Christmas Day Full Moon with Salvia

Christmas day I fasted, drinking only water and relaxing. I wanted to fast mostly because of the full moon and after reading the Guru Granth Sahib where in several passages it mentions the lunar cycle, something which I plan to follow and try to understand, try to gather insights whilst on Salvia. In the Guru Granth Sahib there is mention of devoting oneself to the Lord (Creator), and meditating on the name of the Lord which is only given to a person through a Guru. There are also mentions of Saints. According to this scripture the Creator awakens the individual that can keep their focus solely on the name of the Lord. The way I understand it is that this name is like a signal, a call which the creator responds to.

So my intention was to receive this name in order to remain awake. Through Salvia and a process that has been taking place in my body I've tasted the wakeful state, where no fear exists and an understanding of everything is attained where all conflict ceases to have any place but it's very temporary.

Chewed soaked Salvia leaves thoroughly in the evening, something again about it initially feels so different. I think the difference is that I don't get the fluttering that was my biggest clue of it working and usually that's when I would naturally try to relax more. The initial transitioning effects such as fluttering vision and body numbing and sensory sensitivity no longer take place so that when I do transition it takes me a while to realize that I have. The only thing I have as a clue is the faces showing up, the beings that compose my surrounding become more apparent and that feeling where I realize I was duped into believing that the chair was just a chair.

I wake up as if to my real self, the way it was meant to be. The very state I should concentrate my mind on and fight for. It's here, the Creator is here and everywhere. There are so many beings, I'm unable to count them. Body, guts everything they change their composure according to what we think. It's like we're living a certain way in a daze coming up with all kinds of strange foreign things. There's been a cold virus going  around, which begins to get the children but then passes onto adults. Illness, wellness everything is part of it, it being the very Source. Words are so hard to convey all of this and I am simply repeating everything I already discovered in previous experiences in the hope that I can carry it across and make some kind of sense but all my efforts seem futile.

I look up at the ceiling the beings in the light bulbs moving, beings all over.  I understood that eye sight, vision had nothing to do with how it is understood. The eye is a part of what we see, there's something more about this and will have to go in depth another time.

That presence is always there and I ask, I literally beg to stay in that state "Please keep me awake and aware of this". I get up it's not enough, need to write down short notes turn the main lights on. They respond to me non verbally that I must meditate deeply, for the name, for it. By this they mean that the moment I'm in that state in order to hold onto it so I don't re-emerge into this sleepiness I have to keep my focus on the goal and not be swayed by the world nor the efforts on my part. I can't help it I have to pick up the pen, what if I forget it all and that is exactly what is holding me back. I went downstairs to grab two apples slowly munched on these. The taste was divine. When walking I felt that magnetic pulling, tugging sensation.

Unfortunately it was quite noisy although that didn't take away from the experience, still able to go deep. Had a water distiller running in the background which I'm not sure helped much. There were different sounds. After a while I fell asleep and had an experience of being in the presence of something where I also felt sexually charged. Another thing I've noticed on the following day after taking Salvia I get a high body basal temperature recording, it's a healthy level.

Primary Creative Thought

I would not have touched the Salvia if I had not been set off by recent depression. A few things going on that led me to just take the Salvia to get some insights on personal matters.

I thought the leaves were no longer taking any effect on me, it seems this feeling is increasing the more gaps I leave between my Salvia experiences. Soon however that familiar onset of the others gathering became more obvious. Quickly spat out and whilst doing so I didn't want them to know that I needed the leaves to get into that state but there's that feeling like they've been waiting.

Then the remembrance starts taking place. How do I forget my own power and will to dictate the outcomes in life and how irrelevant it all is simply because of what we are really capable of. I felt godly, as though all my commands could be fulfilled as I feel them. I used to practice law of attraction and things like that and attracted many things in spectacular ways but this isn't like that. What I uncovered here was more like the Law of Creation. Our thoughts literally manifest. In a state of complete fearlessness depression no longer existed. The distiller was on in the background which produced a white noise which helped immensely going deeper.

My eyes were closed and deep things were occurring in the head region, a funneling of energy driven inwards concentrating. I couldn't see visuals but feel it as it unfolded.

I opened eyes. Insight is immediate I held on to it repeating it like a mantra. We are creators, everything we think manifests itself. What is happening in ones life is the process of thought. On a very worldly level we can see that thought shapes our everyday life and world around us, whether it's work, family or relationships everything is taking place on a mental level. Even the material things we create with mere thought whether it's a project, invention or even sculpting something we can see a great amount of thought goes into them. I felt that this entire world is shaped by thoughts. We have to trace back all thoughts and gather the primary thought, the very first thought. This thought is like a small particle from which everything else expanded and continues to expand. From that one little thought the world came into being and with that expanded the earth and all the creation contained within, each thing carefully thought about. The process involved contemplation, deep thought, the trees, nature and all creation operate because of it. That primary thought is the key to something, like somehow it will clear away something.

I was left in a very positive state after this, feeling a lot better. A wonderful natural heightened awareness of peace that can carry on into daily living.

I always have this urge as I am going deeper with Salvia to open my eyes just for the sake of taking notes, if I could somehow exclude this note taking and focus on meditating...

Sleep paralysis ear whooshing sound

Last night going to sleep I had several brain jolting moments as I tried to fall asleep. I've read up on these brain jolts which often feels like zapping in the brain aka brain zaps.

They are quite annoying and have been happening a lot whether I try to fall asleep or even meditate. Once again I awakened last night around 1am but slept early so I felt I had adequate sleep. Around 4am slowly relaxed and entered into the very familiar sleep paralysis state, which is the same state where I encountered an unknown entity in the room. This time round I could sense a presence and the familiar pressure particularly around the chest area.

I saw my arms were moving in that familiar pattern, both raised up and gathering together as if to lock the fingers of each hand.

My ear were whooshing so badly I couldn't handle the sensation. A few times was more aware of my surroundings, in my mind I had the sense that I somehow ended up at the other side of the room but at the same time it was like I was trying to recall what my original surrounding was almost as though the memory was so distant in my mind.

The whooshing in the ears made me want  to snap out of the state so I willed to move my right arm.

Owl Totem and The Masked Entity

I awaken at around 2am unable to sleep until around 5am when I decide to focus on my breathing and relax. Immediately there's a shift where at one point I was staring at a visual of some scene then opened eyes. Eventually I was still able to see my room but it was like I thought I suddenly woke up from a trance. There were bugs, flies all kinds of creatures swarming everywhere. I thought it was because of the heat in the room since I turned distiller on in my room during the night.

Then I saw a bird inside making its way towards the window and out. Looking through the window I saw a large owl just staring. My gaze then falls at the foot of the bed where I was startled by some being doing something near my legs. I quickly flinched and startled it. It had a sort of light illumination effect to it and very much reminded me of the beings that came through the window. At first it panicked seeing that I was awake. Trying to breathe but being unable to move my body in this state didn't help much. The being got a little brave and slowly began gliding out trying to approach me at which point I got a clear look of its face like a mask illuminated with dim lighting. This is when I say "I banish you evil spirit! I banish you, I banish you - Get the f*** out of here!". My heart was beating rapidly, with all the mental force I could muster I managed to will my fingers to move and opened my eyes letting out a slight agitated shriek. My gaze still followed in the direction the being was moving. It simply glided across to the right hand side wall where I saw it's face mask blending with the wall as if that's where it was always hiding.

The owl was of particular interest I have researched a little on the symbolic totem meaning:

• Intuition, ability to see what others do not see
• The presence of the owl announces change
• Capacity to see beyond deceit and masks
• Wisdom
• The traditional meaning of the owl spirit animal is the announcer of death, most likely symbolic like a life transition, change