Current State as a Condition

With a new batch of Salvia plain leaf I'll be doing some more exploring. I also have some 10x extract, which will be only used moderately.

Today I decided to try the 10x extract, especially with recent incidents I wanted to see if I could understand it through the Salvia state. This extract is lighter green looking than in comparison with 20x extract. I recall 20x extract looking darker.

I put the smallest amount, with one hit holding it in the lungs for probably more than 20 seconds. The transition was smooth, fluttering was present but it was smooth.

In that state which I can't describe clearly enough I was aware immediately that my this physical current state of awareness was like a condition, a disease even. There in the, I'll call it Salvia state for lack of a better term, was clarity. It felt to be the actual state, that which exists not beyond but behind this state as if hiding. This normal physical current state felt like a screen, giving off a filtered and even fractured view. By view I don't mean what is seen with the eyes but with complete awareness. The interesting thing though that state which is healthy in comparison to this state of mind is not hiding, it is our original state just that this standard state of mind is hiding it like a dense cloud that covers the sky.

My recording device was ready and I was trying to state everything clearly but had to whisper because of others around the house. I realized that I was trying my best for the sake of clarity in describing all this in this journal. I have come to realize that this is becoming a hindrance, that because I am trying to hold onto the experience itself I am not living what I learn and only focusing on what is transcribed.

I have to stop focusing my energy on trying to describe the indescribable, to let go to that state completely.