Monday, 20 November 2017

Dream of A Clinical Life

I slept a good 6 hours trying to match my circadian rhythm according to the sun rise and sun set. I woke up after 1 am and messed up my routine by exposing myself to light and phone light. Need to work on my late night browsing habits (something that has only worsened from work).

At 4am I attempted to fall asleep and after some difficulty I managed to dose off. I became hyper aware of my sleeping body, I could literally feel it shutting down. I enter several scenes and end up in a scene where I am in some kind of clinic.

I am out of control of my behavior in this scene but take charge soon enough almost as if I am trying to take this persona in that state.

When I achieve this control I look around me. It looks like a hospital, not at all modern. There are people walking about and in one room there are standard beds with patients sleeping. I see a man who seems to be my father (in this vision). As I observe my life here I wonder if it has some parallel significance to my current life and career path I have chosen (holistic healing, health and nutrition). I'm sure there was more activity after this, right now my recall is bad.

Wednesday, 15 November 2017

Extra Sleep For Dream Activity and The Magician

Lately I have been exploring on methods to improve my sleep. For a few days I had improved this greatly mostly eating turkey to use tryptophan from food source rather than supplement. I have been taking some honey with it which is what I believe helped me sleep like a baby.

Keeping room dark and getting into bed shortly after sunset without blasting my eyes with a phone or tablet screen is helping immensely. Now also using ear phones as an ear plug and this is making me sleep a lot longer.

I have had very interesting dreams, some bizarre and some very much related to daily life. Last slept the longest for 11 hours. I think I slept that long because my happy streak had been messed up day before when I achieved only 3 hours so I seemed to have made up for lost sleep.

I became alert at one point during sleep mode when I knew I was in my room, body asleep and then suddenly arms floating up. Moving on their own I let them do what they will. Suddenly the hands gestured to objects in front of me showing me things. It feels like another presence moving my arms. This has been happening for so long it just seems so ordinary now. I started to feel really bored, I recall just thinking This is getting so boring. Then my right arm raised up and like a magician it swiped the arm and voila in front of me the wall had changed so that rather than a magnolia wall I was staring at vintage design wallpaper. I was now excited because I felt like I was transported into a different place.

After this I cannot recall what happened just some dreams with my parents and other family members.

Friday, 3 November 2017

Salvia Reveals Our True Powers and Plays with My Organs

I have only chewed salvia leaves on and off recently. Sometimes I'm astounded how made up our reality is. Meaning; In the grand scheme of things none of us really exist, not even the things we perceive. This happens often and each time when I experience the insight in my salvia excursions it feels so new because coming out of salvia state I am back to reality and the conditioning of my mind makes me behave as if all this is real; ie holding onto possessions, ideals and beliefs etc.

Yesterday with all my days anxiety I decided to take a break and listen to some music and instantly I recalled my experience with a being, a God like being. A presence that warms me up always without fail.

I didn't simply receive an insight, it was more of an instant awareness that this presence is always with me in all my experiences. It is this presence that facilitates the entire functions of this body, this world. Without effort as I listened to the music the lyrics pulsate with meaning, in our ordinary state this absorption is impossible. This presence controls veins, arteries every function in our body. I became further absorbed with some retrospective thinking which is the great thing about chewing leaves is that a large part of my ordinary daily awareness ego consciousness (call it what you will) is present so that I can vividly recall vividly my experiences. With the extract it can take time to assimilate new insights.

Listening to a song and thinking at the same time, suddenly my internal parts in the upper torso are pulsating. The rhythm of my heart beat is the same as the beat of the music I am listening to almost as if by magic my organs have an intelligence of their own and can change the rhythm of my heart beat. But wait this isn't magic, doesn't our amazing organs function without any mental effort on our part already? My veins and every internal part was following the same symphony of the tones in my ears. It really indeed seem magical.

I begin to feel inspired about a movie based on this experience and my mind is immersed thinking up a plot line to convey just how I felt in that moment. An experience I would sum up as God-realization.

God-realization, according to Meher Baba, is the highest state of consciousness and the goal and ultimate destiny of all souls in Creation. A soul that realizes God experiences God's infinite power, knowledge, and bliss continuously.

The following are things I myself have been trying to understand in this other state.
God within each individual severs the connection of mans awareness of God. Why? For the play of this world can only happen when man has lost all memory of his origins. Should he know his origins then he would be like a God. But here's the paradox, that even in mans state of amnesia, he continues to create. With his expanding imagination, storage of memories in the brain cell but it seems he is equivalent to that of a Robot and possibly has a pre-programmed destiny. The Buddha has also said it: We are a result of what we think but this implies that we can then change our destiny.

If you observe your own thoughts and see if those types of thoughts correlate with your current existence the connection will be there.

So why all the Chaos? Is life a sick joke and is God then a sadist because as beautiful as this world is there is darkness? No, because we are clearly creating according to our own imaginations. I'm still trying to work out the part why innocent children suffer then.

In this salvia state I am trying to understand the relevance of humans to God. I couldn't help but think that God did not need us, nor even want us even though there is this sense of longing in the songs I listen to and these are inspired by God. For anyone of any religious denomination I imagine this may sound a little upsetting, but I'm afraid God is just too happy and jolly to care how your daily life effects you. Why? Because you have been given the True Power to resolve your life yourself, what more can a God deny if he gave you everything from the very beginning. After this experience I feel even more prompted to go back to using Law of Attraction to fix some things currently going wrong in my life at least as a new experiment. 

Another thought came flashing in, if we are the sum of what we think how can we know that which is unknown. It is seems we can't know the unknown, to know the unknown we must ourselves become unknown. Lose one's identity, central ego self. Who then comes back to express the unknown? So in the salvia state as I lose my identity, and the brain empties of all memories how can I come back to communicate what I perceive when we live in a world dictated by the 5 senses which are wholly dependent on thought. Or it could it be that the 5 senses themselves go through some kind of transformation but again the 5 senses are dependant on thought. You wake up in the morning and even though in your mind you don't think about how your eyes see, ears hear and the feeling of the duvet against your skin in that moment there is the underlying thought of "I". "I" wake up and this "I" is assigned a body. I was speculating all this in the Salvia state.

This is the lyrics to one of the songs I was listening to:

Wednesday, 11 October 2017

Out of Body Meeting My Children

I woke up 2am unable to sleep (my fault since I was researching for work). Insomnia probably induced by various factors such as staying late night on the phone and recently quitting the nictotine.

By 5am I attempted to sleep and managed to relax instantly. I began to feel my arms floating and can see my hands. High sexual energy at play. Soon I'm spinning, a familiar sign that I'm about to do some astral traveling / out of body traveling. I can still feel my physical eyes and I know that just thinking to open them will snap me out of this spell. I end up near my window and begin to sink another familiar sign.

I see the garden and buildings that seem so different to me and suddenly once again I'm back in bed, arms floating and high sexual energy.

Once again, round and round I go. Out the window sinking. I am standing near my window awe struck with how realistic it all seems. I open the window where there is a white plastic like frame. As I lift it open this starts to feel floppy like it has moved out of place and then I realize just how different this window is to my actual window. I look outside, the structure of this area is similar to how it is in reality but something very different. There is a clothing hanging line in a narrow pathway of the garden but it is strangely high up. On this line I see 4 similar traditional (asian indian) ethnic outfits (familiar). 3 in dark blue color with gold patterns and one that is black with gold patterns. They look outdated.

I look in the mirror and see an image of myself, I think there was some major difference. Really brown hair but I cannot recall whether I felt it was me. 

I do wonder what year it is and if I am indeed in the same place as my house from reality. I turn to look at the room. Most of my furniture are not there but same carpet. It looks like it is night time with the lights on. Going to the door there is a lock that looks like something that would be used in a bathroom. I open the thinking that this will end because I just can't believe how real it all seems now. I walk out the door into the hallway (feels familiar looks close enough to my cousins home). I see the same carpet I have at home on a flight of stairs going up to a third floor (no third floor in reality). Part of the carpet is missing, seems home is being renovated.

I walk down to another landing and see an area that has wooden elements, I pass this area into a large room. On the floor there are two girls sitting beside a woman. She seems like a private teacher. The girls perhaps aged 3 and 4 look at me. They are distracted with my presence. I have a slight feeling that these girls are my children whoever I happen to be in this scene. I have this feeling that I know they need to study so I turn away and mostly because I am excited to see the rest of the house and investigate further.

Running down the stairs to the ground floor I see a toddler moving about, a boy I think. I walk inside a room where I see another girl aged 5 or 6. I realize this explains the outfits I saw hanging on clothing line. The girls all looked Turkish but something interesting about their hair, it looked like they had streaks of highlights. This girl seems to instantly recognize me "Mum, come here..Mum come, come here..." She repeatedly asks me to come closer gesturing with her hands wanting me to see something. At this point I'm a little perplexed and a million thoughts rush into my mind. I can't be your mum, I planned to never have kids. Is this the future? Where am I? Who am I? Maybe I should just go and check out the rest of the building, oh yeah and the garden. Maybe I have a partner, I should go check...

And just as I turn around I am back in my body, open my eyes and feel an odd sensation rushing upwards in the brain. Like hot warm air and I am left wondering the significance of this experience and how very different it was in comparison to past OBEs / Astral Travels.

Saturday, 7 October 2017

Nicotine Detox Dreams and Twin Flame Meeting

Nicotine has definitely improved recall of dreams and since I stopped it (almost a week now) I'm still having pretty good dream recall. I've dreamed so much that I should really post these individually at least for future reference should I wish to try nicotine again. In this dream I had written about a stranger singing to me after and this dream I kept having strange feelings about missing this person and feeling like this person is very significant and potentially very real.

I wasn't sure what it was about this guy that left a massive impression on my daily life afterwards. I have only briefly read about twin flames a long time ago and brushed it off as something purely based on people hopelessly in love. I started reading about twin flames and in most places on the net it is mentioned that twin flames can enter dreams.

I then researched how to know you've met your twin flame. Usually one of the key signs is eye contact and both parties are usually glued to each other with the feeling of familiarity. It is supposed to be very intense, in my case I was sort of dazed not sure parts of my brain were even operating. I was mostly just absorbing the experience. Another sign is the kiss, and in this instance I would have to say it was definitely the kiss or more importantly the feeling that the kiss induced. Something I cannot even begin to compare with. It was actually magical, and just like how I felt in the dream it was like coming alive.

Was this my twin flame? Well, a  part of me for a good number of days since that dream has been utterly convinced that there's something about my dream man and I have been pondering it but then another part of me (the serious and analytical part) is thinking this could be a result of a number of bad relationships in the past and I'm just feeling really hopeful. On the night after the dream I asked for my twin flame to show up in dreamscape, instead what I got was one of the bad relationships showing up being very angry with me.

I didn't think much of it, the third night I asked once again for twin flame to show up but again I dreamed about the bad relationship being more angry with me than previously. This is when I really seriously tried to interpret all these dreams. My current interpretation is that maybe my twin flame is trying to break through but my connection with bad relationship needs to be disconnected as I am still in communication with this person. I wonder perhaps we are all psychically connected which isn't too far fetched considering I'm convinced I met God.

Dreams have continued, no bad relationship or twin flame showing up. I had one dream about the future. There is a chip that you can implant and it can program you to stop smoking - LOL
I also had one of those realistic real aware type dreams where I'm in bed and my limbs are floating lifting rising. I cannot see my limbs but I feel them.

Currently detoxing and experiencing some of the most horrendous withdrawal symptoms. I used exactly 24 lozenges (each at 2mg) and 7mg from a patch in a period of approx 28 days.

Nicotine has helped me when I first started it especially for razor sharp focus to work on an online store, but at the same time I was taking it under a lot of stress so was eating very poorly and I have been experiencing some of the withdrawals symptoms in the last week of use.

Thursday, 28 September 2017

Nicotine Dream Of Man Singing Tragic Love Song

This dream is very familiar, similar to the dream I had about an old man singing a narrative song. I'll share link of that dream soon (when I find it). Last night I had half a nicotine lozenge (1mg). I also managed to get a few minor scrapes around my arms and hands moving boxes about and ended up using iodine to treat these. Iodine in the past has induced vivid dreams via painting on skin and ingesting.

In this dream I am an actress performing some act and having conversations with actresses I am familiar with. The scene changes where I'm watching a woman in a short white dress on a gloomy day with rain showers, dancing and singing but can't recall the words.

Soon enough my perspective changes where I am blending into her and entering a different scene. There is a man standing in front of me introducing himself by singing. The narrative is very interesting and as he sings it to me I seem to be re-living the scenes. Through the song I visualize him in love with his black car, to him it was a beauty. He adored and admired it because it was his own work of art. I see him literally stroking his car lol. Then he tells me about his friend who had tampered with his car because of his love for me or the character I had assumed. She had been jealous for a really long time which he did not realize. I begin to picture the scene he is singing about until we are both actually there, in the car, both of us inside. Car swerves and crashes.

There was regret in his voice revealing that he wished things did not turn out that way. At the same time he was trying to convince me of something. I am jogging through my memory (dream memories?) where I recall not receiving the kind of attention I am in that present moment. He comes closer to me and begins to kiss the base of my neck, instantly I feel a strip of my body coming to life, it was illuminated. It was almost as if that entire time I was actually invisible and only beginning to form a body with the kiss. Another kiss and another strip of the body illuminating. There were romantic feelings involved and soon enough I woke up, immediately registering entire dream sequence.

The nicotine is causing some insomnia, I've been on the phone browsing before falling asleep, also I'm not using the blindfold which helped previously. For the nicotine only some nights I plan to use the patches with iodine painting.

At this point in my life I'm going through some changes but nothing major or tumultuous, keeping an eye out on my dreaming to see what they reveal.

Sunday, 10 September 2017

Nicotine Patch Experiment for Dreams

I am going to use lozenges only during night time as during the day I seem to be developing a dependency.

Last night I used the nicotine patch. It's the highest dose 21mg and may not have been right for me, not sure yet as I am only using for the first phase of sleep as opposed to throughout the day. I have definitely been dreaming more. I don't think nicotine increases dreams rather it helps to store the dreams in the memory bank for a longer duration so that upon waking recall is easier. In fact my wake up is almost like a quick transition between dream and reality. Whereas prior to nicotine use this rarely happened. I would really have to think through to recall dream events.

Unfortunately the dreams are pretty boring, they represent daily ordinary life in different settings. I only once dreamed of people I don't know since using nicotine.

I used the nicotine patch and listened to opening the heart track (hemisync) which usually helps me to sleep.
The dreams after using the nicotine patch were very clear and vivid, very life like and I was around people I know. Dreamed about harvesting in garden, lots of veg especially eggplants hanging off vines (I think egg plants don't grow on vines). Interestingly eggplants contain nicotine which I already knew when doing my research into nicotine.

I woke up around 3:30am and took the patch off. The nicotine was on my arm for a total of 5 hours, I'm sure any longer and I would have thrown up. High amounts are toxic especially for someone who does not smoke. It was still dark I should have nodded off but insomnia was difficult to deal with. It was only at 6am I decided to have 1mg of nicotine and relaxed. Then some more vivid dreaming, this time I think I accessed some childhood memory or my mind was recreating a scene that I may identify as my childhood.

I am going to write up the dreams some other time which are pretty boring but may have some significance to me if I can decipher them.

For now all I can report is there is definitely a difference in the ability to recall dreams using nicotine. For me this works if I use the nicotine before bed. Patches do not make me feel as sleepy as the lozenges possibly because patches are slowly released over time and require up to 24 hours to effectively release the 21mg.