Thursday, 23 February 2012

A Sad Feeling

I have been feeling an emotion that is difficult to describe - it is some kind of sadness that comes without warning and has no cause, there is a hint of grief, the feeling of having lost something very dear.

I have written about this before since it has happened several times. I feel that whatever it is I need to comfort it, to soothe it - something that lives within me.

Two Recent Salvia Trips

Salvia Flu Energy Pattern Reunion
After previous bad experiences with taking Salvia when my niece was around I have no idea what came in my head to take it again with her in the house. This particular niece has become pretty toxic and I wish there is something I can do for her but she is going through her own path of discovery much like I had when I was her age.

Past two days I heard my niece sneezing, also I have been pretty depressed and now I've discovered a pattern - I get like this during huge family gatherings - and I also get the cold or flu at the same time. This time with Salvia I got to go within and meet this rather cruel flu pattern.

In bed I start chewing forgetting that my niece is sleeping in the room next door. It's only when I go deeper unfolding within and around her - I stumble across an energy pattern that seems to be near her. They observe me and cunningly start to overtake the physical body. I feel agitated knowing that whatever got in or within me was destined for my niece. I was extremely pissed and then the flu overwhelmed me. The physical pain happened instantaneously, when I walked around the house my body was shaking partly from feverish chills and just vibrating. This is that same nightmarish flu I had almost two years ago at that time I got it from the same person, my niece. I was in bed the entire day sick and upset - I know past week I became extremely depressed allowing my energy to dip around others but I think the main thing that really upset me is that past year I had worked so hard cleaning up my diet and strengthening my immune system that I thought this year I won't get the flu or cold.

Paralyzed in bed with this thought running along in my mind I remembered that I had H202 (currently on a H202 therapy) and I recall reading that people used this to prevent flu. Put a few drops in my ears that night. The following day still with the flu but significantly better. More drops and I was recovering fast, really fast. I imagine had I not done this that energy pattern known as the Flu may have kept me paralyzed for at least a week - two years ago it took almost a month for me to recover.

Salvia Post Flu
The other day with my sister and her kids gone home I decided to have a Salvia session.
Before Salvia session much earlier in the day I was looking at my chest - a few of my ribs stick out and look so awkward. Like a teenage girl this a part of my body I wished to change - I remember pushing in my shoulders trying to make my chest look the way I wanted it to look. This incident is important and correlates with what happens in the session otherwise no need for me to share too much info.

As I relaxed I thought I need to get off Salvia - to travel in those other worlds without any physical aid.

This time as I was going in observed in that other world where I see this world as an illusion the 'others' were taking me somewhere. Like always I sensed it was some special place, I quieted my mind as much as I could but suddenly I opened my eyes without thinking and all came to a halt.

They stopped turned back looking at me. Uh oh. I was so disappointed in myself. Should not have moved, even peeping a little bit was bad. If I had remained quiet I would've gone even deeper.

I closed eyes trying to go deeper, the others presence lingered all around me and deep within the body. There was a group gathering around the chest and they made me recall my earlier desire to have these realign in order to look better. As they moved I could feel almost as if they were teasing me to actually move the bones around. I begged them not to - the thought of it freaked me out, I don't think I could survive that kind of pain.

There was a lot of gushing and so many chaotic body cell movement. Something was being done to the nose and I felt it to be a test. The tip of my nose was heavily itchy had to keep rubbing it - this went on for quite some time.

After this session I was feeling much better, as though I made a better connection though I interrupted movement deep within, also it helps that I have recovered 95% from a case of potentially fatal flu.

Saturday, 11 February 2012

Another Sing Along Song

This occurred three days ago - early morning going back to sleep in a relaxed state of mind I felt like I had earphones on and was listening to music. This time the song playing is 'Is Pyaar se meri taraf na dekho'. Singing along I know that I'm in bed and that I don't have mp3 player actually neither had I ever listened to this song at all - only briefly when I was a teenager. Lately I've been playing a few mellow bollywood tunes but I wouldn't say it triggered these incidents. In fact it was only after the previous song incident that inspired me to listen to my player again.

Back to this experience - suddenly I heard my sister and she sounded anxious. I quickly respond asking her what happened since it seemed urgent. Almost jumped out of bed only I was a little stuck. Raised arms and they were incredibly buoyant but were silhouette. Then I raised my legs same buoyancy and silhouette. I can't recall how I exited scene but was very groggy and needed more sleep.

Saturday, 4 February 2012

Darkness in the Clouds

Interesting dream I had this morning.

At first I'm talking to my new neighbours and I talk about their garden telling them I've seen it before and would like to just walk around there for a bit. I talk a bit about previous neighbours and mentioned the neighbour who passed away last year memories of him looming through.

After that the scene changes drastically - I am surrounded by strangers yet I seem to know some of them. The clouds are dark, gloomy, very angry and even dangerous looking. I can feel that something isn't right and I have to get out and follow the storm - to communicate with it. As I try to leave I am being held back, forced to stay. The others are concerned about my well being. I continuously make attempts to run away and somehow manage to escape, it is around this point that I was incredibly lucid I can recall the dream events after this part but remember opening physical eyes briefly looking out for the entities / beings in surrounding environment. Too groggy and something going on in head.

From yesterday afternoon I became unusually depressed - my mood taking a completely unexpected dip, just holding back tears until finally I took a nap. I am no stranger to this mood fluctuation but have not had it often and it is accompanied with an empty sadness that seems to have no source. Now mood is pretty much back in a neutral mode. I wonder if the dream is a reflection of this - also physically I have been giving into my emotional eating habits, old cravings taking over perhaps simply a part of the cleansing but then everything is connected.