Saturday, 24 September 2011


Early morning in the midst of sleep alerted to physical body because arms were moving of their own accord. Each time it occured I became strongly aware of a presence - a being which has occupied what I consider to be my physical body. It was thinking specific thoughts and like a child playing with what looked like my arms, raising them up and swirling about. I can't recall the thoughts but it was playful and even cheerful.

Head did some kind of crazy somersaults.

Monday, 19 September 2011

Deathless Death

Used Salvia twice today - early in morning it was mostly about the worlds and the entities that compose body parts. Again some uncontrollable sexual intensity.

Second time using Salvia in afternoon I relaxed deeper tried to calm mind. Still and somewhat silent the other world inside exposed. I become aware of all the moving parts, so many. Some in groups each having formed some part in the body called organs and everything else.

Going deeper I see all the beings clearly inside, I see the energy pattern of the physical body breathing. This pattern is a group made of beings and they are coming apart meaning no longer playing the role of breath within the physical body. Everything has come apart. In the midst of this I suddenly realize the body has stopped breathing and it dawns on me that this is the process of death - at least the death of the body. The body is dead now but yet I am still present. The death of the physical body is equivalent to shutting down computer. I'm not afraid but out of habit I reassume breathing gasping for some life giving oxygen. Breathing pattern very slowly reintegrating. Open eyes then close.

As the beings all gather at that special meeting point realization unravels slowly. They are there gathering together I know waiting for me to trigger physical orgasm. For a short while I wonder why and instantly it hits me - that feeling of orgasm is only a spark of bliss and the Bliss is what I truly am. Things get deeper, I know there is some beyond. Something is about to get revealed, maybe that beyond? Open eyes and slowly distracted from this realization when I look above the Giant beings present at the left side ceiling. I both sense and see that they are speaking to some illusive higher power about my condition. The higher power seems to be coming down from the concentrated energy in the passing physical aeroplane.

It seems they are trying to put in a good word in for me insisting that something be done - it explains the energetic wave sensations around physical body, a feeling of urgency.

They word 'who am I' which is interesting because just before this session started I looked in mirror and asked 'who am I?'

Close eyes and see them more clearly, to support their claim I start thinking 'who am i' in my mind almost slyly so that at least they can see how hard I'm trying to figure out this mystery. It does not work, it seems to get there this affair of knowing who I am is the only way. It's the key to open that door to the beyond.

I know this whole thing about self knowledge actually has nothing to do about going to some place but has to do with a state of beingness. It's getting a little clearer to me and now I understand that 'their' intention is for me to remain in that state.

I recall at some point during fragile leg pain (beings moving) where I kept the feeling on the gap between pain and was impressed each time there was a relief from pain.

As I open my eyes and rest for a little bit looking outside the window the sky beings are clearer than ever before, illuminated by the sun's ray. Their movements are crystal clear, some appear to be holding something and some grabbing something in the sky.

Saturday, 17 September 2011

I am not the Body

Chewed Salvia, with no particular intentions in mind but I knew the others as usual will be present.

The physical body breaks down, internally I'm seeing each part as beings. The components of the body detached and had a rather choppy unusual movement. As they break down a team of men enter the scene. They are signalling a command for a sexual movement. I ignore and observe everyone. As the body is taken apart I wonder if I am not the body then who am I? and try to hold on to that.

There is a female being present, I can see her clearly but more than that I feel her movement is also inside the physical body exactly where the wound is located.

I get up to see what is going on in the physical. My body is shaking vigorously - grab the small mirror and open dressing. The open wound is composed of two female faces - before actually taking salvia I had replaced the dressing since it was stuck on the wound which had bled from the traumatic pull.

I look at them smiling, almost wanting to laugh at myself - how ridiculous I was to hate having this wound. Dressing back in place I lie down. The visuals are fading though tactile sensations still strong. A few times I feel something brushing against the neck near wound, an eery feeling that they're trying to take off the dressing. Keep grabbing mirror to look. Finally relax. Still sense the sexed up male entities. I give in to their sexual advances more to experiment than to play. As I get ready they all huddle inside in the inner awareness at some meeting point. A huge amount of effort is required and with this effort there is a massive explosive orgasm that reaches the head region.

Soon enough I get some sleep - wake around 4am and back to sleep by 6am. During this phase of sleep I am aware of being awake in the sleeping body. Awareness zooms to microscopic proportion whilst the external appears to grow larger. I feel that I am sinking within the body or through it.


At first aware that I'm in bed, zone out soon enough - feeling groggy look up to see a round light fixing. In a different room entirely. I feel that I'm in a hospital and something happened and the physical life was not my life. I felt that I was some patient, perhaps I had been in a coma and this physical life was a long dream from which I had finally awakened.

Tuesday, 13 September 2011

Eye Twister

In the midst of sleep time I become aware of the physical body in bed. To my right there's a glowing light which seemed to look like a being. It glides across very near to my legs. Major fear coming from me when I realize that my body is paralysed.

Legs bent so as it moved to the end of the bed I was not sure what it was up to - it was consistently emanating a glowing light, parts were yellow other parts hinted with different shades. As I forced myself out of the paralysis the moving light Being smoothly reached the wall where the window should have been and became the window with the early morning light outside glowing the room. At that point I realized that my eyes were twisted - becoming aware suddenly the physical had been scrambled - much like lego where every bits were stored or stashed away and what I had witnessed was my physical surrounding reforming. As the body reforms so does the world around it. I should not have been so afraid, it seems this was a very natural process.

It was around 5ish am and about 30 minutes later I relaxed lying down on the front side. Found myself in that unusual surrounding, there was a light emanating on right side and the entire physical structure had become twisted - at this stage I was aware that once again the eyes were also twisted or perhaps it was something inside that projected this twisted structure. The light was very near to the eyes. I wondered what part of the room was this light emanating from. There was an eruption near rectum where I am feeling a forceful energetic sensation. I know it is related to mula bandha or root lock. Encouraging the movement feeling an incredible sexual intensity I think somewhere I lose conscious awareness and maybe enter a dream state. Wake up from alarm at 7:35am - briefly close eyes where I see multiplying blue grains of glowing light.

Monday, 12 September 2011


At 3:15am woke up and from then started urine therapy something I have stopped several months ago due to the appearance of a lump near neck which the doctors are unable to conclude on a diagnosis. I think in some ways the practice of urine therapy (aka shivambu) may have triggered this morning experience in some ways.

6am still awake unable to sleep closed eyes and relaxed waiting for sleep. I found myself in the living room with my nephew sitting down on the sofa and immediately realize I am dreaming. I'm talking to him but he is being rather annoying - I tell him that I love him and that he is so adorable making him blush like a girl which silences him.

The scene warps into darkness - suddenly I feel a sensation in the rectum, felt like a finger or a rod sticking up. Very painful and uncomfortable. I'm aware of my bedroom at this stage and that I'm back in bed sleeping on the front side. I turn around on my back and the sensation subsides but travels up to the tailbone and rattles. I wonder if I should've remained still.

Close eyes and start to see through my eyelids faces slightly forming on ceiling.

Open eyes and close them again. This time a glowing line forming a man appears, he seems to be on top vibrating or rocking vigorously to the rhythm of that wave sensation almost as if he is causing it. Open eyes one more time and feel the shaking is a deep inner sensation slightly moving outwards. Close eyes again his form still visible I reach out with my arms but they go through him passing by to the window my hands look so vivid. I rocket out the window flying by little odd buildings that look like creatures, living yet made out of solid inanimate material. I soar up high across a lot of dome shaped buildings.

As I'm flying there is an ecstatic feeling of incomprehensible joy, I feel as though I have been set free. I feel like singing and the song that comes to mind is from a bollywood movie. Song called Papa kehte hain. The inner voice is singing this song so loud I am briefly abrupted thinking it can be heard in the physical which makes me return slowly.

Back in again enter a dream sequence where in my house I see a ghost and start to feel comfortable around it initially after some fear mounts on the surface. I could feel the others are present and get this sense that this is some kind of dream test that I have yet to face the real challenge in the physical focus. Aware of the body with a feeling of lurking presence, worried about what I'll see when I open eyes - not sure about seeing ghosts just yet.

Open eyes slowly, a gust of wind gushes through my ears, nose and head area as though something roaring within me which took me by suprise.

Friday, 9 September 2011

Through The Eyelids

Went to bed last night briefly wondering about astral projections. It started in the midst of self-enquiry, I wondered if I am not the physical body then what is an astral projection - even in these projections the 'I' is present. Are APs simply dreams within this dream?

Continued with the self enquiry until I fell asleep. At 4am woke up from a nightmare where I and others around me were fighting robots and other monstrous looking creatures. I was aiming at a broken open part of a robot that was attacking me woke up feeling pain near left side waist and stomach churning. Emptied bladder and by 5am relaxed for sleep.

There was that sensation of electricity coursing through the left calves - this time a lot more deliberate. I followed the feeling and instead of moving about just allowed it to move freely. Straightened legs. Eventually I felt something gripping a piece at the middle of forehead - moving something with force - like taking a plug off, it was removed whatever 'it' was. Something is going on in the face - I feel rather than hear crunchiness, cracking and snapping mostly near nasal region.

The entire time my eyes were closed. Soon I was seeing my room and the visible furniture through the eyelids. Had a feeling of a presence - it was inside me and it was this presence that was seeing through the eyelids. I could feel it so strongly yet it was silent and unmoving. For a brief moment I thought how cool it would be if I could always see through the eyelids - started to think about certain tricks like asking others to hold up random number of fingers and telling them the exact number of fingers all the while with closed eyes.

The 'others' start to emerge on the ceiling just like in Salvia experiences. If they had been visible before Salvia experiences this incident would've scared me. There was no exchange of communication except that of facial expressions. Their look said something along the lines of 'It worked'. They seemed to be huddled together and being very cautious as to how I would react. My reaction is that I'm not afraid and mentally I say to them that it's okay, they can come through - there's no fear at least on my part. I am smiling, very happy to be able to see them especially without the use of Salvia.

I look away briefly and there is an anticlockwise spin. Sinking downwards and all is dark with a few visible glimmers of physical surrounding. I start to ask 'who am I' - who is the 'I' that has this experience and hold on to that.

In another space now - a big mansion like building. Members of my family are present here. I wonder what they are doing here. As I see them all I think that one of them is having this dream and I may have entered it. Or not. Too busy walking around to talk to anyone. Ahead I see a window and maybe a reflection of something. Want to zoom to it but it doesn't work so use the old fashioned form of transport and walk. After this everything is hazy.

Waking up this morning my brain felt heavy like it was overworked. Past few days feel like this fatigue of body and overworked brain has been increasing. Though throughout the day time energy levels seem normal.

Thursday, 8 September 2011

Early Fatigue

It is day 5 since tailbone arousal with liquid flowing down and voila, body feels increasingly tired especially in morning. I have been trying to feed this body properly but healthy eating has been quite a struggle.

Sunday, 4 September 2011

Tailbone Arousal

This morning woke up at 4 back to sleep by 5. Fall asleep only to be alerted back to the body where near the tailbone feel sexual arousal - cramping sensation yet very sexual. Incredibly aroused I encouraged the motion yet it was near to unbearable. Felt solid movement going up spine. Eventually decided to just let it take its course and lost consciousness.

Lately there has been an uncontrollable sexual intensity. Past two days feeling more tired than usual - needing to nap. There has been a feeling of flowing liquid going downwards from tailbone when this occured I had a feeling that I was going to feel tired due to this.

Friday, 2 September 2011

Instant Salvia

Last night got sheesha ready - eldest sister and niece present in room. Had my sister try Salvia for the first time and after a long time using up the half a gram of 10x extract it did not work. Niece tried some and still it did not work except for a slight twitch.

Thought that either they are not smoking it properly or the herb was not burning properly. Took over, inhaled twice and immediately things started to change feeling presence - face changing but internally. I was still coherent and felt that I had absolute control over how deep I can go. Whilst the changes take place I ask more to myself than to the other two in the room 'How comes it worked so easily on me and not you guys?' My sisters response was that she didn't understand how it worked on me because I was acting so normal and then asked me what was happening.

I felt that I could not describe it - it would actually make me look loony. Imagine I blurted out to my sister that she was not real - that who we have assumed we are is a complete fiction. That is always the foundation of the experience - and then there's this other process where other beings enter the scene, who they are I cannot say except that once I had a realization that they were a part of a unit that I assumed to be me and at other times they played specific familial roles. Initially when I first saw them they appeared as seperate individuals until the realization experience.

I managed to control the bodily movements - in fact it was more of an energetic wave pulsing internally and externally. With the face movements I asked if sister can see anything - nothing yet I could tell that those 'face' beings are moving about. Perhaps they didn't come out but simply moved inside - maybe sister and niece are not at a stage where they can see the movements physically. Something to do with the layers of fear - I know I went through quite a bit personally myself to get to a stage where these phenomenas do not scare me so easily. Perhaps other personal factors played a role in why it did not work for the other two.

Still in transit of that other state I was conversing as though I was in this usual physical state - only I knew that I am not entirely physically focused. Interestingly they both felt burning in the throat, as for me it was as simple as inhaling vapours - no burning, no eye watering (which was a huge problem before).

Sister tried once more, quickly taking pipe out of mouth saying that the water is coming through it, at that same moment I felt that presence and got an undeniable feeling that they or it did not want or could not allow my sister to take anymore. I took the pipe to check, smoked it knowing that no water will be coming through - after two pulls instantly salvia pulled me into that other state a litte more where I have a clearer perception of them but did not want to close eyes to see them with the other non-physical lens or what can probably be called the internal eyes.

Something has been going on in the brain for a while now since taking Salvia - inside I could feel them hammering away in the head region. Waking up from sleep it is most intense yet painless, especially after this morning I woke from sleep whilst eyes still closed head fluttering.

Yesterday when I sat on the bed with a bag resting on the side it kept shaking. I got off the bed and it stopped shaking instead there was glimmer of it moving in waves.

I tried to smoke salvia alone, almost did not bother - for me personally using a sheesha seems like such a long process - set the sheesha up, burn the coal and smoke in and then after that is over need to clean sheesha - feels like a chore. Didn't want my relatives who were around the house to know about my Salvia session so the smell of smoke was another issue. I used a cherry herbal mix designed for sheesha smoking and then placed plain salvia on top.

Anways decided to give it a try and instantly found every sound - everything the body could percieve amplified. Paranoia was one of them - can hear relatives outside room talking about smelling smoke, niece was incredibly annoying.

Quickly dipped coal in water and focused on diminishing smoke smell all the while resisting that other state - could feel that if I had closed eyes the others would have appeared. Got in bed after 15 minutes no visuals of them but there was intense tactile sensations.

Lately as I fall to sleep there have been electrical charges in nerves most concentrated in left calves - most of the time feels like somethng short circuiting makes me jump at night. There has been incidents of bodily spasms that occur randomly.