Wednesday, 23 February 2011

A Different Projection

Awoke at 1am flustered from sexual intensity, fell asleep and then startled awake at 3ish am. Eventually by 6am the miracle occured and I was falling asleep, did not expect a projection.

Very different than the usual projection - can't quite describe it, maybe there was this knowingness about it. Gliding through some hallway, above are round shapes - portals? I knew each represented something - towards end felt like I was being sucked in. Recall at some point going down a staircase only not walking, just in the air suspended and going down - free-flow.

Then a few scenes played out, two I recall was related to marriage. In one I feel a marriage is being arranged, in the second dream I'm in a video call with fiance introducing me to all his friends and family.

I know there was more but this is all I am able to recall at the moment.

Tuesday, 22 February 2011


Today at 11:30am decided to take a little trip with Salvia. Now, without being under the effect of Salvia I can see impressions of the 'others' - they are in motion, seeing their sudden movements. More than anything the tactile sensations are incredibly strong and intense when relaxing, napping or sleeping - even in physical activity they seem to be present. I feel lately that some kind of connection has been made.

This time soaked enough leaves to make exactly 4 quids. Salvia is tasting less bitter. I don't know what to expect when going under but I knew for sure to be silent, not worry about external noise even though my sis-in-law and her kids are here for a few days - plus loud noisy sister is in the house. I was silly to think that I could shut out the background noise or that 'they' (the others) have ability to silence those parts just like they did in another experience. Some part of the mind shuts down physical earth environment and I know it is possible like a switch that stops everything.

I chew, relax see them more clearly now. I'm waiting to go to those deeper spaces, where there are areas that are restricted.

My mouth is still, I know to be perfectly silent but background noise oozes in - my niece and nephew talking loud - just focus on silence. Then there's music blasting - wow the timing was just perfect, my loud sister is playing music - Rihanna 'what's my name'. Suddenly the crowd around me is storming over to the other side of the house watching through my sisters bedroom dancing to the tune. They're dancing and I could sense my sister is dancing as well. I'm confused and there's this other emotion, could it be I'm feeling jealous? I'm trying to recall if I've ever felt jealous to see if what I'm feeling now matches that emotion, but I don't recall ever feeling jealous, okay maybe a few times when I was a kid - but never as an adult so it feels a little foreign.

The crowd starts to notice something I think they sense that I feel abandoned or something, they slowly leave the music and approach me, I wave them away tell them it's okay, go back and enjoy the music. I even dance a little to show them that it's fine. They go back only their dancing isn't as upbeat as it was before. Oh my goodness I'm still feeling jealous, but what am I jealous of? Them diverting their attention?

I have nothing to be jealous about. I know these others like to be entertained and you know I could bust a few moves of my own. I get up, head over to my sisters room not so disoriented, one sister doing her make up and other one dancing - I see my niece is dancing as well. I join in and dance with them - it's fun for a little while but I'm feeling so emotionally disturbed - previous feeling has mutated into something else. Get back in bed, the others gather back around me. I see two of them embracing and kissing - I know they're signalling something sexual and that they're gonna get very touchy. Great - so they think after a few releases, not my fault with all the heightened sexual heat - that I'm some kind of master with this activity, or are they doing something I don't fully understand? I tell them that sexual pleasure isn't what I'm about. Again I encourage them to go and dance with my sisters or find something else to entertain themselves with because this show has just been cancelled. I feel like crying but don't want them to see me emotionally distraught so I go under duvet and let it out then I see them in there watching me - seems there's no hiding from them.

I signal them to leave me alone, lately I've become so overly depressed around people and now these beings have somehow heightened my depression. I explain to them how boring and miserable I am and all these overloaded issues that I have to deal with - it's time they move on and take their curiosity and interest elsewhere. Regret unleashing this so I started to just pretend that I can't see them anymore and play with the idea that they've left - what a relief. I notice understanding them becomes difficult when they bleed through physical reality but in the inner experiences where I go deeper, there is more calm a little more understanding on my part and less or no emotional baggage.

Later about 3pm, I tried to meditate hoping maybe I'd end up napping for a good 30mins. Electrical orgasmic charges shocking my legs, and then movement all around me intensifying. I move to rest on front side, my right arm by my side and left arms under the chest relax ready to sleep. Left arm involuntarily moved to the left several times - they're moving my left arm and now that explains all those kriyas (involuntary movements). I give up and leave it by my side. I see them with eyes closed leaning over and kissing my face - odd sensation like a hundred lips kissing each inch of my face, a beating pulsing like sensation.

Sunday, 20 February 2011

Morning Kisses

Kissed by the invisible - it occured 2 more times. The other day in the morning waking up from sleep my head moved spontaneously to the left, lifting up and lips puckered and then the sweetest, most darling kiss. There was this pure innocence about it, this one was playful and made me laugh.

This morning it occured again however with more tactile sensations. I could feel waking up, that presence very close, the duvet moved. My lips reaching out and then a sealed kiss, so sweet yet passionate. I kissed back holding on feeling like I was embraced, then fell asleep again and had many dreams.

The first dream I had was of me and a lover at the beach. He rushes and guides me to the ocean where there is an enormous wave forming. Resting his back on this wave I embrace him and feel the wave carrying us across the ocean.

There were more dreams - too many to write about. I had 2 more experiences with Salvia since last post but so many details, so many new feelings plus emotional releasing, I managed to write as much as I could about it in notebook. Then there are the other experiences that feel like a follow up to the Salvia experience - like how the larger beings / entities have bled through the physical environment in my waking state. Still making sense of it all.

Tuesday, 15 February 2011

God, Relatives, Rides and Kundalini - The Great Deception

Prior to this experience I soaked leaves to see if I could contact my friends to help finish what they started. As I got up my body felt so different, like it was very new. Then looked in mirror at my arms and my veins were bulging out so much they looked completely blue - I saw the many faces of entities. Legs moved differently, more entities there. Then I saw the veins pumping in my face, whoa they certainly did change something.

Suddenly my top started to be lifted up, and I knew they wanted me to look at my stomach. During the surgery I recall the abodmen being operated on majorly, endocrine and digestive system transformed.

I lifted the top up and my belly looked to be living - I don't know how else to explain it. I closed eyes haven't yet taken Salvia. I see with that perception that my friends were hovering above me - I feel I need to bow my head down to show them that I'm aware of them. They signal something, I can feel a touch near right ear - they want to get inside there. Still standing, eyes closed I feel them entering ears and there was tactile sensation.

Lay down, more of them getting in - my ear canal heats up and I feel a fluttering sensation that has happened many times before. Then feel them making changes in the brain, possibly activating something. I hear a bird croaking outside and it sounds like it is saying 'Help'. I reconsider taking Salvia again, what if my friends have to flee again. At about 1pm I was just about ready to throw the leaves - such a waste, I could've saved it for next time. As I am just about to chuck it I change my decision, why not just finish it instead of wasting it.

Get back in room and chew away and I was so glad to have changed my mind for what took place was just astounding, I find that I am reaching something.


I chew the leaves at 1:30pm. Close eyes and immediately there is a perception of holy people dressed up in terracotta and white outfits. They look simple yet so stunning nothing I had ever witnessed in physical environment. I noticed the change, this time my perception was in full color. These holy people are greeting us, next to me I see other children - my friends. The holy people are moving outwards to reveal someone. The children are so excited. Then I see him, he looks like a very old man, so old yet so strong and wise looking. He had a white moustache and beard and I think a bald patch on the middle of his head. Could this be God? Could this really be the Father of all Fathers?

He didn't feel like God in the sense of what I thought God was - like everything I had thought was some kind of misconception - that I had decieved myself creating him in a certain image. He looked more like a very ancient, no doubt wise Grandfather to me. Something so humble about all that I was witnessing. Still I could not recognise him I think because I was comparing my reaction to the other childrens reaction. They looked so happy and ran to him. I followed them knowing I have to act like them otherwise I'll get caught out. He has his arms opened and looks to be wearing a cloak which has pouches, inside these pouches are many other children. They're warm and snuggled. He has so many pouches and with one embrace he warms all his children at once. They love him so much but the difference between me and them is that they know him - I feel as if I'm seeing him for the first time and I can't feel any emotion nor recognition, I don't know how I'm supposed to feel - still analyzing the situation. I wonder can he tell that I'm different, will he be upset - what will he do and I feel maybe he won't mind it so much.

We're in this embrace and I'm still trying to feel something. It is warm but still I don't know him. The embrace lasts a few moments and then all the children are on a ride. The holy ones are moving us along now. I know now that all I have to do to go unnoticed is to simply copy my friends - to be like them.

We're in a large hall now - performing a kind of worship. No, not worship, it was devotion - we were devoting ourselves to the one we had just embraced. I look at the other children, their arms raised up and falling down to the ground - they spoke, I heard the sounds - it wasn't ordinary human sounds. I join in and copy them - can't just stay still. They look at me happily and I try to copy the sounds, I imagine I'm half doing it right. If I were to translate with human words - I think we were saying something like 'Praise the Lord' over and over again, happily cheering. They didn't looked to be forced into doing this, it was something they always looked forward to and no one put them up to it. I look at the children and they have this particular look about them, everything they're wearing is like a uniform and that's when I realize what that whole psychic surgery was about - they were stitching me a garment to make me look more like them and this is why so far I'm allowed to be here, otherwise I would've been booted out. My friends are genius they planned this all out so that I can stay with them there.

Suddenly we're moving out to a grand field, there's a motherly figure nearby. The children run to her and each child tenderly with an indescribable affection kiss her on her lips. I stand back, I signal to the children that I wouldn't dare go up to her - she'll catch me out instantly. The children give me a look and tell mother that we're heading out somewhere now, just going out to play.

We're all on a carriage now, suddenly we're stopped and the two horsemen get off and notice something different. They eventually approach me and there is this deadening silence coming from the children. I stay quiet. They are now right in my face - they know I'm different but they need to prove it somehow, especially now that I look exactly like those children. Then the two men start doing something really weird and funny, they whizz and changing they're form making a kind of sound in order to startle me. I just watch as though I'm confused by their odd behaviour. I know that if I open the physical eyes I will be immediately caught out - these knowings just come to me.

They give up and we're moving along now, phew - I think I'm getting really good at acting. Now we're on the ride, everyone is buckled up. This carriage is so familiar, I remember being on it before. The children are so excited and so am I. I am looking forward to this but I also know it means some kind of end to the physical reality - that where ever I'm going now there's no coming back to this reality in the way I've become accustomed to.

Everyone is moving in a direction, one by one being launched. I can't wait till it is my turn and then that moment arrives and I am not at all worried about leaving earth life behind. Something's wrong I feel I'm moving in the direction of the launch but I can feel my mind is strapped and there's the sensation of my physical body. I am telling the other children that I so want to go but someone has strapped my mind to the body and I can't leave. Why would anyone tie me up to the physical existence - I know someone is behind it and I feel it is important to tell my friends about this so they can help me. Suddenly there's a commotion stirring up regarding my lack of ability to move forward. Then many other forces are strolling by each getting a good look at me - they're trying to figure out what's wrong with me. I keep my physical eyes securely closed. I am getting really good at this acting out with the help of my new garment that they still cannot figure it out. Then the children, my friends take me to someone in order to fix this situation.

We are in a room now where there is Guru, teacher like being. He is seated on some raised platform. I immediately state that I don't need a Guru, I'm my own guru. When he sees the children there is this smile on his face, it looks really sensual. The children go to him and kiss him on the lips. There is something very sexual about this Guru. He embraces the children and they are communicating with him, then they bring him closer to where I am standing. He is inspecting me now, trying to figure out what is different about me. The children have already told him but he wants to see for himself. I still keep my eyes closed why would I want to reveal myself especially now that I've come this far.

In the physical the telephone rings - it's so annoying and loud. I accidently open my eyes and quickly close them - now that being looks at me absolutely astounded as if he had just witnessed an incredible phenomena for a fleeting moment. Dammit! - I just blew my cover. I give up and open my physical eyes revealing my condition to that Guru like being. He is bleeding through physical reality, close eyes perception is clearer. I see he is approaching me gently, now he is on top and I can feel his intention - it's like he wants to have sex but not quite for the reason ordinary people would have sex. This is some kind of process and I start to understand after a short while when the base of my spine rattles, back and soles of feet start to heat up, he is working on raising the energy that I have come to know as Kundalini.

The process is still going on even as I write this and it has been extreme since it started. I can feel the movement, there isn't any sexual arousal except that I felt ecstatic bliss rushing through legs and a few on back of neck. This morning I jolted up as ecstacy erupted through right leg. So many Kundalini symptoms too many to list right now.

New Clothes - Psychic Surgery

Woke at 1:15am but 2am gave Salvia another shot since there was this perfect silence. I transition fast with immediate perception of friends.

The Surgery
We're going shopping. There's some assistant I feel my friend asking for a completely new outfit for me. Once again I am given temporary persmission to go through certain restricted areas for what appears to be 'my kind'. There's a conveyor belt and I get this sense that we're looking for a new pair of boots. Upon further observation I see that these aren't ordinary boots that humans wear. They are actual physical human fleshy legs. I slip into a pair that seems to fit perfectly but panic. What if they don't fit so well, wouldn't there be some problem in physical. What if I end up walking strangely in physical. They are moving me faster now, we're in such a rush I don't get more time to think more about my concerns. There are more conveyor belts - I see hanging carcasses - actual human flesh and immediately realize these aren't simply bodies, they're garments. There's a really strange looking woman whose flesh is forming and binding like she's trying everything out - this is stuff that you'd think only appear in horror movies. Strangely I'm not afraid - I've moved beyond fear. They are now picking something suitable for me. I don't seem to have much of a say - I have no idea what I'm supposed to wear - feel really new to this so I leave it to the experts. Besides, I seem to have no idea why they're so interested in getting me a new outfit. Being wheeled somewhere and over me I can feel they have arranged the garment - put the parts together.

Suddenly perception of this other place is dimming - I have to get back something's about to happen so I chew remaning leaves. I can feel others around me but at the same time a new energy or force has come through. I can feel the entity of this house is being plucked like some kind of mother has come to pick her children up. They're all adamant about not leaving and point at me, that they won't leave without me. The energy observes me, they've just noticed something. I feel I am surrounded now. I get this impression, they're going to perform a kind of surgery on me. Wow a psychic surgery, I am so excited, will this heal the physical body, make it stronger maybe I'll get some kind of special ability from this. Fine, I'm ready do what you have to do.

They get working and from 3am to 7am I am awake, stay absolutely still and feel the entire procedure - very intense yet pain free. The only thing that really felt bothersome was staying still my body had compressed so much into the mattress I can feel springs pressing on my flesh. The sensations though pain free were so intense. It started with each toes being pressed repeatedly. I felt this extreme pumping of the veins, like something inside them. Pressures under feet, something pushing through. One point my entire body heated up I thought they literally set me on fire and I was actually burning. There were moments when several aeroplanes passed by in the dark sky, and the lights were so alarmingly intense and bright.

Post- Surgery
By 7am the procedure was still not complete and I couldn't sense them - didn't know if I could move or what. Moved arms slowly, grabbed salvia bowl - still a lot left. Started chewing, I want to know what's next - I really want to be able to move again. I wish they could put me to sleep if it was still not yet complee. New forces have come through, I particularly recall two men and some elders. We've just been caught and I sense that the one's performing surgery have fled. I feel so abandoned. I can't recall when but at some point, I felt to be on a stretcher, my friends were wheeling me out - hiding somehwere, so the elders don't notice. I get lost somehow in a factory where I see other beings that look like toy soldiers being prepared for something. On their foreheads they are being stamped with black ink. I am on the conveyor belt and about to get stamped. Then I'm found again being wheeled. I see there is a tunnel, we're going through, first my friends are going and then one friend stands near the threshold encouraging me to quickly get in. I move in but something is pulling me back - I want to go in but I can't I look at my friend confused and being sucked away, seperated from them I am being sucked back into physical environment.

What now? Are they just gonna leave me half done, what about my physical life? Will I end up totally crippled. I want to cry, telling the elders who are still there to let my friends complete this now. I am explaining to them that they were performing a kind of surgery on me. I so regret taking more Salvia - it is like with each new intake there's a louder sound that emits from you and others will hear you. So, by taking more at that time I created more noise and attracted forces that did not approve of what was going on.

Still the sense that I got from the two men was that they're listening to me and trying to understand me - I think the problem was I just could not understand them. Opened physical eyes and decided to just make peace with the situation. What's done is done, who knows maybe the procedure will be complete later. I became increasingly depressed after this.

It was only in my next experience that I found out that they weren't psychic surgeons but tailors - they were stitching my new garment and there is a very important reason why they had to do this.

A Friendly Change

NB: all thoughts will be italicized and conversations with quotations marks - relaying as if it is occuring in present time.

It is 9pm, I chew leaves and lay down. Shifting smoothly and this time I am allowed to pass through certain areas.

They scan me, see that I'm different and could not go through a certain point, immediately passed through where I had permission or I think they just made exception for this one time. Journey through, we're on a ride, the others next to me I know them to be my friends who have been helping me in these trips.

Moving along I'm excited but know to remain quiet if I want to avoid getting booted out.

We're somewhere now, a large room filled with these gigantic beings who look no different to humans, only there is something different. Everyone is standing, it is actually pretty noisy in here. Not sure what we're doing but observe and I simply copy my friends - need to act like them so I blend in to some degree.

They are practicing a dance move. Each being is waving the left arm watching carefully a realization comes to me - that movement is collapsing worlds, ending worlds it is like this is what apocalypse is - the destruction of a world. Then they wave right arm and now there is a creation of another world, the construction phase. Amazing wow, wait till I get back to physical. So this is what is going on Earth - the world is ending but there will be something new. How many worlds are there. Stay quiet you're making too much noise. I think they're starting to glance in my direction. Quickly taken out of there. My friends and I are now buckled up on a carriage like going on a roller coaster ride. The carriage moves on the tracks. I feel good to be with them, so excited and looking forward to our next trip - wow just how much more is there to see? Remain quiet - this silence is so important.

Suddenly whilst carriage is in motion one side where my friends are seated is seperated and moving in another direction. I look back wanting to reach out to them. Very afraid, what's happening this is not meant to happen, what am I to do without them, now I'm really lost. I see on my carriage there are still a few of my friends but they can't do anything other than cling to me.

Someone is coming through, I feel them and then see them. They at first look like a bunch of teenage boys. I have just been hijacked, I think one of them is familiar maybe the boy who tried to run away with my house in another experience. I feel like I'm in this position where they have the upper hand and I'd have to follow their orders. They look at me curiously, trying to figure something out. The boy is pointing saying that I am that person they've been talking about. I seem to have built up a fanbase - the last thing I want is attention, espcecially from these lot.

They want to play with me and I just want to travel with my friends. I don't think they want to play with me over there, instead they're more interested in coming to the physical environment and playing with me there. I open eyes and they have bled through my room so much that I am seeing two worlds entwined, when I open my physical eyes they can see physical environment. Suddenly I see that older bearded men have now joined the party. I really don't want to play with these guys, I have become already so bored of them. They want me to do something - I know they want me to masturbate. I tell them I will not do anything they ask me, they're starting to inspect my room. I know they're up to something, they are formulating a plan for me. I know I need to distract them and do what they've asked of me in order to divert their attention.

A short while later, I'm so pissed. How dare they, and how comes they get permission to hijack me and yet I'm not allowed to go through certain points? Just what is the meaning of all this? I thought the other side would be all spiritual and good, I am learning otherwise.

There's still some more soaked Salvia left - this time just after 10pm I state an intention: my intention is to meet all those who are interested in my growth and development and wish to support me. Those who are not interested in my growth and development I ask you kindly to leave now.

I shift and am quickly amongst friends travelling in some field where I'm just touring, but it is all so familiar. I feel I am hanging out with this person I think a male or perhaps neither, a very good friend of mine. We're moving about and he tells me if I've heard about this girl creating so much commotion and then he takes me to her place and shows me what is going on.

There's a group of boys, barking like dogs and cheering, they are on top of a house - a bunch of horndogs humping the house, rocking back and forth. They're like loose wild animals, they need to be caged or something. Me and my friend move to them to get a closer look as soon as I get there I feel something that feels familiar to me. Uh oh - that girl is me. Now I see they're sexually manipulating me and no doubt having a good time. Ugh those rascals! just wait till I get back. I am kind of embarrassed with some of my actions but my friend does not judge me, instead he is telling me about an intricate plan - it is something that hasn't ever been performed by him. I'm listening, we went somewhere deeper - I think he's taking me somewhere but I can't go beyond the threshold. There's physical noise sucking me back to Earth environment.

Slowly I am back in physical and feel energy column near spine and other sensations, these sensations are not sexually stimulating me. I know it is my friend, performing that change we agreed on.

Monday, 14 February 2011

The Many Salvia Induced Experiences

From Sunday night I have had many experiences with Salvia and have gone far beyond anything I could have ever imagined or dreamed of.

These are going to be some really long posts so I'm seperating them but each is entertwined and leads to the next experience.

Saturday, 12 February 2011

Bliss, Entity Movement and Dreams

Yesterday watching TV and a few shows that haven't seen before I have had this amazing ability to just figure out what will occur next - in a whodunnit murder mystery show I instantly figured out whodunnit.

Last night slept late and witnessed intense sexual energy - stuff that may have been going on for past few days but I've been sleeping through them and then awakening after the height of the experience around 2am, bliss up spine and head pulled or something.

Massages, caresses that were like spasms, tremors, rocking back and forth - it was most strongest last night. Did not give in to urges but the bliss in the spine brought tears to my eyes.

Dreamt the beings were bleeding through walls in sketches - interestingly yesterday in phone camera changed style of certain photos to sketched to enhance faces embedded in them. I think they use quite a lot of physical reality stuff as reference to my dreams. In the dream they moved a lot - one point my sisters see them and are stunned.

From yesterday on ceiling I can see several faces - only the head, rocking back and forth as if making love to the ceiling and their movement is in sync with the energy wave around my legs. I still think everything is related to Kundalini but I am experincing it in a new way, though something tells me there's more to it than just Kundalini.

Friday, 11 February 2011


I am always awakened at 2am with that throbbing energy - feels like pulsing waves and I'm starting to get really dizzy. The entities still continue to seduce me but I think their intentions are a little different - perhaps that sexual energy has some other significance. Last night they were extreme, it's like they're breaking through to the point where they might be able to lift me up inside this earth realm. That is a scary thought considering how I don't trust them at all, nor my judgement. When I awakened in the physical they were so clearly above me looking down at me - the throbbing energy calmed down a bit.

By 3am I gave in to the urges- I told them that I won't be doing this ever again but it's the only thing that is letting me sleep. I fall asleep and awaken at 5am again they are so clearly visible.

By 6:45am I fell asleep again but I can't even recall having closed my eyes. Had dreams related to life here on earth. In one dream I am shopping with my sister and she's looking for a bottle of oil which she had already bought. She wants to get 300ml but I tell her about the bottle she already purchased and asked wouldn't it be better to finish that before buying another. I'm looking at another counter and there's a massive bottle with oil but not the oil she's looking for. The shop assistant tells me it's 500ml. I tell her it isn't - that looks more like 1.5ltr. Then I'm in some other state being told about lucid dreams and one sentence I remember clearly is 'These anomalies in dreams are there to wake you up, make you lucid' I've always known this, so it was nothing new interesting to hear it in my mind. Then I hear another sentence 'It is true - there is a second self, the main self, the true self.' That's when I know it's the entities - they're in my head, scanning everything stored in there. The second self - that was a reference from The Ringing Cedars book. Pissed that they're going through my head possibly manipulating me I wake up again seeing them clearly.

Interestingly every sensations and symptoms I'm getting now is Kundalini related only I seem to be experiencing a little differently than usual - I feel their actions causing these sensations. I felt them touching inside my head, feet fluttering and spasms over legs and the most obvious spine movements especially at the base of the spine.

Now I know how they changed my perception, when I close my eyes I see there shadowy forms above me. Experimenting I lay down and it was like they're bending over me, and sitting down same thing occurs - almost as though I'm in another place, in this other place I'm lying down whether I'm walking here in this physical environment or sitting down. Like this world is some sort of coma dream.

I recall once (a memory of this earth life) being at the brink of death above me forming images of people looking down at me - I hear a woman saying if I can see them to nod and I nod a little - and I knew I was in the hospital bed and the woman was one of the nurses. It is just like that - waking up from sleep.

Starting to piece things together, I get this sense that the real me is asleep, unconscious somewhere and this me here is a projection coming from that real self.

I think the others are hinting at something - that this reality I percieve as real and solid is about to get very strange. Still wary of them, I find it difficult to believe any of this simply because I don't trust them.

At The Gates of Heaven

Yesterday morning another trip with Salvia - I was looking forward to have direct contact with what I've labelled Beloved.

Immediately these others in the room come through - there's a row of women and they end up on the left wall beside me. Above are larger faces of various women. The ones on the left begin to rock back and forth - they masturbating but not quite. They're signalling they want me to do that and then I panicked - just who was I dealing with here. I've heard of succubis and incubis - could these lot be these parasites.

I was torn apart what was that other feeling I got last - that caring feeling of belonging and warmth radiating from a certain presence. Covered my face with the duvet and tell them I won't do what they're asking me to do. So wrong in so many ways. I want these entities to leave, how can I make them leave. Finally they start leaving but then others enter - right above me gently starting to stimulate me and that pulsing wave feeling is them, but they're faces are about to fade. I'm wary of these entities - I don't trust anyone, not even my own judgement.

A few more leaves left decide to finish off and find out exactly what is going on not that I can ever trust what I think is going on - so easy to misconceive these experiences.

I lay back down and relax - there's a signal and the others are going somewhere. I'm with them - it seems only they know the direction. I have no idea where we are headed. There's a person scanning the others before we can enter through - the others get a pass, then it's my turn and I know I need to silence my thoughts. I stay as blank as I possibly could but a little nervous. I pass and get so excited.

Then there's one more gate - the others get a pass and I'm now extremely nervous but again I try my best. The person scans me and shakes his head - the scanner detects I'm the odd one out. The others all look at me - I read their expressions, none of them can go through without me. One man looks at me - he is obviously displeased. I ask 'What did I do wrong?' No reply, we're moving away now and I percieve to be back in the room - the others have spread out across the walls and ceiling in every inch of my bedroom. There's so many of them and I know most of them alone do not fit in the room. It's like I'm part of this group and they certainly aren't allowed to leave me behind.

I was effected by a huge wave of depression. What was that gate? The gate to heaven, it looked rather ordinary - nothing at all special. I told them 'If God and his heaven is beyond that gate tell him I hate him and I especially hate you lot and this really stupid life. I hate everything! now piss off and get out of my room'. Even after 30 minutes of weeping they remained in the surrounding atmosphere, they were still sexually stimulating me. That wave of energy is constantly on.

Thursday, 10 February 2011

Crystal Clear Lucid Dream

This is the most crystal clear lucid dream I've ever had - prior to it there were a series of other dreams that I'll relay first because they too were very vivid.

At first it was just visuals as I relaxed deeply - dreams of strangers and unknown situations, they lasted a short time because I kept snapping out but amazed that it was occurring instantly.

Pre-Lucid Dreams
I'm on a chair, in front of me is my nan on an arm chair curled up under a duvet. Suddenly a cat jumps out and runs off. My nan looks shocked and asks me how that cat got there. I laugh finding it so funny. I'm smiling at her when suddenly I hear her making a weeping sound. I go to her and ask if everything is okay. She tells me that she's been feeling a lot of pain like her heart about to give out and all the medication she is taking is making her sick. I tell her she ought to get checked out by doctor. I read her expression, her face is saying Who's gonna take me to the doctors. Nobody loves me, I'm so alone in this world. She then tells me about the problems with her gums and scene changes.

I'm upstairs - hear people screaming, there's a major fight going on downstairs. I storm to the living. There I see my nan trying to hold my mum down who has clearly gone mad, my dad is standing near fireplace shouting at her but looking frightened at the same time. My mum wants to kill him. To the right is my cousin and his dad and other unknown people. I am pissed they're are just sitting there doing nothing - what's wrong with these people. I grab her and pull her upstairs trying to calm her down. I tell her to relax, to get some sleep and we'll talk about this later. She suddenly straightens up 'I don't have time to sleep, I've got things to do' and walks off. I am alarmed by her behaviour.

The Lucid Part
I go back in the living room, uncle, cousin and a stranger present. Then I begin to wonder when my uncle got here as he was living abroad and I wasn't told he'll be visiting. Plus it has been an incredibly strange evening and then it hits me - I'm dreaming. After that realization the dream does not fade at all if anything it is even clearer. I tell all that this is a dream, I go in the centre of the room running on one spot dancing like crazy because I'm so happy with how clear this dream is. I feel spontaneous and show everyone my kung fu moves.

I'm just acting crazy paying no attention to my audience. After my crazy stunts I tell the stranger 'Hey, do you know this is a dream?' He looks at me like I've completely lost my mind. I hit his arm and he flinches. Wow that was so real, so solid feeling. I touch his arms pressing them all the while telling them 'Wow, all this is so solid, so life like.'

Maybe I should do something that would leave these guys stunned. I tell them to watch carefully place both hands as if holding a ball and think of a blue glowing energy ball sparkling with electricity. I concentrate but it is difficult - don't want to waste time impressing the others. I walk out looking at everyone one last time thinking wow, so cool!

I want to go upstairs to see if anyone else is in the house as I see a light turned on, but I've hit a dead end where the dream fades and I hear a voice telling me about this movie called 'Little John'. I think I remember a movie like that and then I'm thrown in a scene of that movie that pretty much sums up the entire plot. Across from where I'm observing there are little people on giant staircase, there are large giant books on the steps. Then a giant woman walks down and sees the little people thinking they are toys. She grabs them and without seeing the rest of the movie I sum up what occurs next. She discovers they are real and living and not toys, she befriends them and they befriend her. In the end they live happily ever after in harmony with each other. I'm saying to the voice 'this is the best movie ever.'

I have more dreams but external sound disrupts my sleep and I wake up. My ceiling spotlight looks to be breathing - expanding slightly and then contracting. I realize the physical reality that I perceive to live here is also a dream and I think I'm starting to get very lucid in this dream.

I think these dreams may have occurred more naturally, smoothly without effort on my part due to the psychic brain surgery I had recently.

Life Source

Yesterday afternoon napped - there was again that wild coursing energy that has no intention to leave. So aroused and unable to sleep at all I relieved myself and then drifted off, phew!

The energy intensified and I felt it inside touching all parts - maybe working on something but to me now they feel like carresses. I'm alarmed awake from lack of oxygen, there is a complete cessation of breath and I'm trying to suck in some air until I realize I cannot breathe. I can feel there are others - look to right side of bedroom and I see that there's an audience present. I read the expression of one person - he is saying 'She still thinks breathing keeps her alive'. He said it as though it was one of my biggest delusions. Still I'm struggling for some air and then I feel the energy throbbing inside and my blood is rushing with my heart pounding against my chest.

Last night had difficulty sleeping, woke at 2am from a very vivid situation where again there was an audience and they where whispering amongst each other - can't recall details. I could not sleep at all and there was that incredible sexual energy. Fidgeting about until at around 6am I wanted to just scream. Gave into the tension thinking it would tire me and I'd fall asleep. Interestingly I have discovered that when I do dissipate the energy, the process makes the energy flutter at the soles of my feet and rushes up legs following full legnth of spine. For a while now with an increase of this energy I've been feeling this pulsing wave rippling from head to toe, sometimes it spins in a twirl and feels like some energy field.

At 6:45am I was still awake just about giving up any hope for sleep when suddenly I drifted off and had the most amazingly crystal clear lucid dream unlike any other dreams.

Wednesday, 9 February 2011

Divine Beloved and the Demon

I have figured out that presence I've been aware of lately is the Divine Beloved - there has been quite some mention of this in spiritual texts and you can never really understand it until it simply shows up. Its madness is intoxicating and slowly you start to lose yourself in its graceful presence.

Sleeping has been replaced with yearning and pining after it - amazing how you can yearn for something that is so near, there is virtually no distance.

Last night I asked the Beloved to make more of direct contact with me - despite feeling its presence I need something more tangible - I want to feel it more completely. The sexual stimulation is all good but how about a kiss from the Beloved?

Finally slept and awakened from a dream where I'm weaving into other states of beingness that I can't describe. I thought it would be about 5am as I felt completely refreshed - surprised to see it was only 1:15am at that moment I knew I was not going to sleep at all.

The sexual energy playing, I tried each time to relax and give in to sleep and by 4am I was starting to doze off. Immediately there was sensations in the head - the surgeons are operating again. Drilling and chainsaw sounds with buzzing in head region, it was tolerable. Then I started to see with another eye images of oil paintings - portraits of people. Old men, women so many portraits flashing by. Then it changes to pictures of birds, of all varieties. I didn't understand any of it so I simply labelled everything that occurred so I don't get lost in the images. Suddenly a face emerged, large face with extraordinary big eyes. The face was of a man made of cracked pieces of mirrors and in the cracks there was a bluish light glowing. I thought maybe this is the face Beloved has chosen, I was afraid to look at it any longer for fear of losing myself in its eyes.

Then the paintings once again reappear and the surgery continues until suddenly there is silence and I feel like I have just woken up physically in bed. There is a voice that sounds like it is coming from a TV, then another singing voice. I think I hear the voice singing 'there's a demon in the room'. I panic. Where? I'm looking all over, raise my hands and try to show it that I have more power here. I say 'I banish all evil - get out of here, you don't know who you're messing with' - LOL! I feel a little calm now until my arms start to move spontaneously. Hands are feeling each arm - I didn't will my hands to make these movements. The movements feel so light - like all the weight had been taken off.

The hands begin to feel my breast and press against my belly and that's when I realize the demon is inside me. It is taking control over my body. It has got to the point where it is controlling the movements of my head. I start to panic and try to willfully move myself. I start to scream inside telling it that this is my body only I control it - get out! I try to shake the demon out but it has possessed me so completely forcing my arms down by my side resting on the back - it has paralyzed me entirely. I try to scream but words don't come out. I know family members are going to find me squirming to move - I try to practice to say the word 'possessed' just so they can get an idea of what is occurring here and they can call a priest to exorcise this demon out of me.

I start to cry and plead 'I don't want to be possessed'. Try to shake myself once again, this time it releases me and I wake up. That was so unbelievably vivid. I thought about it and realized that was no demon and the only thing that was controlling me was fear. I have been aware of these states before - one occurred recently prior to this which I wrote about in Ecstatic Massage and I understood it was Beloved. How could I have been so confused?

I tried to relax once again, drifting off I felt the duvet move and there was a soft pressure on my lips. My Beloved had come to grant my wish for a kiss. It was gentle and beautiful - I was drowning and lost inside it.

Tuesday, 8 February 2011

The One and Only by a Single Line

The One and Only by a Single Line

This picture is part of a private collection of the Trinity- Sergiev Monastery, Russia. I came across it reading Book 2 Ringing Cedars of Russia by Vladimir Megre. In the book Anastasia mentions something significant and how it has something to tell people. So, I thought this morning's Salvia trip will be about this image. I really want to figure it out. I knew somehow it had to do with seeing faces. His face was suddenly alive. Two faces emerged from the top of his head near the thorned vine, they moved about looking at me - they were two girls. Then more beings on the sides of his hair moving about slightly. I focused on the blood oozing out from thorns and then the main face in the middle - the face of Jesus it was strangely still yet moving. I wanted him to speak - to give me the message.

Surely there can't be silence, why doesn't he move his mouth or make some movement - it is just parts of his image that are moving. Maybe I need to chew a bit more even though the effects weren't wearing off. I chewed and once again waited - but nothing more than what I had previously seen and suddenly as if watching the whole time that presence makes a move.

This time I trusted it, no fear on my part. I can feel it getting stronger as if getting up. It embraced me and all I felt was warmth. There was immediate sexual stimulation. I lay down and relaxed - the presence isn't alone, there are others like it. All preparing for a trip, we're going somewhere. I close eyes and we are moving to unknown places I am trying to make sense then I realize I have to be quiet - the place we are going to there has to be complete silence from me.

We're buckling up, I get the impression the others are wearing seat belts. The presence continues to embrace me lovingly and I hear from the others asking it if it is ready to go. We're moving now on some kind of vehicle and I'm very silent.

Then there's background physical noise and the vehicle stops moving. The others are looking in my direction. They have to stop the ride now because of the noise coming from physical. I didn't feel it was my fault I was quiet the whole time. The presence has wrapped itself around me as though I were a prized possession.

The other beings are now hovering above in my bedroom on the ceiling. As always these others are always stunned by my awareness of them. Then the presence holding me tells them something - and gently starts to stimulate me sexually. Wow, they seem completely shameless mostly because this energy means something else to them and this open public display is a little awkward for me but I have come to realize anything we think we do in private is being watched by many. We have an audience in whatever we do.

The faces started to dim down, I wasn't done yet I still wanted to understand them. I started chewing remaining leaves and see the contours of their face return and they are moving. This time I noticed they realized that I'm not permanently aware of them to this degree having seen that I needed the leaf to induce this state. I can hear them now they're speaking but with sound - not actual words - a echo vibrating difficult to describe kind of sound. I am being signalled by presence to relax. I feel them excited and cheering. Closed eyes I see little people - they're surgeons. They're planning to operate on me.

They are carrying me with them, we're checking out other people - they feel like real living people going about ordinary routine. They're scanning brains and find one they are looking for - they make a copy or something and replace the front part of my brain with it. I feel the tactile sensations of this surgery but interestingly it is completely painless - yet there is pressure.

I think they're trying to make this perception more permanent - they certainly have made some changes. Open eyes and my sight feels clearer like everything is sharper and intense. Then lay down again and still there's more work in that part being done - not complete yet and I haven't noticed anything else yet. My perception of their movement has closed but I think it is a matter of acclimating slowly to the changes.

Amazingly the physical severe pain that plagued me since yesterday has stopped.

I think the most amazing impact of this experience is that I feel so loved and I started to understand why certain relationships just died down, why I couldn't just commit myself to any of these relationships - it is like I have been seeking for The One and Only looking in all the wrong places when all along The One and Only has always been with me.

Monday, 7 February 2011

Sexual Energy and Earth Documentary

That play of sexual energy was present throughout yesterday - it was only when lying down in bed that it was highly sexual - out of bed I feel like I am in love, with who or what I don't know. I'm simply in love. Suddenly I would sigh and then relaxing the back of my neck near spine would tingle with ecstacy.

I napped at 2:45pm until 3:30pm and the sexual energy was particularly intense and I had to relieve myself and even that was filled with ecstacy beyond anything I've ever experienced. I felt waking up an urgent communication telling me to stay still a while longer. Last night the sexual energy was at such a heightened state it was a miracle that I didn't do anything about it.

Fell asleep and awakened at 2:30am the entire physical body throbbing. Back in bed impossible to sleep - that energy was raging yet still I didn't give in to the urges. I was told that it's going to take a while longer - whatever this 'it' was 'it' was almost there. I felt expansions in reproductive organs, upward spinal movements everything related to Kundalini, chakras and sexual madness. At 4am I was finally able to relax, closed eyelids. There was a charge in the back of my head in the brain. Eyelids became transparent and I was staring at the moving faces on the ceiling, they were quiet but moving slowly across the ceiling, bearded old men. I let the brain charge build up and then an audio recording started to play in my head and it seemed really important.

A male voice speaking - here are stuff that I recall:

3300 hours - I felt this was the length of this audio or that it was telling me something about earth time
- unknown name was spoken but I have forgotten it, while hearing it I kept insisting that I remember this
- I heard something about Earth and its direction
- got a visual of Earth and taking a tour - being revealed formation phase, I kept thinking if there was some sort of catastrophe that bought Earth to this stage
- a mention of numbers only two I recall is 17 and 18 something significant about these

I think it was so hard to recall because the audio would skip certain words and sentences. This could be because of several things: a) The audio recording is slightly damaged b) My brain cannot yet compute efficiently and so needs training or rewiring c) My vocabulary is limited and so certain words skipped.

The audio finally scrambles and I know I can scan it again but also know that if I do my brain might get fried so I smoothe out of it.

Now I understand what that sexual energy is and how we as human beings have totally misused it. This sexual energy has a purpose - it is like we are biological computers and that sexual energy is our electricity - the fuel that makes us function. I also knew that that audio recording was in a universal language, meaning a chinese speaker will hear it in chinese and english speakers will hear it in english. I think these recordings are in every human beings but I don't yet understand their significance.

The whole day I have been feeling so weak, head thrashing in pain body severely aching.

Sunday, 6 February 2011

Presence and Sexual Activity

No longer recording how much Salvia I take.

Last night had relatives over, nieces and nephews, sis-in-law and nan - they're all very loud and noisy people but I wanted to see what will occur in a situation like this.
Chew the balled up leaves and I feel atmosphere is a little different because it is taking much longer. I think I have new visitors they probably don't realize my association with Salvia.

Suddenly there is small movement - a middle aged woman about 10cm in height looking at me with this amazed bedazzled look on her face. They make me feel like I'm some kind of extraordinary phenomena.

There are other people same size squirming through like ordinary people from under the drawer - I can tell they just came from the neighbouring houses. The first woman whispers into the ears of her neighbour and I know she is saying something about me - how rude! I can read her expressions she is saying something about me but also something they need to do. They are saying how they want to tell all the neighbours about me At first I thought by neighbours they meant actual physical neighbours and then realized that it's their neighbouring entities and I'm thinking whoa I don't want to be one of those mediums having to do readings for dead people.

I look up and the shadow playing off the light fixing is moving - splitting apart. I can hear relatives speaking and as they speak the little man of the light fixing is voicing them. When they speak it speaks exact words flowing out, then I hear sis-in-law yelling out to one of her kids and he voices her - it's funny but also a little creepy, almost as though he runs the show - I mean he knows exactly what they're saying. Strangely after her yelling he expresses an emotion of disgust and cringing saying 'Ugh I hate it when she yells' - he's playing me, that's how I express myself when my sis-in-law yells - it literally makes me cringe. I feel like this little shadow guy is taunting me.

I look down at the people on the carpet and the 2 whispering women look at me still chatting away. They look at me and suddenly they squirm backwards as if they've seen a ghost and that's when I feel it. A presence right behind me looming over growing - the 2 women flee. I look up and the little guy is making sexual noise, he sounds and looks like he is masturbating. As the presence continues to loom over - I feel two large pillar beings folding over me as I relax - all carpet entities have frozen - the little shadow guy tormenting me is now fortunately silent. Racy heartbeat, those little beings gave me the suspicion that this presence is dangerous - even I have felt that way myself in previous experiences which is why I avoid trying to look at it. It seems even though it is there I wouldn't be able to see it - I seem to mostly feel it. Soon it is just above me where there are no particular faces.

I don't even want to figure out what it is - dangerous seems to be enough of a description for now. Suddenly I feel this force coming down and there is genital movement with sexual stimulation. I think whoa maybe this is all just my wild imagination. There is a small face of a boy on left wall looking at exactly where I'm seeing the presence and then it looks at me. Other entities are all there but being very quiet. I feel like they've abandoned me, leaving me alone with that presence that I am very uncertain about.

Decide to finish remaining leaves try to get the other entities to unfreeze and try to read through their impressions - maybe they can tell me something about this presence. Then I feel like I'm being carried somewhere, two middle aged looking women hover through the ceiling - large in size filling up the entire ceiling. Again looking at me like some kind of phenomena, I can tell the one introducing me is seeking praise from them. I feel like I'm some kind of pet - I've never felt so unbelievably confused my entire life. I try to play along - what more can I do? I hear background noise and this annoys me. They see this agitation and the women seem a little taken aback. I lay down close eyes and pretend to sleep and I can feel them and their curiosity - they are more curious of me then I am of them. I can't help it and suddenly laugh opening my eyes - my acting skills are so terrible. If I were an actress I simply wouldn't be one because 90% of the time I'd be having fits from laughing so much.

They move away and all appears quiet now, effects have worn off so I turn lamp off. I close eyes and immediately there is sexual stimulation, incredible movements and inner caresses. I can feel that presence is still above me - not on top but above. Then I look to the ceiling and see several faces - their mouths are sucking and blowing and I know they are causing the sexual stimulation. I don't want to think of the worse so I'm not thinking what you probably are thinking right now, but I feel completely betrayed. I don't even trust that Kundalini energy anymore for it too has stimulated me sexually many times. Maybe I am judging this occurrence too soon, perhaps I'm just not understanding it. So I go into it, be as allowing as I could just so I could understand it - I see their faces - they are moving so rapidly but then there's one face and I tell it to freeze. I want to see that face and try to understand why it's so familiar and I start to feel something I can't describe.

Suddenly whatever is occurring feels alright only because of that one face. Besides it's not like they're are hurting me if anything I have never ever felt so ecstatic.

Saturday, 5 February 2011

Ecstatic Massage

Two hours after Wild Inner Child dream I drift off to sleep once more.

First I dream of a woman on youtube sharing an experience she has on reality folding around her - she is describing the experience live as it occurs. I'm so happy that she is having this experience - I know exactly what she is referring to. She gets up at some point and I see she is wearing a long black dress with 2 slits on each side revealing her legs.

Suddenly aware of being in bed in PR and my arms are raised up. I don't recall lifting them, put them down immediately feeling wrapped with another being inside controlling movement. I feel cold air, looking down I see the body is half naked.

I feel legs raising up - really feel that I'm about to levitate and I try to encourage this movement. It feels like I'm applying too much effort so I simply let go not applying my own agenda. I look to the right. There's a ghost form covered under bed sheets looking down at me. No panic just awareness. I look away and back again - it's still there. Arms are moving - legs bent now. My hands move down pressing on leg muscles - I'm being massaged, not with hands but ecstacy. I feel warm and complete - I don't want this to ever end but I'm groaning so much that eventually I'm going to get louder and my sister who decided to stay over last night in room adjacent to mine will hear me and so I asked this play of energy to slow down, there's a time for this - now was not it.

Had to shake it off - but found that I was flung out of bed sinking similar to in APs. I saw the ghostly form once more and reached out to it, need to get back to the body - if I leave it I know the process will continue. Back in bed silent and still with the aftertaste of ecstacy.

Wild Inner Child

Prior to this dream I dreamt of being around old friends where I'm being that spontaneous person I completely forgot I once was - we all are playing and exploring. At some point come across some trees that look grafted - I touch it to feel the texture, feels like it is very alive - call friends over to check it out. Then more dreams until in the final episode I meet unexpressed emotions.

In the last scene there's a child a lot like nephew N almost 6 years old- he is gone wild, attacking me in every possible way he could. I'm somewhat afraid of what this child is capable of.

I grab him and hold him down until he makes no movement and I think I bound him up somehow. Turn away and I'm cooking something - looks like fish egg all the while glad that I tamed that demonic child. It acted like it was possessed by some form of evil. Just shaking off some horrible feelings I got from it - traumatising.

I go to check on him, but he's nowhere to be seen. Look at the floor - there are some fabrics and sewing material, a piece of cloth that I did not stitch (in reality y'day was doing some hand sewing). It is burgundy - I know it was made by the child - there's a paper template of this cloth and on it is writing in red ink and I thought 'Of course, the demon writes in red'. On it is written 'You see, people like me...are free'.

Then I feel I am getting telepathic visual message where I see the child with his grandmother and others - he is acting normal, like a saint. He tells me that with others he will act good and well behaved but with me he will be different. Not sure if this is a threat - certainly feels like it.

I woke up finding no relief gasping for air with a racing heartbeat - the dream was so traumatising I thought if dreams carry on like this I'll never sleep. Then decided to really start communicating with this inner child - to heal it and comfort it. No doubt more for my benefit - if I heal this child then I won't have to worry about these nightmares.

Then I had a sudden realization and it came from the message in the writing. The inner child is perfection and trying to heal and comfort it was simply for my own selfishness. I was trying to conform the child by binding it to my rules. The child is free - I told this inner child to never change itself for anyone - always be free and regardless of its attributes I will love it fully. I also asked that it continue to make itself heard, I am listening and fully allowing it to express itself as it wants to.

Friday, 4 February 2011

Eye Contact and Raised Garden

I'm paying particular attention to dreams that break sleep which occurs between 2am - 5am. At these times dreams are very vivid.

Eye Contact
Inside a cabin - a man has been mutilated. I know he made eye contact with some kind of evil that took control over his body. Then I see a woman outside - I can tell before the man died he made eye contact with her. Whatever was in him is now in her and I make every attempt to avoid contact but she is after me now. At some stage she is chopping up her own body parts but they reassemble somehow. We get into some kind of battle. I think I fail somehow and am seated behind her knowing it is safe as long as I don't let her make eye contact. We are surrounded by an army of people. To the left I see parents (not PR parents). I gesture to them not to make eye contact with her. It seems they want to banish her.

- This dream has some connection with Kundalini process. Dismemberment is one common theme occuring amongst Kundalites and Shamans, so according to this it means that I was resistant to one of the most seemingly violent part of the process. I don't mind it at all but why does it have to come in the form of a rather horrific nightmare, unless the reaction was mostly from ego? I hope to be more allowing next time. These dreams are very different from the majority of dreams I've had in past - somehow the atmosphere has changed.

Raised Garden
I'm in the garden - see mum and brother trying to wind some rope all the way from one end of neighbours garden to another part. I'm high up - they've managed to pile up soil and raise garden so that it looks like a hill. See strawberry vines down side of the slope - I think about picking some since they look just about ripe. I walk down but skid down fast - the slope is too steep. Look at neighbours garden and notice that they too have raised their garden only it is at a perfect level so that you can walk down that hill with balance. We just need to level our hill to match theirs I think. I then consider how having steps on the side made of wood would look nice and be more comfortable. With my bare feet I'm digging some soil and notice white worms with spikes sticking out of their flesh.

- I have some general idea on what the message is in this dream. I'm not balanced - most likely to do with grounding. The hill seems symbolic of something - ground that I walk on meaning environment or is it simply referring to the body. Then there's the strawberry and the worms and I'm getting nothing else at the moment.

Thursday, 3 February 2011

Angry Dreams

Dreamt that a little kid was hitting me, this child was annoying me so much I got really seriously angry. The dream weaved into another scene, not sure about the meaning and I have a really fragmented recall - it involved my eldest sister and her bro-in-law's wife, some association with jealousy there between them.

So it looks like the dreams have moved up a scale - from fear to anger. I get awakened from these dreams now mostly after 4am around which time I notice in PR shadows and light flickering in surrounding atmosphere letting me know that I'm not alone.

Last night was quite intense as I lay in bed, eyes still open a shadow from left wall started to move closer trying to cover field of vision on left side. It wasn't too startling but when I tried to get a look at it immediately it'd shrink. There were also lots of lights flashing in lines and spots.

Wednesday, 2 February 2011

Face of Fear

This morning I woke from this nightmare where once again my fears were challenged. In the dream I'm looking through a keyhole, inside the room is a bed or a chair on which a girl is seated. I get a clearer look at her face and parts a missing like falling of - near mouth area. I find this alarming, panic - it's so beyond zombie like horror.

I quickly run inside somewhere - shut door. There's a very unusual lock. It is a motor like device - I have to spin it so that the lock operates. I look at lock carefully while spinning - the inner lock part stretches and completely barricades door. Nothing can possibly be more secure than this lock.

Then I feel it, a presence coming. Banging on the door - somehow it opens. And instead of the deformed girl there's a dracula who looks more like a wannabe to me. He looks like he's wearing a halloween costume and not actual dracula. Despite his fake appearance I scream and try to run away as he raises his cloak and roars at me.

The Shamanic Schizophrenic

An incredibly enlivening view on schizophrenia

The Tour

Maybe less than 4g of Salvia was chewed in the morning - I'm surprised that I went very deep as initially when effects kicked in I thought I really didn't take enough - forgetting that it's not the power in Salvia that makes it work.

I should lay back down but my curiosity keeps me up staring at the carpet - I'm so fascinated by these beings in the surrounding. The world around me keeps getting more and more mysterious, every mystery feels like a wonderful breath of fresh air.

On the carpet it looks like a scene is playing out - there are so many people forming a round circle. The building is moving - maybe earth vibration? The ride is moving? Are they on a train or something, or a ferry - it seems they are on some high up platform. They all have their faces turned in my direction. I wonder if we're going somewhere I lay down expecting the unexpected.

Lay down and close eyes - this is the moment where I think effects might be wearing off. Suddenly I feel these columns of energy moving and scanning the physical body. I open eyes and feel presence around me. Look to the right side - carpet, walls etc have intensified with beings activity. I can see their eye balls litterally opening within the surrounding. There's a row of people walking across (on carpet), they each pause to look at me. Some of them smiling, and some of them were looking at me astounded. This astonishment worked both ways. I can tell that some have this human presence about them - like they were once human. Others moved all around the room as if they're seeing this atmosphere for the first time and that's when it hit me, that these lot are like tourists.

Their attention wasn't fully on me, a majority of them were observing all the many objects in the room with absolute fascination. My room - really my life felt like this museum piece and these others were on a tour viewing this earth environment. I felt embarrased, my room was in a terrible cluttered state. In my point of view I was a really boring museum piece - yet these others are in awe of my messed up room.

Maybe these others are always here and most of them have probably already witnessed the many dramas of my life. What is this life - a tv show? I recall also feeling background noise and it felt like they were touching it and a part of the brain or mind felt like it was touched. Some of them move near the computer at which point I'm a bit wary of these visitors. I lay back down look near window - more visitors. I make a statement that they're free to be here but nobody is allowed to even consider taking control over my body.

I get up and feel I am a walking magnet of sorts - this is the only way I can clearly describe what occurs energetically. Walk around the house trying to get used to walking aware of this field of energy. They're all over the house. Back in the room I look at my hands and there are faces peering out, then down at my feet - more faces. Even now as I write this their impressions are everywhere.

It's a fascinating experience, and maybe I haven't adequately described it as it goes some things you really do need to experience in order to understand. Yet the experience has left behind the fact that there is one mystery I have yet to understand. That big question that not many have the time to ask and go into deeply - WHO AM I?