Woke at around 2:30am - did some revision which made me sleepy.
In the relaxation suddenly head /brain feels being chomped on, eyes closed throughout. Struggle to open eyes - presence of others. Weird paranoid feeling parasites chomping on brain bits.
Electrical brain charge intense in left brain side
have been stressed past few days
eventually opened eyes
hand near certain body part - weird
breathing cessation
body rocking - woke up feeling somewhat normal
Wednesday 27 February 2013
Sunday 17 February 2013
Hemi Sync Weekly Update
11/02/2013 - Advanced F10
Listened to the audio, feeling too lazy to go through prep steps on my own. REBAL feels light yet solid there is that similar bouncy feeling that I have had near legs since Salvia which is also strongly present in head most of the times if I remain still and quiet. Relaxed deeply and eventually zoned out it was almost like a click out but partial.
13/02/2013 - F10 without audio
By the time I got to the REBAL I just could not relax, mostly mentally which also applied some tension near my head region. My intention for todays session was a direct connection with the older wiser part of my self. I think if I am to do this without guidance I need to start small perhaps focus on relaxing the body and mind. I have thought about using hemi-sync 'Opening the Heart' but have this strong feeling doing so will open up Pandora's box rather than the heart so I am leaving it for now.
Listened to the audio, feeling too lazy to go through prep steps on my own. REBAL feels light yet solid there is that similar bouncy feeling that I have had near legs since Salvia which is also strongly present in head most of the times if I remain still and quiet. Relaxed deeply and eventually zoned out it was almost like a click out but partial.
13/02/2013 - F10 without audio
By the time I got to the REBAL I just could not relax, mostly mentally which also applied some tension near my head region. My intention for todays session was a direct connection with the older wiser part of my self. I think if I am to do this without guidance I need to start small perhaps focus on relaxing the body and mind. I have thought about using hemi-sync 'Opening the Heart' but have this strong feeling doing so will open up Pandora's box rather than the heart so I am leaving it for now.
Saturday 16 February 2013
Jammy Doughnut
Had a session with Salvia this evening. My day started pretty well - I was doing my studies decided to put it off and focus on eco village plan for which I sat in front of the computer for almost eight hours just immersed in ideas. I ate fine, mostly chomping on raw food meals. Finally I ate a banavococo pudding, yep I just made that up (banana avocado coconut and coco powder whipped in a blender). In the process of making the pudding, happy that there's a real raw treat out there that is much better than conventional sugar laced junk. There it was sitting on the worktop, two large boxes of jammy doughnuts. The day before I was having uncontrollable cravings for the white stuff (bad carbs). The doughnuts certainly triggered my cravings to a point where I thought 'Ah well, 1 doughnut won't kill me'.
Throughout the day something was definitely disturbing me so much that I was seeking out all kinds of crap to chomp on. After almost two years I suddenly found myself wanting to uncontrollably binge on junk food and even the raw pistachios were not 'satisfying' my crazy taste buds.
Fast forward to the evening. Feeling so frustrated I got the urge to try and understand it through Salvia. House was fairly quiet, soaked a lot of leaves. During soaking process I got my evo village plan book out, it's a massive book. Opened it up thinking if I browse through it the Salvia experience and those energies will focus on this area of my life. I really wanted this session to be about the eco village. Going through the plans makes me happy and excited so much that I didn't want to carry on with the Salvia but since it was soaked...
The leaves were really tough to chew but hardly bitter. Eventually mouth felt numb flesh took on a rubbery feel everything about the physical was intense and toy like. Looking on the wall at light fractions the faces/energy beings were not as visible and intense as those earlier days. I feel like something has changed since then. The body energies start moving. Close eyes and I can see some of them hovering. Going deeper there was a point where I totally understood once again what Krishnamurti meant by emptiness. Something happened or more like something 'is' that I can't explain. All I can say is I knew that everything around me 'was' or 'is' because of the focus - see I just made absolutely no sense there. The people around me, the problems and concerns, joys and pleasure were all in existent when the 'focus' was there but they have no actual existent.
Eventually there was an energy I recognized, they looked to be on the outside, but really they were inside the stomach and they were the ones behind the craving - it was the jammy doughnut, the little bits of energy beings that made it up. The energy processes that made up the internal organs were up to something. I could feel them splitting and moving about as if they were trying to say 'You know what, we don't need to be a stomach or the kidneys right now.' I was intrigued and out of curiosity I wanted to eat more doughnuts whilst I was under the effects of Salvia. Physical movement was jittery and there was that familiar feeling of being in a movie that was being fast forwarded, not the actual movie but my perception and the physical movements. Downstairs in the kitchen my brother was telling me something, I was in no condition to have a conversation with anyone during that moment. Grabbed two jammy doughnuts flying back up the stairs into my room. Naked I sat on the bed, looked at arms and hands some beings visible. Something was moving near the thighs and near sensitive areas - it was painful and annoying - felt like they were moving and commanded them to stop then just decided to ignore it.
My focus was on the doughnut. I took two small bites, then shoved it in my mouth and then with one big khab the jam oozed in my mouth with an explosion of flavours I had never experienced my entire life. The second doughnut was just as delightful but perhaps it can never be repeated twice with precision. On the second I noticed the beings formed by jam part spread out onto the white doughy part.
I also have this craving for chilli lately, had to put some hot naga in my veg soup to get over it.
Throughout the day something was definitely disturbing me so much that I was seeking out all kinds of crap to chomp on. After almost two years I suddenly found myself wanting to uncontrollably binge on junk food and even the raw pistachios were not 'satisfying' my crazy taste buds.
Fast forward to the evening. Feeling so frustrated I got the urge to try and understand it through Salvia. House was fairly quiet, soaked a lot of leaves. During soaking process I got my evo village plan book out, it's a massive book. Opened it up thinking if I browse through it the Salvia experience and those energies will focus on this area of my life. I really wanted this session to be about the eco village. Going through the plans makes me happy and excited so much that I didn't want to carry on with the Salvia but since it was soaked...
The leaves were really tough to chew but hardly bitter. Eventually mouth felt numb flesh took on a rubbery feel everything about the physical was intense and toy like. Looking on the wall at light fractions the faces/energy beings were not as visible and intense as those earlier days. I feel like something has changed since then. The body energies start moving. Close eyes and I can see some of them hovering. Going deeper there was a point where I totally understood once again what Krishnamurti meant by emptiness. Something happened or more like something 'is' that I can't explain. All I can say is I knew that everything around me 'was' or 'is' because of the focus - see I just made absolutely no sense there. The people around me, the problems and concerns, joys and pleasure were all in existent when the 'focus' was there but they have no actual existent.
Eventually there was an energy I recognized, they looked to be on the outside, but really they were inside the stomach and they were the ones behind the craving - it was the jammy doughnut, the little bits of energy beings that made it up. The energy processes that made up the internal organs were up to something. I could feel them splitting and moving about as if they were trying to say 'You know what, we don't need to be a stomach or the kidneys right now.' I was intrigued and out of curiosity I wanted to eat more doughnuts whilst I was under the effects of Salvia. Physical movement was jittery and there was that familiar feeling of being in a movie that was being fast forwarded, not the actual movie but my perception and the physical movements. Downstairs in the kitchen my brother was telling me something, I was in no condition to have a conversation with anyone during that moment. Grabbed two jammy doughnuts flying back up the stairs into my room. Naked I sat on the bed, looked at arms and hands some beings visible. Something was moving near the thighs and near sensitive areas - it was painful and annoying - felt like they were moving and commanded them to stop then just decided to ignore it.
My focus was on the doughnut. I took two small bites, then shoved it in my mouth and then with one big khab the jam oozed in my mouth with an explosion of flavours I had never experienced my entire life. The second doughnut was just as delightful but perhaps it can never be repeated twice with precision. On the second I noticed the beings formed by jam part spread out onto the white doughy part.
I also have this craving for chilli lately, had to put some hot naga in my veg soup to get over it.
Sunday 10 February 2013
Hemi Sync Weekly Update
06/02/2013 -
So far this week have not had any sessions, perhaps tonight. After a few more sessions I might try the Salvia, it crossed my mind today but the setting is not right at this time, need to let certain stuff cool off. Need to let go of certain negative situations, people etc. Right now my focus is on my studies but I need to observe some of the situations I get meddled in, they are private and mostly family related. Since December when I started my studies it helped me to focus for a while away from all the crap but now feeling like having ignored all that the issues have arisen with greater force. I see now though with clarity that it is not so much the negative people and issues around me but my own focus on them - by focusing on these issues I contribute to it in some way. This obviously doesn't mean that I should simply ignore the issues and it will go away but rather try to understand it and be done with it for good, as the issues are not external but more from within deeper underlying issues. I do wonder if I can observe it the way Krishnamurti would suggest - 'Look, observe without words, or naming, without a goal without any hope for anything whatsover, silently watching'.
- Advanced Focus 10
Started session around 10pm. Relaxed throughout fortunately not thinking too much. Somewhere after REBAL felt the outer layer of this as a magnetic force. Then involuntary movement of the head shifting left and right which occurred 3 times, each time suddenly and with more force than usual in between these moves there were sudden jolts where the body felt to be closing in - the feeling was much like how perhaps a flower would close or fold in its petals. Beyond all this there is no recall, just slept through.
09/02/2013 - Advanced F10
Sometime in the evening. There were bodily sensations tingles and the goosebumps in particular were stronger than usual. Then going deeper yet physical body not still in the sleep mode there was an image of a mans face and then a white light flashed with a faint image of a light bulb. Then a red light flashed but it wasn't sudden instead there was a smooth building up of the intensity and brightness. I opened eyes just to see if there was any external source. The lights reminded of my bike since I recently got a white and red light for it. Carried on with the audio but fell asleep. I intend to start practicing without audio.
So far this week have not had any sessions, perhaps tonight. After a few more sessions I might try the Salvia, it crossed my mind today but the setting is not right at this time, need to let certain stuff cool off. Need to let go of certain negative situations, people etc. Right now my focus is on my studies but I need to observe some of the situations I get meddled in, they are private and mostly family related. Since December when I started my studies it helped me to focus for a while away from all the crap but now feeling like having ignored all that the issues have arisen with greater force. I see now though with clarity that it is not so much the negative people and issues around me but my own focus on them - by focusing on these issues I contribute to it in some way. This obviously doesn't mean that I should simply ignore the issues and it will go away but rather try to understand it and be done with it for good, as the issues are not external but more from within deeper underlying issues. I do wonder if I can observe it the way Krishnamurti would suggest - 'Look, observe without words, or naming, without a goal without any hope for anything whatsover, silently watching'.
- Advanced Focus 10
Started session around 10pm. Relaxed throughout fortunately not thinking too much. Somewhere after REBAL felt the outer layer of this as a magnetic force. Then involuntary movement of the head shifting left and right which occurred 3 times, each time suddenly and with more force than usual in between these moves there were sudden jolts where the body felt to be closing in - the feeling was much like how perhaps a flower would close or fold in its petals. Beyond all this there is no recall, just slept through.
09/02/2013 - Advanced F10
Sometime in the evening. There were bodily sensations tingles and the goosebumps in particular were stronger than usual. Then going deeper yet physical body not still in the sleep mode there was an image of a mans face and then a white light flashed with a faint image of a light bulb. Then a red light flashed but it wasn't sudden instead there was a smooth building up of the intensity and brightness. I opened eyes just to see if there was any external source. The lights reminded of my bike since I recently got a white and red light for it. Carried on with the audio but fell asleep. I intend to start practicing without audio.
Sunday 3 February 2013
Hemi Sync Weekly Update
31/1/2013 - Have not listened to any Hemi-sync past few days due to stressful situation and certain change going on in my life right now. This tends to happen getting deep into hemi-sync and has happened in the past. Externally there is some kind of storm brewing, I can feel it but try my best not to let it get to me - now I know why I had put off this program for a long time, simply not willing for those changes, too messy. Intend to try a session tonight.
- Intro to F10
Fell asleep throughout, woke up in a sweat. Exhausted this week.
03/02/2013
This week haven't bothered with the program, with a busy schedule and lots on my mind it has been difficult. I think there is also something else going on physically. For almost 3 or 4 consecutive nights I have been waking up in a pool of sweat. Either body is fighting an infection or simply excreting toxins through the sweat with no cold or flu nor any evidence of a fever. Not sure if I'll be listening to the program in the coming week, thinking I should focus on getting more sleep and letting the body recover. One thing I should note here and it's not really hemi-sync related is an incident that took place this morning. Half awake and half asleep from some time after 3am became aware of the body rocking back and forth, could be due to the recent visit of sexual energies (usually present during m cycle) only awareness of this motion did not present any sexual sensations or arousal instead I found it comforting sort of like if someone were to sing a lullaby to put me to sleep.
- Intro to F10
Fell asleep throughout, woke up in a sweat. Exhausted this week.
03/02/2013
This week haven't bothered with the program, with a busy schedule and lots on my mind it has been difficult. I think there is also something else going on physically. For almost 3 or 4 consecutive nights I have been waking up in a pool of sweat. Either body is fighting an infection or simply excreting toxins through the sweat with no cold or flu nor any evidence of a fever. Not sure if I'll be listening to the program in the coming week, thinking I should focus on getting more sleep and letting the body recover. One thing I should note here and it's not really hemi-sync related is an incident that took place this morning. Half awake and half asleep from some time after 3am became aware of the body rocking back and forth, could be due to the recent visit of sexual energies (usually present during m cycle) only awareness of this motion did not present any sexual sensations or arousal instead I found it comforting sort of like if someone were to sing a lullaby to put me to sleep.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)