Tuesday, 29 April 2014

You Are

Yesterday I was rummaging through the bag I had taken with me on the day I tried Salvia in the Park. In a vial I had some small amount of the extract, at least enough for 4 hits.

In the evening I got prepared. Taking one hit, smooth and very fast. I felt raw with power, there was this intense and complete fearlessness.

This state is calm and peaceful, yet so very powerful. I sat down at some point.

Earlier in the day I've been contemplating changing my diet, one thing I feel my body has been asking for is raw animal meats. It's a huge change from my 4 year of going vegetarian. I've been putting it off for a while not wanting to do this. Just before taking the hit I was researching into raw paleo and came across several well known speakers in regards to the best approach in this.

There in that state it all seemed so utterly irrelevant, I could just completely shed this body and take up another one - it was that simple. I was too pumped with power for any kind of concerns to exist.

I had also listened to some Krishnamurti talks past few days. It dawned on me while processing the information in that state that Krishnamurti and Ramana Mahirshi while they lived in that state they too were not there 100% occupied in that state. There is something that I used to mention in my earlier days exploring with Salvia, and it was the saturation of the egoic centred self (the me) and another self. Sometimes I used to feel that this 'me' was dissolving in that other self, almost like a complete take over with that there was the sense of amnesia which was improved over time.

The same thing is happening only that centred self (the me) seems to be wearing that other self in complete balance it is like we're both one and the same, maybe this might make sense to some, but it is hardly making any sense to me right now as I write this.

I was pondering towards the end as Salvia was losing its grip about the whole process of striving, trying to be something. I felt like an inner voice speaking out and honestly it sounded like something Krishnamurti or maybe someone else would say. You're always striving, trying to become something, to be this or be that and in that process you forget one essential thing: You are. That's basically another way of saying 'I am'.

Saturday, 26 April 2014

In Between

Yesterday at around 9pm, I was getting ready for Salvia 25x extract. Opening the zip bag I found that there was less than last time. This is the last extract for now. It was such a small amount I thought that it would not be sufficient but to my suprise this is the most intense I've experienced on extract. It was much smoother, I felt less jittery yet the transitioning was occuring but I had a great deal of control over it.

Staring in the mirror I knew I should remain silent and let what needs to happen, simply happen. I couldn't so I grabbed my recording device and started describing as much as I could.

The thought that I had wasted so much Salvia all those days smoking more than necessary crossed my mind. I cannot remain in this state, if all of a sudden this other state was to completely overcome this current so-called ordinary waking consciousness I would appear to be insane. What is it that would make me appear insane? I'm pondering this.

It's not that there's no way to function in that state, to be normal. The simple fact is, society as it is today cannot accommodate for a person who is in that state permanently.

I've been thinking about it, how to express this which is extremely difficult. What is the state like? How does one feel? I could only summarize it to 'Genius' and I feel I have only just touched upon a fraction of that. Should I have been taken over a hundred percent, no single word could describe it.

At times it feels like being in two worlds, but in the same place only I have one foot placed in one world and one foot in the other.

Thursday, 24 April 2014

The Observers

Yesterday evening around 8ish pm got salvia extract ready, only I used half of the last tiny bit I had left. It was the tiniest amount I've used so far. One of the things I've realized is when I used more in the past I felt like I was insulting or agitating something by doing that.

This time the amount I took was instant. Pretty much the same thing happens on extract as using quidding only faster. A bit too fast. After one long hit and that's the key to take hold it in for a long time, it was still burning quickly took another very brief hit thinking something was still left that was smokable.

Jittery and transitioning quickly, the beings emerged rapidly. They were watching and even waiting for this. They're here as I write this and I know they don't like me writing too much.

As I write this the involuntary bodily movements I've been experiencing for past few years has gone out of whack, it's become more noticeable.

There was this immediate sense about some of the beings present. They had physical counterparts which is something I already have noticed only this time with absolute certainty I know that they also have the same awareness with which I was operating at that time. In other words these particular others with a physical existence were onto me. It was odd there was also this feeling that they might be conspiring against me, I was treading on dangerous territory. I also mean that quite literally, I could not balance myself with the state I was in I almost tripped over.

At the same time I had an awareness of someone I have been speaking to recently. Our meeting was quite unusual almost like everything I was getting involved in led me to him, or perhaps led him to me. I felt like he or some part of him was in the know. Also when I talk to him I feel like he is reading my mind. Other times the things he mentions (very ordinary mundane stuff) would show up the next day in an uncanny order, think synchronicities going wild. There was some kind of connection present.

Now I'm thinking there are two possibilities, he is very aware of this state or some part of him is aware and he knows more than he is letting on. In other words he is putting on an act. The other possibility is that he is being controlled by certain forces which seems likely.

At the same time in that state I got this feeling to not trust him.

I have been reading upanishads recently, there was mention of immortality. I recall somewhere it is said that there is no mortality for that which is immortal. The question arose how can that which is changeless / immortal become mortal? I understood it at that moment instantly. There was a complete fearlessness when associated with this state.

Sunday, 13 April 2014

The Beings Behind the Bugs

Past few days everyone sick at home. There's a virus going around, it is known as norovirus. Rather mercilessly it has got me too. My lower back hurt with pain radiating all over, arms wrists and everywhere an incredible pain. It is like flu and I've had some of the worse bouts of flu before, this time round the pain had a different quality. I used eucalyptus oil with coconut oil, and massaged into pain areas, took about an hour or so for it to take effect. Read about some more home remedies and things I will try, manuka honey and ginger for the sick feelings. Fortunately I feel I got the better end of the deal considering what others are going through with this.

This morning I awoke with a stabbing pain in stomach. I awoke from a dream where I was being stabbed in the same spot. Pain in abdomen is also another norovirus symptom.

I got Salvia soaked, it's been a while since I tried quidding. In the past Salvia has taken away or healed a lot of my ailments. Yesterday I was grateful to the virus seeing as who and what they actually were.

The transition took some time, there wasn't too much fluttering around the eyes. I did catch a few glimpses of myself in the mirror, that same rubbery dummy look.

This morning they came through - I got this sense, their motive was to cleanse - cleanse the bodies, but for what? why this cleanse? Why does it have to be so mean and ferocious.

They've lessened their hold on me. There was also this sense of immense power. Think a persons head to fall off and it shall (this line from one of the upanishads which always comes to mind when I feel this power). Now I know why the person in contact with this supreme energy mush have pure thoughts and be in absolute control of all thoughts. Otherwise we will be dealing with a Hitler type situation. As this energy got closer I wanted to shut down, not operate because my thoughts were not ideal and I certainly was not in absolute control of them.

Again I got this idea for the movie, something which I just can't help anymore. I imagined how to create this particular special effect. Where those hiding in the surrounding come out of their disguise and move around freely. This scene would be spectacular if it happened suddenly to the protagonist. The movie is something that I have been wanting to work on but because of my other endeavors I am finding very little time for it.

Again I don't think I should be writing this, but letting this one slip.

Saturday, 12 April 2014

Behind The Clouds

The other day was trying MJ in the park. It is interesting how I have similar experiences to Salvia but definitely something very different about it. The experience in the park was different to the experience I have at home. The weather was getting windy and just bad with all the pollution.

I ended up sitting on the bench and watching the sun set. The clouds were like layers and rows of beings, much like what has been revealed with Salvia. There were energetic movements. My body vibrated a little which was a bit shocking. Some point body was rocking which was slightly scary considering I was out in public. Soon enough this dissipated. Back at home got in bed with effects still present but for the most part just sleeping it off.

Wednesday, 2 April 2014

Salvia in the Park

Today early in the morning decided to walk in the park for a bit. I realised I've been putting off trying Salvia in the park as I was just quidding so doing this in the park was not at all convenient. Now that I am using the extract it should be easier.

When I got there although very cloudy the sun was visible, and sometimes the clouds would clear a little at a time.

In my other posts I wrote about how the beings I encounter are usually fascinated by something above and that this same something is visible to us only we don't pay much attention to see it, something to do with awareness.

I was keeping an eye out for this especially now that there are no walls, no potential for beings overcrowding my view, out with all the elements.

I even briefly pondered on communicating with the trees and plants and as I walked by declared my intention of opening up to them.

With glass pipe in hand and just a very tiny pinch of 25x extract I got ready. It was windy, keeping the lighter ablaze was difficult. I also felt a little insecure in case anyone saw me. I realized the conditions were not right but went ahead.

Transition fast, I seem to want to be in more control, not letting myself go fully. In my last trip the other day I've had no choice but to let go. I quickly sit down and look up at the sky, at the sun. I feel distracted, there's a guy jogging and a few seconds a dog running directly towards me but then quickly moves. Suddenly I hear rattling, in fact my hearing changes dramatically. I can hear more intensely, sounds that I would ordinarily not have noticed.

Something is falling besides me, I look behind and notice it is branches or twigs from a tree and the rattling sound is coming from this same tree. I have this sense of a presence, something actually moving the tree about - trying to communicate with me and at the same time it was like this tree itself was just as living as I am and had the capacity to communicate with me or anyone.

This was fun. I ended up in another part of the park. There was just not enough privacy to try it again properly. I went ahead, with a few passerbys. The second time everything viewable was very sharp and crystal clear. I saw a small brown bird hopping by and it looked so robotic at the same time I felt like it had the complete awareness with which I was experiencing this reality at that moment. It was an insult, I felt a little offended by myself that I as a human being lacked this clarity which was very natural to this bird.

Interestingly when I walked to another area of the park I came across a man who was practicing tai chi. Something about this seemed intriguing.

I have been trying the extract for some time now, not writing about it for now I'm still not sure on the exact reason for this. I have found myself many times agreeing with the others and seeing for myself that it was not wise to reveal.

Tuesday, 1 April 2014

Entity Possession

Yesterday morning I was awakened some time after 4am, brain was feeling magnetic (in the afternoon I felt some stimulation in pineal gland getting some sunlight).

I noticed a pair of transparent arms above me, I felt something attaching and then suddenly arms lifted and I knew my body was taken over. I quickly snapped uncertain, feeling hijacked. Moved my arms about to regain control.

After this felt sensations of magnetic forces surrounding the body.