Wednesday, 18 April 2012

Morning Glory - Take 2

After my previous session with morning glory I decided not to ever touch it, ever again! However on Monday I felt so inspired to take it and did so on Tuesday morning.

Within 10 minutes started to feel sick then regretted taking it but it was not as bad as the first time - the taste however was unbearable, had honey prepared and that did not help. Had some rosehip ginger tea prepared to help with the nausea. The 110 seeds were partially crushed before chewing.

I had to lay down to let the physical effects take its course. There were movements much like in Salvia but everything was pulsing much faster and I could feel from the start that it was based more on colour visuals. To my side on the floor I had a carrier bag ready incase I needed to vomit - the bag was breathing and moving as if some kind of entity.

I was feeling very sick, physically tormented but the physical element of this pain was like a mask for a pain that was deep beneath the surface. The physical torture was nothing compared to the agony of empty hearts, and I don't mean the agony of people who are alone or haven't found a partner I mean the complete emptiness of the heart. Time for the waterworks, allowed the crying and emotional outburst to run its course until there were no more tears.

There were incidents where something in the right side on chest was being kneaded and changed my breathing pattern.

Third eye was energetic and pulsing. I relaxed and started seeing the blank screen changing colors, red, blue and green with crystallizing visuals. When I relaxed deeply saw one of the 'others' - male as usual, elderly looking spinning some kind of wheel which is interesting because past few days I have been reading The Avatamsaka Sutra which repeatedly mentions a dharma wheel. This visual did not last long as I could not relax, kept opening my eyes. There were two incidents where I just dozed off only to return to waking consciousness with excessive pulsing in the peripheral visual and body itself, as if each little atom of the body was trying to pull apart.

Again there were some white sparks suddenly flashing. I was considering growing some morning glory, communicating with the plant and then taking the seeds but have decided that I never ever want to touch this stuff again no matter how inspired I feel, this is only for growing pretty flowers.

I have a batch of Salvia which I will finish off but the time has come or actually is way over due for me to get off these entheogens and focus solely on meditation and really just simplify all aspects of life right now.

Saturday, 14 April 2012

Sweet Song explains Misery

Last night I was quite miserable, feeling lonely on a planet filled with 7 billion people. The feelings just came suddenly without pondering how alone I really was. And now even though I see faces everywhere and I know that this entire universe is made of combination of all kinds of living entities I feel even lonelier.

I pretty much cried to sleep unable to even recall the incident.

Woke at 3ish am completing a few chores, back to bed falling asleep I at some stage heard a light snore perhaps heavy breathing. Then I knew body was asleep but felt very much awake with new body. I was located in my room or a room somehwere and then heard the song 'Ishq Bina' and was excited. It was incredible because I was humming to the same song only 3 days ago I don't think I even selected the song it just came to my mind all of a sudden. Then hearing it this morning and then trying to remember all the words and translating them it seems that the message arrived with excellent timing.

Vivid Dreams

The Silent Captor

For a few nights have had some interesting dreams so far I can only recall this one.

I see an actress from the TV show Bones loading a gun whilst sitting waiting on the bed. Across the room a masked man is tiptoeing towards her. He captures her and does this to two other men until they are all seated at a table. The younger man looks up startled and as he does a light seems to be shining over him - as I observe more closely I realize he is looking at me - light gets brighter and dream ends.

Tuesday, 3 April 2012

General Update

Extraordinary phenomenas are becoming extra ordinary, so much that I barely take note of these incidents.

As I wrote in my previous post I do not get interrupted in the middle of sleep anymore which really is a good thing but only downside being that I don't get that many opportunities to project and broken sleep had helped in the past, then again I really haven't been bothered - too preoccupied.

However upon waking up in the mornings there is that same energy all around vibrating, pulsating and moving and it is at these moments or when I am relaxing that the energy is intense. This energy vibe goes on 24 hours and is right now fluttering in peripheral vision and if I stay still for a while it amplifies.

Haven't meditated for like ever. It feels impossible I don't know if it is because I just have too much going on right now but I hope to start adding in some time for meditation.

Haven't dared touch Salvia for some time and the thought of doing a session had crossed my mind 2 or 3 times, the timing did not feel right.

Lately I have needed to seriously loosen the physical body and have been dancing a lot - got to a point where if I didn't dance I would become so miserable, and the thought of dancing lifted up my mood as well as some chocolate. Sometimes in the middle of dancing I would pause and remain still where I allow some of the involuntary movements - the body would move as if still dancing but not under my control - something else is definitely controlling these movements, the parts of the body? souls/spirits? energies? honestly I am clueless in this regard however I don't mind it at all - in fact I know I have to do this 'allow 'it' to move the body' as often as I can almost like I have to let it run it's course.