Real Life Meeting With My Twin Flame Experience

I have mentioned on this blog around the same time last year about dreams connected with twin flame which you can read here https://unchartedjourney.blogspot.com/2017/10/nicotine-detox-dreams-and-twin-flame.html and here http://unchartedjourney.blogspot.com/2017/09/nicotine-dream-of-man-singing-tragic.html.

There was no doubt in the dream that it had left a massive impact on me. My love life has been pretty non existent although I have been dating in the last several years which has really helped me learn some very important life lessons.

I have recently met someone who so far really has remained a mystery yet I feel like I know him. It takes time for me to trust a person, it once took me a year just to date someone from online dating since that place is really scary and daunting. With this guy there is this ease, comfort and trust that I had instantly. I'm picking up on his various kinks which is happening rather subconsciously meaning doing stuff as if he sent to me through some kind of ESP connection.

I also have all the Twin Flames symptoms and it is mad because this is something I have heard about before but never thought could be true or that it would ever be applicable to me. It's interesting because this year has been a really turbulent year for me. Some have been positive changes but major releasing, a time of purging all that was perhaps holding me back. In his life he is also going through some transformation, major changes which took him a long time to get to. I also feel he is healing but is unleashing a dark side in the process.

One aspect of the Twin Flames connection is the transformation that comes when Twin Flames unite and this is pretty apparent in my case. I am already noticing. A part of me really second guessing that he could be my Twin Flame so this morning I asked God, Universe to give me answers, to let me know and understand if indeed I am dealing with my Twin Flame.

Lo and behold, he entered my dream this morning. I have had dreams about a partner before and incidentally I got a text message from both him and my assumed Twin Flame at the same time after waking up from the dream which is making me scratch my head. I will be sharing and hopefully decipher the dream in another post soon.

Kundalini Brain Stem Attack

I have been having the most horrendous headache past two days. Slept fairly okay last night in comparison to how I've slept in past week suffering from bouts of insomnia. Mostly my fault browsing on lit screen throughout the night.

I awoke last night around 1:15am but felt like I slept a long time. Sleep was fairly restful except there was that awful headache. I tried to go back to sleep but this was not happening so I got ready a concoction of b vitamins and hoped the Riboflavin would help with the migraine headaches. This concoction included L theanine to help me relax. I'm not sure if eating turkey, high in tryptophan and some grape juice also helped.

The following is an account of what took place some time after 3am when I tried to relax. I recall now in the incident from the other day with Kundalini activity that I relaxed by focusing on my breathing and an energetic feeling concentrated at the third eye, pineal gland.

I'm changing my writing style so that all experiences are in the present form as if they are happening just so I can recapture the memory and feelings associated with it. Italics will be my thoughts as they happened. The following is an account of what took place.

Relax now, breathe in deeply. Energy concentrates in the forehead. I see swirls and faint shapes with closed eyelids. Soon magnetic force around the body feels like being in a bubble. Who's that? Someone is there, to the right. A woman, no a man. Doesn't matter, it's a person. I feel like hugging this person. The visual gets clearer and the person is singing a song with music playing. The person is disappearing. Another person. Now this is definitely a guy. I don't recognise him. Who do I know that has a beard? A few but definitely don't recognise him. He is singing. What language is he singing? Ok, I got to remember this word, oh and this one (I don't remember it now). I can feel an odd sensation in the brain stem.

They fade away and now I'm aware of something else. Oh my God! The arms, they're raising. Stay calm you're not possessed, just go with it. Whoa, I'm spinning. Maybe I've come out of the body. Fine, I've done this so many times. Easy. Rotating slowly several times. Whoosh, I go backwards, back in the direction of the body and bed. Again rotating. Something is happening to the brain stem. Energy charging almost like being electrocuted sensation. Something is tugging at it. Oh my God! I can't do this, they're snapping the stem. I know something is going to happen to the spine. It's the kundalini energy. Just relax now. Breathe in deeply, you can do this. Oh no! Now I'm aware, too aware of the body now, the tugging on the brain stem is unbearable. I can't do this have to snap out of it. Awake with eyes open. I don't think I can do this again, I'm not ready for anything this drastic.




I realise the travelling out of the body, the visuals and sounds were all there to distract me from what was happening to the body. I have several theories of what could actually be going on:

1. I'm dying
2. I have parasites in the brain ( I do feel a kind of movement inside the brain)
3. I have tumors and they're growing
4. It is Kundalini activity and it's extreme because my health is deteriorating
5. I have a brain chemical imbalance
6. I am possessed by some malignant spirit taking the piss out of me
7. I have some yet to be diagnosed illness of the brain

 

Electric Kundalini Sexual Energy with Benjamin Button and Wisdom's Voice

After I awoke around 1am, there was just no sleeping for me. This is of course terrible considering I tried an experiment where I had turkey for a meal followed by grape juice just to help tryptophan cross the brain barrier. The result is usually a long restful sleep.

5am I am still trying my best to fall asleep. My mind is rampant with thoughts and then I simply decide to think about someone I absolutely love. This put my mind at ease and soon I began to relax. But not for long. I think I entered some kind of meditative state of mind. There is an electrical like feeling in my right hand. The electricity is coursing through the veins. A tingling current like charge travelling up into the neck region where I feel something is concentrating in the back of the neck. Something was happening to my entire body. My teeth began to chatter as my entire body was vibrating with this electricity funnelling throughout the veins.

I literally thought I was dying even though I had some feeling it was Kundalini related. This sort of stuff has not happened in so long and was completely unexpected. I remember some point the right arm lifted and I thought oh goodie I can move and snap out of this. 

I got up just barely lifting my head and then a mans voice penetrated my ear drums, or perhaps it was really a voice in my head. "Stay still or your body will get destroyed, do not move at all" he said it with urgency but at the same time callously. I was beginning to worry that I really am possessed by some entity. I listened and decided to relax on the off chance that I could cause some serious damage if I moved because I myself was already convinced this energy feels dangerous. The energy continued to course through and I was at breaking point. I didn't think I could endure it for much longer and decided that either way I'm going to turn into a pancake. A burnt pancake. My brain was being fried!

If I opened my mouth even slightly my teeth would chatter and then I clenched them and noticed the energy was able to course through the body smoothly whereas opening mouth even a tiny bit meant struggling with the vibrating energy. I endured for quite some time.

I suddenly found myself in another place, another room. I am with a guy I get involved with sexually. It seems I know him and both of us are charged with a high amount of sexual energy. I realize he has receding hair line and could be much older than me. Suddenly he changes form and I wonder whether I am still with the same person. I feel his face and right before my eyes his from is changing. He is younger and better looking. I tell him that he is looking younger, that his look is transforming. He tells me that I am the one who is doing it and I realize that I was actually thinking about him becoming younger and different looking.

We get out of bed and walk into some kind of office. Suddenly I am smothering him with kisses, I seem to be madly in love with him. Feeling a very strange connection. After I kiss him a few times he has suddenly turned into a kid which leaves me shocked and I realize I need to stop. He gives me a very knowing look to imply that I really need to be aware.

I put him on the chair smiling embarrassingly. It was like The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Suddenly I could feel that electricity still coursing through the body and soon I snapped out of it panting heavily. That was quite an experience so much that I kept thinking what might have changed internally. One of my thought was that something is with me. The hands floating, the voice it all seems related to some kind of possession. It was 6:10am and I decided not to dwell on it and try to catch up on sleep.

It was daunting because I seriously did not want to have to endure anything like that again. Still I closed my eyes trying to relax. I begin having very vivid dreams. I dreamed about my sisters going through a rough patch. I am in one sisters house eating peanut butter and chocolate muffins. In one dream there are various people with certain conditions, one looks like an actor I've seen before on tv shows, I think in 24 (president Logan). They seem like they've mutated somehow. I walk in with others and the energy seems to change. The actor seems to be channelling something very powerful in that room. He is saying that the one's that will win will be focused on their individuality or have an individual focus. Something along those lines. I woke up around 9:10am.

Faith in God

I've had my fair share of encounters with God (with and without Salvia). I've never been convinced by my religious upbringing about the existence of God. I remember always saying I'll believe it when I see it, I cannot blindly accept anything. 

Even though my encounters with God on Salvia are compelling they eventually faded in the background due to so many distractions. However the experiences as they occure were so compelling that I just couldn't believe how everyone was giving God very little attention. This was the case in the duration of the experiences and thereafter. More importantly I wanted to understand why people were unable to perceive it. Why was I unable to perceive it unless taking certain stimulants and entheogen. Entheogen means "that which generates God/the divine in a person" so it seems indeed it will generate encounters with God.

For a long time, since Kundalini awakening my body has been doing a lot of the involuntary movements without my effort. These are usually light and can be controlled by me, however when I relax they can take over, not so much by force but a surrender of my will over these movements. The interesting thing is I can ask questions and get a yes or no answer. Recently these movements have transformed and seem to be the movement of another form of intelligence within my body, almost like something else is asserting it's will. I have had different types of encounters with God which I have categorized below.

The Big Friendly Giant

This was in my early salvia  experiences where I encountered God like being only did not call it God.
Salvia Illusions
Salvia Kundalini and the Genie

God of Love

This was a merging with God and I recall being at the brink of completely merging where I would lose all sense of my identity, I was being cradled with pure positive love energy that the experience could be compared with a mother lovingly cradling her baby. Pure rapture and joy, however thoughts of worldly existence had me back in my original state.

The All Encompassing God

This is when I perceived God everywhere. With a completely different perception I was looking at God directly. I had an instant knowing that this was God, master of existence and there was no doubt about this. My reaction was one of complete shame because of the current state of affairs around the world, war, destruction and the petty somewhat miserable monotonous lives people were living. Instantly I needed to put my intention forward, I like I was apologizing on behalf of the entire world. Asking for forgiveness that we were all caught up in our miserable lifestyles and I vowed to bring happy people, that all people will face God in joy. Again this is another Salvia experience.

God as Self

This is the type of God experience where one experiences God as ones own Self, meaning a complete merging. There are many people such as Sri Ramana Maharshi and Jiddu Krishnamurti that have spoken about this. Krishnamurti was careful actually not to discuss it and has even said that people create God, he made that very firm in one discussion. However in one of his poem he makes it clear that God is his own self and that he had lived countless of lives to arrive at that conclusion however this could be his beliefs prior to abandoning the society he was a part of. Krishnamurti also speaks of the mind, not the mind of an individual but a greater mind too vast to comprehend. It could be that this vast mind is how some would interpret as God.

Awareness of God in the Body

In my case this experience is very much like being possessed by an entity. This has been my most recent experience since last year. I experienced this type of God awakening with mj and red wine and music. The experiences themselves are convincing for the person that experiences it. However after it is over it makes a person question their own sanity. I've often found myself pondering if maybe I'm possessed by some kind of demon trying to conquer my mind and body. But if I have faith in that then why should my faith in God be any less. Now generally you might think if it is God, then God should be able to perform miracles through this body. Let's take Moses and Jesus as examples, they were able to perform miracles and so a great number of people followed them and because of these 2 individuals we now have one of the major religion that to this current day is still in existence.

However for me just being alive to bear witness to such a joyous being was a miracle. You become so humble in its presence that there is no denying you are in the midst of an extraordinary being. I believe that it was Rumi that had this type of experience, for him it was not a matter of the manifestation taking place in his body but that of Shamz.

The euphoria is what makes it convincing, and if you taste a little drop of it that alone is more than sufficient to last a lifetime. The euphoric aspect of the entire experience could be tied to the music and songs I listen to. However in those states I've listened to singing in foreign languages which also seemed to induce the feelings of euphoria. In fact the euphoria is also there when I don't listen to music. Only difference without the music is there is a sense of peace and calm euphoria whereas the music is more hyperactive euphoria. On the physical observation my eyes had transformed, my face had delicate expressions all uncontrolled by me, I believe that this was because of being relaxed as this is when it can assert more control over my bodily movements.

So after all these experiences of God what is my stance on the existence of God? Is God real or simply a figment of my imagination? Did God create us or is God simply a man made idea? My very sincere answer to that is "I really don't know".

Could this simply mean a lack of faith in God? I know only one thing of this, when I have those types of encounters and I feel that energy using my sense perceptions to observe my surrounding and join me in my experience there is no doubt that I am with God.

Auto Breathing Awareness

Last night I slept very late after 3am. After I laid my head on the pillow and closing my eyes within a minute my breathing went into auto mode. This is a very interesting thing that has happened often when I experienced the kundalini energy. When I think about it breathing is on auto whether we are aware of it or not. So maybe it was my level of awareness was heightened particularly in the sleep state because that is a state we are hardly aware of anything. The exhalations were lengthy, and each time I felt it I snapped out. The more it happened there was a feeling of lightness, almost similar to the sensation of coming out of the body and I'm sure I could have had an OBE / astral projection of some kind. It felt like my body was being taken into control by something else when the auto breathing started.

I did take L-theanine during the night, this time drinking it with sparkling water as well as the b complex vitamins.

Iodine induced detox nightmares

I have increased dosage of lugols iodine and am having more of the nightmarish detox that comes along with it.

These are nightmares where I wake up in a pool of sweat. Today's nightmare reminded me of some of the nightmares I used to get with Kundalini activity, those were a lot worse compared to what I'm experiencing now. I have always suspected that Kundalini is mostly detoxifying. Lugol's iodine with co-supps is also detoxifying.

This morning I awakened from the following nightmare. In the dream a young girl we know very well has been attacked. Me and others are talking about this asking, wondering how all of this happened. My nephew is there, it seemed he had witnessed the entire scene. He was looking at us deeply and seriously seemingly still in shock. He begins to tell us that 'how' it happened is not important, we should be asking 'who' or 'what' did it? We waited for his answer, in particular I was feeling quite scared. "It was the demon child" he said. At that moment the child came out of the dark, ran across the room in lightning speed.

I should actually be prepared for these types of nightmares having had them already in the past, however the nightmare I awakened from today would almost stop me from sleeping again.

These chucky dreams are just freakishly uncool!

I found an old dream I had, same almost exact theme to be honest Wild Inner Child.

I try not to make too much of my dreams and interpret them but this one is something of a pattern. The only reason why I would be having this dream is because I am leaving things unexpressed, mostly stuffing certain emotions and hiding things that are kind of just lurking in the dark like the demon child. If I don't let it out, it will attack I guess. Interepreting dreams can get very complicated as they are so personal to the individual having the dream.

Salvia State Bleeding Through

Salvia 10x, small pinch. Transition is extra smooth, during the shift to that state I realized that what has been occuring in the consensus reality for me is actually this state trying to take over. Salvia state is overriding my 'ordinary' state of consciousness. Today my head did a really strange thing where it felt like the head region suddenly vibrating. Currently right now I am in that mild state. As I feel it I can tell that it's going to get stronger and the states are going to occur involuntarily.

Have been also physically getting unbalanced feeling today the same as I do in Salvia. Smoking the extract just now my intention was to focus on NASA satellite images of Hurricane Bertha after hearing in the news about it, going in knowing that I probably would not be able to post any significant findings. I was signaled to relax (body moving involuntarily as though controlled by another) closed eyes I can feel the body. The veins, arteries were vibrating with energies (beings). The structure of the body is somehow relevant to the experience, not Salvia experience but what we experience as our lives. Read some random parts of the Upanishad earlier today, one part has to do with the different organs of the body, another to do with veins will need to look into this part.

I've experienced the beings in the blood before. This has suddenly become more intense seeing that it is getting stronger in my ordinary so called waking consciousness.

I think the Salvia state, which I call the Salvia state simply because I take Salvia to reveal that state, is not in fact  a designated state to which one only arrives through the use of Salvia, this is a state that does occur without the use of Salvia.

I feel going through the kundalini process and having read all the experiences that others have gone through I've been willing to prepare for it. Changes and sudden shifting states of mind was something I've been wholly expecting. 

I was drawn to Salvia at a time when a major phase of the kundalini symptoms died down. Left with an usual urge to look into psychedelics I was led to Salvia. It was not really my first choice, but seeing as how my first choice was not exactly legal I was left with Salvia.

Salvia was the key to end the sudden deadening silence on the Kundalini process, I liked to believe that being led to Salvia was a part of the Kundalini process. Really somehow what I've been doing is secretly preparing myself because deep down I was very aware of what the Kundalini process had in store. Salvia has been my salvation in some ways, it has bought me comfort that there was a state of mind that I could switch on but then just as easily it would switch off.

I do feel now that throughout these past few years, not thinking much on the Kundalini process that the same switch that gets turned on by Salvia is the same switch Kundalini is attempting to turn on.
Only with Kundalini it's not a controlled situation, and unlike Salvia it doesn't end after a few minutes or an hour but then there is no way to predict what will happen.

White lights have been flashing near right side of open eye.

Fasting and The Body

Fasting is going smoothly, although I have had a craving for some kind of flavour. This isn't a pure fast in that initially I subsist on juices and teas. The next phase I soothe into the flow and allow only water.

I think one of the important aspect of a fast is trust. A trust or surrender completely in the power that has created water, air and sun. Surely it by this very power that the forms of human beings came to be.And so it goes without saying that this same power also has the capacity to nourish and power the human body so that it is operating to the highest standards.

Having said all that, I do like to eat. Especially being an excellent cook. The past few years I've only been eating to live with occasions of living to eat simply because I enjoy flavour.

When I go in Salvia world and have those direct knowings, regarding food and the survival of the body - this is what I receive: The body does not survive directly via external means. Its sustenance is due to whatever sustains the world and as such it is this same force that takes care of the body but due to our conditioned beliefs the body has to adapt in accordance to whatever those beliefs may be.

There is more to fasting, such as meditating, reflecting and contemplation. One thing that I find naturally occurring is simply being with what is present, it is pretty much Krishnamurti's instruction and there is also mention of this in the Shurangama Sutra.

A general theme I have noticed in all the scriptures whether it is by Ramana Maharshi, Buddha or Krishnamurti is to observe what is before you without naming it, without the psychological screening.

I am trying to allow more time for the body movements, which are changing. Last night the head moved differently rather than rotating. It's basically bouncing and a lot of emphasis placed on the left side. There was also inner movements in the left leg which seemed directly connected to the head movement. Some pain present near neck left side, a small ball of pain.

Another new movement has been the head shake, it comes on suddenly and vigorously. Last  night it was not as dramatic and I have a feeling it may be almost done - whatever the shakes purpose is, it's almost complete.

Fasting Urgency

Yesterday evening Salvia session was by far the worst experience I've had.

I ate small amounts prior to the session. Past few days have been eating very little. At the moment of chewing I felt a little uneasy and nasueous.

Finally finished chewing, there was that common fluttering only the sensations were stronger, felt like the fluttering was beating into my head.

Lights off and in complete darkness aware of the other beings. I go deeper, have to be silent. There is an opening of some kind that I'm about to enter this is where the world known as Earth ends. Losing myself more this time. Everything taken apart, dismembering process for the physical body. I hold onto some aspect of Earth in the ending process, can't let it go. Recalling something about the body, something wrong. Then I try to recall the feelings of having a body since Salvia has managed to wipe it out completely. I start to slowly feel my mouth once again - there is a fake quality about the sensations like consciousness or awareness wearing just a little of the clothing. Once worn completely it feels like you are the clothing.

Starting to feel odd sensation, very naseous now. Something happening to the stomach region, beings doing something here. A squeezing sensation. I get up knowing very well that I need to throw up. Movements are wobbly but I manage to get to the toilet and there I vomit the entire content of my stomach which was suprisingly a lot.

Two more times they are pumping the stomach and I throw up each time. Unbelievable amount of stuff coming out.

It wasn't just gut cleansing, there was also a cleansing of the bowels. I tried to relax after this vowing that I will never take Salvia again. They were doing more things to the stomach. At the center of the digestive region there was a kind of energetic charge focused. This moved along to the heart region. The stomach sensations were particularly unbearable. I was inviting sleep, waiting to forget everything.

This morning I had time to reflect what this all meant. I think they're trying to give me a head start to fasting, it seems more urgent than ever before that I do this but almost religiously. I was at the point where I decided maybe I just can't take Salvia anymore, but I think more than that I want nothing to do with food. So now with this complete lack of appetite fasting will be a lot smoother.

Fasting starts from today.

Clarity of the Senses

The Head Process

I think right now a lot of the work is taking place directly around the head region. Head is constantly bouncing and bopping. Last night, went to bed early and let the energy do its thing. Head rotations and sudden jolt like shifting left and right as if shaking something off. Soon drifted off and then an hour later I awakened to hear external music.

The sounds outside were producing a melody and I was absorbed in the clarity of this reception. The surrounding was crystal clear, HD quality.

Again this morning gave some time to just be aware of the motions. I relaxed and the same head movements, going a little deeper this time felt some intense sensations on the left side of face. A deep kind of tingling almost orgasmic. The sole of my left foot felt like it was being pierced with sharp pains, some of it in the knee cap and tailbone thumping and rocking. I guess the left side is being worked on.

Pressures building up and some minor shakes this morning. I felt like I lost awareness of what was taking place and when I opened eyes it was just a few minutes.

I really need to make some time for this, everyday maybe even dedicate a whole day. The many distractions of life just get in the way and I quickly forget that this body is going through a process and needs some genuine alone time where there is no doing and complete surrender.

Kundalini Braingasm

I have been doing something lately, for now not reiterating explicit details. It is something that I know I shouldn't do at this stage - the result has been crazy head inner thrashing. It is very much like as described in others experiences. Feels like a penis on the head.

Last night had a very scary braingasm - I was not expecting it. Came on suddenly after leg tingling energy traveled upwards. Base of spine thumping and energy running up the spine.

Breathed deeply for the most part. Relaxed and tried to sleep it off. There was a womans voice in my head in my native tongue saying 'They have been talking for 4 hours' repetitively - I felt sick for unknown reasons. Then images flashed in my head - a perception different to seeing. Didn't care for it, was not bothered. Turning over my left ear leaned against the flat pillow. There was a beating that sounded very sexual, felt like it was coming from inside the body yet simultaneously outside.

I want to explore this further, I probably shouldn't but I'm willing to take the risk.

Energy Work Update

I've noticed that if I don't put in time for the energy work to take place I get really moody and frustrated. Doing the best I can, even made a habit of regularly taking a pause and letting it do its thing. Sometimes try to multi-task like right now as I write works going on in the head.

Lately, especially in the morning there has been a 'scrunching' sound in the head, and both brain and skull feel squishy. I have changed my sleeping position - previously head pointing north east, now pointing south west. I am not sure if the sleeping direction makes a difference but I recall at one time when I slept with head pointing exactly west I had a lot of psychic experiences, seeing through closed eyelids, visuals being drawn, images appearing randomly. Something I hadn't thought much about until now. At the moment I am having some interesting experiences with visuals. They occur just as I relax for sleep, random visuals of people and roads. I think it could simply be remote viewing.

There have been some moments where I slept earlier than usual during daylight hours. The energy has been extreme, almost thrashing my head about rather shockingly. There had been very rapid nodding of the head which I felt maybe could be energy exiting head region, not too sure.

I think at this time my focus needs to be in sticking with a clean diet since I have changed from mostly raw foods to including some cooked foods and allowing this energy work more time. Also having terrible cravings.

Giving In To Energy Work

The physical body at this stage is going through energetic changes, rewiring etc. It's funny because as I write this my head is nodding continuously a dramatic 'Yes' as if to say 'Yes, you're spot on!'

I had put these movements off and it's time to seriously give it more time, in fact need to make this a priority. So I'm starting off everyday to give it as much time as possible. I really ought to since health is my priority and this energy is here to heal.

Here are some of my experiences so far with the great Healer within.

Usually and mostly there has been head rotations and many other head works. On the first day of intentionally giving the power more time my head rotated swayed and did all sorts of things, deep muscle movements in legs. Then the hips unwinded and has since been in a process of loosening. Gential movements were present and this did cause sexual arousal, in fact due to this there has been an influx of sexual energy.

I have done the energy work sitting, standing and lying down. There was an incident when standing it was like I was being flung forward, the room is tiny so in order to avoid falling on furniture I shifted to an angle where I can test to see if the energy wanted body to go down. It did, and I found myself prostrating. Also prostated sitting down for quite some time.

There have been two incidents so far where they wanted me to lay down and focus on the head rotation - yesterday I did this and blanked out for about 5 minutes. When I did open eyes it felt like I woke up from the deepest sleep - in the sleep there was awareness of body sleeping - hearing my breathing etc almost like a precusor to an obe/astral projection. Waking up from this state head feels heavy, there is also groggy feeling present.

In the mornings my head feels messed up sometimes, too heavy and full and when I open mouth jaws crackle so I know there's something going on there.

I try not to over analyze, just go with the flow.

Grieving

Had an intense vivid dream this morning. In the dream I am taking a driving lesson. I make a left turn a bit too early and almost collide with an oncoming car, however strangely the instructor is calm as am I. I know something isn't quite right. The lesson ends early near my house. I see a few of my relatives, my mum approaches the instructor almost as if they've all sensed what I'm sensing. My mum asks the instructor if everything is okay. He apologises to my mum and other family members (very weird) about stopping the lesson and just keeps handing her coin after coin and I wonder if that is my lesson money he is returning.

When we are alone still sensing something I place my hands on his shoulders and ask him if everything is okay. Finally he breaks down, holding his abdomen he tells me about an unusual feeling he cannot describe. He makes hand motions and I start to recall the feeling, I can read in his expressions what he's trying to tell me. I say "I know what you are feeling. It's like you have lost something, as though something very precious has died and it's forever gone. You are trying to cling to it and this is making you grieve. Let it go, let it die do not cling to it." I think I cried with him.

I woke up at 2:20am a bit disoriented feeling as though the dream was real and the waking was the dream. I have felt this kind of unexplainable grieving, completely unrelated to external events. I have also read that it is common in those going through the Kundalini process. However at this time I'm not sure how this information relates to me at this time - why would 'they' (energies) play this dream out. Last night I was reading a few of El Collie's chapters on Kundalini, one chapter was related to emotions so that might have triggered it.

I feel they may be trying to prep me for something that I may not be ready for and when I think about it I'm not ready for the death of someone around me. Last night my computer monitor which was switched off after some time started making those clicking/cracking sounds. This morning the water pipes made a loud vibrational sound that woke everybody, then in the loft the tanks or something solid was banging about for a few seconds. Not a lot of people realize this but the sounds and every little subtle detail around us can tell you about things that are likely to happen. Another thing is the weather which I was looking up online, there were several dash symbols for Saturday either a website glitch or temperature and other details were unknown for those time of the day.

Now all this can mean something or I am being absolutely paranoid and honestly I would rather be paranoid.

SP experience, Latest Dreams, Body Detox

The Shadow Legs and Morphed Room
Woke up yesterday morning in a somewhat SP kind of state. Suddenly physical legs fly up and connect with shadow black legs. Concerned, I had this feeling of being 'occupied' by another. This other, being or entity was now having any experience I would be having. I was afraid that this other can now control my movement. The feeling is faintly still here as I type. It is not eerie but I just know something is there. After shadow connected with what seemed physical body awareness snapped into room only I knew legs were under duvet so there was no way it sprinted up and I felt perhaps happened was my imagination. It happened one more time and the feeling of a presence nearby was there. Room morphed back and forth.

The Bee /Wasp
This morning had an interesting dream - these interesting dreams are waking me up lately, now I wake around 4-5 am. In the dream I am walking down the stairs and a bee or a wasp lands on my bare leg. My brother is at the bottom of the stairs and I could sense he wants to smack it dead. I raise my arms warning him not to as it would sting me, however I start to sense a sinister vibe coming from him as if his intention is so that it stings me.

I woke up suddenly at 4:30am hearing a loud knock feeling a tad bit scared of the dark. If someone had indeed knocked that loud someone else would also have heard it.
 The other day in physical reality I was in the garden and a yellow jacket landed on my leg. It tickled as it started to wriggle its legs. I stood still mostly because I didn't want to scare it, amazed at the little creature and was astonished that I didn't jump or scream, normally these critters scare the life out of me. Perhaps spending time out in nature and in the garden is making me comfortable around any living creatures.

Detox of Body
I think I am having those anxiety issues again, this is the only way that I can translate these phenomenas (eg. loud knocking, lights etc) whereas before when they first occured it was all rather mystical. However now I see clearly that these phenomenas have to do with body detox, the only evidence I have are anecdotes from those who go through raw food diet and eventually have these mystical experiences. Obviously it eventually happens to others who meditate regularly. I have read of an account regarding involuntary movements, will link to it if I find it. This person had meditated regularly, eventually in one meditation the body started to move involuntarily, sometimes swaying and eventually making specific controlled movements. The person was convinced that the body was healing itself. I too am convinced that this physical body is going through the same process. Some inherent ability where the body itself is awake and functions according to the needs of the body. In my case I am still somewhat stressed out and need to relax. I know deep down I cannot do that unless outwardly I make some changes and the changes that I make are very likely to effect others. Krishnamurti gave importance to the inward transformation, and I wonder can I do that whilst living chaotically outwardly as I am now and be in peace and harmony without changing the outward?

Body Energy Movement

From a few days ago I made time for that energy which has some control over bodily movement.

It seems to move with more ease, in fact right now it is spinning my head, unwinding or unlocking neck area joints.

I have and sometimes still do have concern whether I am right about this being an energy or some illness. It is an involuntary movement. Every evidence seems to point in the fact that it is a form of intelligent 'energy' and my guess is it is healing, the whole movement is a detox process. I just need to give it more time. The other day when I did give it more time there was a lot of clicking near neck and back of neck at tip of spine. Sometimes it had moved head back with such force I feared spine snapping.

In the mornings upon waking up I can sense that there was a lot of movement in head region, eyes do that Salvia type fluttering, not the physical eye itself but something within projecting outwards.

I have been reading a lot of Krishnamurti text for some time now. The other day whilst resting in bed I observed thought process and there was some change occurring which I can't fully describe but also could not hold on to, I ended up dozing off and when eyes opened fluttering was much more vigorous.

Return of the Head Buzz

Last night, out of the blue, those feelings of deep love for everything emerged. With those feelings eventually fell asleep  - prior to that during a meditation I ended up sleeping for almost half the day.

Dark outside, suddenly coming back into conscious awareness of  physical surrounding my right arm was raised up with palms facing the abdomen. My head started to buzz which has happened in the past only this time I was slightly worried 'what if it was an epileptic seizure?'

I let go and ended up near an ocean where other elements all around were in contact with each other, communicating in a language without words. There was the sense of others only the others were gigantic.

Consciousness deliberately zoomed back in body out of concern. The arm still raised up, a magnetic energy between the palm and abdomen. Vigorous wormy like movements deep within brain, in fact I thought there actually were worms lingering in my brain.

The buzz was intense, placed my tongue between teeth as I had the sense that I might end up grinding or clench my teeth.

I was aroused but the sexual intensity was a lot less than in past experiences yet I could hardly control myself.

I got the sense that left arm was placed behind my back as if forcibly kept there in order to prevent any movement. I yanked it out and managed to regain control over right arm. When this happened there was some pulsing in abdomen - a kind of closing down sensation. Head nodded off the excess energy. I lifted right arm and the magnetic energy still slight present - my arm felt like it could float away as if it was pumped with helium. This episode ended at 1:30am.

Kundalini Spontaneous laughing

This has been occuring in my sleep - I become suddenly aware of it. Several times my face spontaneously scrunched up in fits of giggles and I found it funny at the same time a little alarmed.

I have read that this is common for those going through Kundalini process.

Recent Experiences

Over the past two weeks had a few experiences that I wasn't too busy to write about so here's a brief summary of each experience.

Dreams of Beings In Environmental Objects
Had maybe two of these dreams but right now I can recollect clearly one where I was in bed and the room around me is different yet still the same. Across the bed where I usually have a shelf standing there was a security type of camera that had formed from a black plastic bag. This camera moved around like a person - as though it were living. I knew they did this as the physical body slept - I was moving my arms around only they felt so light and were pitch black - not physical arms. With some force I point at the camera and shout 'Hey, you!' The camera was startled and eventually everything came back into place. I don't know why but I think I was slightly pissed about whatever was going on.

Nightmares and Teeth Grinding
Lately I have a several nightmares and I felt it could have been due to the H202 Therapy I have started, plus a himalayan lamp at my bedside to clear the air. One dream involved two people I know who had screws or large needles screwed into their bodies. I touch my body to discover that I too have these screws embedded in the flesh and I ponder how painful it will be if I try to take it out. One family member has informed me about my scary teeth grinding - I figure parasites are dying or there might be some magnesium deficiency.

Salvia Jealousy
Had a Salvia trip quid method where unfortunately two people in the house intruded on. Suddenly they started to scream but as I was going through with it external environment around me was in an ending process - unexisting. I got jealous when some of the beings were removing their attention from me and focusing on the others in the house. There was awareness of the bodily components living and actual beings - almost as though the physical body has another universe contained in it where an infinite number of others have existence which I am always aware of and should stop mentioning.

I started to stretch some of the 'others' away and got a little worried realizing that I am changing something within the physical make-up and it may not be good or desirable. Also aware that no matter what remedy I apply or how healthy I eat they seem to have control over disease and at the same time there are physical laws that apply - if one lives a healthy lifestyle his body and mind are also healthy and yet at the same time they have control. And in those sudden moments 'they' become 'I' and I realize in those extraodinary moments that I used my imagination to think up everything that I'm living in the moment - again awareness of this 'I' behind it all.

I fasted as well this day - fridays are my fasting days now and sometimes using Salvia at the end of the day.

Meditation Name Request
I lay down one afternoon to meditate - looking out the window at the sky allowing the mind to go rampant and observe as it gets worn out and the physical body relaxes. Going deeper sensations increasing and the others emerge in that inner vision but hazily. I felt them more than I was able to see them - actually the feeling was like seeing them. Each of them requesting my name not sure I want to disclose anything so I tell them I'm Nemo - a nobody I am nothing. Then slowly a woman with fancy clothing emerges in visual screen and I feel I am observing an actual physical living woman somewhere in the distance - in which time I'm not sure. I have meditated a few times and each time my body goes through this magnetic shock pulsing rhythm. I had the himalayan salt lamp at the time and felt those beings might be energy coming from it but not 100% sure - I did talk to it one time.

Todays dream
I woke up from one of those alarm dreams but not scary at all. I was at the edge of an icy mountain top and I can feel that I'm about to drop and death was impending. I quickly changed my thought pattern - maybe I'm not going to die, changed the idea to one where I fall down but land on my feet and it happens, then I imagine skating and I skate on the ice but the thought that my feet will get cold and frostbites but still I freely skate. Then I lose control of the imagining and dream takes shape on auto pilot yet the rest is hazy right now.

Eye Twister

In the midst of sleep time I become aware of the physical body in bed. To my right there's a glowing light which seemed to look like a being. It glides across very near to my legs. Major fear coming from me when I realize that my body is paralysed.

Legs bent so as it moved to the end of the bed I was not sure what it was up to - it was consistently emanating a glowing light, parts were yellow other parts hinted with different shades. As I forced myself out of the paralysis the moving light Being smoothly reached the wall where the window should have been and became the window with the early morning light outside glowing the room. At that point I realized that my eyes were twisted - becoming aware suddenly the physical had been scrambled - much like lego where every bits were stored or stashed away and what I had witnessed was my physical surrounding reforming. As the body reforms so does the world around it. I should not have been so afraid, it seems this was a very natural process.

It was around 5ish am and about 30 minutes later I relaxed lying down on the front side. Found myself in that unusual surrounding, there was a light emanating on right side and the entire physical structure had become twisted - at this stage I was aware that once again the eyes were also twisted or perhaps it was something inside that projected this twisted structure. The light was very near to the eyes. I wondered what part of the room was this light emanating from. There was an eruption near rectum where I am feeling a forceful energetic sensation. I know it is related to mula bandha or root lock. Encouraging the movement feeling an incredible sexual intensity I think somewhere I lose conscious awareness and maybe enter a dream state. Wake up from alarm at 7:35am - briefly close eyes where I see multiplying blue grains of glowing light.