Tuesday, 21 August 2012

Salvia After End of Ramadan Fasting

Used salvia in my mums room last night. It has been a long time since I used this plant, just before I chewed I braced myself for the revolting bitter taste. There was noise in the background - tv and all that on. I left the light on. The body became more plastic and felt toy like, sensation of mouth feeling stiff.

The others presence lingering. Shadow produced by light fixing was generally spiralled with lines strecthing out in hexagonal directions but as I looked now with the changing sight the others moved out of it, they are camouflaging every aspect of the room. I close eyes and awareness is on the body beings, the components that make up body parts.

People living around me and my brothers and sisters, their energy essence or in other words there soul or spirit was there. Almost as if as my physical process was changing there was a shift also in their deeper being. I felt naked, all my physical habits and all that was present revealed as if they have always known how I felt. Some of them I have an aversion towards, actually mostly towards most of them and I do not know why I dislike them so much something I need to figure out. The greed that has been giving me company lately was facing me at certain times tried to avoid it.

New member of the family - sister-in-law's energy pattern emerged during a few intervals.

I sensed the energy being or pattern that belonged to a sister I was not getting along with recently who was sleeping at the moment - she knew how I felt and at that moment it was being revealed to her in dreamtime, I was shocked at this and feeling bad.

Some point I ended in the television playing downstairs and felt to be a part of the movement of the little pretend people on there acting out.

Going deeper, flooding down in the atmosphere - the world as I knew it was ending - down down down down, out out out, everything was being put away. There was music and I felt completely that I was a part of it.  Even the people and their non-physical counterparts had no reality. Everything was happening, changing so fast the body was taking on full lightness - I felt so supreme, so powerful - all impossibilities were now possible. Recently I have been skimming around for the perfect boots, desire to complete garden as effectively as I could, skimmed around for a parcel of land - how ridiculous and unnecessary it all seemed at that moment.

As I was swarming in the deepness of this never ending end I resisted. Opened my eyes, the physical eyes were so badly distorted, almost as if there was no such thing as sight. The wardrobe to the right were sort of clumped up together, in front there was another set of wardrobe with glass, on the glass was reflection and this itself was clumped up other forms or beings.

At some point theres some paranoia and I felt so sensitive to the external happenings (sounds sensations etc) I heard glass crack and thought there was a burglary. Some fear mounted, but I think I was more afraid that the others noticed this and were 'working on it'.

Recently sisters mother in law passed away from cancer, she had told me that on her death bed her face distorted so badly it was like something out of The Exorcist movie - I started to understand this phenomena with my own  physical changes with Salvia. I looked up brain cancer online earlier yesterday day to see if brain wave sensations were a symptom of cancer. The energies that go into making up the physical body decide the overall health of the body, how silly of me to think it was all down to what the body consumed. Still I could not comprehend how it is I can do all the right things for the body and yet that certain other factor can give me cancer. A group approaching in physical body, I could sense it as a form of cancer with such clarity yet I was not afraid of it almost as if physical death had no relevance. Death is impervious when Truth is revealed. No matter how much I try to explain this Truth, I can't and I wonder if I have even taken it in. It remains in the altered state but once Salvia effects wear off I am pretty much back to square one.

I felt movement in the brain, some pain near throat, an ache in the ear, what I recognized as the thing labeled as cancer was up to something. Some parts of body heating up and there were some sexual sensations.

That day and the day before I was eating so much and I think I may have had some food poisoning. In the Salvia state stomach was churning and doing something to what we know as digestive system. I kept thinking how I want to say something to someone, to anyone 'What would you do if you have discovered something, something that you may not be able to describe or even give to others and yet the moment you are with that discovery all of lifes arrays of miseries, worries and problems seize to exist? How do you share something that indescribable.' I have been reading a lot of jiddu krishnamurti materials and all that only makes sense when under that state and then coming back to the masked camaflouged life I have lost it and only fragmented awareness remains.

And now I wonder how can I even share something that I can't hold onto, a state that lasts momentarily and yet I know I can look into it but how is it that I slip so easily back into the abyss of confusion? In that state I can reveal some aspect but not being in that state is difficult. The only thing I can do now is reveal those others as faces in surrounding environment but that is like a magician showing you a trick but unable to tell you how it's done.

All I can say now is that all the worries, the numerous problems that arise are all illusory - they have no reality but there is something that is real and I know I just barely touched the surface. I see the importance of silence, the mind must be quiet and in that state all thoughts appear to be actual individual entities connected to the stream of all thoughts. In the Salvia state the mind initially is not quiet, but quietening down and in the deep process of the transition from the usual physical state to that other state the many entities are revealed and I am pulled down deeper into that end. Dialling down to the off position, and I am just barely there until some part of me goes 'hold on a minute - I have a physical life and there is something unfinished, need to return.'

Thursday, 2 August 2012

Body Energy Movement

From a few days ago I made time for that energy which has some control over bodily movement.

It seems to move with more ease, in fact right now it is spinning my head, unwinding or unlocking neck area joints.

I have and sometimes still do have concern whether I am right about this being an energy or some illness. It is an involuntary movement. Every evidence seems to point in the fact that it is a form of intelligent 'energy' and my guess is it is healing, the whole movement is a detox process. I just need to give it more time. The other day when I did give it more time there was a lot of clicking near neck and back of neck at tip of spine. Sometimes it had moved head back with such force I feared spine snapping.

In the mornings upon waking up I can sense that there was a lot of movement in head region, eyes do that Salvia type fluttering, not the physical eye itself but something within projecting outwards.

I have been reading a lot of Krishnamurti text for some time now. The other day whilst resting in bed I observed thought process and there was some change occurring which I can't fully describe but also could not hold on to, I ended up dozing off and when eyes opened fluttering was much more vigorous.