Saturday, 28 June 2014

The Presence on Salvia

Smoked 10x extract around 3:30pm.

The transition happens within a few seconds, still in my room but senses operating more rapidly. It seems nothing in the surroundings change but the senses themselves go through some kind of transformation. I am sure that what we are viewing now as the world and all the many objects contained within it is simply a distortion of the senses.

I sit on the bed and that presence is there, it feels to me as though it has sensed me. There is something very magnificent about this presence phenomena. In that state I'm aware that it comes to those who are like the dead, actually who are dead to this world. Did it make its selection who gets to be aware of it? Was I chosen to be aware of it?

I think about how to explain this experience, it seems to know what is about to happen before it happens, how? It is making those things happen, this thing knows its own script. I think about how to write about all this and at the same time sensing it knowing what I'm about to do and at the same time knowing that it is scripting every move I make.

I ponder deeply whether this thing selects people to have this awareness. My understanding is this, tt is available to all, but only those who are not absorbed by the world are aware of it. Those who are absorbed by the world are blind to it.

Salvia is temporarily lifting the blindfold.

At some point I tried to go deeper by closing the eyes but instead I was switching off whatever was switched on. Even on 20x I was able to do this.

Wednesday, 18 June 2014

The Sunset Hill

Around 6:30pm, with the weather being warm decided to head out for the park with Salvia ready. First 30 or 40 minutes sunbathing before starting chewing process. At this time the sun was too intense to do the sun gazing.

Chew the first salvia quid and within a few minutes I desperately need to pee, so I head for the bushes. Back on my spot I chew the second quid and slowly the transition occurs. A 60ish year old man walks up the hill almost in a drunk manner. It felt odd as he walked in my direction in that drunken floppy way I felt he was like me in the same state that I was in and he knew. As he passed by I was almost certain he wanted to come up to me and tell me something. Soon enough I see a dog nearby. I stand up just to make the owner aware of my presence, silly of me to think that would deter the dog or his owner from approaching. I smiled and let them walk by without the dog acting out.

Sitting back down I knew I would not be able to close eyes. I just simply observed, the sun was still too intense to gaze at. I looked all around me just observing everything around me. In particular my focus were on the trees, they were as alive as I was. The trees were like people, I had this sense that they did feel frightened whenever approached by tree choppers. The black dog sat under the tree relaxing, the tree was dusting something on the dog and at the same time communicating. There was definitely something being done to the dog. A few minutes later the dog pees near a younger tree and I was aware that its urine was to be picked up by the tree taking in information. Amongst the scattered trees there was one that was the tallest. It had silvery leaves and it glimmered as the rays of the sun played with the dancing branches. I felt deeply connected to these trees, it was such a shame that people, including myself are too busy to even look at or even ponder for a moment the meaning of these creations.

There's a hill to my left where the sun illuminated it in such a way it looked like some kind of special altar. It was almost like it was calling me but I had no intention to get up. I was absolutely in no state to walk that distance until a cyclist came up the hill I was seated on followed by the most scariest viscious looking dog. Some dogs are cute and friendly looking, others like this dog - not so pretty. I did not hesitate to grab my things and get moving. With my bare feet on the earth I was suprised how balanced I felt. I was headed for the altar hill, earlier there were people on here and now it was cleared. I lay down on the lush green carpet of grass and felt so comfortable. Too comfortable I could have slept there. I look to my left where I see a man smoking, he starts to walk in my direction and seats himself about 5 meters away from me. His smoke is blowing in my direction. Standing up agitated I get to the bottom of the hill and walk barefeet towards another hill. It feels so natural walking barefeet. There are two guys I've seen earlier with a white dog. They are staring in my direction and I sense them eye goggling which irritates me a little but I walk on and just as I pass them my trainer shoes fall out of the bag unsure of how that happened. I burst out laughing almost unable to control my laughter, I thought stuff like that only happened in movies. This one in particular would be a comedy.

Moving on I approach the other hill I look to my left at the sun set, mesmerized by the phenomena I'm witnessing here. At this moment I'm not sure what to say of it, while the memory is still there I can't seem to find the right words. My attempt will be like someone was holding a lamp, and that lamp was the sun. This is such a poor attempt at describing it. I couldn't remove my gaze and I didn't seem to care that to onlookers I appeared to look like a lunatic. I'll have to call this hill the sunset hill. As it is from this hill where the sunset can be seen almost close up. I plop myself down on the grass, which is patchy here, the earth here is also rocky and hard unlike the altar hill. Regardless there's this major urge to close my eyes. I relax and go deeper, the beings here seem different. Though the sun is setting it was still a bit too intense to stare at. I keep eyes closed, a few times I felt the need to remain absolutely still. There was some external distractions, a few women walking up the hill, looked like some kind of physiotherapy exercise. There were some people running up and down the hill, which would startle me because the sound of them exhausted sounds similar to wild dogs running.

Observed by the beings, something deeper was going on.

There was a moment where I felt a deep sense of appreciation for how freely the sun gave of itself. I sit up at some point, stare at the sun, it is easier to gaze now. Suddenly a major sensation is present in the abdomen, like a stabbing from the inside. I feel some of the organs here swelling, touching abdomen feels hard. I could feel I need to stay still and endure as much as I possibly could. A short while later I need to get up and get moving, feel like my bladder is about to burst, fortunately find a bush to pee near and head home. Some interesting things have happened since this incident. When I close my eyes sudden scenes of people show up. There is a forming mental image every time I close eyes and relax and I find that its possible to enter these scenes and become a part of them. There are pressures in the head, and several times now have had this signal to take time out and nap. Today napping the scenes appeared at the same time the deeper I relaxed the head thrashing has started again.

While this actually seems like a rather uneventful incident I thought about it for a while and realized that I was being guided or more like nudged to move in a particular direction. First I would not have moved from my starting point, the usual hill that I think I should call the Dog Hill had it not been for that scary mean looking dog. Then from the Altar Hill I would not have moved to what seemed to be the final destination, the Sunset Hill had it not been for the smoker blowing smoke in my face. Now I'm aware that my next trip has to take place on the Sunset Hill.

Friday, 13 June 2014

Barking Mad

Since The Being in the Sun incident I have been waking at exactly 4:35am where before it was around 5:45 to 6:15am.

I've been feeling like this is all somehow planned out. I have thought about going to the park to see what happens when I relax deeper whilst sungazing under the influence of Salvia, so this morning at about 6:15am I headed for the park. It was not as quiet as expected, in the distance I can hear the morning birds and nature chattering away. Park was fairly empty with a few people sitting in the distance.

I got comfortable at the top of a hill in seated position, gazed at the sun briefly then started chewing process not thinking much. The transition started to occur, I needed to lay back. Everything vivid and clear. The energies (I usually call them entities) around me were somewhat different. The transition feels different but I was going through the same process. Breathing changed until at some point felt like there was no breathing. I tried to stare at the sun but it was too intense. I can sense the others around doing something with the body as usual. Something was on the left knee, thought that it might be a bug and I sensed all kinds of earthly creatures around me more intensely. The rays from the sun were warming the skin. All sensations feel very different. My mouth felt numb and smoothed out. It was difficult relaxing because of the open space and anyone just showing up, in particular I was just very wary of dogs.

There was tactile sensation of a pulsing type of magnetic force. It was pulsating all over the body. I closed eyes and went deeper. At some stage I opened eyes and saw the entire world as some kind of setup, they were clearly visible in the sky, manipulating the sky and it's appearance. The sun, there's something about it that I can't seem to convey here. The clouds were covering the intensity of the rays. As I got deeper something very profound was taking place but then I sensed something coming closer, opened eyes and a few seconds later a woman was jogging past me. I felt I needed to get up, sensed something else coming closer and quickly sat up.

The jogging woman was calling to someone and then I saw the dog which was not good, made me panic a little. I could still feel the magnetic bubble around me, I could not see it but still very much aware of it. With activity still ongoing the dog made eye contact with me. I froze and continued staring, it had a very knowing look. It was clear to me that it sensed what was going on around me. Soon it started to bark, its barking was strange it seemed to be saying something. It wouldn't dare to come near me standing about 10 meters away just barking away. The jogging woman is frustrated shouting because the dog would not respond to her call whilst she is gone quite a long way almost leaving her dog behind. I panicked a little more because, though I'm not afraid of dogs, I've never had any experience where a dog behaved like this around me. I couldn't predict its next move but trying to remain as calm as I could. Soon it moved away from the other side avoiding coming around me. I was relieved. However, as it moved more towards the woman, it turned around one more time to stare back in my direction barking again this made the woman even more mad.

Still in that state I couldn't relax after that, stayed seated for a little while until I got up. Movement feels different, I walk a little and in the distance I see two dogs and a woman behind them coming up the hill. I know one of the dog is Freddie having encountered him before. The two dogs approach me really fast rather unexpectedly. They both start to circle around me, I gesture with my arms for them to move along. I'll admit I panicked more this time because one of the dog was a pitbull dog . The woman assures me that they just want to be stroked, I tell her I can't because of my allergies but don't think she was listening. I walk away slowly but with each step the dogs are getting closer. Finally the woman tries to move them along. The pitbull dog comes running back, sits in between some of the plants where I was meditating with Salvia, watching me. Again the same thing where the woman is  frustrated and shouting at the dog to move along. After this I did some barefoot walking on the earth for some grounding. When I got home felt quite tired and was suffering from hayfever.

I have found another hill where I can try this again but would have to get there earlier, as it could get tricky exploring more with Salvia when dogs are around. One other thing I will be trying is just observing the view around me without Salvia next time just to see if I can capture visually what was witnessed in the Salvia state.

Monday, 9 June 2014

The Being in the Sun

 In the past I have been in the garden whilst in the Salvia state but have never remained long enough to observe the environment around me. Despite this in general with Salvia sessions taking place in the bedroom I have been able to sense the environment as well as the elements around me.

This morning I decided to try Salvia in the garden, it was about 7:30am. As the transitioning state occurred I was deeply comparing what was taking place with the experiences that occur for people that are deemed insane. I feel like this with open eyes Salvia sessions, always needing to make comparisons to the insane. I kept pondering how what we experience as our ordinary state of awareness was no different to that of an insane person. Something in the brain makes us perceive reality the way all people do, it's like a spell but at the same time the process is actually very biological.

I sat pondering if something in the brain was actually changing and this in response was changing how the senses were functioning. Looking up at the sky this morning I would not say that the sky was changing rather it was my senses and how I perceived.

There were slight shadows and glimmering light patches, the kind you would see after staring at the sun for some time only I had not yet gazed at the sun. It is cloudy yet the sun shining through.  Gently moving my gaze towards the sun. There was this shakiness of the sun, almost like it was vibrating. At the same time that same movement was felt inside my head. It was like the movement of that sun was actually inside the head. A sense of deeper knowing came from all this. The sun was freely giving of itself to the world, it did not matter who or what you were.

Then I saw the form of what looked like a young child, it seemed to be within the sun or beside it but it was communicating to something. I felt like it was aware of me. My eyes kept closing, so I closed and relaxed. There is movement within the head and some shadows of beings inside there with closed eyes.

I open eyes want to look at the sky again. Then I have this urge to lie down but was unable to with family around.

I got up a few times, those auto body movements smoother but much  more demanding. I followed the movement and understood that the body wanted to spin around. I didn't as there was this sense of feeling to unbalanced.

I've been sitting in the garden early mornings for a while now whenever the sun comes out. For a while there's always these flies, I think they're flying ants and they always fly in a particular direction almost as though with their movements they were producing some kind of shape. Today they were present, it was like they were dancing not for entertainment but as though they were worshiping or rejoicing in something.

I've managed to read Fire in the Mind : Dialogues with J Krishnamurti for past few days and in this experience I felt there was a much deeper understanding of what he was trying to convey.

I think my next session I will have to try in the park, early morning sun gazing.

The Indescribable Brain Procedure

The other day had a session with Salvia plain leaf, quids in the evening. Transitioned as usual but after that something very disturbing happened and I honestly can't find the words to describe it.

It was like my brain was malfunctioning, I kept trying to shake something from off the top of my head. At the same time I felt the familiar process of being unable to think.

Monday, 2 June 2014

Current State as a Condition

With a new batch of Salvia plain leaf I'll be doing some more exploring. I also have some 10x extract, which will be only used moderately.

Today I decided to try the 10x extract, especially with recent incidents I wanted to see if I could understand it through the Salvia state. This extract is lighter green looking than in comparison with 20x extract. I recall 20x extract looking darker.

I put the smallest amount, with one hit holding it in the lungs for probably more than 20 seconds. The transition was smooth, fluttering was present but it was smooth.

In that state which I can't describe clearly enough I was aware immediately that my this physical current state of awareness was like a condition, a disease even. There in the, I'll call it Salvia state for lack of a better term, was clarity. It felt to be the actual state, that which exists not beyond but behind this state as if hiding. This normal physical current state felt like a screen, giving off a filtered and even fractured view. By view I don't mean what is seen with the eyes but with complete awareness. The interesting thing though that state which is healthy in comparison to this state of mind is not hiding, it is our original state just that this standard state of mind is hiding it like a dense cloud that covers the sky.

My recording device was ready and I was trying to state everything clearly but had to whisper because of others around the house. I realized that I was trying my best for the sake of clarity in describing all this in this journal. I have come to realize that this is becoming a hindrance, that because I am trying to hold onto the experience itself I am not living what I learn and only focusing on what is transcribed.

I have to stop focusing my energy on trying to describe the indescribable, to let go to that state completely.