Tuesday, 26 October 2010


Woke up at 2am, by 3:30am I thought about using this opportunity to AP - felt in the mood and was able to stay up longer than usual.

As I got prepared I wondered if I should try to keep my options open - this time I invited those Forces who are invisible to the human eye to assist me. I asked if they could open up my perception so that I could see them more clearly at all times, if they can help fine tune me and that I will remain open in how that will be done and not impose methods that I think will work. I asked that only Forces of the Divine come to assist me for Divine Purposes.

I breathed deeply a few times into my abdomen and then relaxed. There was some movement at base of spine and some tingle in leg. Focused on my breathing but noticed how my attention would wander off. Turned from my back to rest on my front side and felt more comfortable and started dozing off. I became aware of a few dreams starting to play out - one sexual, the others about random stuff. Suddenly my awareness is alerted back to physical, my ear began to vibrate rapidly (can't recall which one). Then the top of my head vibrated, I could feel the movements of my brain just buzzing rapidly without pause. I relax and the spinning occurs.

It is exactly as though spinning on a disc, my body spread out like Vitruvian Man. The spinning is just as fast as the vibrations. Spinning, spinning - next to the window now. I look at the bed as my body flying backwards - physical body absent.

I'm still spinning but in slow motion - on the corner of my room near the window I see two small rings of light. Spinning around I am positioned to the other side of the room still can sense where the window is I am sinking down, I could reach out towards the window, I could fly I could take control but I'd rather not. I want to experience and let those forces map this journey out without me interfering. I give in to the sinking but then something flashes near the window - it's scrambling and I naturally float towards it. I am in the sky and the light is etched into black writing. I see the letters and at first read 'freight', then I figure it says 'preach' until I read it backwards - very clearly I'm reading the word 'teach'.

I don't know what to make of this except a few knowings that were triggered. I end up grounded inside a female physical body. There is a man next to me with a few women - these I recognize to be friends of the woman who's body I have occupied. There is another man in front of me who seems to be interrogating us or possibly just making conversation. He is asking for my name - I know my name but know it's not hers, so I turn to my male friend and say 'My friend here will introduce us.' He calls me Kat, I sense it is spelt with K. I affirm. I'm not conversing much, I look around just taking in the scenery. I am in a place of limited buildings, mostly just a field but like a big garden loaded with people and a few pathways. I then focus on the man who was asking for my name and noticed his boobs. I thought he was a man, suddenly I press one of his breast and say 'You're not a man' - LOL, I'm not sure what possessed me to do that.

I don't recall much after that, except I found myself returning gently repositioned. There was a few Kundalini activity, spasm in right leg and a few passing tingles. It has been such a long time since I APed, glad to know I still can do it and the quality has somewhat changed. One significant difference is the brain charge - it is possible that some part of my brain is activated to allow smoother transition. I'll have to AP a few more times to observe this.

What was the message in the word 'teach'? When I read the word it did trigger some knowings in me. Somehow 'teaching' is my assignment, but teaching what, who and how was not very clear.

Monday, 25 October 2010

Heads or Tails?


I'm in the garden, I see a headless cat (white with light brown patches) - no blood just the neck part covered with fur. I'm not as scared as I should be just a little creeped out but more curious. I'm wondering why the head is missing - what does it mean? I think maybe the head is there but I just can't see it so I call to the cat to see if it could sense me. Another cat shows up - this cat is missing its tail and part of its behind. Now I'm even more baffled but my thoughts lead me to thinking it is some kind of puzzle - perhaps the missing head part is to be connected to the missing tails part. I know that would look very weird.

As I walk into the kitchen I could sense my neice and nephew in the garden - they are playing aggressively with the cats. I get images and thoughts of what happens when people are violent with cats and know that these cats will not hesitate to attack them in defense and try to stop this from happening. End

Also dreamt about shopping in a clothing store and a kid rummaging through my handbag stealing some games that I don't own in reality - right in front of me. I remember I keep telling this kid to stop going through my bag until I crack and start yelling.

Monday, 18 October 2010

Realization - more details

After the realization experience I slept a sleepless sleep that night. I was both asleep and awake - hard to describe.

The following day I noted down everything I was able to recall - in this case it wasn't much about recollection but how to express it in words. Here's what I wrote:

Once again I may lose what I received last night. In the same way that butter melts reality was melting - in its melted form this other reality is rather slippery.

Like I've mentioned before there are beings/energies - I feel I should call them forces as they appear to have a power beyond what we could imagine. It also almost seems that our lives are at their mercy, maybe not entirely. There is also our own force, not something we posses but something that possesses us.

There was a phase I went through last year that I didn't write much about nor tell anyone - I became heavily obsessed with conspiracy theories, reptilians etc to the point where David Icke was my idol (this occurred some months before the Kundalini experience). All that stuff now looks like courtroom drama.

I am still thinking what words I should start with - where do I start from, how do I begin to describe the indescribable. On the one hand I feel I could describe it to some degree, on the other hand the only way to really understand this is to directly experience it.

Outwardly it is nothing different to my previous experiences with Salvia. However, I went deeper and witnessed the inner working at a deeper level. I have no choice but to write about all that occurred without the 'profound' element because that is something you have to experience as it is completely inexpressible in words.


I chewed the Salvia leaves expecting very little this time as the leaves were mostly just crumbles - I had to sieve it when draining. I had no particular intention - just wanted to use up the remaining leaves and be done with it. I think it is my not having any goal, intention no asking any questions that helped allow a new opening - there are no ambitions clouding or shaping my experience so that I see everything as it really is.

Chewed away, transition fast. All shifted, this time I feel I am 'seated' in that being - it's almost as though there's been a switch, instead of 'it' wearing 'me' I am wearing 'it'. Or what seems more likely to me is that Being is experiencing what it already knows to be whilst wearing me more fully. All around me are other Beings, the Forces that be. Everyone are Being who they really are There in that Reality, not a Physical Reality, but the Reality that powers the Physical Reality.

We're at some event, the impression I get is that it is a wedding ceremony. I feel somehow I'm an impostor - the wedding crasher, like I was not meant to be there.

It is like I'm hiding under the table, it is not really a table just metaphorically it is. There is a Being hovering above me, then another 2 Beings, all together it seems like a Force hovering above me. It appears the Forces are passing by moving from A to B, but really what is happening is that there is an energy in play in front of me. From this energy the formless is taking form. I am surrounded now, and all look at me with suspicion or maybe it was curiosity.

I am simply witnessing silently, the formless that binds the form (PR) and the physical matter receives its quality from this formless. A dam has burst somewhere and I am drowning in a great flood of understanding, in that moment I know more than I have ever known.

I understand the plight of all those who have this Realization experience, this realization about the nature of reality, nature of one's being. How unreal all this physical reality actually is, and who we really are and the very fact that who we think we are is not real.

PR is being put back together, I wonder is it that reality is being put back together or the faculty through which the PR is perceived is being rearranged. Whatever it is, the element that allows me to see this aspect of Reality is being deactivated - we're all back in position, like little soldiers we're doing as commanded. Again we have to pretend now and once again assume whatever role we decided to play, only I am pretending to be pretending. The forces come back to me once again all attention on me. Once you truly know, this whole affair of pretending becomes a very strange task and hard to do. I try to be charming, bat my eyelashes but only metaphorically and my eyes widen, metaphorically stretching. I'm trying to do something to divert their attention so that they don't notice that I'm too 'aware' to be pretending.

Coming more into ordinary waking consciousness no doubt highly transformed from what it used to be, I get on the computer to write about this while it is all so fresh in my mind, but I thought deeply about this and wondered who am I writing to, who will be reading this - after all nobody exists. Regardless there was this urge to get it all down asap, I typed blogger in google search and the black and white Oscar Wilde google logo caught my still infused vision - clicked on it feeling strongly that there is a message in it.

'A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.' - Oscar Wilde

The message was clear and it got my attention and I know who sent it - it is from the Forces that I've witnessed - they send messages, all kinds of messages like this all the time. We are mostly not aware of them because we get too caught up in the illusion, but their presence is more closer to us than what we can mentally perceive. The animal totems for eg. are one kind of message - their messages are all around us and not just externally - everything that we ever need to know is closer to us than our flesh and bones. Intuition is the tool through which messages are much more enhanced but the best form of messaging is direct Knowing. There is still so much that I don't know and understand like:

What is the purpose of this illusion?
Why are we acting, playing these roles?
Who created this illusion?
What is our purpose here in this illusion?
Who are the Forces?
Are there good Forces or bad Forces? (I get this feeling that there is neither good nor bad Forces)
and of course whose wedding did I crash?

As you could imagine I have so many more questions and I will think about them at another time. Since taking Salvia that night my head feels like it is being cracked open - the pain is immense, still present as I write this.

There seems to be a kind of after-effect of this experience which includes freedom - from worry, pain (I can even handle the immense pain in my head), and the freedom from fear. Somehow nothing in this illusion seems to be of any consequence.

Friday, 15 October 2010


...and now I know why they lock up all the crazy people.

It's not that I don't know where to begin, but I know no one will believe me. This is something I will try to explain, to describe as best as I could.

I decided that I will finish off remaining salvia leaves. I went pretty fast, still in bedroom, my bedside table starting to shift, the formless felt through the form. There are energy beings all gathered around me. Everyone is sort of taking a break from PR -

then we must all go back to our place now, meaning back to pretending. Only I'm still awake - I was able to retain my identity because the whole time I kept thinking about how I would describe this all on the blog - that is what kept me remaining. Get a good picture in your mind, it was like a journalist at some big event, waiting for the biggest scoop she'll ever get on the nature of reality. Everything started looking at me, and in a very cheeky way I tried to ward this attention off of me. They're kind of looking down at me I'm sure disapproving of my awareness. I metaphorically bat my eyelashes, trying to tell them how brilliant I am and that I should be trusted.

They were all waiting for me to forget but they know I can't now - now that the deed is done. This is what they mean by Realization - I could never have guessed this is what it would be. I can't describe it so clearly but when I'm settled by tomorrow and a bit more 'together' I shall clearly state as much as I could. Something tells me that even then I will not find the right words.

Rambling now...

We are all just expressions of these higher beings - despite appearance they are all around us, they form the very things that we can see, beyond that they form our seeing. They help put the illusion together - as I write this I wonder who am I sharing this with, who is the one that gets this.

In my excitement while logging on at this late hour - I'm on google typing in blogger to get to this page because that's something I do out of habit (don't ask me why I don't have blogger saved on bookmarks). In the google search page there is a picture of a man with a lamp as the google logo. I think this is odd and I am intrigued but know this is some kind of message- I click on the google logo and am taken to a search list on Oscar Wilde (it's his birthday).

'Oscar Wilde Quotes' catches my attention and this is what is written in description/preview

'203 quotes and quotations by Oscar Wilde. ... Oscar Wilde A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the ...' how does it finish I wonder, knowing there is a message in it?

I click on it and read it all

A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.'

Sadly, there is a great truth in this.

Sunday, 10 October 2010

The Shift

Chewed on 8 quids of Salvia @ 10:55pm without mouthwash. 4 quids seems to enough for a brief experience, once I get to 5th quid I'm struggling through the chewing process as it starts to take effect.

Shifted more quickly and smoothly. External noise did not bother me because I made my peace with it beforehand and I got this surge of good feelings whilst preparing the Salvia. All external sound reduced I think mostly because I changed my focus.

At this stage I am aware that everything is consciousness and interconnected, the walls of my room, the structure of my house attached to the structures of neighbouring buildings, roads, plants, trees everything is consciousness, real, alive and communicating.

I'm sensing energies. I recognize one energy, it's Uncle Sy - he is physically in the house speaking with my nan. He communicates to me that I'm not always so welcoming referring to the physical 'J' - I think this is my Uncle's higher self speaking to my higher self.

I am blended with my higher self, human identity is present but without all the background noise (human, earthly concerns).

There are more energies, possibly beings or other higher selves I just can't identify their human counterparts should they have any. They are all focused on me and speaking amongst each other, there is a being telling me that something will happen - it involves the entire Universe and not just the Earth. The Being is informing me not in the human expression of words but through telepathic communication. In order to understand in human terms I am thinking of analogies. I think of a flamenco dancer, we are like the hems of her dress and as she flips her dress inwards to one side I begin to understand. There is going to be an actual shift, a major shift. I was not given the details of what exactly will be shifting but my guess is it has to do with planetary shifts and not just Earth (feel the need to do more research on ascension and 2012). I am being told that now more than ever people need to be aware of this, people need to be prepared because it is not something designated for a future time - it is occurring now. I am not given any further details about how to be prepared.

I realize that I need to tell everyone I can about it, the more people the better. This Being scans me for a portal through which I can channel this info. I start to think about the ways I can share it and this blog was the first thing that flashed in my mind.

The other Beings present started to make themselves more open and communicated. They were all laughing and saying how they did not believe I could do it. They do not have very high expectations for me and begin to point out some obstacles - I join in the laughter and suggest the ways I can overcome these obstacles, that I'll figure it out in the hope that they will have some faith in me. Their main concern (though they were being very comical about it) was that I would not be open enough to express myself fully. Their laughter continued to tease me and joining in made me feel really good - they were friendly and I could sense very good vibes from them. I felt like they were stripping me of my clothing trying to get me naked, only my clothes is made of flesh, blood, bones and a human identity.

I received a flash of knowing about higher selves and how to relate with other people. One thing that was very clear to me was that if I ever wanted to communicate with another person about any issue I could do it more effectively whilst connected to my higher self and communicate with the higher self of other person. I think I will try this out. Once focused in physical body I felt inner vibrations.

I have enough salvia left for one more trip which I will use up, however after that I'm giving this entheogen exploration a rest.

Friday, 8 October 2010

The Boat Ride

My consciousness is in the sky, I'm swooshing down - I feel like I'm moving like the wind. As I move towards the landscape a very beautiful Mediterranean island comes into focus. There is a young woman coming out of a building that looks very well suited for the natural scenery.

Somehow I know this is her parents house and I begin to wonder what she has planned for the future. She is smiling a lot and seems too happy. A young man comes into view, he holds her hands and leads the way to his boat. The man is completely smitten by his lady friend and does not take his gaze away from her. I soon start to feel the way he must be feeling and then I'm feeling the way the woman is feeling.

Suddenly I can feel the sea and I can sense danger lurking about, there is a big rock that they're about to crash in. I then become the warning signal to which the man responds and swiftly swerves his boat sighing with relief that I am able to feel myself. I then start to sense the woman's reaction. She is feeling guilty of allowing her partner to give his complete attention to her. She watches the way he maneuvers the boat and I feel at this point that somehow I'm inside her mind and while I'm there my thought is perhaps I can learn how to ride a boat as it looked so easy. It was like I was implanting this thought inside her head.

This dream is so much different than the usual dreams and much more colourful than I've painted here. It was amazing to sense emotions of the dream characters and at the same time experiencing myself as the element of water and the surrounding atmosphere. It was like I could switch angles at any moment. If I had more control of my dreams it could be even more fun. I think this dream is asking me to learn to maneuver the dream. The boat is symbolical for the 'dream body', the sea is the 'dream' and the young woman represents the 'dreamer'.

Lucid dreaming requires a level of consistency which is the case for any ability we may wish to adopt. I found astral projecting a lot easier maybe because I felt more inspired to project than LD.

Wednesday, 6 October 2010

Ausome Water - Deeper Healing

This time I used 10 drops of ausome in 16oz filtered water. Sipped a bit, no immediate effect. Slowly sipped 8oz of the water and felt like taking a nap. Prior to this I made a wheat milk because my wheat sprouts came out too long and disgustingly sweet - flavoured it and mixed water then took a few sips and after that I was feeling nauseous.

When sipping the ausome I was waiting to throw up - decided to take a nap to help me forget that sick taste left in my mouth.

During the nap I felt pulsing surges in my hands and legs - there was definitely deeper work being done. I flinched several times during the pulses of energy surging. After an hour of napping I felt great - the sick taste was almost completely gone.

Monday, 4 October 2010

The Light and Arabic Songs

I woke up at 4am from a dream where I'm in a public toilet and a man is peeping through some gap and toilet paper is made of plastic and dipped in water. I yell at the man which wakes me up.

I couldn't sleep until 6am, closed my eyes and my awareness changed when I opened them again. There were furniture where they did not belong. Suffering from some memory loss I was trying to remember what my room looked like. I could feel something was very different. I close my eyes and a few minutes later I felt a presence so I opened them again. There was a spark of white light to my left. I moved only my eyes to get a look at it - the light stretched out into a ribbon in front of me, as this occurred the brightness intensified. Then it swooshed up near the top of my head where I felt a presence lurking. Rolled my eyes up to see it but didn't get very far because my brain was being surged with some electric currents.

Suddenly I hear an Arabic song being played with the word 'Allahu' being repeated and then another song with the word 'Habibi' being repeated. I can't recall if the voice was feminine or masculine, maybe because I just couldn't tell since there was no indication of any gender. The songs were beautifully sung and mesmerising.

I know Allahu is derived from word 'Allah' which is basically the Islamic version of 'God'. When I thought what 'Habibi' might mean the word 'Beloved' came to mind. I knew that the songs were trying to clue me in about what was happening but what I couldn't understand is the Arabic format. I do have some background in the Arabic language since my mum tried to raise me as a muslim (which did not work out the way she expected). For a good part of my youth I had to learn this language - the way I was taught was very absurd. I learnt how to connect the letters and read arabic words but was not taught the meaning of the words so I ended up reading dead empty words.

After this incident with the light I slipped into a dream state where I'm looking in the mirror with an array of spots on my forehead - I know this is a sign that I'm detoxing. Then I look at my left eye, there is a big sore red spot on the white part that scares me so much that I actually book an appointment to see the doc - something I haven't done in several years.
I end up in the hospital, there's a female doctor she prescribes me something for the eyes. I get the medicine but decide to leave it as a backup and see if the spot goes away without it. A few days pass by and it's cured I go tell the doctor about this - she tells me 'still, it could be infected' but I don't buy it and happily walk away.

I should note here last night I prayed as I fell asleep, something I do randomly - I felt a really deep emptiness and I asked God if it were possible to fall asleep and never have to wake up again.

Friday, 1 October 2010

Ausome Water Review

The ausome water arrived today. I got excited when unpacking, I guess because I've been waiting for this for 2 weeks. In 16oz filtered water I used 5 drops of ausome water and sipped a glass of it - did not feel anything. Maybe I need to drink it slowly. Added two more drops. There were tiny tingles here and there but that is something that I've gotten used to so I'm not sure if it was the ausome.

After about 30 minutes I noticed my surrounding was inflating just a slight bit. Then nothing really - I think it might be that I was either expecting too much from it or simply did not know what to expect.

I do think maybe the reason why I did not notice any particular change was simply because I had a big feast for lunch or it could be that it is working on some deeper level. Perhaps this will work better on an empty stomach. Also I used only 5 drops in the 16oz water as written on the bottle whereas on the site the recommendation for beginners is 10 drops.

There is something I should mention, since drinking this water I've been peeing a lot - I have read about another user having had this same effect. Now I generally need to make many trips to the bathroom since I drink a lot of water but this time it was so much more within short gaps of time. Also the colour of my urine was very clear each time which is not common for me until later in the evening.

I did pray before consuming the water for effective healing - I realize now after trying this why I felt the impulsion to get it in the first place and the main factor is healing - the healing of the physical, psychic, emotional, spiritual, mental and subtle bodies.