You Are

Yesterday I was rummaging through the bag I had taken with me on the day I tried Salvia in the Park. In a vial I had some small amount of the extract, at least enough for 4 hits.

In the evening I got prepared. Taking one hit, smooth and very fast. I felt raw with power, there was this intense and complete fearlessness.

This state is calm and peaceful, yet so very powerful. I sat down at some point.

Earlier in the day I've been contemplating changing my diet, one thing I feel my body has been asking for is raw animal meats. It's a huge change from my 4 year of going vegetarian. I've been putting it off for a while not wanting to do this. Just before taking the hit I was researching into raw paleo and came across several well known speakers in regards to the best approach in this.

There in that state it all seemed so utterly irrelevant, I could just completely shed this body and take up another one - it was that simple. I was too pumped with power for any kind of concerns to exist.

I had also listened to some Krishnamurti talks past few days. It dawned on me while processing the information in that state that Krishnamurti and Ramana Mahirshi while they lived in that state they too were not there 100% occupied in that state. There is something that I used to mention in my earlier days exploring with Salvia, and it was the saturation of the egoic centred self (the me) and another self. Sometimes I used to feel that this 'me' was dissolving in that other self, almost like a complete take over with that there was the sense of amnesia which was improved over time.

The same thing is happening only that centred self (the me) seems to be wearing that other self in complete balance it is like we're both one and the same, maybe this might make sense to some, but it is hardly making any sense to me right now as I write this.

I was pondering towards the end as Salvia was losing its grip about the whole process of striving, trying to be something. I felt like an inner voice speaking out and honestly it sounded like something Krishnamurti or maybe someone else would say. You're always striving, trying to become something, to be this or be that and in that process you forget one essential thing: You are. That's basically another way of saying 'I am'.