Woke up at around 4am back to sleep by 6am. No intention to AP but as I started to relax my room appeared slowly through closed eyelids.
Started to turn anticlockwise to the other end of the room, consciousness shrinking room appeared massive.
Fall down through floor to the room downstairs which appears a little different. Don't want to stick around so I focus on the window. Eventually end up outside.
A few scenes take place and I almost lose myself in the roles that I'm playing - memory of these are hazy. I know I haven't left the body as I can still sense head buzzing. I return back focused in physical body aware that I hadn't really left.
Conscious of the body eyes still closed - head buzzing, out of curiousity open eyes to see what happens externally in this state. Lift right arm and to my wonder the arm is part formless with invisible strands as if it were still forming - very matrix like. I stare at it a while longer absolutely amazed. I knew the stage was being set up and I simply awakened earlier than usual to witness the outer construction which had yet to fully form. This has occured maybe twice before but in each incident I didn't attempt to look at body parts.
As I stared at the formation in wonder there was a realization that the earlier experiences where I was playing different roles were parts of stories, and that the life that I was living in the physical was also part of a story.
Sunday 30 October 2011
Friday 28 October 2011
Breast Cancer - Impending Death
Last night slept late with engrossed deeply with my new projects.
I dreamt that I was with my eldest sister at some gathering. Sister is telling me something about a diagnosis and I felt like she said forklift back problems and had an image in mind what that would be like.
Once again I ask her about this condition in the middle of another meeting. I ask her again thinking the condition is not so serious only this time she replies that she has breast cancer. I am in shock but at the same time thinking of ways to cure her. Initial phase seems to be to get her to completely change her diet which is something I have been trying in reality for the past year since I started my own journey in regaining vitality.
The dream itself felt so real I woke up still concerned feeling that this was no ordinary dream, a prediction perhaps of what may happen.
Recently news passed on to me of a young woman I had known in the early years who is currently going for chemotherapy. With myself several days prior to the initial Kundalini experience I had an alarming episode where something lumpy in my breast was causing a great amount of pain. After checking I had decided it was definitely a sign of cancer and almost immediately the fear of death plagued my consciousness. I was close to booking an emergency appointment and then a thought came to me 'I have cancer and I am going to die, but people die everyday, I have to eventually die some day - so why worry about the inevitable.'
From then on I accepted my fate, and the fate of all those around me. It was also around this time that the world around me felt like an illusion. After the Kundalini flinging me in all kinds of direction I have developed a 'healthy body' fetish and the two characters now so contrasting, one completely fearless of dying and the other with a deep urgency trying to preserve that which is destined to come to an end.
With the Salvia experiences I have reached a level parallel to most of what I've read in spiritual materials from the likes of Sri Ramana Maharishi and Krishnamurti. Regarding the physical body what I have learnt through Salvia is that it is consisted of individual beings in their individual space and the beings have a reality ad infinitum, and we on the earthly realm are housed in tiny fragments of realities that make up realities far greater than what we can envision with our conditioned minds.
Going into that state of mind I am aware that the mastermind behind my life is my own self - that I am the one who came up with the entire plot from simple movements to the complex details. This comes as a realization, and the thought is usually 'how did I manage to fool myself'. Other times I felt like laughing in the face of death, a set up, a joke we play on ourselves simply because importance has been associated between the Self and the physical body - the latter being the shell for the Self and yet the Self the container.
I have to wonder what is it that makes me forget that - I know it intellectually now but not really know it, at least not convincingly. Some call it the veil between two worlds, personally I feel it is the veil between the two aspects of the same world.
Returning to the mundane world within a day or two settling back in to physical reality I easily forget, the role I am playing sucks me back in and once again engrossed in all the details.
I dreamt that I was with my eldest sister at some gathering. Sister is telling me something about a diagnosis and I felt like she said forklift back problems and had an image in mind what that would be like.
Once again I ask her about this condition in the middle of another meeting. I ask her again thinking the condition is not so serious only this time she replies that she has breast cancer. I am in shock but at the same time thinking of ways to cure her. Initial phase seems to be to get her to completely change her diet which is something I have been trying in reality for the past year since I started my own journey in regaining vitality.
The dream itself felt so real I woke up still concerned feeling that this was no ordinary dream, a prediction perhaps of what may happen.
Recently news passed on to me of a young woman I had known in the early years who is currently going for chemotherapy. With myself several days prior to the initial Kundalini experience I had an alarming episode where something lumpy in my breast was causing a great amount of pain. After checking I had decided it was definitely a sign of cancer and almost immediately the fear of death plagued my consciousness. I was close to booking an emergency appointment and then a thought came to me 'I have cancer and I am going to die, but people die everyday, I have to eventually die some day - so why worry about the inevitable.'
From then on I accepted my fate, and the fate of all those around me. It was also around this time that the world around me felt like an illusion. After the Kundalini flinging me in all kinds of direction I have developed a 'healthy body' fetish and the two characters now so contrasting, one completely fearless of dying and the other with a deep urgency trying to preserve that which is destined to come to an end.
With the Salvia experiences I have reached a level parallel to most of what I've read in spiritual materials from the likes of Sri Ramana Maharishi and Krishnamurti. Regarding the physical body what I have learnt through Salvia is that it is consisted of individual beings in their individual space and the beings have a reality ad infinitum, and we on the earthly realm are housed in tiny fragments of realities that make up realities far greater than what we can envision with our conditioned minds.
Going into that state of mind I am aware that the mastermind behind my life is my own self - that I am the one who came up with the entire plot from simple movements to the complex details. This comes as a realization, and the thought is usually 'how did I manage to fool myself'. Other times I felt like laughing in the face of death, a set up, a joke we play on ourselves simply because importance has been associated between the Self and the physical body - the latter being the shell for the Self and yet the Self the container.
I have to wonder what is it that makes me forget that - I know it intellectually now but not really know it, at least not convincingly. Some call it the veil between two worlds, personally I feel it is the veil between the two aspects of the same world.
Returning to the mundane world within a day or two settling back in to physical reality I easily forget, the role I am playing sucks me back in and once again engrossed in all the details.
Thursday 20 October 2011
The Wise
As usual awake at 4:30am. 6am closed eyes to relax, this time no sexual arousal to deal with.
I start to shift away from body almost instantly, sinking down and around various places. Try to zoom into some areas when I get some control but only movement I can control seems to be going backwards.
At some stage back in body with a buzzing starting in the head.
I'm looking, either through eyelids or the surface of inner eyelids. I feel maybe I was looking at the ceiling that had slowly transformed. My light fixing was not there, instead something was emerging out of it. A formation of a solid face thumping, next to this face three other faces emerge. They look a lot more different than the other times, 3D formation using the surrounding materials. There was a soft look to the material that they were formed with.
I think they were a mix of male and female. When they realize I'm aware one of them moves away looking into another direction as if calling someone. There is sound, voices of people. Brain buzzing ferociously yet my capacity to handle it feels much greater than other times. A face, with more colour starts to flash and it appears to be so near to me. The others move away and there in the center is a much larger head of an old man. Old yet wise, the face was still, filled with wisdom and an absolute knowing look. Eyes looked as though they bore into my soul and knew everything.
Moving closer I felt a mixture of emotions, some kind of fear and shame. Unable to make eye contact I look away and ask for forgiveness for all my sins. The buzzing subsides gradually at the same time I lose contact and open eyes in bed suprised that the extreme buzzing left behind no pain. Coming back a last voice played and felt like I was so near to the woman who was speaking. She had a chinese accent saying '500 kilos' speaking to someone.
A lot has shifted in these experiences which I believe may have to do with some physical factors. Past few days started swamootra neti which I find cleans my nasal passageway to a greater deegree than the usual saline solution. Also I have taken up urine therapy once again. The sexual energy has a major part in this and now applying the 6th Tibetan Rite to send this energy upwards. Other factors involve sticking to a routine of simple raw diet which is leaning towards 70% of what I eat.
I start to shift away from body almost instantly, sinking down and around various places. Try to zoom into some areas when I get some control but only movement I can control seems to be going backwards.
At some stage back in body with a buzzing starting in the head.
I'm looking, either through eyelids or the surface of inner eyelids. I feel maybe I was looking at the ceiling that had slowly transformed. My light fixing was not there, instead something was emerging out of it. A formation of a solid face thumping, next to this face three other faces emerge. They look a lot more different than the other times, 3D formation using the surrounding materials. There was a soft look to the material that they were formed with.
I think they were a mix of male and female. When they realize I'm aware one of them moves away looking into another direction as if calling someone. There is sound, voices of people. Brain buzzing ferociously yet my capacity to handle it feels much greater than other times. A face, with more colour starts to flash and it appears to be so near to me. The others move away and there in the center is a much larger head of an old man. Old yet wise, the face was still, filled with wisdom and an absolute knowing look. Eyes looked as though they bore into my soul and knew everything.
Moving closer I felt a mixture of emotions, some kind of fear and shame. Unable to make eye contact I look away and ask for forgiveness for all my sins. The buzzing subsides gradually at the same time I lose contact and open eyes in bed suprised that the extreme buzzing left behind no pain. Coming back a last voice played and felt like I was so near to the woman who was speaking. She had a chinese accent saying '500 kilos' speaking to someone.
A lot has shifted in these experiences which I believe may have to do with some physical factors. Past few days started swamootra neti which I find cleans my nasal passageway to a greater deegree than the usual saline solution. Also I have taken up urine therapy once again. The sexual energy has a major part in this and now applying the 6th Tibetan Rite to send this energy upwards. Other factors involve sticking to a routine of simple raw diet which is leaning towards 70% of what I eat.
Wednesday 19 October 2011
Baba
Woke up at 4:30am - sexual urges almost beyond control. Past few days practiced the 6th Tibetan Rite which has helped a little. Practiced this morning whilst laying down even though the rite requires standing up.
Eventually closed eyes around 6am hoping for some sleep.
Inner vision slowly getting clearer, things happening in the brain - part paralysis, keeping head very still go with the sensations. Somehow I was floating in the still dark sky moving upwards without my control. In this travel I bump into several sky beings made of clouds, incredibly clear from this angle. I guess being nearer to them they look even more real than in my Salvia trips. Going higher I feel exhilarated, excited and breathless anticipating something extraordinary. I knew at that moment where I was headed only because of that inescapable feeling. I was near to something very familiar, the feeling condensed into a word that after absolute recognition escaped my mind... Baba.
I know in some languages 'Baba' means father and I had felt that that someone I was automatically drawn to was indeed a fatherly presence. What happened beyond this is hidden now.
I only remember fragments after this. Still in the sky somewhere it was sunrise and in the clear light there were placards of statements that seemed like instructions - several of them being shown to me by invisible Beings (Beings expressing words like this has happened in other earlier projections). The only statement I can recall is 'Eat the Earth'. I found this strange even at the time of viewing and now wonder did they mean it literally or just how did they mean it?
The other statements are obviously connected as part of a sequence yet I can't recall beyond this except for a few moments of SP and then a moment where my left eye was moving and through that lens I was shown an image that can come to life - as if a design of some kind for a physical setting. Another moment everything was blank like a canvas ready for me to get painting on only this kind of painting consisted of living images. Just recalled now that in another instance there was talk of 'ego' - being told about others who have been able to retain ego whilst transcending to higher states of consciousness.
Eventually closed eyes around 6am hoping for some sleep.
Inner vision slowly getting clearer, things happening in the brain - part paralysis, keeping head very still go with the sensations. Somehow I was floating in the still dark sky moving upwards without my control. In this travel I bump into several sky beings made of clouds, incredibly clear from this angle. I guess being nearer to them they look even more real than in my Salvia trips. Going higher I feel exhilarated, excited and breathless anticipating something extraordinary. I knew at that moment where I was headed only because of that inescapable feeling. I was near to something very familiar, the feeling condensed into a word that after absolute recognition escaped my mind... Baba.
I know in some languages 'Baba' means father and I had felt that that someone I was automatically drawn to was indeed a fatherly presence. What happened beyond this is hidden now.
I only remember fragments after this. Still in the sky somewhere it was sunrise and in the clear light there were placards of statements that seemed like instructions - several of them being shown to me by invisible Beings (Beings expressing words like this has happened in other earlier projections). The only statement I can recall is 'Eat the Earth'. I found this strange even at the time of viewing and now wonder did they mean it literally or just how did they mean it?
The other statements are obviously connected as part of a sequence yet I can't recall beyond this except for a few moments of SP and then a moment where my left eye was moving and through that lens I was shown an image that can come to life - as if a design of some kind for a physical setting. Another moment everything was blank like a canvas ready for me to get painting on only this kind of painting consisted of living images. Just recalled now that in another instance there was talk of 'ego' - being told about others who have been able to retain ego whilst transcending to higher states of consciousness.
Wednesday 12 October 2011
Through the Looking-Glass 2
Last night before falling asleep thought about astral projection and putting forth intention to be awakened at around 4am.
Startled awake at 5:30am from a dream where a Doctor tries to gun me down.
At 7:30am close eyes and relax. Immediately I am able to see through my eye-lids, looking to the right side of my room in this visual my furniture are not present neither is the large mirror on the wall. Instead there is a face of a man using shadow and part light I guess.
Consciousness, spirit, or astral body rises - I don't know which one all I know is the 'I' definitely rises. Drawn to the face I move in that direction by gliding. Briefly consider perhaps that face is a mask and when I get there I will be that - instead I am beside it. From that angle the window is visible. I look out - the outside is so clear and vivid but looks different.
Start to sink all the while I am holding on to the clarity of sight. Sink down to downstairs room and travel outside through the window. As I am outside I feel I am looking through glass, like the world before me is contained in crystal clear glass and I am seeing it from the outside of it.
I glide through the town observing and doing nothing else in particular. I think after this I drift off to sleep. Wake up late to the pounding throb in my entire body.
Startled awake at 5:30am from a dream where a Doctor tries to gun me down.
At 7:30am close eyes and relax. Immediately I am able to see through my eye-lids, looking to the right side of my room in this visual my furniture are not present neither is the large mirror on the wall. Instead there is a face of a man using shadow and part light I guess.
Consciousness, spirit, or astral body rises - I don't know which one all I know is the 'I' definitely rises. Drawn to the face I move in that direction by gliding. Briefly consider perhaps that face is a mask and when I get there I will be that - instead I am beside it. From that angle the window is visible. I look out - the outside is so clear and vivid but looks different.
Start to sink all the while I am holding on to the clarity of sight. Sink down to downstairs room and travel outside through the window. As I am outside I feel I am looking through glass, like the world before me is contained in crystal clear glass and I am seeing it from the outside of it.
I glide through the town observing and doing nothing else in particular. I think after this I drift off to sleep. Wake up late to the pounding throb in my entire body.
Dr Mad
A doctor who has something dangerous in his office. Somehow sneak in and grab this something - take it to another room where there is a woman - we both examine it. A glass box - inside a red glowing light. I determine it's some kind of radiation. Impulsively I grab the phone, doctor on the other line as I smash the box making him hear the sound of his weapon destroyed. Start to load a gun so that Dr knows I have a weapon and can defend myself. Open door slightly to see Dr waiting near his door with his own gun. Tell the woman to take the gun and make a run for it and not to use it unless it's necessary.
Going against my advice she runs out all the while shooting at the ceiling. I start to panic and run out with the Dr chasing me certain that I'm going to die - crazy dream.
Going against my advice she runs out all the while shooting at the ceiling. I start to panic and run out with the Dr chasing me certain that I'm going to die - crazy dream.
Saturday 8 October 2011
Recent Happenings
Lots of inner as well as outer experience with and without Salvia.
SALVIA
Salvia experiences similar to others but enhancing or expanding. The awareness of the small beings that combine in order to form physical has heightened significantly. Sometimes its a stampede inside when all at once they rush in.
Interestingly their movements happen without my control until I start controlling them at which point I get realization that I thought them into being and all the movement is a projection from me. In my last experience which was last night I realized that these 'others' had complete knowledge about my every move and intention - they seem to know what I've been up to every little detail and this is simply because they live internally as well as in the external setting. I was upset not because of them or anything they had done but over my own actions over the span of the Salvia exploration and desperately needed a new lease to correct my errors.
There were incidents of body parts (beings) detaching and some feeling of major pain - when this occurs I am forced to open eyes and reveal to them pain area so that they can stop. Great changes going on within body - a new energy group present, they seem to have been observing lately.
It's all rather confusing and right now I'm not going into any more details.
Early morning root lock sensation, thumping sexually without being consumed by urges.
-----------------------------------
NON SALVIA
A few days ago early morning in a paralysed state the chair in my room which had a dress was moving and physical room was either being put back together and I simply got to catch a glimpse of the process.
On another day, aware in that other state I started to project - legs going up and then slowly spinning round and outdoors exploring. A few times I ended up back to the bed with legs rising. One time legs went all the way over - which was near to scary as it seemed bones would crack and I sensed another there controlling the body. Then legs were invisible yet I was able to sense the movement as well as controlling it.
In another experience early morning, opened eyes still dark out yet I can see clearly a womans face as though she were sitting on me. She appeared so suddenly and looked way too familiar yet it took some time to realize that it was my own face, at least the face I occupy in physical reality. She or should I say 'I' was smiling and looking at myself which creeped me out. Quickly opened or maybe closed eyes. After this had an unrecallable projection.
SALVIA
Salvia experiences similar to others but enhancing or expanding. The awareness of the small beings that combine in order to form physical has heightened significantly. Sometimes its a stampede inside when all at once they rush in.
Interestingly their movements happen without my control until I start controlling them at which point I get realization that I thought them into being and all the movement is a projection from me. In my last experience which was last night I realized that these 'others' had complete knowledge about my every move and intention - they seem to know what I've been up to every little detail and this is simply because they live internally as well as in the external setting. I was upset not because of them or anything they had done but over my own actions over the span of the Salvia exploration and desperately needed a new lease to correct my errors.
There were incidents of body parts (beings) detaching and some feeling of major pain - when this occurs I am forced to open eyes and reveal to them pain area so that they can stop. Great changes going on within body - a new energy group present, they seem to have been observing lately.
It's all rather confusing and right now I'm not going into any more details.
Early morning root lock sensation, thumping sexually without being consumed by urges.
-----------------------------------
NON SALVIA
A few days ago early morning in a paralysed state the chair in my room which had a dress was moving and physical room was either being put back together and I simply got to catch a glimpse of the process.
On another day, aware in that other state I started to project - legs going up and then slowly spinning round and outdoors exploring. A few times I ended up back to the bed with legs rising. One time legs went all the way over - which was near to scary as it seemed bones would crack and I sensed another there controlling the body. Then legs were invisible yet I was able to sense the movement as well as controlling it.
In another experience early morning, opened eyes still dark out yet I can see clearly a womans face as though she were sitting on me. She appeared so suddenly and looked way too familiar yet it took some time to realize that it was my own face, at least the face I occupy in physical reality. She or should I say 'I' was smiling and looking at myself which creeped me out. Quickly opened or maybe closed eyes. After this had an unrecallable projection.
Monday 3 October 2011
Forgetfulness
Chew Salvia late in evening - I wonder as I enter that knowing state and almost completely seated in what I really am why am I so forgetful? What is the veil that obstructs my view from one state to another? The veil being the many labels of the physical world.
It seems Salvia only temoporarily removes the veil but only partially and I feel it could be this that flings me into a state of depression and at times anger.
Being in that state changes the body, perhaps accelerating Kundalini activity.
It seems Salvia only temoporarily removes the veil but only partially and I feel it could be this that flings me into a state of depression and at times anger.
Being in that state changes the body, perhaps accelerating Kundalini activity.
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