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Saturday, 7 July 2018

Sleep Vs Dreams

Sleep has been a little tricky. Insomnia got really bad upon taking zinc, sticking to one a day. Now I have restarted iodine protocol and I am sleeping much better with significant improvement in sleep quality.

I am taking so many vitamins and minerals it is really hard to tell how everything is interacting with each other. For the time being may have to just stick with the iodine protocol and co factors. My dreams have changed dramatically. I am only recalling dreams with very little fragments. Recall is bad.

Dreaming isn't necessary but I miss having those fun entertaining, thriller dreams. I do not even care to have lucid dreams as long as I have those long vivid cinema worthy dreams, all is good.

Salvia Divinorum Defining Sexual Energy and The Way To Forgiveness

I chew the leaves afternoon. Heatwave.

The surroundings transform but only slightly, something in the brain has changed that my experiences are very different in quality. I would  not as visually as powerful as it has been previously except the insights are still powerful. In fact the insights are a lot stronger. Lots of knowings.

I am thinking on my abuser and what to do about my situation. Confrontation seems important at this time in my life and the opportunity is there. I am suddenly aware of why people have sex. An orgasm as an example, carries a great deal of information. It creates a blissful state but only lasts a moment. Another high. But so momentary, can only grasp for a moment.

The physical biological process is in alignment with an emotional process. When two people are procreating each partner is sending forth various energies, in thought patterns etc to create another living human being. There is something about this energy and I am now revisiting my first brush with the kundalini energy.

The sexual flow unlike anything I experienced my entire life. It wasn't like an arousal. I recall the voice, whose voice is it I still wonder. It told me to stay still and I listened. That was many years ago and only recently this year again the voice made it self audible in my ears. I'm not sure if it is the same exact voice but again it told me to stay still only this time warning me that my body will be destroyed perhaps due to damaged nervous system. I wrote about this here.

I think it's possible that during my abuse as a child I disassociated from my body. Probably the only way I was able to stay sane for at least a decade after the incident. From a more scientific perspective I remained unconscious but my brain continued to record the experience and then store it somewhere to revisit when necessary. Only in my teens did I get the flashback and it created a massive disturbance. When we ask for questions or ponder something our brain or mind looks for the answer, kind of like a personal google search engine.

I have done some reading on other people that were propelled into a kundalini awakening due to childhood trauma. During the sexual abuse as a child I think the person has left a part of something from his energetic field into mine and vice versa. Whilst his was given to me, mine was taken. I don't know if I'm even making any sense now but those who have been abused will say they feel as if something was taken from them. Innocence perhaps?

I know in my case the trauma paved the way for my future kundalini awakening.

I'm aware the entire time during this salvia session of all the energies around me. I am going into that same space where I always end up. That central part that I seem to refuse to accept - that I created my reality. I should take solace in the fact that I can then direct it in any way I like.

Unfortunately my mind is in such a state that I'm in victim mode, not a good place to give directions. I'm being told now to forgive, that for my own peace of mind I need to forgive. I have read about another woman and her kundalini awakening who had to relive a childhood trauma in order to release it and forgive her perpetrator.

I have decided to forgive and I confirm with the energies present at that moment I will forgive only if the perpetrator asks for forgiveness. I have also been thinking how I won't get a confession out of this person so I have set up something for him to say and if he has a hard time saying it then I'll know. I have already seen the many clues and signs throughout my life that confirms the rather unfortunate memory I buried a long time ago.

I'm actually shocked at myself that it has taken me 30 years to revolt and take action but it makes sense from the perspective of how much I have grown up from that frightened little girl to a mature woman who knows how to defend herself.

I hate reading about other people who talk about these trauma being some kind of way we repay our karmic debts or how it heightens our spiritually because as a victim I beg to ask the question Why? Why, God? Why put me through this shit? Then I read about other spiritual mumbo jumbo shit people spout about how we agreed to it and made a contract and so and so...Almost as if we are willing to tell ourselves anything just to feel good about ourselves.

I have clearly been angry but I know I cannot remain in anger for too long, it cripples me. I'm in that space now where I would like to move on. For the time being I am working on my memories to try to retrieve it fully.

Thursday, 28 June 2018

Zinc Picolinate For Dreaming

I've recently started supplementing zinc picolinate 15mg, past two days increased this to 45mg dosage taking 1 tab daytime and the remainder two just an hour before bed. Had vivid dreams one day with one being very movie like but too short to relay anything interesting. The other dream was related to cousins which I've always attributed to healing and detox.

Cannot continue taking it at night time as it may be causing insomnia. Instead will stick to just one in the day.

I'll be starting tryptophan with B6 and see what this does for dreaming and dream recall. For a while now my sleep has really improved except I am not dreaming as much or just bad recall.

Tuesday, 19 June 2018

Updates on New Protocols and Practices

There are certain vitamins that I haven't been taking for a long time, however I will be starting on several supplements soon. Lots of crazy dreams to be expected. Currently my dream recall is not all that great but when I put effort to recall I can remember some things, I think recall is bad mostly because as soon as I open my eyes I have so much on my mind and just need to get on with the day.

I'm mostly adding supplements and other stuff to repair the body. I will also set a routine to help me sleep better, however I have been sleeping perfectly past few days.

Some supplements such as L tryptophan will hopefully help with sleep more and I'll be taking lots of various things for boosting mood. I'll disclose these more in detail and the effect they are having on my dreams as well as on my health. I've also restarted hemi sync practice and will post updates on these.

At the same time I am going through major life changes, there are posts that I've left in draft which I do not even want to publish because of the nature of the details I disclose. Having to revisit childhood trauma etc and how I am using Salvia to help deal with it. So far, it has been a really tough year.


Wednesday, 7 February 2018

Ketogenic Diet Dreams

Not sure if my recent vivid dreams could be related to keto. They have some interesting story lines.
However I have only been on this diet for a week. In particular there have been changes in intake of vitamin b complex. I am dreaming quite a lot. My understanding from evaluating past dreams is vivid dreams that are unusual or disturbing are related to parasite die offs. I am hoping with keto diet that one benefit I will get is parasite elimination. Mostly want to rebalance levels of Candida and improve gut flora and bacteria. Also I had no internet and WiFi for one night but still there are neighbours who have strong range of WiFi so am still exposed. I want to experiment using aluminium foil bedding net to see if I could eliminate EMF radiation, yes I am one of those people who would happily wear a tin foil hat and I'm a millenial.

I have looked up ketogenic diet and dreams with lots of hits that this diet increases vivid dreams. Then again I have always had some kind of weird dreams prior to keto diet. Another factor could be caffeine from a mascarpone dessert I am eating which has cocoa powder added to it. I have been pretty addicted to it and eating more than I should. I read a post online that suggested it could be caffeine digesting slowly with high fat keeping parts of the brain awake and alert during dream time. Sounds like an interesting experiment is in order, fortunately this dessert will be on the menu for a while.

The ketogenic diet is a high fat, moderate protein and low carb diet.
The ketogenic diet is so far working out well for me although it has only been a week, I will be sure to note more changes in dreams as nutritional profile on this diet is clearly different to one on a diet with higher amounts of carb. My main reason why I started on this diet is that recently I have been a little concerned about having tumors, especially in the brain. More importantly we all carry cancer cells and in our lifetimes they are more likely to become exacerbated since they feed on sugar and some studies suggest that cancer thrives on a high carb diet.

Tuesday, 6 February 2018

Strange Family with Super Powers Saga (Vivid Dream)

Note: other day dream was about spiders where I was viewing a great number of these spiders they had a large body with long legs and seemed a little strange. I have read about the totems once again on spiders for a little reminder. According to some sites they are related to shadow self or dark aspects of the personality.

This morning woke up from a very strange dream that seemed to go on for quite long where I was dreaming about various characters over different periods of time (timeline in the dream).

There were patches on the ground. I am telling others of these. Others seem to be my siblings (not from this reality). One brother is examining it, we conclude it's some kind of Mark from a large bird.

Have flashback of siblings when we were young?
Young brad Pitt lookalike, with siblings. He has superpowers where when he is next to plants they grow rapidly, example he was next to pumpkin and the leaves were growing fast meaning the fruit would even be ready soon. But if he moved away for a short period the leaves would wither. His siblings also had superpowers but his one was extraordinary. 

The father seemed reluctant about it and was yelling at the mother who was quiet, calm but also seemed submissive and trapped. Father had black eyes like a panda.

I am still one of the siblings with powers.
Soon I am in some tunnel like underground London tube. Though it was almost mine like looking. I look above one tunnel with a name. I am aware the mother has called me here because father wants to see me. It seems he may have abandoned us from long time ago as meeting feels like reunion. A scene plays, the father has spikes, some from hands and he slashes the mother who vanquishes in the air like the way vampires do in movies. He has no panda eyes. I think I as the girl character sense it happening.

Woke up back to sleep, more dreaming. At some point I am in the air flying, hovering above a landscape looks like earth but I was too excited with the whole flying. This was breathtaking, literally. I just was stunned that I was up in the air flying. The quality felt a lot more real than when I have my astral spinning events take place. I think because I felt more of my body as real and tangible, I even flapped my arms about as if swimming in the air.

Friday, 26 January 2018

The Presence In My Astral Seperation From The Body

This post is adult rated 18+

Woke up 12am, another bout of insomnia. I didn’t take any supplements to help me relax. For some reason constantly needing to empty bladder. Need to do all my drinking early during the day.
After 4 am, relaxed this time again concentrating on forehead. Energy building up, for some reason this seems to be the only way I’m able to relax and get something similar to sleep. Except I’m not asleep, I’m still wide awake.

I heard the music and the song again, this time different. I’m in a dream like state where I am somewhat lucid, there are two creatures. One I recall being panda the other was also some white creature but don’t recall accurately. The panda lifts me up. I can feel sensation on my backside, so vivid. Just too real. I’m not afraid that the panda will drop me as it runs down my stairs carrying me to the front door. After that where I end up is a complete blur.

The scene changes and I know something is with me, inducing these states. I just can’t see it but I know it is definitely present. I am coming out of the body, this time it is strange. The window part everything seems broken as if the image of my wall is having trouble forming according to how it really is in memory. Broken fragments of my surrounding and lots of flashing. I am repeatedly going out of the body and back.

I am suddenly near a scene. Not inside it but looking at it. I look ahead in some kind of mirror. A man is standing and he beckons to a woman. He takes his pants off exposing his penis and she begins to perform oral sex, I can feel to some degree what they are feeling. Suddenly her face is covered in blood, I’m not sure if blood is from her mouth or his penis. I beg the presence to stop this visual several times. I cannot bear watching any more of this and attempt snapping out of it.
I do snap out of it, relieved to be back in bed but thinking why these very gruesome acts are appearing before me. I have one idea and it may be related to a very dear friend. He had a health scare where he found blood in the urine.

I’m so exhausted that I end up going back into that sleep state, very relaxed. There are more scenes of a sexual nature. Suddenly I am in a chair and a man is looking down at me as if examining me. He is African, probably in his mid 40s. Slightly chubby face. He tells me to open my mouth and uses something plastic to keep my mouth open. Then he uses a wood piece in my mouth and just leaves it there. I’m afraid of the plastic and tell him to use another wooden piece. I seem to know what is going on, I’m just not sure if I am myself (my this self) except I feel that I am myself whoever that self is.

Then scene ends and I find I am returning to the body back in bed. I think I am awake back in my room, in my bed, similar surroundings. Suddenly my legs lift up, I am being hung upside down again very aware of this other presence. I know I didn’t lift my legs up wilfully. Who are you? I am pleading for it to reveal its identity, thinking that it is some kind of evil spirit doesn’t quiet put my mind at ease.

Then I get some kind of answer, not in words but in feelings. Right now I can’t even recall what that feeling was, all I remember is disbelief and denial on my part.

Next time I will try and sleep without concentrating on the forehead to see what happens.