Friday, 31 December 2010

Dreams after Inception Movie

Last night watched Inception - went to bed expecting dream time to be vivid with some reference to the movie.

1. Tree Hugger
I am suspended in the air - still in lying posture. There is a massive tree with white blossoms - I think it's an elderflower tree. Tree is conscious moving its cluster of branches and trembling. With its arm like structured branches it tries to embrace and soothe me. Its presence infuses my entire being with love. I reach out my arm and hug the moving branches - wishing I was bigger than the tree so that I could cradle it in my arms. I give it the grandest hug that I can saying 'And I love you'.

2. Jungle Swinger
It is dark, I am standing or hanging from a large tree. I fall down then grab the hanging branch vine and swing. I swing to another tree and grab its hanging vine branch and continue to swing to another tree. This carries on as I am enjoying the momentum of speed. I look below at the surface - which changes from ground to sea - from solid to liquid (symbolic for 'Walking the Distance of Memory?). I move along wondering how the vines that I'm swinging on are above the sea. I know it is a dream - I have no desire to change environment - want to play along with what is. I come to some end - something more happens - recall hazy about details - emerge in next dream scene.

3. How to Fly
I'm walking down a staircase - there's a paradox (staircase ends) - my memory of having watched Inception makes me more lucid. I move on laughing to myself. I end up in a vast field filled with people - I sprint, dance and go a bit crazy with more moves. Get bored and decide to do the obvious - I get ready to fly. I am about to flap my arms like wings (think there something about this in movie - can't recall). I remember it's not necessary to flap wings just the thought of flying is enough. Still, I reach out arms in superman flying pose and rise above ground. Into the sky I look down and watch the Earth shrink. Once again I know there is no distance - just an illusion, I keep looking down, want to see how small the Earth can get.

Tuesday, 28 December 2010


Yesterday evening sang my heart out while carrying out general household chores. The neti pot has done wonders for my voice and so I really enjoyed singing. I find breathing is amazingly clear and my throat is less clogged.

Speaking of neti pot I want to mention something that occured randomly since this year September - my nose would release these flow of clear liquid that I tasted one time and it was pretty salty. It wasn't phlegm, definitely not a runny nose and it has never happened before - there was also a sting inside my nostrils when it occured. Another time this same liquid flowed down into the back of my throat. It reminds me kind of what I am experiencing with the neti pot, like maybe that was some kind of internal cleansing for the airways.

Anyways, after about 40 mins of playing around with my new found voice a miracle occured - I was feeling sleepy. It felt like such a long time feeling what it actually felt like to be sleepy. Got ready for bed and still feeling sleepy listened to some meta music on mp3 player.

Closed eyes and let sleep take over, getting deeper and deeper there was a sudden bolt of energy coursing through my arms which occured several times. No resistance on my part. I knew it was time to switch mp3 player off. As I placed it on bedside table my body started shaking/trembling vigorously - definitely unlike vibrations or shivers. This shaking was equavelant to an earthquake. I am understanding more clearly these days that the Earth is no different to the physical human body. Whatever the earth needs, such as minerals, the physical body needs. The physical body also has a release mechanism just like the Earth which outwardly we see from the Earth as earthquakes, floods etc. If we made comparisons between the two we will find minimal differences.

Sunday, 26 December 2010

The Illusion of Space - Walking The Distance of Memory

The Illusion of Space
I found myself in an unknown place for which I could find no reference. I am observing the distance between the 'I' that I percieve and the objects around me. The surrounding is unfamiliar to me - I felt myself to be slightly out of place here. I could feel I'm not solidly formed - there is liquid movement - both I and my surrounding are of liquid. I had this immediate realization that what we percieve as space - distance between 2 objects is an illusion - this space does not exist except as a trick of the smoke-screen. I found myself slowly transitioning with the surrounding into solid. Instead of flowing which is what occured whilst liquid I was learning to walk again. I had to remember what it was like to walk again which was easy enough and eventually got more solid, body feeling more heavy. Things were becoming more 'realistic' even though really none of it is real. This state is really difficult to describe, wording it is so hard. I'll try an analogy of what I use to think about as a child and a teenager.

As a child when I'd travel on trains or other moving vehicles I would gaze out into the countryside or roadsides passing by and wonder to myself is the vehicle moving or the countryside. As a teenager I would wonder if it were possible to chase the moon, I even tried it once but for a short walk of course with no luck and it would feel like the moon would cycle farther and farther away from me. Even as an adult cruising in a car I think about the possibility of the countryside or roadsides as a TV show with actual frames moving along. In this mornings event these feelings were coming back and suddenly everything about space made absolute sense. The distance between 2 objects does not exist, but I found this morning living exactly what I percieved as a child and in those long cruises. The countryside was moving and I remained still.

Walking The Distance of Memory
In this mornings event as I became more and more solid, learning to walk it felt so pretend, so unreal. I kept playing along until things were 100% solid. I did not question where I was or what I was doing there, just simply exploring this new dimension. I was now outdoors, looking across the road at a church like building with an open door. I walk through it and then another door until I end up outdoors again. I am standing in front of a very wide Temple, I think it was just one floor but still rather tall - it was a very ordinary, simple looking Temple - nothing aesthetic. I see others around but do not approach them. My attention is caught by a board on the side. I read 'Darshan' or a word like that and I thought it meant blessing in Hindi but have since looked the word up which is Sanskrit for 'sight' which makes a lot of sense in terms of todays event. I see other words and come across the word 'Patil' and think how its a typical Indian name. I look to my left and see the entrance to the temple and as I approach it everything becomes so familiar - I have been here before. As I walk I am speaking out loud saying how I remember this place, I've been here before, but when - a past life? Emotions are getting so strong that I'm not sure I could walk through the door - it is like before I could even completely remember this past life or whatever it may be emotions were taking 10 steps ahead. I could not bear it any longer, so overwhelming. I am filled with such an extraordinary sadness, some kind of grief taking over. I cry so much my tears could flood the temple. I pray, beg and plead to the invisible around me to let me go back. I don't want to remember, I can't do it. If the emotions of these memories are causing me to feel this great bittersweet sadness I don't think I could bear the memory - better to go back to my comfort zone.

Woke up with that same sadness mellowed down by a sigh of relief. Since this morning my left hand has been surging continuously - a very intense sensation sometimes it gets sharp and prickly.

There is a video I found through a Salvia forum on youtube describing more in detail about perception and gels with the experience I had today. It is amazing because a few days ago I wondered what it would be like to see perception in operation as described in this video and I think I got what I asked for. Click here to watch.

Hemi-sync Brain Orgasms

On friday evening listened to 'Intro to F12'. Immediately there were some very intense brain orgasms, hard to tolerate this intensity but just went with it. Y'day evening listened to same track with some head pressures and lots of involuntary K movement until eventually before I got to F12 just fell asleep. Awakened at 4ish am with a half moon brightly lit, the moonlight radiating a part of my room. Some way for it to cycle to the point where the light would shine on my face. I didn't wait around for the moon - closed eyes and re-entered sleep without hemi-sync. Had a lot of otherly experiences - mostly brief. The most notable is seeing seeing various flashes of light until I could see it under the duvet - a lit screen. I noticed the light radiating from this screen was not that of the moon or another external source - this light was embedded inside my eyes - third eye maybe? All I know is this lit screen was a projection of a light source that is within. Within what? a physical body? the soul or spirit? Honestly I dont know.

Found myself in SP with my hands raised up. There was a magnetic force to which I am no stranger. I could feel the magnet holding my hands in place. Soon I found myself in a spaceless space which I will describe in the next post.

Friday, 24 December 2010

Neti Cleansing

My intention was to start with the neti cleansing last month - but it has been so overwhelming attempting to do so many things when I have so much other things going on.

Other things that I have incorporated into daily habits are so far going well which include drinking plenty of water, 5 tibetans, hemi-sync (since I am having difficulty meditating) etc. I am drinking up to 2lt filtered water per day - while I'm adjusting to this I have no idea how people drink more than this.

Yesterday I started my first neti cleanse - it was a wonderful experience. It was funny at first watching water squirt out of one nostril - at the end of the comical stunt my breathing improved so much it was no longer a laughing matter. A while after this my right eye rolled so that the pupil was almost touching the corner next to my nose - it wasn't scary but a little alarming.

Listened to hemi-sync and there were a lot of muscular spasms and very deep contractions particularly in right leg. I think the neti cleansing is allowing a deeper intake of prana. Will continue with neti cleansing.

Thursday, 23 December 2010

On Fire

Dream - I'm in a kitchen reassembling a lighter. The gas is flowing out - I can hear the sound. I spark it and then try to put a cap on the flame. In my attempt to cap it my right sleeve is on fire and I begin to panic.

Monday, 20 December 2010

Insomnia Resistance

Last night I skipped hemi-sync to put me to sleep, I have to let sleep come naturally. Could not sleep from 10pm till about 3am. So this isn't any major kind of insomnia but I have been waking up slightly groggy though I have had so much energy through out the day. So what is the problem? I guess it is not normal and I can't always depend on hemi-sync. In fact when I use hemi-sync I sleep a kind of sleepless sleep and wake around 3am and cannot sleep at all after that - can't even relax. So basically either way there is this huge gap missing in the sleeping hours. Despite lacking physical exhaustion I realize the insomnia is leaving me flustered.

This insomnia has been going on for quite some time - not sure how to make peace with it but I guess the time has come where I should just let go and not dwell on it so much. Perhaps do something with the time given to me.

Sunday, 19 December 2010

Dream Focus

I listened to Wave 1 - sleep exploration last night, might have some relevance to this post.

I am half awake in PR and half in a dream. In the dream there is simply perception, where I percieve a horizontal line with smaller lines - like a timeline.

I'm focusing on the little lines - getting really close to an understanding on how to change PR outcomes.

Towards the end I strike gold - the understanding, more like remembering something I've always known. I am not to focus on the little lines - that is not where the transmutation occurs. It is the base horizontal lines through which all the little lines stick out. I could feel myself grasping this - in that state I was holding onto newfound knowledge but background noise interrupted.

Yesterday I was in what I would term devotional phase - sudden outbursts of deep connection to Source/God, a longing, yearning devotional inner prayer. They are conversations on a whole other meaningful level. I don't know really how to describe these prayers because I don't plan them out - they happen when they happen often there is some sort of trigger - trigger unknown as something specific, something would happen or someone would say something and then thoughts begin to shape around that revealing a kind of unknown memory - unscrambling, decoding.

Friday, 17 December 2010

Severe Cramps

I certainly feel like I've aged a lot since the start of this day - feel like crap.

This morning I was awakened by trapped gas - felt blocked and travelling up the intestines. It was alarming. I got really really scared and tried to force out this incredible amount of gas.

Digestion was no doubt speeding up - some mild constipation. Then later in the afternoon I had some cramps starting below the abdomen and I thought it might just be menstrual cramps but then later on it would travel upwards and inside everything felt like it was twisting - I can't recall ever having so much pain.

Also y'day I felt nasueated, I burped a few times and there was this nasty after-vomit taste in my mouth. I also felt some food lodged in my gut. A sign that need to lighten my load at this time?

Thursday, 16 December 2010


Yesterday I had several hemi-sync sessions. In all these sessions there have been some major movement, mostly expansion of internal organs just below abdomen. I have been advised that this occurs in the K process and to avoid certain refined food, which includes caffeine, sugar, white flour and I guess anything that can be toxic. I did consider that these intense sensations could be due to menses but the expansions and contractions started long before that.

Day before y'day had a carbonated sugar drink - was feeling depressed and reached out for it so I could wash down this hopeless feeling - so much for avoiding refined crap.

Anyways main point of this post is that I had some thoughts regarding the origin, the start point of K activation. I was going through hemi-sync notebook last night, read through last years entries and some recollection of the ones I've noted down in this blog. I realized I experienced a lot of involuntary body movements progressing with hemi-sync and I thought that is where it all started, then I thought it started with my interests in astral projection. Then I reviewed my entire life and all the major events of my life and the conclusion is that this all started long before physical birth - as though it was all predestined.

There is no doubt that great changes are in motion within the planetary system and its inhabitants - the number of K people are increasing - lots of people are experiencing the spiritual changes in many different ways. I'm not certain what to expect at the end of this change but have a few general ideas. It will be something new, maybe completely unthought of. Those who are already in the motions of this change are probably experiencing the height of it, which is wonderful because when the number of these people multiply there will be an abundance of assistance and guidance for those who have not yet opened themselves up to this new energy or are resistant to it when it hits them. Folks, get ready for it because there is gonna be a massive hit. My guess is that the Earth has already taken a massive dose of this hit, a majority of people are next.

When I speak in terms of energy I am not referring entirely to Kundalini - there is the greatest energy of all energies - the One energy behind all energy systems. To this energy Kundalini is like its staff - this staff bridges the gap between you and the One energy.

For myself I am in deep appreciation of all the guidance I have recieved and I am not just referring to the inner guidance ( though that has been the most intense of all ) but all those people who have so openly shared and continue to share their experiences - if I did not know anything about Kundalini I don't think I would be as open to it as I am now and would not have learnt about it solely by inner guidance (a greater attunement would be required for direct inner knowing), but it was my inner guidance that prompted me to look into it. I am experiencing and exploring myself so much more intensely and with greater clarity now than I did prior to the awakening.

Monday, 13 December 2010

Kundalini - Ear Pump

A short while ago whilst working there was some heart beat and rushing sounds in my right ear. It went de-dum de-dum de-dum. It was slow and unlike the fluttering of ear drums I've felt before. Background volume was lowered, just slightly audible. I remained still and let it carry on but I was somewhat analyzing it and I think this may have caused it to fade away.

There's obviously some work going on inside, changes being made in the body. I have been getting slight tingles in the morning, tailbone also rattling. With the sounds in ears I'm not sure I even want to admit to myself that I was just a slight bit afraid.

I ask what can I do to help this process - the answer I get is Nothing! It seems this past year I have been getting so caught up in this 'what do I need to do?' question as if Kundalini is limited to what I am physically capable of.

Kundalini requires that I do nothing which is the equivalent of surrender to every single moment. I think it is about letting go of the illusion in every moment, but it seems very difficult when the illusion I live in is so vivid.

It is amazing how it all, the drama and everything feels so real.

Saturday, 11 December 2010

Request Direct Connection

Last night listened to Wave 1 - Intro to F10, fell asleep and awakened at 5am. I prayed/requested God/Source for a direct connection. I asked for an external manifestation - guess there is some resistance to a complete union. Deep down I knew there was a huge contradiction in my request and thoughts came to me that the only direct connection is one of union.

I was again, for the second time in this earthly existence, ready to let go seeing everything as an illusion just as I had done in Kundalini Illusions. I understood the pull of maya is strong but I see the complete meaningless of it and focused only on the intention to be always aware of the presence of all Creation. I wondered what would've happened in Kundalini Illusions beyond the levitation, if I had just let myself go completely. Suddenly I understood that it was some sort of trick - a test?

Listening to Pramahansa Yogananda's 'Behold the All in One' made me realize how we do in fact get so caught up in the movie - that we forget we're actors playing our part in a script.

There were tears and I imagined Gods hand was grand, powerful and even destructive but as I place my physical hands in Gods visualized hand it is soft, gentle and kind soothing me. I focused on my breathing and let go.

I was resting on my front side, on the verge of sleep where there was sweet silence. I could feel rectum sensation - pulsing and then nearer the genetilia. I have read about this, it is known as the Mula Bandha - the root lock. This has occured several times before each time I met it with resistance. It is pulsing and pumping - I cannot bear it but know again the pull of maya is so strong she is seducing me in order to distract me from my intention. This allows me to not resist the sensations and I let go giving in only to my intention. The energy pulsing there travels up along my spine to the back of my head where the brain begins to charge. This charge is localized in the back region of the brain. The energy was intensely orgasmic, so sexual, the body was on the verge of erupting like a volcano.

My focus was on God - and I understood that this game of Maya's can either divert my attention away from God or be the foundation in which I could overcome those base urges.

I was aware that the charge had come now to a certain level, where the brain was picking up radio signals. A man speaking, possibly on a radio station or tv broadcast.

I start to dream and in this dream I have lost my focus on God. I dream that I am with a partner who I know from PR. We both cannot resist each other and there is this uncontrollable desire to give in to our sexual needs. In each scene there is interruption, always someone trying to make us feel a little embarrassed and in certain scenes it was inappropriate for us to carry on with our sexual acts - but we do so shamelessly - uncaring that others who just happen to be passing by find it inappropriate.

I woke up from a few scenes feeling the sexual intoxification and then slipping back in the dream.

Friday, 10 December 2010

Kundalini Laughter

This morning had a dream about Clark Kent and Chloe Sullivan from tv show Smallville - which is just too long to go into here. Just before physically waking up became aware of my sleeping body. Suddenly I was laughing loud which focused my awareness in the body, I felt really good, some kind of wonderful feeling bubbling inside. Completely awake I was trying to figure out exactly why I was laughing. I've read that in K activated people spontaneous vocalizations are common.

Of course such information is not enough too satiate my hunger for a deeper more precise understanding. After some pondering a thought came to me what if I am not the one experiencing what I think I am experiencing and there is this 'Other' that is the one going through the motions.

Hemi-Sync Brain Going Inwards

Last night listening to Wave 1 Intro to F10, during the brain relaxation part the brain would expand and contract until eventually it felt like it was being squeezed inside out which was startling I had to gasp for some air. I was very deeply relaxed yet mind a bit too awake which is actuallly the whole point. Felt like I had gone much deeper in relaxation with Hemi-sync than any other such sessions. Was unable to relax arms, I placed both hands near chest but heaviness made my chest feel crushed in that relaxed state, so placed on side and unfortunately there was still some discomfort.

Listened to same track again this morning, managed to relax but signal to empty bladder interfered.

Wednesday, 8 December 2010

Hemi-Sync Insomnia and The Fear Test

So I thought Hemi-sync will help as a sleeping aid to help me fall asleep faster which it has for the past few days. Last night track no.1 had no effect I was too awake all the way throughout and not exactly following the exercise. Then at about 12am decided to listen to the Hemi-sync TGE intro track for wave 1, did the trick - by the time Monroe counted to 10 I was fast asleep - or not. Maybe it was just one seriously long click out, felt like it when I opened eyes at 2am. I think the main thing waking me up is the signal to empty bladder - I have been drinking plenty of water lately.

I should probably mention here that there is this new symptom where I feel below the abdomen lower right some organ bulging. I'll write about it in another post.

In bed since 2am awake having no idea that I will not be able to sleep at all - this also happened the day before y'day. I was doing a lot of thinking, my thoughts running on a treadmill. I had this one thought and it just came randomly, I thought of a seriously scary looking flying creature coming through the window to frighten me. With this vision in my minds eye I thought if such a fearsome thing were to happen I would not fear. I will give the creature a hug, tell it that it is loved and send it on its way.

6:10am decided to listen the intro track again only this time I will follow the exercise properly. The relaxation part really helped. However, during the relaxation my right eardrum fluttered at such a speed that it induced heat. Just went with the flow and then at some point I heard a different sound like a heart beat in my ears I'm certain it was coming from the audio and I may have heard sounds that are hard to pick up on -will check manual. Went through the entire exercise conscious, I was so relieved to finally be in a relaxed state of mind - the closest thing to sleep at the time I was going to get.

After the end of the track, got comfortable and finally falling asleep where the brain buzzing began. Suddenly I could hear relative voices in a state of panic, I could feel and sense something nearby. I sat upright on the bed looked at the half opened window - no blinds. Outside was the vision of the flying creature I had a few hours ago, only there's more than one. I didn't even recall I had thought of this creature - too busy panicking. Started screaming inside. Eyes twisted and I saw one part of the wall covered in bits of papers for note making which was not really there. I untwisted my eyes (don't know how) and the wall in reality returned. Then my eyes twisted again and the vision of the large noticeboard returned. Can't recall what happened after this - too sleepy and I could feel that my brain was harmonizing meaning buzzing and all that going on. Woke up at 9:00am certain that what I experienced was a False Awakening.

Monday, 6 December 2010

Anger Release Dreams

Another dream where I am releasing tons of emotion, mostly anger. In this dream someone has annoyed me so much I start rehearsing how I will punch the person's tailbone - ready to shatter this part to pieces.

Sunday, 5 December 2010

The Ex-cape

I'm in my sisters house. I am so happy to see my cheerful nephew. The house is so different to what it really is like in reality - here it's bigger and more old fashioned looking. In one room with the door open I see my bro-in-law on the phone. I look at my reflection in the hallway mirror. I look so awful and dull. In another room I see my niece and I begin to wonder if she came here with me. I go to her and give her a happy hug, then my cousin the young version of her shows up. Walking down the stairs now with cousin, niece and nephew following me. Suddenly my ex pops out of nowhere. I walk past him pretending I didn't see him, he grabs my arm and stops me from moving further.

I have an urge to beat him up, push him and throw him down the stairs. Still he is getting very touchy, grabs my arm again and calls my name several time. I pause and almost become lucid. The anger is too much I am frustrated with his behaviour. In order to humiliate him I brand him a 'pervert' thinking that would stop him getting in my way making him feel embarrassed, but he becomes even more persistent. Deep down I'm thinking why did he have to show up - I look like such a mess.

I head for the kitchen where I think I'm fixing up a drink for the kids, ignoring my ex as much as possible. I take a quick look at him, he has carpet fibre all over his hair. I laugh inside thinking he looks like a dog that just rolled over some loose carpet, and there I was thinking I look like a mess.

I take the kids out through the garden outside for a walk, wondering what to do for the rest of the day. The kids are running off as I slip on some sludge, ex tries to help me up but I gesture to him that I don't need his help. He walks off. Trying to catch up with the kids I notice they're walking with my ex chatting with him, clearly enjoying his company. I am hit with an enormous pang of jealousy, stomp my feet and turn around to head in the other direction. Again I slip over the sludge, it is just not my day. I march like a raving lunatic, it's helping with releasing the anger I'm feeling. Suddenly I see my cousin by my side with the rest behind me.

She asks me what we're planning to do. I say "Copy me, we're gonna keep marching like this, performing all kinds of exercise moves until our lungs give out. We're gonna get so exhausted until all we wanna do is relax and then give into sweet sleep". I emphasise the sleep part because I want to go to sleep and forget everything. A quick glance at my cousin and I can see she's not too keen about my plan. There's a gang of girls on one side of the pavement, arguing and I think about my trouble maker sister wondering where she is. I know deep down my sudden concern for my sister is really just a distraction from the real issues that I'm having with my ex.

An interesting and very peculiar dream, first of all I don't even have any issues with my ex. In fact the people that I have real issues with I rarely ever dream about. Dreams about my ex, at least this one is very rare for me but I wonder what the message is in this if any - perhaps it was an incentive to wake me up, but very hard when you're caught up in frustration and anger.

I've been listening to Hemi-sync Opening The Heart series past few days, not really very conscious of the exercises since I listen to it at around 10pm. It actually puts me to sleep and one of the side effect of that is waking up at 2:30ish am from intense dreams like the one I just shared and TIM. I think I'll continue listening to this at 10pm every day since I am so in need of a sleeping aid.

Saturday, 4 December 2010

TIM - The Important Man

Last night had this very long vivid dream.

There is a man who looks a lot like the actor Gregory Itzin from tv show 24. In the dream he seems to be playing a leader role but not exactly a president - he is definitely someone of importance. I'll call him Tim. Tim is at his headquarters, this office not so grand but not so small either. He has cheerful people around him - environment very friendly and positive.

A young man tells Tim that he has been promoted and that means a change of office environment. At this stage I'm very much in the background of the dream, just watching without interrupting.

Enter Tim's new office in a busy city building. I don't like this new environment, it is the complete opposite of his lively and friendly office which he left behind. It is so dark here and the office uses only artificial lighting whereas previous office was naturally lit. I feel this place is so wrong. As if Tim and I are in sync he begins to word similar feelings I am having but indirectly.

Tim: "Can't we work in my old office?"

Assistant: "No sir, you're needed here"

My thoughts: I don't like this assistant

Enter scene: A young slender woman wearing heels and an evening dress - takes a seat across from Tim. Let's call her Scarlett. The discussion they are having is inaudible. I realize Scarlett is Tim's daughter. She takes out a gun and insist Tim places his jacket on the table - pouring some kind of liquid on it and makes him wear it. There is a burning smell I realize its acid that is burning through his flesh - Scarlett exits at this stage. This time I move out of the background into the scene as if a part of it. I help take off jacket.

I expect the assistant to call the ambulance but seeing he is also helping Tim I quickly make the call.

My thoughts: I'm in the USA right now need to dial 911.

Phone ringing.

I ask for the ambulance realizing at this point that I don't even know where I am nor what I am doing here. Just this undeniable feeling that I must protect Tim. The operator tells me they have my location (they have a system where they can instantly trace my call).

Assistance: Why did you do that, the burns are minor. That was not necessary.

Me: What? He's just been burnt?

When Tim agrees with the assistant I feel beaten. I call back to cancel since Tim feels it will be a waste of time but there is no answer.

Tim and I walk out the building for some fresh air. I am so glad to be away from his assistant. At the exit there is some black bar that thrashes down like a mouse trap - it almost impacts Tim. We're both walking down a street completely unfamiliar to me. I know myself in this dream as me 'Jasmine' but I don't question my existance in this unfamiliar place nor get so lucid that I control the dream. On the road I think I see the ambulance van.

Me: "Lets get the paramedics to quickly get those burns checked since they're already here".

Suddenly a mini bus passes by, loaded with drinks and people overcrowding it. I forget about the paramedics.

Me: "Wow, that is different, back in the UK we don't have a drink bus"
Tim: "Come here I want to show you something."

Tim is pointing at a young man and tells me that it's his cousin. We continue walking while all the while I am very suspicious about the mouse like trap and deep down I know Tim's assistant was behind it.

Me: "Tim, I have to tell you something, from the very first moment I met your assistant I knew something was not right about him. I don't know how I know this but he was behind the bar incident. You have to get rid of him."

He silently acknowledges my request and I think deep down he was also suspicious of his assistant but taking it seriously now.

We walk into an elevator and behind us I can feel Tim's cousin, Scarlett and her friend join us. There is a bench inside the elevator. Tim, cousin and friend are seated. Silence and then Tim breaks the ice.

Tim: "I think we need to talk, maybe we can talk about something?" he's trying to patch things up with his daughter and I could tell she also wants things to work out.

Me: "Yeah, I think the food in your old office was so much better than that new shabby place." I turn to look at Scarlett. "What do you think?"

She nods her head and smiles. I know Tim is gonna be okay and everythings going to be fine with this new feeling I am so relieved of some kind of pressure I felt throughout. As I walk out of elevator I wake up from the dream.

Friday, 3 December 2010

Opening The Heart Brain Orgasm

Last night listened to Opening The Heart after rummaging through mp3 player running out of songs to listen to. Immediately as the track started had intense brain orgasm. It happened so suddenly and I couldn't stop laughing. I knew to remain still and allow it to just happen, kept laughing because everything about this entire process is just so comical. It was not spontaneous laughter, deliberate because I found it funny - so funny I just could not control the laughter. Each time I kept laughing I would prepare myself to stop laughing and try to be passive but could not hold it back.

Wednesday, 1 December 2010

Deciphering Dreams

My dreaming has been somewhat vague, I think in change with the season I am experiencing changes in energy levels. I wake up extremely tired wanting to get some more sleep but it is incredibly difficult, however I'm not so fatigued throughout the day. There is however this lack of motivation to carry on throughout my day, like not do anything unless it's research on areas that seem very important to me at this time and causing much difficulty in focusing on work. Almost automatically being pulled in these new directions and I am not even resisting but even in my non-resistance there is resistance. Okay this post is already off topic.

Dreams have been vague due to morning fatigue. This morning I was able to recall 5 dreams all of which were very vivid. I will try my best to decipher them.

1. Forbidden Courtroom Romance
I'm in a courtroom looking at the trouser suit I'm wearing, then I see a man pacing in the courtroom. We're both lawyers and there is some incredible chemistry between us. I look at his suit and it is the same as mine. It seems our outfits match. - Next scene I'm in a classroom where a middle aged woman is teaching something about law and says how fortunately by giving the talk herself she has been able to reduce time or price. She has this very strict and professional demeanor. She doesn't speak in words but I see from her expressions that she is not pleased with my relationship with the other lawyer and is telling me (nvc) to end it and keep our relationship professional. - Next scene I am in an office with the lawyer going through some files - he seems agitated and angry and I know it is because our boss has also forbidden him from commencing our relationship.

This dream is representative for the union of feminine and masculine - however there is a third something in the middle, a blockage? a barrier? I have felt like this lately like a war, some kind of battle going on within and I notice it with the changes of my mood.

2. Toilet Exposure
I'm in the toilet bleeding, remove pad and squat on toilet seat. I'm in the middle of cleaning when I hear my nephew (N), he calls my mum over to quickly see something. I look at the lock on door at which point the door opens, I shriek after being exposed and try to close the door. At this point I'm shifting lucid of the shift - my eyes open I see a floral pattern on maroon canvas until I clock on that it's my pillow on side of bed and I am paralyzed relieved the toilet incident was a dream. Close eyes and dreaming continues.

I think this dream represents my secretiveness in my spiritual endeavours, nobody that I know truly know this side of me - lets just call it the spiritual seeker in me. I never allow that part to be exposed and the whole bleeding and cleaning up is me cleaning my house but I want to do it in private without anyone knowing about it.

3. Resident Evil
I've dreamt about this game plenty of times, one of my favourite game series ever. Each time I've dreamt about RE I'm always inside the game playing as one of the main characters. I am in one of those creepy labs, across to this lab I see partner - Chris I think. I am inside this game, seriously so cool. I can feel a zombie to the far left behind me I walk away collecting a new kind of weapon - a grenade that I have to use before it blows me up - of course I blow up several times before I realize this. Chris is busy fighting off his zombies, I seem to be walking away from mine. Then the angle changes and my consciousness is next to zombie, I am seeing from the perspective of the zombie the tone and feeling changes to something very grim.

I'm going for the obvious when describing this one, I think what it represents is that there is a dynamite in me ready to explode and maybe the whole coming back to life is a message of rebirth. Very Kundalini oriented message in this one.

4. Who Are You? Who Am I?
I am on the computer, viewing full screen a flash website belonging to a recently famed singer. His tale is one of rags to riches. When he sings I realize I've always loved singing but something I just didn't have time to think about or concentrate on as much as I would've loved. His voice is mesmerising but very ordinary and then he repeats two questions singing 'Who are you? Who am I?' My mind seems to be locked onto these ?s.

Perhaps these are questions that I need to ponder, I don't know what else it represents other than something I need to figure out.

5. Neighbourly Show Off
I woke up from last dream and still feeling very sleepy went back to sleep then had this dream.
I'm in the garden, my fence is removed from left. Also my neighbours garden is different - dried grass all over, removed trees. Even my garden is different, only the grass on my side is green. Neighbours are different. They are playing sport. I go to my garden doing flips and somersaults making every attempt to show off - I am heading towards neighbours on the right, where I stop showing off coz something has caught my attention but interrupted in PR and wake up.

I'm not sure what this one represents - perhaps change? Most of the dreams I've had this morning seem to be signalling change.

Thursday, 25 November 2010

The Kundalini Red Light and Other Lives

Had this dream but not quite a dream - a merging of another dream into this dream we call reality.

Here's what happened - I recall that I was in bed but also in another realm. There are flashing white lights and immediately I know this has to do with the Kundalini Energy. A memory comes to me and suddenly I am someone entirely different. As this different Being (not person) I am recalling the live I had lived or am currently living. The memory running in mind is of being a man, who is going through a Kundalini Awakening, as this other Being I am confirming that it is one of the finest best life lived or perhaps is still living.

I have a false awakening, it is middle of the night out in the hallway, there are two men coming up the stairs I think they're my sisters friends. Back in bed I am contemplating where I have last seen one of the two men who I seem to recognize. More lights flash - to my right at the far end of my bedroom a reddish bright orange light flashes but is almost static - static enough to get a good look at it.

I know without looking at the clock it's 6am. A few minutes later turn lamp on - just a few minutes past 6 and I am contemplating, trying to make sense of these lights and that feeling and rummaging through other living lives.

Yesterday I felt heavily depressed, there's this feeling of burden in my life and it is due to a current life circumstance - I know exactly what it is. I find myself caught in it and I don't know how to get out. Very emotional stressful time for me.

The Kundalini Red Light and Other Lives

Had this dream but not quite a dream - a merging of another dream into this dream we call reality.

Here's what happened - I recall that I was in bed but also in another realm. There are flashing white lights and immediately I know this has to do with the Kundalini Energy. A memory comes to me and suddenly I am someone entirely different. As this different Being (not person) I am recalling the live I had lived or am currently living. The memory running in mind is of being a man, who is going through a Kundalini Awakening, as this other Being I am confirming that it is one of the finest best life lived or perhaps is still living.

I have a false awakening, it is middle of the night out in the hallway, there are two men coming up the stairs I think they're my sisters friends. Back in bed I am contemplating where I have last seen one of the two men who I seem to recognize. More lights flash - to my right at the far end of my bedroom a reddish bright orange light flashes but is almost static - static enough to get a good look at it.

I know without looking at the clock it's 6am. A few minutes later turn lamp on - just a few minutes past 6 and I am contemplating, trying to make sense of these lights and that feeling and rummaging through other living lives.

Yesterday I felt heavily depressed, there's this feeling of burden in my life and it is due to a current life circumstance - I know exactly what it is. I find myself caught in it and I don't know how to get out. Very emotional stressful time for me.

Tuesday, 23 November 2010

Meditation Pain

I meditated about 2 hours ago. I focused breathing in and naturally between the brows there is a tense pressure sensation which actually occurs regardless of meditation. I think meditating made the tenseness more intense due to awareness level.

I tried to do chakra breathing as recommended on KAS1 site. Focus on 6th Chakra was easy since the sensations there are always present so I focused on the base chakra instead there was a lot of pulsing at the soles of my feet. Left foot began to hurt - then I felt a ball at base chakra going up. It was like an actual solid ball moving inside not just an energetic sensation. The ball traveled up to the solar plexus, slowly creeping its way up to the heart chakra where its movement spreaded out - it changed from the form of a ball into something that spread outwards, it was melding within my ribcage.

There has been a sharp pain concentrated in the left leg, nothing serious but I could feel that the pain was just a preview of things to come when I make meditation a daily practice. Note that just a while ago I posted that I cannot meditate - but I can, I made it seem impossible when the truth is I am avoiding the next phase - deep down I know this next phase will be immensely challenging. I am not determined that there will be pain because anything is possible - I just have this feeling.

The Safeties, The Five Tibetan Rites and Stuff I need to do

I haven't really had much of a practice lately - meditation hasn't worked out well, my mind seems to be on a treadmill and I have much difficulty remaining still.

I realize now more than ever I need to learn to prioritize - there is much going on in my life that seems to be taking me away from my practices but I cannot let that intefere. From now on I am practicing the the Five Tibetan Rites (started a few days ago, very easy) and The Safeties. Also doing the Sixth Tibetan Rite when the sexual urges show up.

I don't want to schedule prayer time - rather let that come naturally and it actually does. I tend to find myself praying without intending to do so. Another important aspect is assisting my body to detox thoroughly which I'm doing by changing my diet. I have cut out most of the processed food but have found it challenging due to cravings. I want to include some yogic cleansing methods which include nasal passage cleansing (neti pot), enemas and trataka and carry on with breathing practice which was halted shortly after getting started.

List of what I am to include:

Healthy Eating
5 Tibetan Rites
6th Tibetan Rite - requires celibacy
Nasal Cleansing (Neti pot)

Friday, 19 November 2010

Hit By A Car

...well, almost. It was so very close.

I did not really want to include this in a post and have no idea why I'm doing so now, a nagging desire to have it in writing for reasons unknown.

It happened after the Killer Beings experience in September. My youngest sister made me watch something on youtube - it was this really twisted clip of two friends pulling a prank on another friend. The prank doesn't go exactly the way it was intended. The person they pulled the prank ended up running out the house screaming on the road and instantly hit by a car.

I was angry at my sister for showing it to me, I so completely wanted the image erased out of my mind as it left me so disturbed. I've watched plenty of horror movies and nothing has left me as disturbed as that clip had. Deep down I had this feeling this was their way of telling me how I will be aborted - I am referring to the Beings from the Killer Beings experience.

You might at this point think I'm really paranoid, superstitious and just plain mad. I thought so too until about 30 or 40 minutes later I got a glance at the TV, my other sister was watching some spoof comedy. There was a scene - female character on the road not unlike the youtube character, in a heartbeat she is hit by a car, several times. I felt so incredibly sick to my stomach.

I knew I had to be cautious when crossing roads but I thought maybe I'm completely overlooking this - trying to make something out of nothing. Two days later out shopping, having no idea how it happened I almost got hit by a car, a van actually. I was halfway across the road and knew in that instant that if I tried to carry on running the van would surely hit me. So I stopped and the van braked hard immediately just a few inches from where I stood. After an embarrassing glance and deep sigh off I went acting as if nothing major happened.

It reminds me of an incident that occurred in my teens which I have been unable to explain to myself but found a possible explanation from another site (click here to read).

I was about 15 at the time. One day after school headed home, I was at the crossing waiting for the walk sign. All I recall is one minute staring at the light, hearing distant sirens and the next minute the sensation of someone pulling me back. A middle aged woman pulled me back, she asked if I was okay. It took me time to realize what happened. I almost got hit by speeding police cars and every pedestrian present were staring at me as if I was mad, the strange thing was I could not recall crossing the road. I was certain that I did not cross the road. It was like I completely zoned out and whatever moved my body was not me or at least I was not conscious of moving myself.

Saturday, 13 November 2010

Knitting Insights

When I knit something begins to happen - I am not talking about a relaxed state of mind but a kind of charge of thoughts revealing something that I get in the moments of knitting but cannot hold onto and later recall.

What I can say for the time being is that knitting, weaving a pattern is synonymous to creation. After creating a big swatch and then unravelling the stitches - this is synonymous to destruction, for some reason I get a wonderful sense of elation during this process. It is interesting because I have found through this process that destruction doesn't mean 'the end' - it is simply a part of a fresh new beginning. I think the physical reality we percieve is weaved in the same way and unravelled in the same manner as knitted stitches, but the thread is always there to be weaved.

Eating Habits and Knitting

Before the K awakening I have to admit I never gave much thought to my diet and nutrition intake, in fact I just ate as I pleased.

Now I give a majority of thought to what I eat, and I am understanding more and more that the health of the physical body determines how much K energy can bring in without manifesting chaos within in the physical body. There are of course other factors that play a role such as mental health. It seems that the key is absolute simplicity in all area of one's life - not just the way someone eats and what they eat, but in everything.

For over a month now I have included sprouts, nuts and salads in my meals - I hope to make it a daily thing. I have been taking 1tbsp of Blackstrap molasses with warm water daily which I believe has helped a lot with the headaches and migraines since these seem completely non-existant now despite there being quite a lot of energy in the head region.

Getting my dependency off cooked food is difficult especially in the winter period with all sorts of craving popping out of nowhere.

Static electricity has been a major shock lately - one morning woke up and wrapped myself with a shawl, then took off only to get zapped seeing the blue sparks perfectly clear in the morning darkness. I knew then that my shawl was made of synthetics not quite agreeable to the physical body infused with K. Static electricity is more common in the winter which is why I have now gotten rid of quite a lot of items - to the point where I'm learning to knit my own cardigans with quality materials - a skill that I was interested in about a year ago but never quite took up, only recently have I mastered it in a matter of a few days. I get this mysterious sense of wonder as I knit which I'll write about in next post.

Monday, 8 November 2010

Kundalini Update

I have updated most of the mental and psychic (experiences of seeing light etc) which are found in most of the experiences I had in october.

The physical sensations do not occur so often - a few minutes usually in random places but mostly in legs and surges in fingers and hands, I still get the spasms in various muscles but mostly in legs.

One of the major symptom lately occured on the day I had 'Brain Antenna' experience. My speech that day was awkward - I would think of words to say and as I say them they come out garbled, just on a few words - the most scary part however was when my thoughts in my mind came at garbled, very unusual to witness and even alarming. I understand words coming out wrong but thoughts coming out wrong? Now that's a thought that scares me.

Ever since researching raw foods and healthy living I have been getting very worried and anxious maybe paranoid knowing so much about nutrition and deficiencies which are common in todays society. Realizing just how sick my previous diet really was has made me very conscious everytime something K happens - sometimes when I get the spasms I wonder what kind of deficiency is causing it and even with the tingles. It seems that everything about the Kundalini is some major detox on all possible levels and not just the physical but it seems that the physical body is what experiences the brunt of the detoxing as it is so sensational.

For a while especially after Realization experience the anxieties and worries had stopped until once again I keep trying to figure out obsessively how to get the physical body supremely fit.

I am now letting go of this paranoia, meaning detaching from the physical body because after all a car is just a car and though it is wise to use only the best fuel so that the car (body) is not neglected I do need to learn to trust the process and allow the body to function without me getting in the way with these absurd worries.

Skull Shifting

I have been keeping a track on the structure of my skull for about 2 months, not everday of course - maybe several days at a time to see if there has been any shift. Today I can feel a very noticeable change - the part that I think is the posterior fontanelle is much wider and partly soft but very much like an indentation something I did not feel previously. Nothing different about the anterior fontanelle but in general my skull feels different. I made sure to compare this part of the skull with two of my sisters skulls and found they did not have this.

I have read that it is common in Kundalini awakenings for fontanelles to become soft.

Friday, 5 November 2010

Brain Antenna and the Third Eye

I woke up at 3:30am - was too awake and so two hours later I stated my intention to AP and asked Divine Forces to assist me.

Relaxing was very difficult - this is the problem with trying too hard. I got comfortable and entertained the prospect that I probably will not AP.

Eventually I hear my sister speak - at first I thought she is in the room next to me until her voice got louder and I figured she was inside my head. I can't recall what she was talking about but I recall it was like some of the ordinary conversations we had and then other voices blend in and I was hearing people I knew and maybe people I cannot recall. I realized at that moment that my brain literally has stored recorded audio and past AP experiences would suggest it is also like a radio that picks up different frequencies and I can listen to all the radio stations. The brain is an antenna. Everything is dark but I'm sensing that I am spinning outwards and sinking downwards only I find myself housed back in the awareness of my physical body with sensations in the head.

There is a sensation at the back of my head - drilling inwards causing a rigorous buzz inside my brain, I feel something working on the brain stem or near that location, possibly the cerebellum. The sensation is also in my forehead it is so intense that my teeth are automatically clenching to cope with the extraordinary stress this sensation is producing. I open my eyes - it's still dark. Closing eyelids something has caught my attention. A sort of irregular ring at the centre of my forehead, composed of melting silver. I open eyes and close again only to see the silver reappear all the while the sensations intensify in head only when I focus on this ring I feel those sensations easy to cope with. I am observing this cell like ring - the melting silver is moving trying to form into something. Almost like it is trying to perfect itself into a kaleidoscope-like pattern. I myself am waiting for the pattern to form and deep down know that the pattern is like the climax of this experience.

I feel this has something to do with the third eye. I'm not sure if what I am observing is the third eye or sight through the third eye. Several times the melted silver is trying to form into something unknown to me. Each time I feel it is so close only it keeps reverting back to the same irregular blobs of silver. Eventually I lose sight of this almost close to losing consciousness, I feel somewhat exhausted and in need of uninterrupted sleep - becoming more focused in the physical body I can still feel brain being worked on but just a slight buzz. I turn to my front side and can feel and hear the mushy sound coming from the area of my brain that was worked on. I had this knowing that I should not make any sudden movements as the brain is still reintegrating - I try to get some sleep instead I end up staying awake but motionless for a long time.

Monday, 1 November 2010

Ausome Water - Delayed Reviews

I took some Ausome water about a week ago for two consecutive days. Each day a few minutes after sipping on 500ml water with 20 drops Ausome water I had a few familiar sensations (tingling etc) which I have been having since K awakening. Each time however there was a distinctive sharp pain near my left knee spreading outwards up and down in left leg.

I feel Ausome water would be a lot more effective with consistent use, however haven't really found enough time to do this so I am taking it whenever I can free up some time.

Tuesday, 26 October 2010


Woke up at 2am, by 3:30am I thought about using this opportunity to AP - felt in the mood and was able to stay up longer than usual.

As I got prepared I wondered if I should try to keep my options open - this time I invited those Forces who are invisible to the human eye to assist me. I asked if they could open up my perception so that I could see them more clearly at all times, if they can help fine tune me and that I will remain open in how that will be done and not impose methods that I think will work. I asked that only Forces of the Divine come to assist me for Divine Purposes.

I breathed deeply a few times into my abdomen and then relaxed. There was some movement at base of spine and some tingle in leg. Focused on my breathing but noticed how my attention would wander off. Turned from my back to rest on my front side and felt more comfortable and started dozing off. I became aware of a few dreams starting to play out - one sexual, the others about random stuff. Suddenly my awareness is alerted back to physical, my ear began to vibrate rapidly (can't recall which one). Then the top of my head vibrated, I could feel the movements of my brain just buzzing rapidly without pause. I relax and the spinning occurs.

It is exactly as though spinning on a disc, my body spread out like Vitruvian Man. The spinning is just as fast as the vibrations. Spinning, spinning - next to the window now. I look at the bed as my body flying backwards - physical body absent.

I'm still spinning but in slow motion - on the corner of my room near the window I see two small rings of light. Spinning around I am positioned to the other side of the room still can sense where the window is I am sinking down, I could reach out towards the window, I could fly I could take control but I'd rather not. I want to experience and let those forces map this journey out without me interfering. I give in to the sinking but then something flashes near the window - it's scrambling and I naturally float towards it. I am in the sky and the light is etched into black writing. I see the letters and at first read 'freight', then I figure it says 'preach' until I read it backwards - very clearly I'm reading the word 'teach'.

I don't know what to make of this except a few knowings that were triggered. I end up grounded inside a female physical body. There is a man next to me with a few women - these I recognize to be friends of the woman who's body I have occupied. There is another man in front of me who seems to be interrogating us or possibly just making conversation. He is asking for my name - I know my name but know it's not hers, so I turn to my male friend and say 'My friend here will introduce us.' He calls me Kat, I sense it is spelt with K. I affirm. I'm not conversing much, I look around just taking in the scenery. I am in a place of limited buildings, mostly just a field but like a big garden loaded with people and a few pathways. I then focus on the man who was asking for my name and noticed his boobs. I thought he was a man, suddenly I press one of his breast and say 'You're not a man' - LOL, I'm not sure what possessed me to do that.

I don't recall much after that, except I found myself returning gently repositioned. There was a few Kundalini activity, spasm in right leg and a few passing tingles. It has been such a long time since I APed, glad to know I still can do it and the quality has somewhat changed. One significant difference is the brain charge - it is possible that some part of my brain is activated to allow smoother transition. I'll have to AP a few more times to observe this.

What was the message in the word 'teach'? When I read the word it did trigger some knowings in me. Somehow 'teaching' is my assignment, but teaching what, who and how was not very clear.

Monday, 25 October 2010

Heads or Tails?


I'm in the garden, I see a headless cat (white with light brown patches) - no blood just the neck part covered with fur. I'm not as scared as I should be just a little creeped out but more curious. I'm wondering why the head is missing - what does it mean? I think maybe the head is there but I just can't see it so I call to the cat to see if it could sense me. Another cat shows up - this cat is missing its tail and part of its behind. Now I'm even more baffled but my thoughts lead me to thinking it is some kind of puzzle - perhaps the missing head part is to be connected to the missing tails part. I know that would look very weird.

As I walk into the kitchen I could sense my neice and nephew in the garden - they are playing aggressively with the cats. I get images and thoughts of what happens when people are violent with cats and know that these cats will not hesitate to attack them in defense and try to stop this from happening. End

Also dreamt about shopping in a clothing store and a kid rummaging through my handbag stealing some games that I don't own in reality - right in front of me. I remember I keep telling this kid to stop going through my bag until I crack and start yelling.

Monday, 18 October 2010

Realization - more details

After the realization experience I slept a sleepless sleep that night. I was both asleep and awake - hard to describe.

The following day I noted down everything I was able to recall - in this case it wasn't much about recollection but how to express it in words. Here's what I wrote:

Once again I may lose what I received last night. In the same way that butter melts reality was melting - in its melted form this other reality is rather slippery.

Like I've mentioned before there are beings/energies - I feel I should call them forces as they appear to have a power beyond what we could imagine. It also almost seems that our lives are at their mercy, maybe not entirely. There is also our own force, not something we posses but something that possesses us.

There was a phase I went through last year that I didn't write much about nor tell anyone - I became heavily obsessed with conspiracy theories, reptilians etc to the point where David Icke was my idol (this occurred some months before the Kundalini experience). All that stuff now looks like courtroom drama.

I am still thinking what words I should start with - where do I start from, how do I begin to describe the indescribable. On the one hand I feel I could describe it to some degree, on the other hand the only way to really understand this is to directly experience it.

Outwardly it is nothing different to my previous experiences with Salvia. However, I went deeper and witnessed the inner working at a deeper level. I have no choice but to write about all that occurred without the 'profound' element because that is something you have to experience as it is completely inexpressible in words.


I chewed the Salvia leaves expecting very little this time as the leaves were mostly just crumbles - I had to sieve it when draining. I had no particular intention - just wanted to use up the remaining leaves and be done with it. I think it is my not having any goal, intention no asking any questions that helped allow a new opening - there are no ambitions clouding or shaping my experience so that I see everything as it really is.

Chewed away, transition fast. All shifted, this time I feel I am 'seated' in that being - it's almost as though there's been a switch, instead of 'it' wearing 'me' I am wearing 'it'. Or what seems more likely to me is that Being is experiencing what it already knows to be whilst wearing me more fully. All around me are other Beings, the Forces that be. Everyone are Being who they really are There in that Reality, not a Physical Reality, but the Reality that powers the Physical Reality.

We're at some event, the impression I get is that it is a wedding ceremony. I feel somehow I'm an impostor - the wedding crasher, like I was not meant to be there.

It is like I'm hiding under the table, it is not really a table just metaphorically it is. There is a Being hovering above me, then another 2 Beings, all together it seems like a Force hovering above me. It appears the Forces are passing by moving from A to B, but really what is happening is that there is an energy in play in front of me. From this energy the formless is taking form. I am surrounded now, and all look at me with suspicion or maybe it was curiosity.

I am simply witnessing silently, the formless that binds the form (PR) and the physical matter receives its quality from this formless. A dam has burst somewhere and I am drowning in a great flood of understanding, in that moment I know more than I have ever known.

I understand the plight of all those who have this Realization experience, this realization about the nature of reality, nature of one's being. How unreal all this physical reality actually is, and who we really are and the very fact that who we think we are is not real.

PR is being put back together, I wonder is it that reality is being put back together or the faculty through which the PR is perceived is being rearranged. Whatever it is, the element that allows me to see this aspect of Reality is being deactivated - we're all back in position, like little soldiers we're doing as commanded. Again we have to pretend now and once again assume whatever role we decided to play, only I am pretending to be pretending. The forces come back to me once again all attention on me. Once you truly know, this whole affair of pretending becomes a very strange task and hard to do. I try to be charming, bat my eyelashes but only metaphorically and my eyes widen, metaphorically stretching. I'm trying to do something to divert their attention so that they don't notice that I'm too 'aware' to be pretending.

Coming more into ordinary waking consciousness no doubt highly transformed from what it used to be, I get on the computer to write about this while it is all so fresh in my mind, but I thought deeply about this and wondered who am I writing to, who will be reading this - after all nobody exists. Regardless there was this urge to get it all down asap, I typed blogger in google search and the black and white Oscar Wilde google logo caught my still infused vision - clicked on it feeling strongly that there is a message in it.

'A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.' - Oscar Wilde

The message was clear and it got my attention and I know who sent it - it is from the Forces that I've witnessed - they send messages, all kinds of messages like this all the time. We are mostly not aware of them because we get too caught up in the illusion, but their presence is more closer to us than what we can mentally perceive. The animal totems for eg. are one kind of message - their messages are all around us and not just externally - everything that we ever need to know is closer to us than our flesh and bones. Intuition is the tool through which messages are much more enhanced but the best form of messaging is direct Knowing. There is still so much that I don't know and understand like:

What is the purpose of this illusion?
Why are we acting, playing these roles?
Who created this illusion?
What is our purpose here in this illusion?
Who are the Forces?
Are there good Forces or bad Forces? (I get this feeling that there is neither good nor bad Forces)
and of course whose wedding did I crash?

As you could imagine I have so many more questions and I will think about them at another time. Since taking Salvia that night my head feels like it is being cracked open - the pain is immense, still present as I write this.

There seems to be a kind of after-effect of this experience which includes freedom - from worry, pain (I can even handle the immense pain in my head), and the freedom from fear. Somehow nothing in this illusion seems to be of any consequence.

Friday, 15 October 2010


...and now I know why they lock up all the crazy people.

It's not that I don't know where to begin, but I know no one will believe me. This is something I will try to explain, to describe as best as I could.

I decided that I will finish off remaining salvia leaves. I went pretty fast, still in bedroom, my bedside table starting to shift, the formless felt through the form. There are energy beings all gathered around me. Everyone is sort of taking a break from PR -

then we must all go back to our place now, meaning back to pretending. Only I'm still awake - I was able to retain my identity because the whole time I kept thinking about how I would describe this all on the blog - that is what kept me remaining. Get a good picture in your mind, it was like a journalist at some big event, waiting for the biggest scoop she'll ever get on the nature of reality. Everything started looking at me, and in a very cheeky way I tried to ward this attention off of me. They're kind of looking down at me I'm sure disapproving of my awareness. I metaphorically bat my eyelashes, trying to tell them how brilliant I am and that I should be trusted.

They were all waiting for me to forget but they know I can't now - now that the deed is done. This is what they mean by Realization - I could never have guessed this is what it would be. I can't describe it so clearly but when I'm settled by tomorrow and a bit more 'together' I shall clearly state as much as I could. Something tells me that even then I will not find the right words.

Rambling now...

We are all just expressions of these higher beings - despite appearance they are all around us, they form the very things that we can see, beyond that they form our seeing. They help put the illusion together - as I write this I wonder who am I sharing this with, who is the one that gets this.

In my excitement while logging on at this late hour - I'm on google typing in blogger to get to this page because that's something I do out of habit (don't ask me why I don't have blogger saved on bookmarks). In the google search page there is a picture of a man with a lamp as the google logo. I think this is odd and I am intrigued but know this is some kind of message- I click on the google logo and am taken to a search list on Oscar Wilde (it's his birthday).

'Oscar Wilde Quotes' catches my attention and this is what is written in description/preview

'203 quotes and quotations by Oscar Wilde. ... Oscar Wilde A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the ...' how does it finish I wonder, knowing there is a message in it?

I click on it and read it all

A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.'

Sadly, there is a great truth in this.

Sunday, 10 October 2010

The Shift

Chewed on 8 quids of Salvia @ 10:55pm without mouthwash. 4 quids seems to enough for a brief experience, once I get to 5th quid I'm struggling through the chewing process as it starts to take effect.

Shifted more quickly and smoothly. External noise did not bother me because I made my peace with it beforehand and I got this surge of good feelings whilst preparing the Salvia. All external sound reduced I think mostly because I changed my focus.

At this stage I am aware that everything is consciousness and interconnected, the walls of my room, the structure of my house attached to the structures of neighbouring buildings, roads, plants, trees everything is consciousness, real, alive and communicating.

I'm sensing energies. I recognize one energy, it's Uncle Sy - he is physically in the house speaking with my nan. He communicates to me that I'm not always so welcoming referring to the physical 'J' - I think this is my Uncle's higher self speaking to my higher self.

I am blended with my higher self, human identity is present but without all the background noise (human, earthly concerns).

There are more energies, possibly beings or other higher selves I just can't identify their human counterparts should they have any. They are all focused on me and speaking amongst each other, there is a being telling me that something will happen - it involves the entire Universe and not just the Earth. The Being is informing me not in the human expression of words but through telepathic communication. In order to understand in human terms I am thinking of analogies. I think of a flamenco dancer, we are like the hems of her dress and as she flips her dress inwards to one side I begin to understand. There is going to be an actual shift, a major shift. I was not given the details of what exactly will be shifting but my guess is it has to do with planetary shifts and not just Earth (feel the need to do more research on ascension and 2012). I am being told that now more than ever people need to be aware of this, people need to be prepared because it is not something designated for a future time - it is occurring now. I am not given any further details about how to be prepared.

I realize that I need to tell everyone I can about it, the more people the better. This Being scans me for a portal through which I can channel this info. I start to think about the ways I can share it and this blog was the first thing that flashed in my mind.

The other Beings present started to make themselves more open and communicated. They were all laughing and saying how they did not believe I could do it. They do not have very high expectations for me and begin to point out some obstacles - I join in the laughter and suggest the ways I can overcome these obstacles, that I'll figure it out in the hope that they will have some faith in me. Their main concern (though they were being very comical about it) was that I would not be open enough to express myself fully. Their laughter continued to tease me and joining in made me feel really good - they were friendly and I could sense very good vibes from them. I felt like they were stripping me of my clothing trying to get me naked, only my clothes is made of flesh, blood, bones and a human identity.

I received a flash of knowing about higher selves and how to relate with other people. One thing that was very clear to me was that if I ever wanted to communicate with another person about any issue I could do it more effectively whilst connected to my higher self and communicate with the higher self of other person. I think I will try this out. Once focused in physical body I felt inner vibrations.

I have enough salvia left for one more trip which I will use up, however after that I'm giving this entheogen exploration a rest.

Friday, 8 October 2010

The Boat Ride

My consciousness is in the sky, I'm swooshing down - I feel like I'm moving like the wind. As I move towards the landscape a very beautiful Mediterranean island comes into focus. There is a young woman coming out of a building that looks very well suited for the natural scenery.

Somehow I know this is her parents house and I begin to wonder what she has planned for the future. She is smiling a lot and seems too happy. A young man comes into view, he holds her hands and leads the way to his boat. The man is completely smitten by his lady friend and does not take his gaze away from her. I soon start to feel the way he must be feeling and then I'm feeling the way the woman is feeling.

Suddenly I can feel the sea and I can sense danger lurking about, there is a big rock that they're about to crash in. I then become the warning signal to which the man responds and swiftly swerves his boat sighing with relief that I am able to feel myself. I then start to sense the woman's reaction. She is feeling guilty of allowing her partner to give his complete attention to her. She watches the way he maneuvers the boat and I feel at this point that somehow I'm inside her mind and while I'm there my thought is perhaps I can learn how to ride a boat as it looked so easy. It was like I was implanting this thought inside her head.

This dream is so much different than the usual dreams and much more colourful than I've painted here. It was amazing to sense emotions of the dream characters and at the same time experiencing myself as the element of water and the surrounding atmosphere. It was like I could switch angles at any moment. If I had more control of my dreams it could be even more fun. I think this dream is asking me to learn to maneuver the dream. The boat is symbolical for the 'dream body', the sea is the 'dream' and the young woman represents the 'dreamer'.

Lucid dreaming requires a level of consistency which is the case for any ability we may wish to adopt. I found astral projecting a lot easier maybe because I felt more inspired to project than LD.

Wednesday, 6 October 2010

Ausome Water - Deeper Healing

This time I used 10 drops of ausome in 16oz filtered water. Sipped a bit, no immediate effect. Slowly sipped 8oz of the water and felt like taking a nap. Prior to this I made a wheat milk because my wheat sprouts came out too long and disgustingly sweet - flavoured it and mixed water then took a few sips and after that I was feeling nauseous.

When sipping the ausome I was waiting to throw up - decided to take a nap to help me forget that sick taste left in my mouth.

During the nap I felt pulsing surges in my hands and legs - there was definitely deeper work being done. I flinched several times during the pulses of energy surging. After an hour of napping I felt great - the sick taste was almost completely gone.

Monday, 4 October 2010

The Light and Arabic Songs

I woke up at 4am from a dream where I'm in a public toilet and a man is peeping through some gap and toilet paper is made of plastic and dipped in water. I yell at the man which wakes me up.

I couldn't sleep until 6am, closed my eyes and my awareness changed when I opened them again. There were furniture where they did not belong. Suffering from some memory loss I was trying to remember what my room looked like. I could feel something was very different. I close my eyes and a few minutes later I felt a presence so I opened them again. There was a spark of white light to my left. I moved only my eyes to get a look at it - the light stretched out into a ribbon in front of me, as this occurred the brightness intensified. Then it swooshed up near the top of my head where I felt a presence lurking. Rolled my eyes up to see it but didn't get very far because my brain was being surged with some electric currents.

Suddenly I hear an Arabic song being played with the word 'Allahu' being repeated and then another song with the word 'Habibi' being repeated. I can't recall if the voice was feminine or masculine, maybe because I just couldn't tell since there was no indication of any gender. The songs were beautifully sung and mesmerising.

I know Allahu is derived from word 'Allah' which is basically the Islamic version of 'God'. When I thought what 'Habibi' might mean the word 'Beloved' came to mind. I knew that the songs were trying to clue me in about what was happening but what I couldn't understand is the Arabic format. I do have some background in the Arabic language since my mum tried to raise me as a muslim (which did not work out the way she expected). For a good part of my youth I had to learn this language - the way I was taught was very absurd. I learnt how to connect the letters and read arabic words but was not taught the meaning of the words so I ended up reading dead empty words.

After this incident with the light I slipped into a dream state where I'm looking in the mirror with an array of spots on my forehead - I know this is a sign that I'm detoxing. Then I look at my left eye, there is a big sore red spot on the white part that scares me so much that I actually book an appointment to see the doc - something I haven't done in several years.
I end up in the hospital, there's a female doctor she prescribes me something for the eyes. I get the medicine but decide to leave it as a backup and see if the spot goes away without it. A few days pass by and it's cured I go tell the doctor about this - she tells me 'still, it could be infected' but I don't buy it and happily walk away.

I should note here last night I prayed as I fell asleep, something I do randomly - I felt a really deep emptiness and I asked God if it were possible to fall asleep and never have to wake up again.

Friday, 1 October 2010

Ausome Water Review

The ausome water arrived today. I got excited when unpacking, I guess because I've been waiting for this for 2 weeks. In 16oz filtered water I used 5 drops of ausome water and sipped a glass of it - did not feel anything. Maybe I need to drink it slowly. Added two more drops. There were tiny tingles here and there but that is something that I've gotten used to so I'm not sure if it was the ausome.

After about 30 minutes I noticed my surrounding was inflating just a slight bit. Then nothing really - I think it might be that I was either expecting too much from it or simply did not know what to expect.

I do think maybe the reason why I did not notice any particular change was simply because I had a big feast for lunch or it could be that it is working on some deeper level. Perhaps this will work better on an empty stomach. Also I used only 5 drops in the 16oz water as written on the bottle whereas on the site the recommendation for beginners is 10 drops.

There is something I should mention, since drinking this water I've been peeing a lot - I have read about another user having had this same effect. Now I generally need to make many trips to the bathroom since I drink a lot of water but this time it was so much more within short gaps of time. Also the colour of my urine was very clear each time which is not common for me until later in the evening.

I did pray before consuming the water for effective healing - I realize now after trying this why I felt the impulsion to get it in the first place and the main factor is healing - the healing of the physical, psychic, emotional, spiritual, mental and subtle bodies.

Tuesday, 28 September 2010

Star Drop UFO

I woke up at 6:30am vividly recalling a UFO experience. The thing is I can't recall what time it occured coz I went to bed at 11:30pm woke up again at 2:45am and fell asleep once again at 3:10am but I can't seem to pinpoint the time.

I was in bed just waiting for sleep to kick in. I look out the window and something feels very different. The stars look unusually bright and there is a particular star that I always see in a particular spot. Something dropped from this star and the star dimmed, there was a cylinder case - this is what I thought of it, a case and not a spacecraft but regardless it gently landed on my neighbours roof. I did not panic. I remained absolutely still excited but knew not to get up lest this visitor flee from my curious nature.

I breathed in deeply, stunned and in awe I really had no idea what to expect. A part of the cylinder opened like a door and a bright light swooshed in my room through the window at lightning speed.

It was like a small light that had no particular size or shape, in fact it was constantly morphing. There is a warm radiation emitting from this spectalur light, its glow felt like it was wrapping its arms around me. I've never felt so happy in my life. I felt the light was a guardian, perhaps an angelic force as it had that warm angelic feel to it. At some point the light tried to get inside my left eye.

Unfortunately the light also had a sedative effect, my eyelids kept shutting by themselves. My body just wanted to shut down but I kept prying open my eyes to get a good look at the light, to observe and try to comprehend what was taking place. Eventually I passed out.

Monday, 27 September 2010

Dream Guidance

In the past few days I feel like I have been guided in my dreams. Guidance with how or what to eat and other stuff. I get this big chunk of knowledge that I'm supposed to bring back. However, it is hard to recall it in detail but the lessons are embedded within the database in my head.

I wake up feeling that some lesson was taught and once learned on some level I bring it back but I can't even articulate it.

Obviously this is no accident since after reading the Essene Gospel of Peace a few days ago I decided to request help from Angels to teach me what I need to know something that I have done many times before only this time I seem more open and allowing.

Saturday, 25 September 2010

Where is God?

Last night even though I'm still ill, coughing out phlegm endlessly - actually it's getting a little better but taking quite some time. I think old stuff is coming out.

At midnight I soaked the Salvia leaves, relaxed and started to think about my intention which was to meet the Creator, giver of all life. Checking the time I still had 10 minutes, closed my eyes and continued to relax. 10 minutes became three hours and I was awake at 3:30am at which time I rolled the leaves and got started on the chewing process.

Suddenly towards my third quid the neighbours started to get loud - as usual this irritated me. I wonder if they're vampires, awake at night and nowhere to be seen during the day. My irritation amplified - I got up and started banging the window to shut them up. I finished chewing and tried to relax until I realized what I had just done thinking my neighbours might not like me very much now not that I ever see them. The thought of getting on their bad side just made me paranoid and I was hoping they didn't hear the bang on the window.

Finally gave up the paranoia and let my head rest on the pillow - it was still hard to relax after getting so revved up.

Suddenly I'm expanding, stretching out across the vast face of the Earth and to every living entity that I pass by I ask 'Where is God?'
I ask this not as if I'm meeting God for the first time - but I ask simply because I know God. In the same way I may be looking for someone that I know in the physical reality I was looking for God. I knew where he was but I just couldn't remember. Somehow my memory as that being is fractured it doesn't take long to realize that it is this physical identity that generates this fracture. As I shrink back to the physical body I am still endlessly asking for the whereabouts of God.

My surrounding the walls and window are pointing somewhere outside. In the physical body I wobble to the window, look through the slats up into the sky and ask the living energies around me 'Where? I don't see Him'. Intuitively I know they are pointing at the moon which is all the way on the other side and cannot be seen through my window, but I know that God is not the moon, there is something beyond that they're trying to get me to see.

Once again back in bed another shift takes place, I feel a complete emptiness, so empty even loneliness and sorrow did not fill this vessel - I was in a complete void of nothingness.

Then with closed eyes I felt the spinning sensation, there is some kind of birth taking place, there is a need for celebration - I am waiting for the Earth to sing a song of beauty and grace to greet this event. For some reason the sounds have to come from the Earth, the Earth is like a divine instrument. Then I hear the loud voice which belongs to my neighbour and behind that the police sirens somewhere in the distance. There's a slight confusion until I'm almost fully the Physical 'me' again and after that last horrific unmelodious tune with some sarcasm I think 'Great, like music to my ears'.

Effortless Meditation

After a long absence from meditation y'day I managed to meditate without really planning it.

After some contemplation I relaxed and went into a state of meditation - initially there was some mental chatter, some imagery and then silence. When I ended it I felt quite refreshed and amazed that I didn't get shocked out of it.

I think I may be able to meditate more often but I don't want to plan it out or dedicate a certain time of the day to it - I will allow it to happen when it happens. It's more easier that way and almost no effort is required.

Wednesday, 22 September 2010

Fire Escape Dream

I'm in a relative's house - there are other relatives around me and people I've never met. My host is telling me to help myself to some of the food he cooked. I see my ex and start to feel a mix of emotions, awkward and happy at the same time. He approaches me and tells me that I should try the sweet and savoury pudding as I will enjoy it more. It seems he knows that I've stopped eating animal products. I want to say something to him but the presence of my mum and other relatives are making the situation even more awkward.

I help myself to some food as my ex walks away. Old emotions are resurfacing and resulting in feeling regret and guilt. There are some kids playing around in a bedroom - I find a shelf and grab some music albums realizing they belong to my ex. I can't help but smile as I rummage through his things but slyly put them back before he catches me. I know he's somewhere in the house keeping his distance.

Mum and eldest sister are calling out to me telling me to get my nephew R since we're leaving. I see R amongst the kids, holding his hand together we're walking down a long corridor. There is a girl about 8 years old walking beside us seeing us off. We walk inside another kitchen set on fire. The flames are blue. There's an exit door but it would be difficult to get through there - a hundred thoughts are running through my head in that one instant which is why I am so confused about what to do. We're back in the corridor, I'm shouting out that there's a fire in the house but nobody hears me. Panic sets in as the fire rages.

I look at my nephew - he is priority if there is anything I do I must take him out safe to his mother. I tell the girl that she has to go and tell everyone else that there's a fire and for them to try and escape. I'm sad that I couldn't just take her with me or let her take my nephew to safety.

I hold his hand and make him run with me through another doorway until we are outside. I'm looking for his mum until I catch a glimpse of some relatives and tell them to call the fire brigade while I go back to help the rest. They inform me that there are fires starting like this in other places.

As I run back to the house the dream starts to fade.

Sunday, 19 September 2010

Great Grandfather in the Light

I've been feeling unwell since Friday with excess phlegm and aching horrible flu symptoms so I wasn't sure about using Salvia last night. On second thoughts realized it might help heal me.

My intention was to allow divine forces to come through and do the necesary work required on all levels - I do feel that my absence from the physical body temporary allows deeper work to be done that would otherwise cause a lot of drama should I fully remain in physical body. Did not use mouthwash this time just simply brushed teeth and inner cheeks. Also I was not bothered with rolling the the leaves.

I think secretly deep down I wanted to revisit what was revealed to me in my last trip with Salvia. Chewed away, eventually as the effects kicked in I found it hard to organize the leaves so that I don't get too much in my mouth also for some reason it just made it harder to chew. I got really angry because of not having rolled the leaves and to make things worse neighbours suddenly switched on their light - very bright it was beaming through my window and blinds do not help - okay I'll stop my whining here.

Once I got the necessary dose my environment began to shift - everything around me alive and communicating. I was still chewing feeling that I'm not 100% there. Chewing feels so pretend, don't know how to describe it but my teeth and the process of mastication had a very different quality. I had to leave a wad of the Salvia behind in the bowl unchewed because I could no longer balance myself, but then another part of me felt like I should just finish it and when I chewed the remaining bits all my surrounding seemed confused as to why I'm still pretending.

After this I simply lay down but did not close my eyes - I don't know why I keep forgetting to do this. I feel that for a more inner experience the eyes need to be closed. As usual the entities rattled in the surrounding. I was looking around for the being I encountered in my last trip, the one who revealed to me a most astounding well guarded secret. This is all I seemed to care about. I kept thinking how dull this experience seems right now in comparison to my previous experience. Where is that beautiful glimmering light? I'm looking in particular for any tear any cracks to break through, but there is nothing except dullness.

I look up to the ceiling because my lighting is rattling like crazy and then I begin to feel a Being coming through. I felt it was masculine and ancient and then as feelings got stronger there was this undeniable recognition and I said telepathically 'Great Grandfather'. This GG was not a physical relative but a relative of that Being that I find myself converted to.

As I watch the energy rattling inside the light fitting I begin to communicate 'Seriously!? All this time you've been in the ceiling light.' Maybe that Being was not in the light fitting all of physical earth time but in that moment since it is the closest thing to me the GG Being is coming through that. I recall at this stage when Salvia effects were wearing off that if I tried this in different environments - say on the roof staring at the stars, I will most likely have a completely different experience. Even in nature I will no doubt have a completely different experience.

So much more took place I remember having several visions, one of a man but unfortunately this is all I've been able to retain. As for the healing I did feel a little better in the morning though the phlegm has not cleared up.