After a previous experience where there was a letter on my bedside table whilst under the effects I had this urge to hide it as I felt them reading or peering through it - I felt they will use it to plan something - didn't like the idea.
This time made a request for a certain desire to be fulfilled but again it felt so silly to ask for anything.
Friday 18 March 2011
Wednesday 16 March 2011
Salvia Inner and Outer and The Black Cat
1:30pm chew 2 quids - wanted to understand 'The One and Only' portrait again feeling maybe there was something I missed previously. Staring at it the beings did not bother to move this time yet I can clearly see them. Maybe not enough Salvia for them to move - no it's something else.
Closed eyes - other perception - the others perceived through another sight - like closed eyelids were a screen - they all above me uncurling - now's the moment I need to ask them something - no, need to focus on a goal - I want to see the beyond this world and that - the prime, what Buddha and Krishnamurti both touched upon. I want to see beyond and like JK said it's not really so far - the world I perceive is within me - I am in the world and the world is in me - outside projection of inside. Starting to wonder if there is a beyond - what if I'm at the beyond and I don't know it - how will I know when I've reached beyond?
I'm thinking rapidly need to ask something - for something. I ask for changes put forth the desire for good to prevail mankind - request felt bogus there - why would I ask for that? It's not real - I'm asking for a change in the unreal world - the transient. Feel somehow unworthy or maybe I was unclear- too unclear - not sure if they understood.
As usual they're inside me and yet at the same time somewhere on the outside, internal and external.
I can feel them outside in the garden and black cat I saw while ago - this cat earlier in the morning sat still watching me intently - I knew they had something to do with it - now they're giving me the sense that they're in the cat contacting me.
Open door I want to see if it is in the garden. I can sense it by dining room garden exit but door is messed up so I have to use kitchen garden door. Knock on garden door to get it to come round - not bothered really, will contact later - need to go lay down.
Door knock, answer front door so glad that I took only 2 quids. Back in bed chew the other 2 quids.
Perception of many inner activity - don't know what they're up to - I want to understand this deeper.
Something pulled and stretched and stung in left inner nostril.
I know they are a part of me - I know there's an inner world that reflects outside - a projection.
The cat incident is intriguing - this cat has been lurking in garden last night/early morning at 2:30ish am. I was startled awake coz there was a banging sound near garden door in dining room and now I recall that black cat constantly meowing.
I'm not sure if they are operating within it - just that stare I got early morning, it was intense, deep and penetrating.
Closed eyes - other perception - the others perceived through another sight - like closed eyelids were a screen - they all above me uncurling - now's the moment I need to ask them something - no, need to focus on a goal - I want to see the beyond this world and that - the prime, what Buddha and Krishnamurti both touched upon. I want to see beyond and like JK said it's not really so far - the world I perceive is within me - I am in the world and the world is in me - outside projection of inside. Starting to wonder if there is a beyond - what if I'm at the beyond and I don't know it - how will I know when I've reached beyond?
I'm thinking rapidly need to ask something - for something. I ask for changes put forth the desire for good to prevail mankind - request felt bogus there - why would I ask for that? It's not real - I'm asking for a change in the unreal world - the transient. Feel somehow unworthy or maybe I was unclear- too unclear - not sure if they understood.
As usual they're inside me and yet at the same time somewhere on the outside, internal and external.
I can feel them outside in the garden and black cat I saw while ago - this cat earlier in the morning sat still watching me intently - I knew they had something to do with it - now they're giving me the sense that they're in the cat contacting me.
Open door I want to see if it is in the garden. I can sense it by dining room garden exit but door is messed up so I have to use kitchen garden door. Knock on garden door to get it to come round - not bothered really, will contact later - need to go lay down.
Door knock, answer front door so glad that I took only 2 quids. Back in bed chew the other 2 quids.
Perception of many inner activity - don't know what they're up to - I want to understand this deeper.
Something pulled and stretched and stung in left inner nostril.
I know they are a part of me - I know there's an inner world that reflects outside - a projection.
The cat incident is intriguing - this cat has been lurking in garden last night/early morning at 2:30ish am. I was startled awake coz there was a banging sound near garden door in dining room and now I recall that black cat constantly meowing.
I'm not sure if they are operating within it - just that stare I got early morning, it was intense, deep and penetrating.
Tuesday 15 March 2011
The Importance of Silence
Chew salvia leaves.
The others are there - I can feel others were all thoughts upon thoughts upon thoughts.
I can sense I'm inside myself - the body consciousness - this place can feel like another place but it happens within.
I can feel what feels like Soul but they're thought constructs moving - a group - like acutal beings - I gave up recent ambition, just dissolved partnership and the partner was there and our communication is about this sticky really difficult situation. I communicate to that group telling it exactly how I felt, that there was no joy in it and it needed to end.
Then I understand the thoughts within me are rampant and there's a place when all is quiet - it is there - now I know why there has to be silence and this silence had been emphasized in previous experiences where I would not be passed through to something well guarded simply because there was no silence.
The others are there - I can feel others were all thoughts upon thoughts upon thoughts.
I can sense I'm inside myself - the body consciousness - this place can feel like another place but it happens within.
I can feel what feels like Soul but they're thought constructs moving - a group - like acutal beings - I gave up recent ambition, just dissolved partnership and the partner was there and our communication is about this sticky really difficult situation. I communicate to that group telling it exactly how I felt, that there was no joy in it and it needed to end.
Then I understand the thoughts within me are rampant and there's a place when all is quiet - it is there - now I know why there has to be silence and this silence had been emphasized in previous experiences where I would not be passed through to something well guarded simply because there was no silence.
Monday 14 March 2011
I am the World - The World is Me
Understanding J Krishnamurti's often spoken phrase 'I am the world. And the world is me.' Now I know what he meant by that statement. More on this.
7:10am finished last 2 quids - perception open.
My knees are bent - the beings are chomping at something - I feel sensation on knees - put knees down and theres is a flow - they move freely - no more chomping.
What am I perceiveing - what happens inside the body? An inner world? Going now - start to act like someone else - my thoughts are loud - too loud - this someone else has train of thought broken. I know that we are inside an actual living physical person - my thoughts can possibly be hear by him/her - they might start to think they are hearing voices. Panic a little don't want to cause disturbance.
I realized if I am having an inner experience that translates as body consciousness - and inside I am have the experience of another physically focused on Earth then that means all that happens inside occurs outside.
This outside world is a reflection of the world inside me - the inner world - the perception I've been getting is also the world outside of me.
- What I am is the result of all these thoughts - I am not a singular thought but a complex system of thoughts interwoven into a unit that percieves itself as an individual.
- The other all gathered around me - sensing my understandings. I change the subject to food, feeling hungry - I don't want them to know that I know - strange how I always want to keep these deeper understandings a secret as though if they knew they would do something - it is this unknown something that makes me want to hide.
--------------------
I know this experience probably won't make much sense to others - especially if you have not read all the other Salvia posts and so I want to illuminate something here using an example I don't think I've written about.
In one experience my sisters were in the house and I remember I chewed the leaves and I as consciousness spreaded out into external reality I moved downstairs through walls and building parts now immediately you might think I travelled with the astral body but that was not the case. This was pure consciousness wearing each part of physical reality. So I ended up somewhere on the wall, maybe in the flower patterns of the curtains. Looking out in the living room, my sisters and there was another person. Could not see her clearly but suddenly felt the energy of a girl and saw her dancing and moving in a weird way and it was her energy that I was percieving. Once I was sober from Salvia state I asked my sister if someone had come over at any time, she told me it was her friend. I've met her before but in the visual she looked different and it has been a long time since I last saw her.
After visual of this girl I ended up housed in my street and I can feel the presence of the street and I felt as though I was the life of that street. Then focused on a child, nearby school has just finished and school children are headed home. I think I'm embedded somewhere on the child's school bag. The child is holding the mother's hand and I can see them both walking. Then next to me is another being like me embedded in the folder, it is aware of me and looks startled and amazed.
There was also that experience where the others touched areas of the house and I felt they had touched a part of the brain.
And then there are experiences where I see the other beings, especially when I bend my knees, they're chomping at the knees because body needs to be straightened for easier flow, because the physical body is a replication of the entire world. The physical world is inside and the outside is the reflection, the projection. This is something that needs more exploring, something that needs to be understood with greater clarity.
7:10am finished last 2 quids - perception open.
My knees are bent - the beings are chomping at something - I feel sensation on knees - put knees down and theres is a flow - they move freely - no more chomping.
What am I perceiveing - what happens inside the body? An inner world? Going now - start to act like someone else - my thoughts are loud - too loud - this someone else has train of thought broken. I know that we are inside an actual living physical person - my thoughts can possibly be hear by him/her - they might start to think they are hearing voices. Panic a little don't want to cause disturbance.
I realized if I am having an inner experience that translates as body consciousness - and inside I am have the experience of another physically focused on Earth then that means all that happens inside occurs outside.
This outside world is a reflection of the world inside me - the inner world - the perception I've been getting is also the world outside of me.
- What I am is the result of all these thoughts - I am not a singular thought but a complex system of thoughts interwoven into a unit that percieves itself as an individual.
- The other all gathered around me - sensing my understandings. I change the subject to food, feeling hungry - I don't want them to know that I know - strange how I always want to keep these deeper understandings a secret as though if they knew they would do something - it is this unknown something that makes me want to hide.
--------------------
I know this experience probably won't make much sense to others - especially if you have not read all the other Salvia posts and so I want to illuminate something here using an example I don't think I've written about.
In one experience my sisters were in the house and I remember I chewed the leaves and I as consciousness spreaded out into external reality I moved downstairs through walls and building parts now immediately you might think I travelled with the astral body but that was not the case. This was pure consciousness wearing each part of physical reality. So I ended up somewhere on the wall, maybe in the flower patterns of the curtains. Looking out in the living room, my sisters and there was another person. Could not see her clearly but suddenly felt the energy of a girl and saw her dancing and moving in a weird way and it was her energy that I was percieving. Once I was sober from Salvia state I asked my sister if someone had come over at any time, she told me it was her friend. I've met her before but in the visual she looked different and it has been a long time since I last saw her.
After visual of this girl I ended up housed in my street and I can feel the presence of the street and I felt as though I was the life of that street. Then focused on a child, nearby school has just finished and school children are headed home. I think I'm embedded somewhere on the child's school bag. The child is holding the mother's hand and I can see them both walking. Then next to me is another being like me embedded in the folder, it is aware of me and looks startled and amazed.
There was also that experience where the others touched areas of the house and I felt they had touched a part of the brain.
And then there are experiences where I see the other beings, especially when I bend my knees, they're chomping at the knees because body needs to be straightened for easier flow, because the physical body is a replication of the entire world. The physical world is inside and the outside is the reflection, the projection. This is something that needs more exploring, something that needs to be understood with greater clarity.
Sunday 13 March 2011
Thought Construction
Last night at 7:30pm chewed quids - just 2 left.
Fell asleep desperately seeking to escape it all - physical life and everything, feeling so depressed.
Middle of sleep awakened to find the window and blinds have been converted forming a Being - moment of clarity.
I knew then at that moment beings, entities, light beings are constructed by thought.
But who thought it into Being? Who converted my blinds and window into that being? I don't recall doing it - unless I was unconscious at the time.
Fell asleep desperately seeking to escape it all - physical life and everything, feeling so depressed.
Middle of sleep awakened to find the window and blinds have been converted forming a Being - moment of clarity.
I knew then at that moment beings, entities, light beings are constructed by thought.
But who thought it into Being? Who converted my blinds and window into that being? I don't recall doing it - unless I was unconscious at the time.
Saturday 12 March 2011
Soul Romance - The Beloved
Last night at 12:35am it was so peaceful, chewed 2 quids and went there or perception of them opened - I saw other souls perhaps connected to neighbouring people.
I noticed these Souls were masculine and got this feeling that my soul too was masculine but I'm not certain, I could be completely wrong as I have been many times before. As far as I can say for now is that these particular lot were male. Also a majority of the faces that I see (pasted on walls, floors, trees etc are male.
They're doing some physical works to the body - pinching nerves - squeezing digestive and endocrine system - painful but I know I can take it, still a few moments I told them about the pain so that maybe they'd be a little more gentle.
Clear visual perception dimmed so I chewed the other 2 but quickly. Glimpses of them and just a sense - I knew the Soul part was active within me - litterally wrapping itself around me.
At 4am I was still awake but wanted to sleep - people in external chatting got me angry - I started hitting the pillow and was in a rage - started to shake my head and witnessed a blob of flashing light, a brilliant white light, so crystal clear even if it just lasted that nano second.
Sexual arousal incredibly strong but I relate it to Soul, Soul was the Beloved? I feel so utterly and insanely in love.
Eventually fall asleep - wake at 7am but try to get more sleep.
So many dreams of Soul communicating, lessons and teachings of the Soul. Told me to look up ceiling and I saw the faces clearly - Soul trying to tell me that it's suppose to be that easy even in physical environment?
It told me many other things of which I cannot recall or perhaps I couldn't comprehend as the communication was non-verbal.
There are doubts - what if I'm being tricked? what if they're just playing with me? I got the sense a few times Soul was perceiving through me, looking out with these physical eyes I am using right now. Level of trust far greater than the doubts.
I noticed these Souls were masculine and got this feeling that my soul too was masculine but I'm not certain, I could be completely wrong as I have been many times before. As far as I can say for now is that these particular lot were male. Also a majority of the faces that I see (pasted on walls, floors, trees etc are male.
They're doing some physical works to the body - pinching nerves - squeezing digestive and endocrine system - painful but I know I can take it, still a few moments I told them about the pain so that maybe they'd be a little more gentle.
Clear visual perception dimmed so I chewed the other 2 but quickly. Glimpses of them and just a sense - I knew the Soul part was active within me - litterally wrapping itself around me.
At 4am I was still awake but wanted to sleep - people in external chatting got me angry - I started hitting the pillow and was in a rage - started to shake my head and witnessed a blob of flashing light, a brilliant white light, so crystal clear even if it just lasted that nano second.
Sexual arousal incredibly strong but I relate it to Soul, Soul was the Beloved? I feel so utterly and insanely in love.
Eventually fall asleep - wake at 7am but try to get more sleep.
So many dreams of Soul communicating, lessons and teachings of the Soul. Told me to look up ceiling and I saw the faces clearly - Soul trying to tell me that it's suppose to be that easy even in physical environment?
It told me many other things of which I cannot recall or perhaps I couldn't comprehend as the communication was non-verbal.
There are doubts - what if I'm being tricked? what if they're just playing with me? I got the sense a few times Soul was perceiving through me, looking out with these physical eyes I am using right now. Level of trust far greater than the doubts.
Friday 11 March 2011
Kundalini Moves
Ever since Salvia has exploded open this whole other world, my awareness of it has remained open in my waking hours. I could feel the energy move and one way to describe the movement is that similar to a child playing with a doll - in this case I'm the doll.
A few times whilst standing up breathed, relaxed and let go and it, they, kundalini not sure how to refer to it anymore moved me. Usually a swaying movement tipping left and right, a few times I tried to let go fully realizing that I would lose balance and fall.
It seems like they are trying to make me fall over - to fall flat down, luckily I have enough control over it but no idea what their intentions are.
I should mention a few days ago some lump has developed on the right side of my neck - at first I was concerned thinking it may be a tumor. It was so hard thought maybe my bone popped out, when I press it there's pain.
Yesterday relaxed to see what they will do. My head moved leaning towards the right with rest of the body still then it moved to the left and as it stretched that lump really hurt. Then head forward and back. As neck stretched I was reminded of the 5 tibetans and realized they're loosening something within the body and no doubt this is something that carries on in my sleep and could explain the reason for the broken sleep. Then my whole body swayed within this energy and I could feel it like a living pulsing bubble wrapped around me.
A few times whilst standing up breathed, relaxed and let go and it, they, kundalini not sure how to refer to it anymore moved me. Usually a swaying movement tipping left and right, a few times I tried to let go fully realizing that I would lose balance and fall.
It seems like they are trying to make me fall over - to fall flat down, luckily I have enough control over it but no idea what their intentions are.
I should mention a few days ago some lump has developed on the right side of my neck - at first I was concerned thinking it may be a tumor. It was so hard thought maybe my bone popped out, when I press it there's pain.
Yesterday relaxed to see what they will do. My head moved leaning towards the right with rest of the body still then it moved to the left and as it stretched that lump really hurt. Then head forward and back. As neck stretched I was reminded of the 5 tibetans and realized they're loosening something within the body and no doubt this is something that carries on in my sleep and could explain the reason for the broken sleep. Then my whole body swayed within this energy and I could feel it like a living pulsing bubble wrapped around me.
It's Alive!
Early morning, still dark outside I awakened and consciousness housed in everything I was viewing. The view was completely alive. I had this sense that what I was viewing as what was outside, this same everything was inside me.
Salvia Understanding
Yesterday afternoon used salvia - chewed first quid for really long time, used cotton wool to block ears from external noise. Chewed the little bits, looked to right side of wall saw a little person made of shadow and light, felt the lingering presence. I knew if I put another quid in my mouth it would be an insult. I was annoyed because during the chewing process I think my sister knocked on my door or it could be I was hearing sounds from other physcial locations.
There is this fluttering in the corner of my eyes which is constant even in the day time and I wonder is Salvia still in my system - doubt it, maybe it has just opened up something. The fluttering increased rapidly during the chewing process and suddenly I know what is happening - what the fluttering means. I could slip into those states, possibly without warning even without taking Salvia in the most unexpected and maybe unwanted moments.
The transition with Salvia has changed to such a degree that in each transition the creases are smoothed a little more.
Put bowl aside and relaxed.
Went to other places whilst still retaining my human identity consciousness. Got to a stage where I am hearing thoughts - they're doing something deep in the brain, shutting off areas. I know the centre that formulates or stores language was being played with - it almost felt like they were teasing me, when certain words would come out funny. Shit! So, this is how certain people lose ability to speak coherently. I knew it could happen to me, it wasn't paranoia as my thoughts were coming out garbled and though what I wanted to say made sense to me if someone else were to hear me they'd be confused.
Several times I was going deep, I wanted to go deeper but I kept feeling like someone in physical was calling me, maybe my sister so I take the cotton wool out whilst still going deep - external noise irritating me. It felt like other souls were holding me back.
Chewed remaining three quids.
There was a mixture of irritation and anger. The souls or human counterparts maybe, they're rising and approaching me. There's a dark group as they get closer I feel them inside in the left part of the brain. I feel like they've just put something there, thought maybe it's a tumor or something unpleasant.
I recall at some stage I used my mind in a way that was very powerful, I don't know how to describe it. I would stretch the mind and when I wanted a certain group to move away from me I willed them away - they would slide away. Didn't do it for too long - didn't want them to know.
Yesterday I tried Salvia on a whim without contemplating why or setting intention and the timing was not exactly great. I don't think it was external noise that was getting in the way, I was being too paranoid thinking there might be a physical emergency and I'll be called to it while being in Salvia zone.
Next time I need to chew big quid for long - one quid should be chewed for 8-10 minutes
make sure there are no physical distraction - select times when I would not be disturbed.
I think for me the best times are early mornings - I tried 4am when there was absolute silence the other day and had a brief experience where there was an amazing explosion of full body tingles and then the sexual energy took hold. I think the souls that were involved had the impression my physical body was sleeping.
The best morning time seems to be at around 8am where I have a lot more clarity in the experiences. Night time experiences have been a little difficult most of these I have not written about - the initial stages have made me quite paranoid. I recall once a few street beings had to leave and this made me feel sad, I couldn't bear the thought of them leaving and I knew somehow it was my fault I also felt a commander that was issuing them this order only I couldn't clearly see him the way I saw the beings. Then there was this other order and I felt like they were stripping me of certain physical abilities. I saw this being who was going around the entire neighbourhood and placing a certain type of goggles or glasses over sleeping individuals - I only got scared when they had reached my family members, opened eyes and shocked them. They stopped and approached me. I think not understanding what they were doing made me paranoid. There's still fear of unknown. Now I think those goggles maybe what allows us to dream - don't know for sure. Anyways, after they noticed me there was a huge crowd gathered around me, attention from all over and I felt over exposed. Each group of beings waiting for me to open my eyes.
Now I know what I have to do is completely let go, no matter what they do or what irrational thoughts plague the mind I have to let go. Observe and be passive without getting caught in the drama and this means letting go of all fear. In my next session I have to make sure that I do not open my eyes, when the perception closes it is best to meditate for a while or simply let the body fall asleep.
There is this fluttering in the corner of my eyes which is constant even in the day time and I wonder is Salvia still in my system - doubt it, maybe it has just opened up something. The fluttering increased rapidly during the chewing process and suddenly I know what is happening - what the fluttering means. I could slip into those states, possibly without warning even without taking Salvia in the most unexpected and maybe unwanted moments.
The transition with Salvia has changed to such a degree that in each transition the creases are smoothed a little more.
Put bowl aside and relaxed.
Went to other places whilst still retaining my human identity consciousness. Got to a stage where I am hearing thoughts - they're doing something deep in the brain, shutting off areas. I know the centre that formulates or stores language was being played with - it almost felt like they were teasing me, when certain words would come out funny. Shit! So, this is how certain people lose ability to speak coherently. I knew it could happen to me, it wasn't paranoia as my thoughts were coming out garbled and though what I wanted to say made sense to me if someone else were to hear me they'd be confused.
Several times I was going deep, I wanted to go deeper but I kept feeling like someone in physical was calling me, maybe my sister so I take the cotton wool out whilst still going deep - external noise irritating me. It felt like other souls were holding me back.
Chewed remaining three quids.
There was a mixture of irritation and anger. The souls or human counterparts maybe, they're rising and approaching me. There's a dark group as they get closer I feel them inside in the left part of the brain. I feel like they've just put something there, thought maybe it's a tumor or something unpleasant.
I recall at some stage I used my mind in a way that was very powerful, I don't know how to describe it. I would stretch the mind and when I wanted a certain group to move away from me I willed them away - they would slide away. Didn't do it for too long - didn't want them to know.
Yesterday I tried Salvia on a whim without contemplating why or setting intention and the timing was not exactly great. I don't think it was external noise that was getting in the way, I was being too paranoid thinking there might be a physical emergency and I'll be called to it while being in Salvia zone.
Next time I need to chew big quid for long - one quid should be chewed for 8-10 minutes
make sure there are no physical distraction - select times when I would not be disturbed.
I think for me the best times are early mornings - I tried 4am when there was absolute silence the other day and had a brief experience where there was an amazing explosion of full body tingles and then the sexual energy took hold. I think the souls that were involved had the impression my physical body was sleeping.
The best morning time seems to be at around 8am where I have a lot more clarity in the experiences. Night time experiences have been a little difficult most of these I have not written about - the initial stages have made me quite paranoid. I recall once a few street beings had to leave and this made me feel sad, I couldn't bear the thought of them leaving and I knew somehow it was my fault I also felt a commander that was issuing them this order only I couldn't clearly see him the way I saw the beings. Then there was this other order and I felt like they were stripping me of certain physical abilities. I saw this being who was going around the entire neighbourhood and placing a certain type of goggles or glasses over sleeping individuals - I only got scared when they had reached my family members, opened eyes and shocked them. They stopped and approached me. I think not understanding what they were doing made me paranoid. There's still fear of unknown. Now I think those goggles maybe what allows us to dream - don't know for sure. Anyways, after they noticed me there was a huge crowd gathered around me, attention from all over and I felt over exposed. Each group of beings waiting for me to open my eyes.
Now I know what I have to do is completely let go, no matter what they do or what irrational thoughts plague the mind I have to let go. Observe and be passive without getting caught in the drama and this means letting go of all fear. In my next session I have to make sure that I do not open my eyes, when the perception closes it is best to meditate for a while or simply let the body fall asleep.
Wednesday 9 March 2011
Salvia Mind Stretch and Second Self
Aware of Second Self/ Soul - can ask it for guidance or help, can ask anything. Second Self should be Primary Self.
Speaking to other Second Selves through my Second Self.
Second Self always with me.
Love connection.
Unwanted group approaching, stretch my mind sending them away from me. Did not simply think 'go away' - the unwanted a part of the field of Self. Suppose you don't want your arm too close by your side - you stretch and you move it but it's still there - you've just distanced yourself from it. That's exactly what I did to them in the mind.
We are a part of someone - a woman? a man? a God? All I know is that we were on the edge as if a part of everything.
Sun light - the rays formed light beings - they feel angelic, but I know it's from the rays of the sun - they have a godly feel and now I can see for myself how people see these beings in such reverence - it's due to the light.
The other beings curious about me as usual - always feel like I'm meeting new groups.
Speaking to other Second Selves through my Second Self.
Second Self always with me.
Love connection.
Unwanted group approaching, stretch my mind sending them away from me. Did not simply think 'go away' - the unwanted a part of the field of Self. Suppose you don't want your arm too close by your side - you stretch and you move it but it's still there - you've just distanced yourself from it. That's exactly what I did to them in the mind.
We are a part of someone - a woman? a man? a God? All I know is that we were on the edge as if a part of everything.
Sun light - the rays formed light beings - they feel angelic, but I know it's from the rays of the sun - they have a godly feel and now I can see for myself how people see these beings in such reverence - it's due to the light.
The other beings curious about me as usual - always feel like I'm meeting new groups.
Tuesday 8 March 2011
Salvia Abundance
Recieved my new order of Salvia dried leaves and was surprised to find twice the amount I actually ordered. I ordered so much as it is that the extra I've recieved will last a really long time unless I over do it.
A sign that I need to explore more with this? I got this strange feeling as I pulled out the extra packages that somehow they were behind this, the others that I've been seeing in Salvia induced states. I think that feeling was there more due to logical reasoning because I've journeyed with them inside other minds where they were controlling thoughts.
Still trying to define them knowing that no word seems to fit.
A sign that I need to explore more with this? I got this strange feeling as I pulled out the extra packages that somehow they were behind this, the others that I've been seeing in Salvia induced states. I think that feeling was there more due to logical reasoning because I've journeyed with them inside other minds where they were controlling thoughts.
Still trying to define them knowing that no word seems to fit.
Monday 7 March 2011
Waves of Grief
Felt this intense depression, grieving of a loss yet I don't know what I just lost. It occured when doing some research on health.
Few hours later a thought came into my head, urine therapy. I know I read about before but it was just a disturbing notion, besides I would think one would have to be on a very pure diet in order to drink their own urine.
Looked into it and all of a sudden it feels so right. The grief is still there, but it comes and goes and I could tell when it comes because it is just too unbearable my eyes well up. It feels like there is someone else inside me feeling the emotion and I feel for it.
Few hours later a thought came into my head, urine therapy. I know I read about before but it was just a disturbing notion, besides I would think one would have to be on a very pure diet in order to drink their own urine.
Looked into it and all of a sudden it feels so right. The grief is still there, but it comes and goes and I could tell when it comes because it is just too unbearable my eyes well up. It feels like there is someone else inside me feeling the emotion and I feel for it.
Saturday 5 March 2011
K Symptoms Since Recent Salvia Explorations
Many K symptoms include:
- Rocking of body
- Tremors in legs and other parts
- Energy across legs
- Head pressure
- Body Swaying
- Encapsulated by energy
- Energy around eyes fluctuating - hard to describe
- night time coughing in sleep - may have to do with this feeling of wanting to escape, taking in negative from those around me? and chugging down on junk food (like chocolate) - clearly emotional stuff blowing out of proportion.
Friday 4 March 2011
Projection of Consciousness
Had many dreams throughout the night - so long I can't even think of writing down quick notes. So far all I'm doing is jotting down tips that I'm getting in my dreams that are relevant to the material plane of existence, such as using almond oil, getting sunlight, sleeping at 9am and things like that.
I didn't recall the projection immediately had to really think about all the dreams. Recalled I was awoken at 4:30am surprised it wasn't 1:15 or 2am because that had become the norm.
Going back to sleep did not take so long. I had a projection that by appearance was very much like most of the APs I've had in the past. I was out of the body, flowing across the wall, then down the floor and as this was occurring I had a deeper understanding of what was occurring. My consciousness was moving through various points. It is like everything material is a mask, something that can be worn by consciousness, and I was wearing the wall then I was wearing the floor and as I was sinking down as usual I knew there was going to be some darkness for a while - I thought maybe I'm going deep within the Earth.
I recall a moment where I was trying to grasp something, to combine with it. This same thing occured a few days ago in the middle of my sleep.
I know that if I had absolute control of this - meaning I could project by will - it means I can position and house my consciousness by will in anything I perceive, in the Earth and even beyond that. It's more than just remote viewing.
It's like there are many stations, consider the location of the physical body as the starting station and the moon as the destination. Consciousness can move freely through the many material forms meaning as I move my consciousness melds within the wall, then the window, surrounding air as though the path led all the way to the moon. It's not necessary though to have a conscious awareness of passing by these various forms or objects - there is also speed, we could just end up straight away at our destination in a snap. This is just another interesting facet of projecting that I feel inspired to explore.
There's also the astral body - a copy of the physical body without being bounded by physical limits.
There's teleportation and bi-location which operate with the physical body, I think for this to be successful body needs to be very strong and healthy, there needs to be a great amount of energy.
There are of course many abilities that have yet to be consciously untapped. Though I feel inspired to start consciously projecting my main focus now seems to be on self-inquiry.
I didn't recall the projection immediately had to really think about all the dreams. Recalled I was awoken at 4:30am surprised it wasn't 1:15 or 2am because that had become the norm.
Going back to sleep did not take so long. I had a projection that by appearance was very much like most of the APs I've had in the past. I was out of the body, flowing across the wall, then down the floor and as this was occurring I had a deeper understanding of what was occurring. My consciousness was moving through various points. It is like everything material is a mask, something that can be worn by consciousness, and I was wearing the wall then I was wearing the floor and as I was sinking down as usual I knew there was going to be some darkness for a while - I thought maybe I'm going deep within the Earth.
I recall a moment where I was trying to grasp something, to combine with it. This same thing occured a few days ago in the middle of my sleep.
I know that if I had absolute control of this - meaning I could project by will - it means I can position and house my consciousness by will in anything I perceive, in the Earth and even beyond that. It's more than just remote viewing.
It's like there are many stations, consider the location of the physical body as the starting station and the moon as the destination. Consciousness can move freely through the many material forms meaning as I move my consciousness melds within the wall, then the window, surrounding air as though the path led all the way to the moon. It's not necessary though to have a conscious awareness of passing by these various forms or objects - there is also speed, we could just end up straight away at our destination in a snap. This is just another interesting facet of projecting that I feel inspired to explore.
There's also the astral body - a copy of the physical body without being bounded by physical limits.
There's teleportation and bi-location which operate with the physical body, I think for this to be successful body needs to be very strong and healthy, there needs to be a great amount of energy.
There are of course many abilities that have yet to be consciously untapped. Though I feel inspired to start consciously projecting my main focus now seems to be on self-inquiry.
Wednesday 2 March 2011
Self Realization - The Parts and Freedom
Chew some salvia in the afternoon, this time cotton wool in ears relax- go so deep. we're leaving to somewhere very restricted and we've almost gained entrance but not quite, because of me so much for the cotton wool. Ears feel heavy, blocked with wool. We're all moving back now and heading for elsewhere - maybe places where I'm allowed. All going in particular direction in a queue - watch some of them go by and feel as though they were leaving my physical body and softly wonder 'hmm they - these others are a part of me' - one of the others suddenly stops moving in my direction calls the others and I'm still wondering how they are all a part of me. It felt like there consciousness were fragmented parts that made up the entire physical body. I can feel or should I say I know that they know that I'm on to something. I keep pondering. I feel they're cheering and waiting for something. 'I thought this all up' I look to another and I think 'I thought you into being' and with my mind I made it bend to my will.
I have been searching for the Creator what we might call God, the source of life as if it were external hiding in some magical shrine, somewhere up beyond the clouds like it was separate from me, that it was some other. Now I have found that Creator.
I was the One who thought my life on Earth into being, I am the Creator, the One that I've been looking for all this time was me all along. The irony of it is so beautiful it's poetic.
Hearing this from others is one thing but to know it is something else.
Thoughts shape and mold our experiences into being - nothing new I've always known this but it's the degree to which I know that has magnified. Here I am returning to the original primary identity but not so fully - some other parts come rushing in from the right side - I see they're trying to distract me from pondering deeper or doing something else - I recognize them also as a part of me, we're all connected. I sense maybe they're not keen on me remembering it entirely, I think it's too late, I know more than I will ever need to know.
They're once again taking me to scenes of a very sexual nature - don't feel at all aroused and decide this time I'm changing the course of this journey. I want to feel what it is like to be a bird, and our consciousness as an entire unit is rushing to a bird I know to be somewhere local.
This choice of bird was symbolic - I was feeling free and wanted to express it.
We've become a part of the bird. I know I'm not flying it - another in control here - I'm simply a guest - just for a while - we're flying but my perception is dimming - I can still feel as though I am embedded within the bird flying - but I don't see clearly. I state knowing the power of thoughts that my perception is clear opening up now and clearer - thoughts have to be succinct for it to work. Somehow though they are corresponding and I feel kissing pressure all over eyes.
Back now housed in PR - a bit hungry munch on snacks - I try to switch on lamp with thought alone but no - move bowl with thought alone, again no. Realize that I have to really either want it to or my thoughts have to be succinct - and I know deep down I really didn't want it.
If I want to turn it on I'll just use my hands, if I want to move bowl again I'll use my hands - but that movement of physical body is done by thought.
Tried to meditate after this but I couldn't silence my mind, pondered on the meaning of awakening.
I have been searching for the Creator what we might call God, the source of life as if it were external hiding in some magical shrine, somewhere up beyond the clouds like it was separate from me, that it was some other. Now I have found that Creator.
I was the One who thought my life on Earth into being, I am the Creator, the One that I've been looking for all this time was me all along. The irony of it is so beautiful it's poetic.
Hearing this from others is one thing but to know it is something else.
Thoughts shape and mold our experiences into being - nothing new I've always known this but it's the degree to which I know that has magnified. Here I am returning to the original primary identity but not so fully - some other parts come rushing in from the right side - I see they're trying to distract me from pondering deeper or doing something else - I recognize them also as a part of me, we're all connected. I sense maybe they're not keen on me remembering it entirely, I think it's too late, I know more than I will ever need to know.
They're once again taking me to scenes of a very sexual nature - don't feel at all aroused and decide this time I'm changing the course of this journey. I want to feel what it is like to be a bird, and our consciousness as an entire unit is rushing to a bird I know to be somewhere local.
This choice of bird was symbolic - I was feeling free and wanted to express it.
We've become a part of the bird. I know I'm not flying it - another in control here - I'm simply a guest - just for a while - we're flying but my perception is dimming - I can still feel as though I am embedded within the bird flying - but I don't see clearly. I state knowing the power of thoughts that my perception is clear opening up now and clearer - thoughts have to be succinct for it to work. Somehow though they are corresponding and I feel kissing pressure all over eyes.
Back now housed in PR - a bit hungry munch on snacks - I try to switch on lamp with thought alone but no - move bowl with thought alone, again no. Realize that I have to really either want it to or my thoughts have to be succinct - and I know deep down I really didn't want it.
If I want to turn it on I'll just use my hands, if I want to move bowl again I'll use my hands - but that movement of physical body is done by thought.
Tried to meditate after this but I couldn't silence my mind, pondered on the meaning of awakening.
The Darkness
Morning chewed only 2 Salvia quids. Perception open. There are greater, mightier beings - feminine, motherly. Following her like her child, me and a bunch of others. She sees something, I don't know if it was me but I feel we've been refused for some reason. Salvia wears off so I can't make clear sense of the shadowy glimpses.
Chew the remaining 2 quids - angry due to external noise, dammit I know it's the noise, stick some cotton wool in ears. Relaxed now, no sound. We're moving now and that other presence has left, now a dark cloud looms over - this new group there is darkness about them I feel like maybe I've just let evil enter. The others though do not appear afraid, I guess this helps me to relax and not get so paranoid and so not so afraid myself. Observe for a short while and then open eyes for a flashing moment and startle them.
I wonder if the darkness was there because of the anger I was feeling I know there is some connection there. In the external surrounding kept hearing bells at the onset of Salvia effects and then just as it was wearing off which was strange as it was in the physical environment but there's no local bells that I know of that would go on resounding for that long.
Chew the remaining 2 quids - angry due to external noise, dammit I know it's the noise, stick some cotton wool in ears. Relaxed now, no sound. We're moving now and that other presence has left, now a dark cloud looms over - this new group there is darkness about them I feel like maybe I've just let evil enter. The others though do not appear afraid, I guess this helps me to relax and not get so paranoid and so not so afraid myself. Observe for a short while and then open eyes for a flashing moment and startle them.
I wonder if the darkness was there because of the anger I was feeling I know there is some connection there. In the external surrounding kept hearing bells at the onset of Salvia effects and then just as it was wearing off which was strange as it was in the physical environment but there's no local bells that I know of that would go on resounding for that long.
Tuesday 1 March 2011
Collecting Sexual Energy
In the afternoon I knew I had to go back, in that state of mind something was about to be revealed, it's unfortunate that I don't have a constant open clear perception I feel I could learn so much.
Chewed leaves and immediately we're observing other areas, I feel we're moving around the neighbourhood. Somewhere local in someone's house we're watching two people in sexual intercourse. I am confused this is not what I expected at all. We're moving to other neighbouring houses in particular where others are having sex.
I feel we're traveling fast now, somewhere deeper, where there are so many entities that are pairing up and copying the sexual act that they're watching. But strangely I always see their face bobbing in and out - no bodies. Something opens, almost like a flower opening up and above me is a face of a bearded man, almost always a bearded man. Ancient looking old face that is bobbing up and down and then it really hits me - I am inside someone's vagina, like a part of it and his face is a part of someone's penis. And just as we enter a new person there is a stream of these entities rushing down to the main points where two faces meet and my goodness now I am really confused.
It takes a few sexual acts and some major intense arousal to figure out what they are doing, they're collecting the sexual energy that others are possibly wasting away. Initially it felt so odd and I felt like these others might possibly be a bunch of peeping toms. I have to figure out if I understand what is occuring, give in to the sexual intensity and whoa major orgasm, residue of it blissing parts of my legs. I could sense that they want me to bear the intensity out and not waste it - to somehow endure it. Found this website that goes more into the sexual aspect of Kundalini and things making more sense now. As I type this it is still going on - the continuous throbbing, sometimes I feel I'm about to slip out of this body.
Chewed leaves and immediately we're observing other areas, I feel we're moving around the neighbourhood. Somewhere local in someone's house we're watching two people in sexual intercourse. I am confused this is not what I expected at all. We're moving to other neighbouring houses in particular where others are having sex.
I feel we're traveling fast now, somewhere deeper, where there are so many entities that are pairing up and copying the sexual act that they're watching. But strangely I always see their face bobbing in and out - no bodies. Something opens, almost like a flower opening up and above me is a face of a bearded man, almost always a bearded man. Ancient looking old face that is bobbing up and down and then it really hits me - I am inside someone's vagina, like a part of it and his face is a part of someone's penis. And just as we enter a new person there is a stream of these entities rushing down to the main points where two faces meet and my goodness now I am really confused.
It takes a few sexual acts and some major intense arousal to figure out what they are doing, they're collecting the sexual energy that others are possibly wasting away. Initially it felt so odd and I felt like these others might possibly be a bunch of peeping toms. I have to figure out if I understand what is occuring, give in to the sexual intensity and whoa major orgasm, residue of it blissing parts of my legs. I could sense that they want me to bear the intensity out and not waste it - to somehow endure it. Found this website that goes more into the sexual aspect of Kundalini and things making more sense now. As I type this it is still going on - the continuous throbbing, sometimes I feel I'm about to slip out of this body.
Purity of Thought
Yesterday morning chewed Salvia and meditated.
In the physical my mum and nan are sleeping in the room adjacent to mine and they are significant to this experience.
That other perception opened immediately though a trace of it has been left behind in my waking state with Salvia it enhances.
Next to me are children, I notice in all the Salvia experiences I see these children - somehow I'm a part of their group, I know them just maybe suffering from amnesia maybe.
Suddenly there are other beings, so many of them noticing me. Keep eyes closed and silence. Then there's commotion to the right, someone who knows me comes through and I see them so clearly, 2 female looking beings. I know who they are - the same energies acting out to be my mum and nan. Again it felt weird thinking 'my' when it was all just an act. They come closer to look at me simply waiting for me to open my eyes or make a sudden physical movement. I play dead thinking in my head maybe if they thought I was physically dead I with this identity can go to those restricted areas and just explore. They move away - the female energy is going back to the physical shells doing something and I get this feeling that maybe one of them, either mum or nan is about to get released because they don't want to play this game without me. I don't want either of them to die so I give in and for a flashing moment open my eyes - in a few other trips that I have not written about (because they are too long) this has occured. When I open my physical eyes it always startles them - I still wonder why this is? Eyes are throbbing and pulsing some rewiring occuring in the legs. Need to go toilet and perception is wearing off leaving only trace of dimmed perception but I told them to stop any operationg - don't want anything to snap.
A short while later I finish remaining leaves with intention to meet creator, the Earths designer.
We're moving somewhere and I feel like the children are guiding me. There's a portal which the children begin to jump into. A friend is about to jump in but wants me to go first so I can be assisted. I'm excited because I know jumping in there means jumping into another world and I thought maybe I might be born again somewhere else but then what happens to this earth life? I didn't worry so much just excited that I'm going on an adventure, I'm just about ready to jump when I feel the resistence. Someone holding me back. I realize others that I'm seeing are souls and I wonder is it my soul holding me back or some other.
Feel like a permission has been granted and I am accessing physical environment through a completely other way. We're heading somewhere, and this somewhere is very important - the place where I know I will get answers to all my questions. My excitement is short-lived when the other children hear the noise coming from neighbours house, in physical reality they are doing works and when I'm with them I can still hear physical surrounding noise and this tends to divert their attention.
They are listening to the builder hammering something and we're moving swiftly across his mind - feeling what he feels, for a moment experiencing his experience. We're housed in him, resting in his mind. I can't believe what I know what is about to happen or maybe I don't want to, somehow we're going to control his thought system. Feel really almost upset about this - so us humans have thoughts controlled by these beings?
Then we are moving, consciousness housed in other minds. We're going to the streets now and now we're acting like a dog breathing heavy and fast excitedly. This is happening locally in physical meaning parts of earth plane. Then we are other components, everything that makes up the street, we're riding everything whilst I am simply observing. I feel bored, they all stop for a moment and look at me. I tell them to carry on and start acting excited like them, but they can see right through me. We start to move away and now we're going across these other neighbouring houses and we are watching two people in a sexual act which I'm not enjoying because I get the sense that they must think I am obsessed with sex. Consciousness moving to various scenes that are taking place in real time. I noticed that all this time I'm letting them take me to these places now it was my turn to pick, I was extremely excited. I want to go to the moon, to the stars and all the galaxy systems. I have to be specific so I think Pleiades as a starting destination. In the physical reality I was able to catch faces in images on nasa website which is why I thought of it. We're ready preparing for launch just like a rocket. Instead I feel that this clear perception is closing up, losing this state of mind but not quite I just feel like I need to open my eyes. The others have bled through in physical so much that the physical construction has a life of its own, the light fixing moves about stretching back and forth. Faces of the others more visible, I could tell by their expressions that they are trying to understand me.
Suddenly I remember something that I have overlooked. Buddha, Jesus, Krishnamurti, Anastasia (Ringing Cedars Series) always emphasized something in exactly the same way, always the same phrase. They each pointed out the need for 'Purity of thought' and it was completely related to the ability of an individual consciousness streaming through various facets of the physical reality. I had to think for a while and understand what that meant. Does it mean that a pure thought is simply one that is good without any negative element - the answer I felt was it had nothing to do with good or bad although by our standards it is a good thought it's something else entirely. Perhaps a thought that has never been thought - the unthought thought. hmm something to think about?
In the physical my mum and nan are sleeping in the room adjacent to mine and they are significant to this experience.
That other perception opened immediately though a trace of it has been left behind in my waking state with Salvia it enhances.
Next to me are children, I notice in all the Salvia experiences I see these children - somehow I'm a part of their group, I know them just maybe suffering from amnesia maybe.
Suddenly there are other beings, so many of them noticing me. Keep eyes closed and silence. Then there's commotion to the right, someone who knows me comes through and I see them so clearly, 2 female looking beings. I know who they are - the same energies acting out to be my mum and nan. Again it felt weird thinking 'my' when it was all just an act. They come closer to look at me simply waiting for me to open my eyes or make a sudden physical movement. I play dead thinking in my head maybe if they thought I was physically dead I with this identity can go to those restricted areas and just explore. They move away - the female energy is going back to the physical shells doing something and I get this feeling that maybe one of them, either mum or nan is about to get released because they don't want to play this game without me. I don't want either of them to die so I give in and for a flashing moment open my eyes - in a few other trips that I have not written about (because they are too long) this has occured. When I open my physical eyes it always startles them - I still wonder why this is? Eyes are throbbing and pulsing some rewiring occuring in the legs. Need to go toilet and perception is wearing off leaving only trace of dimmed perception but I told them to stop any operationg - don't want anything to snap.
A short while later I finish remaining leaves with intention to meet creator, the Earths designer.
We're moving somewhere and I feel like the children are guiding me. There's a portal which the children begin to jump into. A friend is about to jump in but wants me to go first so I can be assisted. I'm excited because I know jumping in there means jumping into another world and I thought maybe I might be born again somewhere else but then what happens to this earth life? I didn't worry so much just excited that I'm going on an adventure, I'm just about ready to jump when I feel the resistence. Someone holding me back. I realize others that I'm seeing are souls and I wonder is it my soul holding me back or some other.
Feel like a permission has been granted and I am accessing physical environment through a completely other way. We're heading somewhere, and this somewhere is very important - the place where I know I will get answers to all my questions. My excitement is short-lived when the other children hear the noise coming from neighbours house, in physical reality they are doing works and when I'm with them I can still hear physical surrounding noise and this tends to divert their attention.
They are listening to the builder hammering something and we're moving swiftly across his mind - feeling what he feels, for a moment experiencing his experience. We're housed in him, resting in his mind. I can't believe what I know what is about to happen or maybe I don't want to, somehow we're going to control his thought system. Feel really almost upset about this - so us humans have thoughts controlled by these beings?
Then we are moving, consciousness housed in other minds. We're going to the streets now and now we're acting like a dog breathing heavy and fast excitedly. This is happening locally in physical meaning parts of earth plane. Then we are other components, everything that makes up the street, we're riding everything whilst I am simply observing. I feel bored, they all stop for a moment and look at me. I tell them to carry on and start acting excited like them, but they can see right through me. We start to move away and now we're going across these other neighbouring houses and we are watching two people in a sexual act which I'm not enjoying because I get the sense that they must think I am obsessed with sex. Consciousness moving to various scenes that are taking place in real time. I noticed that all this time I'm letting them take me to these places now it was my turn to pick, I was extremely excited. I want to go to the moon, to the stars and all the galaxy systems. I have to be specific so I think Pleiades as a starting destination. In the physical reality I was able to catch faces in images on nasa website which is why I thought of it. We're ready preparing for launch just like a rocket. Instead I feel that this clear perception is closing up, losing this state of mind but not quite I just feel like I need to open my eyes. The others have bled through in physical so much that the physical construction has a life of its own, the light fixing moves about stretching back and forth. Faces of the others more visible, I could tell by their expressions that they are trying to understand me.
Suddenly I remember something that I have overlooked. Buddha, Jesus, Krishnamurti, Anastasia (Ringing Cedars Series) always emphasized something in exactly the same way, always the same phrase. They each pointed out the need for 'Purity of thought' and it was completely related to the ability of an individual consciousness streaming through various facets of the physical reality. I had to think for a while and understand what that meant. Does it mean that a pure thought is simply one that is good without any negative element - the answer I felt was it had nothing to do with good or bad although by our standards it is a good thought it's something else entirely. Perhaps a thought that has never been thought - the unthought thought. hmm something to think about?
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