.
When I woke up I should have been panicking, scared and even broken. I was in hell, in its most literal form with demons and all sorts. However, none of what occurred last night has left a mark on me, if anything it has only convinced me that I have absolutely nothing to be afraid of.
Where there should be feelings of animosity towards the entities I encountered, there is this deep sense of appreciation. Somehow I don't think I could ever have known my own strength, this incident has only made it clearer.
While I should have felt the horror of last night, strangely this morning there was this deep sense of happiness that nothing in the world could shake or shatter...not even these dark entities.
Saturday 31 May 2014
Thursday 29 May 2014
Intentions
I am waiting for the Salvia leaves and at the same time I'm waiting for the weather to improve. It is not very sunny here, just dense clouds almost on a daily basis. Hopefully the leaves will arrive before Saturday as I think this might be a good day to go out in nature and explore my intention to see the golden being behind the sun mentioned in one of the Upanishads.
I feel kind of weird writing about this, as though by doing so I am attracting forces that will not approve of me sharing this, also I sense these same forces will do everything in their power to stop me.
Recently I have been trying to meditate. The other day I relaxed deeply and simply let go, the energy seems to be stuck in my head. I allowed it to do the whole head moving thing which has calmed down. Then opened eyes after relaxing deeply and 'it' the energy seemed to be nodding head in order to shut down the process. The surrounding looked to be pulsing a little.
I know I'm meant to give it more time to do its thing, whatever that is. My head feels very full and light at the same time.
I feel kind of weird writing about this, as though by doing so I am attracting forces that will not approve of me sharing this, also I sense these same forces will do everything in their power to stop me.
Recently I have been trying to meditate. The other day I relaxed deeply and simply let go, the energy seems to be stuck in my head. I allowed it to do the whole head moving thing which has calmed down. Then opened eyes after relaxing deeply and 'it' the energy seemed to be nodding head in order to shut down the process. The surrounding looked to be pulsing a little.
I know I'm meant to give it more time to do its thing, whatever that is. My head feels very full and light at the same time.
Tuesday 27 May 2014
Experiencing Senses
Chewing crumbled soaked leaves. Need to get some new leaves soon. Anyways, laying back it felt like it was taking more time than usual and then I realized I had already transitioned to that state. In fact for a while without the influence of Salvia there has been this pull to that state.
One thing I have been contemplating lately is the head movements that have been going on for quite some time now. The swaying and other movements, just the other day had some doubts about what it was exactly. What if it is some condition, some serious illness I should get checked out? I can't imagine myself telling the doctor 'sometimes my head is dancing'. My body and head is swaying even now as I write and 'it' is acknowledging that I am writing about it.
There in that state the movements are stronger and more obvious. I can see the influences behind the movement. They influence most things that we may think beyond our control. I closed my eyes trying to relax and go in deeper. The beings are moving about until a group hovers above me and the same time this above me feels to be inside, like looking at beings molding from the very flesh of the eyelids. I open my eyes feeling my senses are shutting down too fast. Breathing changes to almost being without breath. I don't think the body has stopped breathing, instead it is regulated perfectly balanced that it seems as though I am not breathing. Smell and touch feels like something unique, I feel how wonderful the human experience is, how we as humans have taken the very senses with which we experience for granted. Just as I feel this, I get my phone out. The screen is pulsing, there is a play of the living through material objects, those things that compose the material objects are dancing. I get a message from a friend about certain fragrant herbs and I feel some of the aroma lingering nearby.
I realize I am deliberately trying to avert going deeper. Something about letting go like I used to back in the earlier Salvia days. I can't seem to do it with ease anymore, for the most part just having trouble letting go of the body and its senses. I got pretty hungry after this, or I think I was deliberately wishing to eat something to forget.
One thing I have been contemplating lately is the head movements that have been going on for quite some time now. The swaying and other movements, just the other day had some doubts about what it was exactly. What if it is some condition, some serious illness I should get checked out? I can't imagine myself telling the doctor 'sometimes my head is dancing'. My body and head is swaying even now as I write and 'it' is acknowledging that I am writing about it.
There in that state the movements are stronger and more obvious. I can see the influences behind the movement. They influence most things that we may think beyond our control. I closed my eyes trying to relax and go in deeper. The beings are moving about until a group hovers above me and the same time this above me feels to be inside, like looking at beings molding from the very flesh of the eyelids. I open my eyes feeling my senses are shutting down too fast. Breathing changes to almost being without breath. I don't think the body has stopped breathing, instead it is regulated perfectly balanced that it seems as though I am not breathing. Smell and touch feels like something unique, I feel how wonderful the human experience is, how we as humans have taken the very senses with which we experience for granted. Just as I feel this, I get my phone out. The screen is pulsing, there is a play of the living through material objects, those things that compose the material objects are dancing. I get a message from a friend about certain fragrant herbs and I feel some of the aroma lingering nearby.
I realize I am deliberately trying to avert going deeper. Something about letting go like I used to back in the earlier Salvia days. I can't seem to do it with ease anymore, for the most part just having trouble letting go of the body and its senses. I got pretty hungry after this, or I think I was deliberately wishing to eat something to forget.
Monday 12 May 2014
A Healer Visits
Recently had a discussion with my dad regarding a man he came across who is able to do distant healing and can diagnose people from a distance. I was curious and asked my dad to ask if he can diagnose me or check up on me to see if there is any information he has for me.
Ordinarily I never talk about subjects of this kind with my dad, he never would believe in such a thing but having recent personal experience he can't help but believe in the special ability this man seems to possess.
This morning I awoke early around 4:45am, after receiving some good news about a long overdue project I went back to sleep eventually maybe an hour later. Relaxing going deeper, was immersed in the familiar different transitioning state. To my right is the man who I believe is the distant healer, he is saying something in my native language but I don't comprehend just very aware of the likeliness that this is the same man my dad was speaking of and he has come to check up on me.
I recall my dad saying how the people he visits are not aware of him, they have no idea they have been visited. If it is indeed the healer, I'm sure he was quite surprised by my awareness of him. I have not asked my dad yet if he has any news for me, but I am intrigued and wonder if he will visit again.
Ordinarily I never talk about subjects of this kind with my dad, he never would believe in such a thing but having recent personal experience he can't help but believe in the special ability this man seems to possess.
This morning I awoke early around 4:45am, after receiving some good news about a long overdue project I went back to sleep eventually maybe an hour later. Relaxing going deeper, was immersed in the familiar different transitioning state. To my right is the man who I believe is the distant healer, he is saying something in my native language but I don't comprehend just very aware of the likeliness that this is the same man my dad was speaking of and he has come to check up on me.
I recall my dad saying how the people he visits are not aware of him, they have no idea they have been visited. If it is indeed the healer, I'm sure he was quite surprised by my awareness of him. I have not asked my dad yet if he has any news for me, but I am intrigued and wonder if he will visit again.
Sunday 4 May 2014
Divine Intervention
Yesterday was stressed because of a mishandling of a project that is almost complete. Thought I deleted an entire 4 months of hard work. I got paranoid and not being able to get hold of the person who could put me out of my misery I was drowning in anxiety and a bit of paranoia.
Going to bed unable to sleep had a long hit of MJ. I relaxed and let go. Eventually it got to a point where my anxiety and panic attack exacerbated, intensified to the point where I think I was better off without it. This is the first time something like this happened on MJ.
I took long deep breaths and noticed I could breathe in longer than usual, kept on taking in more and more. It was interesting, like some part of me knew what I was doing and some part just curious or intrigued.
It was relaxing and eventually fell asleep. Inadvertently I realized I was doing pranayama while on MJ.
I woke up early, 3 am unable once again to go back to sleep. Anxiety and stress again also feeling very bloated which I knew had to do with the intense amount of oxygen or prana taken in. Then I left all my worries. I recall reading on Jasmuheen recently and decided to communicate with the Divne One Within (DOW), I kinda like the name although Self is just a lot shorter. I simply said that only with the DOW anything is possible and asked it to do whatever it needed to do that was for the highest good, preferrably I did want the issue to be rectified.
I started to relax and focus on breathing, there was an intense moment. I felt my legs moving which were solid feeling. Knees were bending and eventually legs raised up only I could not see my legs, just the solid feel. Suddenly I am being pulled by the legs upward like a hanging carcass. There is an intense feeling of utter bliss in which I find myself being sucked into. Something so very profound was happening. I was so willing to lose myself and completely let go until the brain thing started to happen. The kind of charge that used to take place in the state before astral projecting. It was too much, I could not handle it and eventually forced out of the state desperately trying to grasp some sense of physical being.
I have no awareness after this but awakened somewhat refreshed. Then spoke to the person I have been trying to get hold of and the situation was swiftly resolved. I then got some shut eye and once again waking up felt energized and very happy.
Going to bed unable to sleep had a long hit of MJ. I relaxed and let go. Eventually it got to a point where my anxiety and panic attack exacerbated, intensified to the point where I think I was better off without it. This is the first time something like this happened on MJ.
I took long deep breaths and noticed I could breathe in longer than usual, kept on taking in more and more. It was interesting, like some part of me knew what I was doing and some part just curious or intrigued.
It was relaxing and eventually fell asleep. Inadvertently I realized I was doing pranayama while on MJ.
I woke up early, 3 am unable once again to go back to sleep. Anxiety and stress again also feeling very bloated which I knew had to do with the intense amount of oxygen or prana taken in. Then I left all my worries. I recall reading on Jasmuheen recently and decided to communicate with the Divne One Within (DOW), I kinda like the name although Self is just a lot shorter. I simply said that only with the DOW anything is possible and asked it to do whatever it needed to do that was for the highest good, preferrably I did want the issue to be rectified.
I started to relax and focus on breathing, there was an intense moment. I felt my legs moving which were solid feeling. Knees were bending and eventually legs raised up only I could not see my legs, just the solid feel. Suddenly I am being pulled by the legs upward like a hanging carcass. There is an intense feeling of utter bliss in which I find myself being sucked into. Something so very profound was happening. I was so willing to lose myself and completely let go until the brain thing started to happen. The kind of charge that used to take place in the state before astral projecting. It was too much, I could not handle it and eventually forced out of the state desperately trying to grasp some sense of physical being.
I have no awareness after this but awakened somewhat refreshed. Then spoke to the person I have been trying to get hold of and the situation was swiftly resolved. I then got some shut eye and once again waking up felt energized and very happy.
Friday 2 May 2014
The last few Salvia excursions with extract x25
My affair with smoking extract has now officially come to an end, or maybe not. I think in a few months I'll try it again. If I use Salvia any time soon it will be in the quidding form. I really do want to grow it but being so busy I find I'm putting it off.
The theme for my trips has taken a huge turn, a lot of them and I think mostly on extract has had a conspiracy theory feel to it. Like very paranoid. I mean if one has a tendency to be afraid then it is something that could get worrisome. I'm not sure if this has something to do with smoking extract.
The beings I encounter do not seem malicious but they have some kind of intention that I'm not sure is at all beneficial. For the most part I get this feeling they are trying to control me.
I have had the sense that they are ordinary people, or they seem like it but they remain completely connected in the state that occurs when taking Salvia. There was that feeling of them being elite and powerful. Then there's this other thing, a state of complete fearlessness. No fear exists at all, it is a state of complete power.
In one of the last trips I encountered beings who knew my every move, they knew everything about me. All my deeds, feelings etc.
In another incident I found all memory was being wiped out and reduced to just a small something related to earthly living and ever so slowly it was building up again.
There was also a moment seated I looked at my hands, and then felt bones in the body being moved. At this point I begged for it, whatever it was to stop knowing that when I return from that state into this ordinary how much pain I would feel.
The theme for my trips has taken a huge turn, a lot of them and I think mostly on extract has had a conspiracy theory feel to it. Like very paranoid. I mean if one has a tendency to be afraid then it is something that could get worrisome. I'm not sure if this has something to do with smoking extract.
The beings I encounter do not seem malicious but they have some kind of intention that I'm not sure is at all beneficial. For the most part I get this feeling they are trying to control me.
I have had the sense that they are ordinary people, or they seem like it but they remain completely connected in the state that occurs when taking Salvia. There was that feeling of them being elite and powerful. Then there's this other thing, a state of complete fearlessness. No fear exists at all, it is a state of complete power.
In one of the last trips I encountered beings who knew my every move, they knew everything about me. All my deeds, feelings etc.
In another incident I found all memory was being wiped out and reduced to just a small something related to earthly living and ever so slowly it was building up again.
There was also a moment seated I looked at my hands, and then felt bones in the body being moved. At this point I begged for it, whatever it was to stop knowing that when I return from that state into this ordinary how much pain I would feel.
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