Sensory Deprivation

After reading latest book find "Better Sight Without Glasses" by Harry Benjamin and experimenting with the palming I have come up with an idea to create a device that simply helps deprive sight.

I really liked practicing the palming exercise which was relaxing and can probably help with relieving stress as well as its intended effect which is to improve vision. The device I'll be making is similar to an eye mask only not exactly an eye mask. Eye masks tend to have a pressure around the eyes. My intention is to make something lightweight where it does not apply pressure on the eyes or even around the head. It has to almost feel as if there is nothing there.

Using palms to cover eyes is very comfortable as it is warm and gentle so the idea is something similar to that. Latex material to create this would be a more appropriate material (non toxic and closest feel to human hands) but that would be long. For now I'm creating a mock up version. I experimented this morning by placing palms around the eyes like two cups completely covering eyes. The effect was darkness behind closed eyelids but still some sense of light, then I put sheets to cover palms over eyes and this was darker. The material has to be both lightweight and opaque enough that no light seems to penetrate through it.


A talk by Oliver Sacks reveals that people with impaired vision or complete blindness have a higher tendency for hallucinations



The idea of meditation is to deprive the senses and throughout history it is mentioned in many spiritual texts and teachings. In some books about Jiddu Krishnamurti there is mention of how he would experiment with blindfolds around his eyes which I found interesting and never really considered doing so myself nor was it revealed what purpose he was trying to achieve by practicing this.

After reading a part of a chapter from the Better Eye Sight Without Glasses explaining how vision works I had my lightbulb moment that I needed to deprive my sight from all light. Why would I need to do this? In a recent salvia experience which I have not published (there are many I have not published until I get time to write it all out from my notes) something has been happening to my eyes during the Salvia trips and even after. I could simply do this at night time but the whole point is to practice it during day time to retain ordinary waking consciousness and keep all the mental faculties processing.

Throughout the day I have been getting sharp pains in right eye. Since then this book came to me maybe by some good fortune and I know that I have to be careful in my next trip not to open eyes. The cup around the eyes will keep them closed for a much deeper meditation, it's time that I actually stopped opened eye salvia trips. There's also the unknown element in that I don't know why but there's some reason why I have to do this but the fear of messing up my vision somehow by all the hallucinations is more than sufficient.

Meditation Uncontrolled Breathing

Yesterday evening 9pm tried to start with my very simple meditation but ended up listening to meditation audio by hemi sync "Opening the Heart". Had some white noise in background from distiller.

 About 10 minutes after the audio sometime after the breathing exercise I lost control of the breathing and became aware of an uncontrolled breathing. First there was no breathing with a weightless feeling and suddenly this would be followed by long exhales, but no actual breathing in or at least was not aware of any inhalations.

At the time of it happening I felt very aware that either there was something else that was controlling the breathing (meaning someone else occupying body) or the body capable of doing this on its own.

Obviously we breathe naturally whether awake or not and it seems the body just regulates it. In this case where I am meditating the pattern of breathing is very elaborate, there seemed to be some kind of purpose behind this type of breathing. Maybe just releasing toxins.

After this meditation fell asleep and awakened at around 2:30 am, lots of vivid dreaming right now cannot recall.

Meditation Practice

So once again I am going to be fully dedicating myself to practicing meditation, this time I want to go much deeper and I mean at least as deep as I go with Salvia.

Diaphragmatic breathing and allowing thoughts to naturally dissipate. The key is to simply watch the thoughts pass by. I will also be practicing third eye meditation.

In the past third eye meditation I have had extraordinary experiences such as seeing through the eyelids and watching shapes and forms being drawn with closed eyelids.

I'm also going to be simplifying my life to make time for it.

Orgasmic Meditation

I have been practicing a meditation known as OM - Orgasmic Meditation. It was my first session yesterday, very interesting and will see how this goes. 

Third Eye Meditation

Strangely over the past two years I have had incredible difficulty meditating - can't seem to do it, I have completely forgotten what it was like to have an actual session where I've consciously meditated unless there has been a change that I can't identify.

An eg. this morning I was trying to let the body relax naturally and as this occurred there was an energetic kind of movement within exuding from within the body, like a magnetic force quickly snapping out from the center. Somehow this explains why I'm unable to meditate as I did in the past can't explain at this stage. Last few days I decided to try the Third Eye Meditation, it has been a very long time.


Here are Krishna's instructions:

Attention between Eyebrows,
let mind be before thought.
Let form fill with breath essence
to the top of the head and there shower as light.
 Explanation


The usual forehead pressures and sensations are present when I practice this and I have managed with this particular meditation, unfortunately so busy that I haven't had enough time to give third eye as much 'attention'. According to the explanation by Osho 'attention' is food for the third eye, the more attention you pay to the third eye the more you are feeding it. I slept through last night practicing this meditation and early in the morning had a Salvia type experience. The experience itself was sexual in nature, this time round I was not entirely aware of my physical body but the consciousness 'I' was in another body experiencing what they were experiencing.

I will keep up with the third eye meditation and see what happens with this.

Meditation

When I attempt to meditate I observe my head rotating (usually clockwise) which occurs 24 hours. I have this tendency to eventually zone at and then when I'm back it feels like so much time passed by when really it is usually 10 or 15 minutes. I am going to try at least now to begin with 15 or 20 minutes once again.

Meditation Jolts

The day I 'meditated on motions' I attempted an evening meditation before bed. Letting go almost instantly there was a jolt that took me by surprise - this occurred often in the early Kundalini days. My hands were rested on my chest and it felt like energy was zapping out into the body. It was very quick. Those same early feelings were present and I was a little uncertain about having fully invited Divine Feminine part of myself to run the show.

Meditating on Motions

It seems that over time meditation has become increasingly difficult. I am unable to relax physically and mentally. Today on impulse I attempted a session. This time I closed the blinds to darken the room - maybe in some failed attempts the lighting may have caused some issues, but then I would like to be able to meditate in most conditions.

I could not relax my mind and meditation cannot be forced. Let go of any controlling, allowing thoughts to play out. Focused on my breathing which was not really helping. Remained still, head was rotating as usual - I let this play out completely concentrating on the motions. Felt like something moving inside the brain, a pressure. I eventually lost consciousness and opened eyes from some major heaviness in the head. Looked at the clock 15 minutes had passed although it felt much longer. There were the familiar leg tinglings, spine rattling which felt like little creatures having a really good time. This was followed by heightened sexual feelings, I wonder whether this has to do with trying to awaken or giving permission for divine feminine to make its presence known.

I intend to at least try to meditate every day for however long I can sustain with no end goal in mind or I just may have to give in to the motions as it is something I have been neglecting. The motions are not always the same - sometimes it takes place with the whole body but most of the time it is pronounced in the head. Like right now as I write this it is side to side, sometimes it has a pleasant swaying motion but usually it's rotating. This morning there was crackling sounds with jaw movements suggesting that last night something had taken place.

An Attempt to Relax

Today after two hectic weeks - feeling very stressed and run down I attempted to relax. Thought that a nap might help. My mind was rampant as usual and I felt I may never relax. Took 3 deep breaths and focused on breathing. There were electrical tingling in left leg. Head nodding left right, the deeper I relaxed the more vigorous the movements.The head movements are really intriguing - really does feel like being possessed.

I eventually fell asleep, woke up about an hour later feeling heavy around the head  and not at all rejuvenated. I think the tiredness is a result of the stress I've been dealing with and this has dictated some old bad eating habits.

Meditation Detox

Meditation is causing some kind of external detoxing that is working deep from within the mental space.  Suddenly people around me are moody to the power of infinity and I feel the huge contrast between my non meditating days to now meditating and only for just 2 days. This I feel could be the reason why I've been having difficulty meditating - I secretly know every crappyness within my space is going to get crappier. Like a healing crisis things get worse before they get better. There are currently a few changes going on in my life right now they are positive but there are still some doubts.

Meditation after morning sungazing

Just before noon I felt the urge to lie down on the bed - body slowly motioned backwards as if signalling to lie down. I also had a realization regarding previous kundalini symptoms. The bright orange and at times bright yellow glowing suns that I had seen in closed eyes were actually the inner suns. Before relaxing I asked the inner sun to appear and I will not be so quick to look away.

Stuff going on deeper in the head, all sorts of body tingles and other very kundalini type symptoms - there was a crawling sensation on my skin and I was certain it was some kind of bug especially since earlier I saw a spider crawling on my hand and even in the park lots of bugs. Obviously there were no bugs and then things were swirling inside the body. I felt pulsing and waves, there was definitely something going on in the forehead. The upper part of spine had that familiar kundalini energy rush up yet it was quick and gentle, thought maybe it was some trapped energy that was finally releasing. There was also that Salvia type effect where faces emerge from the inner fleshy parts of eye.

I went deeper into the meditation ready to completely release all mental occupation to that deep inner peace. At some point I opened eyes staring at the ceiling, green lines pulsing and waving they seemed like veins. Closed eyes again naturally relaxing. There was a gentle breakdown in the mind, sort of stretching outwards into the physical environment yet I was still very much aware of the physical body. I can hear my mums thought with the inner ears (non-physical hearing), she was wondering where I was. A few minutes later she knocks on my door and I have to stop the practice.

Later I tried to continue meditation but ended up falling asleep, there was a lot of visual vibration and inner vibrating upon waking up, feels like it is deep in the flesh.

Meditation Difficulty

Today I tried seated meditation, I have noticed my mind is more alert and chronic with thoughts than with meditating lying down. I think with lying down I tended to fall asleep and napped for quite some time and sometimes I would doze off so deeply after snapping out of the deep sleep state for say 10 or 30 mins I would feel as though I had been gone for hours.

I guess the benefit of seated meditation would be more than lying down at this stage but sometimes I shall alternate.

Todays practice was very difficult - and it would be since I haven't intentionally practiced meditation frequently. I felt my mind was consistently occupied with certain specific types of thoughts - these thoughts seem to be 'doing' thoughts, thoughts about the many tasks I must carry out. I have also noticed these thoughts are branched out from the people in my life right now. I have set up my life in such a way that others to some degree are still dependent on me and really I want to say that it is their negative energy and low vibration that is sucking me deep into the abyss of misery, but really I have myself to blame. The other day I had a conversation with my brother and the whole point of it was 'some people need to learn to say no'. Of course I agreed and even added specifically the person we were discussing needed to speak up and not be afraid. Seriously I would do good to take my own advice and I felt more deeply that this conversation was bought up exactly as if a message for me. Anyways my point is until I I do not stop allowing others to pull me left and right I am always going to be overly mentally occupied and meditation will be like sitting down waiting for that one thought that would creep into my mind and then on to carrying out whatever command it may be.

This doesn't change the fact that there was a time in my life when I was much busier and the environment around me a lot more toxic and added to that the strain I was putting on my physical body through bad eating habits, yet around that time I took up meditation that really helped me to relax efficiently, details of which have been added to this blog.


So why is it harder to meditate now, maybe I should consider a 30 day challenge which helped at one time. I may have to go through old journal and start using similar meditation techniques - in my next session rather than watch the thoughts I intend to observe my breathing.

I think journalling about meditation helped so I may accompany this with the practice

Meditation Update

I haven't written about meditation in almost a year now simply because I haven't meditated, it had become difficult overtime and I think in some ways it was replaced with Salvia usage. It was after my difficulty with meditation that I discovered Salvia and felt guided to try it out.

A week ago I had meditated three times and each time for 20 minutes or so. Each time there were the common IBMs, it was mostly hand and finger movements.

The movements are much stronger than at any other meditation sessions. The index and middle finger pressed deep into my abdomen, and during another session my hands resting near thigh started to press in this area. Each time I was startled but continued to relax. It does feel like within me there is another occupant and for the briefest moment when I can relax it takes control over body. One night I recall going through this motion several times until I fell asleep.

I want to meditate daily but I know for now I need to take baby steps. It helps to have a specific time to meditate but maybe I'll stick with at 'when I feel like it o'clock'. I think previously what really helped was starting a 30 day meditation trial - might try this again.

Meditation Pain

I meditated about 2 hours ago. I focused breathing in and naturally between the brows there is a tense pressure sensation which actually occurs regardless of meditation. I think meditating made the tenseness more intense due to awareness level.

I tried to do chakra breathing as recommended on KAS1 site. Focus on 6th Chakra was easy since the sensations there are always present so I focused on the base chakra instead there was a lot of pulsing at the soles of my feet. Left foot began to hurt - then I felt a ball at base chakra going up. It was like an actual solid ball moving inside not just an energetic sensation. The ball traveled up to the solar plexus, slowly creeping its way up to the heart chakra where its movement spreaded out - it changed from the form of a ball into something that spread outwards, it was melding within my ribcage.

There has been a sharp pain concentrated in the left leg, nothing serious but I could feel that the pain was just a preview of things to come when I make meditation a daily practice. Note that just a while ago I posted that I cannot meditate - but I can, I made it seem impossible when the truth is I am avoiding the next phase - deep down I know this next phase will be immensely challenging. I am not determined that there will be pain because anything is possible - I just have this feeling.

Effortless Meditation

After a long absence from meditation y'day I managed to meditate without really planning it.

After some contemplation I relaxed and went into a state of meditation - initially there was some mental chatter, some imagery and then silence. When I ended it I felt quite refreshed and amazed that I didn't get shocked out of it.

I think I may be able to meditate more often but I don't want to plan it out or dedicate a certain time of the day to it - I will allow it to happen when it happens. It's more easier that way and almost no effort is required.

Chi Energy

I have found interesting article which helped me understand my sudden inability to meditate.

Chi is life force it is what gives life to every living component.

The concept of "life force" is found in most of the ancient cultures of the world. In India it is known as prana, in China chi, in Japan ki, for Native Americans, the Great spirit.

Chi Gung is energy work - which has sparked my interest. I will also be looking into Robert Bruce's NEW Energy System.

Although I'm aware that this energy known by different names in different parts of the world, I was not sure that it could be the reason for my inability to meditate.

For some reason I felt like I needed to stay away from meditating - I guess I had a secret fear of something going awry if I made any further attempts. Now I'm certain it's this energy concentrating and continuous practice makes it more hard to sustain. Even without meditating the energy gets extreme. At times I could be simply relaxing or getting ready for sleep and suddenly I would jolt upright. Most of the times and randomly the energy is definitely working around chakra areas. Now I would very much like to learn how to control and use this energy.

Meditation

I have been able to meditate on a few occasions in the past few days. Each time there were energetic sensations. I would get deeper and suddenly my arms would make explosive movements, there was one time I was able to move somewhat beyond this.

In one session prior to falling asleep, with my mind very still there was an awareness of a pressure in the left side of skull. The pressure eventually filled up the entire space in my head, it felt like my brain was being pumped and my skull was ready to crack open. My head felt like a helium balloon ready to float away as soon as my body would let go. I felt if my entire body was pumped with this I would begin to levitate.

I have also been practicing the alternate nostril breathing method - just the one time so far. I did one round and the energy surged through the left big toe, up my left leg, reached the left buttock where I felt a tremor that lasted a good few minutes.

Energy Currents During Meditation

It has become a bit difficult to meditate, it's not that I can't remain still or relax, I just can't bring myself to schedule a session like I used to. I don't have that same motivation I once had. Now I meditate when it feels right and I can do it naturally.

Last week I managed to meditate once. As I let my attention to thoughts and sounds play out, in a seemingly ordinary state there was some sudden heart palpitations, fingers and hands twitching, some movements in my thighs and then energy shooting up my legs. I felt like my entire body was being charged with electrical currents.

My latest meditations

The past few weeks the way I meditate has changed drastically. I noticed that my previous meditations were very systematic and very supressive. I have recognized that I have been continuously trying to control every new obstacle that popped up, first it was thoughts, then it was some bodily sensation and soon enough the spontaneous movements came out of nowhere and I would try to look for a solution by trying to understand what it was in the first place so that I could control it.

In the first week I refined my meditation method a great deal - though I had stopped focusing on my breathing I started chanting mantras to help quiet my mind. In every session it seemed I was trying to improve the method. I did a search on google looking for easy meditation techniques until I started reading about Jiddu Krishnamurti who offers the easiest method of meditation which is actually no method at all. His thoughts on what meditation is not has made a lot of sense in that you sort of uncover what it really is. So lately in my meditations I've just been watching thoughts pass by instead of trying to control it, I just observe on what is. To be more specific I observe my attention which seems to travel from one thing to another. The first thing my attention is focused on is usually a thought, then it would move to an external sound and so on.

What makes meditation easy isn't the application of a technique or method but the basic understanding and seeing for yourself that there is more control of the meditation (imposing your will on it) rather than allowing meditation to move freely. You have to really let go of all the ideas you hold about meditation.

Amazingly I have meditated under extremely noisy conditions and I have done so through no effort, relaxation seems to occur naturally. I now get into a much more deeper state by simply letting go, however there is the case of spontaneous movements of my arms and hands. It seems everything about meditation is spontaneous. These movements are quite startling because they happen so suddenly and they seem to be intelligently controlled. In one session my fingers on the right hand slowly curled into a fist, in another session several fingers in sync with both hands curled. The most startling incident was when I wasn't meditating instead I tried falling asleep. I rested my right hands on my solar plexus. After just a few seconds my right arm spontaneously glided to rest on my side, after the initial shock I put my hands back on my solar plexus and a few seconds later my arm again was swiftly placed by my side. It was only after the third instance that I was scared out of my wits and just gave in leaving my right arm to rest by my side.

Chakra sensations are even more noticeable especially the heart chakra which feels like a heavy weight on my chest, after one session of meditation I felt like my chest was being crushed. At the time I felt like I might be having a heart attack, of course I learnt later that the crushing sensation is a symptom of a heart attack but seems to be associated with pain which I did not feel. The sensation slowly dissipated once I stopped focusing on it. Another sensation that has become more pronounced since my spine tingling episodes is localized at the base of the spine - it feels like a rapid pulsing.

Meditation - Learning Equanimity & The Monkey Mind

I started meditating for the past several days without any goals or expectations, perhaps there is that underlying goal of connecting with the Source of everything we perceive here. For the time being I've put Hemi-Sync programs on hold.

For the first few sessions I've been mostly losing consciousness during meditation. When I did snap back to consciousness and end the session I felt really light headed and incredibly spacey. I also felt energy rushing in my arms. Whenever I concentrate on my breathing now I feel a pressure between my brows, even when I'm not meditating but just focus on my breathing.

Yesterday during a meditation session I felt several symptoms that seem like signs of Kundalini rising, at first there were a few chakra sensations which was followed by something swarming about in my back. I heard and felt my heart thumping loud and some tightness in my chest. This was followed by an electric like sensation all over my lower back, that particular area felt like it was heating up. There was also some tingling sensation in my legs which showed up as I ended the session.

In another session yesterday I had a most enlightening experience. At about 7pm it was extremely difficult to quiet my mind - it was rampant with incessant thoughts. I thought I had overcome this but it had been proven otherwise. I applied some equanimity and just observed my thoughts in a detached non-judgemental way. It was a long process but eventually I noticed my irrelevant thoughts that seemed to be overlayed with another mode of thoughts which seemed like it had a mind of its own - this other mode of thoughts was trying to shut up my monkey mind, all the while I was the observor of the two. It was like having three people in the same room, two of them arguing and the third person just passively observing them.