The Pleasure of All

Another trip with MJ last night.

Smoking felt different, eyes did tear up a little but then it was windy outside. Back inside the involuntary movements started fast, again this is very much like being possessed. In general this has been occurring around the clock there is actually no stop to it.

In these other states of consciousness I understand the movement more clearly. Movements are smoother and while it feels like something else has taken over directly from within the body I also have the perception that externally the beings are also manipulating.

There was that same peripheral visual I get on Salvia, a vibrational effect like somehow the eyes themselves are vibrating but not quite, more like a deep layer of it.

It was just after 10pm, got in bed hoping to remain awake throughout (taking it late not a good idea as I end up sleeping it off.

There was mellow feeling coming about with the understanding with the unreality of everything, and it's interesting how my mj experiences parallel with the salvia experiences - it's almost identical.

Resting there were bodily sensations. Then it started once again, a very familiar experience of what seemed like the physical body collecting sexual energy. This same experience on Salvia was unbearable. It felt very much like I was experiencing the sexual acts of those around me, by that I mean neighborhood or town perhaps even expanding to an entire planet. I could be wrong but at the time it felt like that was the case. There was a moment where the sensation of pleasure converted into pain.

What happened after that was a complete blur except I had a very vivid dream. I was observing the characters and at the same time feeling to be playing each role.

Updates on Recent Salvia Extract Trips

Had a few Salvia sessions with the extract 20x. It is incredibly fast, I'm having a clearer perception and also I'm able to remain coherent in the experience. I can open my eyes and move around normally, although the movements feel different but I think it has gotten to a stage I could be tripping near others with no disorientation - something I want to experiment with.

After third Salvia extract session, had chest pains, it started radiating throughout my shoulders and felt like a ton of bricks weighing down my upper torso and I think it may have been due to moving around too fast. Resting on my back it went away.

I just want to summarize my Salvia experiences at the moment, the main theme of my experience can be found in an advaita dialogue. Everything I'm experiencing, the insights received is right here.

http://www.sankaracharya.org/library/advaitadialogue.pdf

Latest Salvia Extract Trips

The world is an illusion.

Salvia extract takes me there with incredible speed. Just to clarify my 'there' is my 'here' in it's actual real form. I have complete understanding in this state, the true nature of not just life but the material cover up. So far everything I have experienced fits in with Adi Shankara teachings and Buddhist teachings.

Though these teachings have come about in different eras they still apply here in this time, in every time.

I felt it going in deep, the absolute necessity of holding onto that state. That state feels natural, seeing the truth behind reality. In that moment there was no care for anything worldly, it seemed to all be a make believe.

Being there I felt the absolute need to share this same state to others around me, in the session the people closest to me were my sisters. I needed somehow to explain all this to them. You could imagine for people not well versed in this how tough such a task would be. The thing is I don't have to do this, yet the urge is there.

The thing that holds us to this world is simply the world, it's worldly affairs, desires and attachment but more importantly our thoughts keep us bound here.

It seemed important that each person stepped through the same threshold as I have. I had a thought for a book. I've always wanted to write a book, I think this new book will have the new discoveries I'm embarking on.

The extract makes the transition incredibly fast, they appeared really quick also they made a few points regarding certain thoughts I had throughout the day.

I looked in the mirror and there was my shadow on the wall behind me, glowing and moving - think peter pan shadow but with more depth.

Phone flash light lit the room and beings were formed by light shadow. Forms also visible on solid objects around the room. Looking outside on neighbours chimney, three pillars formed beings that seemed to be watching over me.

 In that state I naturally abandon all that seems to matter. The only thing that matters is holding onto that state, to fall away from it is to fall into the abyss of confusion and here lies all suffering and there in that state which is here even now, is the Truth and this truth does set you free.

 This morning I opened my eyes quickly maybe after three minutes of closed eyes. I had the recorder handy, did want to make notes but was simply registering everything that took place.

I have thought about it, what does a person do with their life after discovering this. That reality is a dream, a short little trip. It seems one can do whatever they like but I am not permanently in that state, I am not permanently in a position to say one does this and this in one's life once one discovers this fascinating Truth, yet I feel there is something so much more to uncover.

So far no extract headache, however this morning when I got up after an extract session there was an intense radiating pain from my chest, spread to the shoulders and hurt like a ton of bricks suddenly applied within this area. These last maybe 5 or 10 minutes but even after 40 minutes there is something going on with the body like the sessions have directly enhanced the kundalini or energetic processes.

Yesterday I was not going to even touch the Salvia, it was going to be just MJ, got my glass bong ready and it slipped off my hand and cracked. It seemed like deliberately done by the beings and I thought they don't want me to take MJ, or maybe they don't want me to smoke it but eat it.

The smoking I find unappealing although smoking extract does not feel as harsh now in my pipe. Interestingly I can move around in my experience keep my eyes open directly perceive everything and coherently relay the experience as it is happening. This is 20* extract.

There was also that feeling present in that state. Someone could be dismembering the physical body, I could be tortured and beaten and in that state despite these things happening I am completely free from the suffering of these things.

Dealing with the Beings

This morning I got Salvia ready.

Had a very clear intention today before the chewing process, I noticed for a long time I haven't been making specific intentions. I think ever since I decided that my intentions could be an intereference I decided not to intend anything.

But today there was that need to communicate with the beings prior to the session. I have told them that I no longer intend to blog about the Salvia experiences, that they need to reveal to me what was the 'hard to see thing' in reality that is so visibly in front of us yet we don't see it. Here in this experience you can get a gist of what I'm referrring to. It was something that was there for the entire world to look at and directly perceive yet everyone was too busy to pay any kind of attention to it.

I was pondering, maybe I need to go in the park, be around nature, the walls in my room could be blocking the view. Maybe it was somewhere up in the sky - I remember them looking up where I almost got a slight glimpse of it. The answer that came back was that it was internal to me, at which point I wondered if that meant the body or what?  It seems that even a blind person would be able to see it.

I chewed the Salvia, made the deal, no more Salvia posts or any discoveries. The terms are I can make the discoveries, that I myself can figure it all out just that I can't share it - this was entirely up to every individual who wishes for it and to go on their own journey.

I go deep, there is this immediate sense and I perceive them. We're just temporary guests here, the life that we consider to be living, all the memories and experiences, all of this put together just a short trip. Nothing more. We're basically tripping right now, only it seems this trip feels a lot longer.

There was a moment where suddenly an airplane shows up, I can hear the sounds and see through closed eyelids, through the wall all beings turning their heads in this direction. The aircraft is always intriguing to them. I've been curious about this, for beings who appear to know so much about this world why would this be so fascinating. I sense it, the energy of the aircraft, the great force that has gone behind the creation of it. They seemed to be in awe of this and yet at the same time I felt them calling to the energy of the aircraft, they were communicating with it.

The experience had gotten to a stage where it was a whole load of body movements. They're doing something internally and it has started to induce excruciating pain. I show them it is painful just so they know. Then I relax, tell them it's okay, I can take the pain and the procedure carries on. I never thought of asking them what they are doing. For the most part I'm assuming they're rewiring the body. There was a magnetic force or field surrounding the legs, felt the expansion.

I then got up, drank some sesame milk. I had this sense there was no such thing as possessing, that what we have and acquire here do not belong to us. All desires and that sense of something belonging to me or the idea that I possessed something at this moment were simply filtered with this bit of insight, and I've plummeted in that state once again where all my worldly endeavors have no significance.

So for now, no more posts on Salvia experiences.

 I've felt this for a long time and I think it is one of the reasons why I'm not going beyond the points that I've reached. Another thing I do whilst on a trip is 'How am I going to write about this experience' that is one of my biggest hindrance in understanding anything.

I will however share updates on how the Salvia sessions are going in general and anything allowed, usually my emotions seem to be good at dictating what bits of information are allowed.

Salvia Headache and Pressures

Yesterday I had a minor headache forming, I haven't had headaches for some time now until recently when I took the salvia extract. It got so bad, for most of the afternoon I tried to sleep it off. Instead it was like entering a deep meditation. My head started to shake vigorously, this has been happening a lot as I relax or attempt to fall asleep. There is some pressure also building in the ears, a burning sensation behind the eyes. Later on I started to hear internal sounds.

In the afternoon took Salvia hoping it would help. The leaves tasted more bitter and it was from the same batch. Soaked a little more. Remembered during chewing process had to do something, quickly made a call. There a message suddenly popped up regarding typhoon haiyan, a charity thing.

I don't think I heard of it - haven't paid attention on the news. There was this odd sense that they're trying to get my attention here, will check this out.

Getting deep in the stage I got agitated by preoccupations - some things needed dealing with. After this I relaxed and closed eyes - the shift had already taken place.

In the Salvia state I'm suddenly aware of the headache as two beings who have attached themselves just near the brain region where I feel the pain. Pressures in the head, the middle of forehead feeling like some kind of vortex. In particular the focus is on the left side. There is a sharp pain behind left eye. I start begging them to stop the pain, in particular the two beings that are causing it simply by their mere presence.

Several things happened when the perception closed up, I couldn't compute language accurately and thinking caused a very odd sensation in the brain.

It seems pointless, I shake my head still nothing. The entire evening was a nightmare, grueling pains and sensations in the head. I had a eucalyptus oil nearby which I got for my candle making. Decided to rub some near the pain which miraculously made the headache disappear, I felt triumphant. Yet still today those sensations are present, only the pain is not as bad but there are intense pressures.

A Meal With Salvia

Afternoon got Salvia soaked 4g possibly less. Not planned out just decided on a whim. I was feeling experimental. I wanted to try something that I am very reactive to and cannot eat. Lentils was the best choice. I can eat it raw sprouted and have no bad reactions, but when I eat it cooked and not sprouted it can cause almost food poisoning type symptoms for me. In fact the other day I  picked on a lentil dish and had a severe and very uncomfortable reaction. That being said it was not cooked by myself but by another individual whose cooking I should stay away from.

Anyways I made a dish that I didn't even know I was going to make. Made buckwheat pasta and a saucy lentil dish. At the same time salvia was soaking.  My dish took me near around 40 minutes.The important thing is that the dish had to be made by me with positive intentions - my mood had to be positive.

Got to my room and started chewing on salvia, shift starts within 5 seconds. I close eyes relax. I'm aware of the emotional and mental outburst I had yesterday and the circumstances surrounding it. It had to do with one of the beings arranging it - pulling my strings in some sense. It's interesting because I've been thinking of putting off Salvia and the reaction I had yesterday made me want to trip with Salvia to just clear the air.

In the shift breathing changes, I relax deeply and meditate.

All kinds of energy patterns make themselves visible and known. Then an energy pattern that belongs to someone or several people at the time in the house just makes its appearance.
This pattern has something to do with tumors or cancer. Anyways it was there. I had a sharp pain, more of a piercing sensation than pain in the left eye. The beings started to manipulate this, it was either them or something else.  Lots of pain behind eyes, they were focusing here. Pressure building up center of forehead, like a force entering through a vortex. Pain and intense heat behind the eyes. Had a minor headache earlier today, also not in a very good mood. This headache was transforming and revealing as some kind of energy pattern.

I opened my eyes and let them take a look around, that always excites them. Doing this produced other sensations around the body.  At this point  I told them I made pasta and lentils a very indigestible combination, but I expected them to help me digest this. More importantly I ate it as an offering to the groups surrounding me, for the most part what I understand is they get a chance to experience things as I experience them. Anyways so far no bad reactions from the lentils but then only a few hours have passed.

Regarding food in Salvia it has been revealed to me in several trips that food itself has nothing to do with the general health on the physical body. I could not understand this because I was on a healing diet which was actually healing me. What I've learned overtime and I draw all this from my own experience, is that most people with bad health do a lot of emotional eating.

At the time of eating our emotions will dictate what we eat and then those same emotions will do something to the energy pattern of the food and the result is ill health etc. The same thing can be said of the environment in which we live. So food takes on the pattern of the person rather than solely having an effect in and of itself yet all food (plant based and animal based including Salvia itself) have a predefined energy pattern, we all know cheeseburgers and fries are bad for you - but these foods came into the scene when human beings themselves have become quite imbalanced in their state of mind and being. 

In the beginning when I first encountered the Salvia beings they were perplexed that I had to take Salvia to get to that state, apparently how I perceive with Salvia is supposed to be natural for all human beings.

On a healthy diet I was only adding foods that were known to be nutritious and have been proven to improve health, so I consciously sought out those energy patterns that were designed to heal the body. Salvia revealed to me that the health of the body had more to do with my input, that somehow I could eat a pizza or a burger and get the effects of something that is far more nutritious. Beyond this one can actually naturally derive from their own self all that is needed for the body without any need to consume food just simply programming the body with the energy pattern required. That is the aspect I have been focusing on more than trying to eat junk food and changing the pattern there, honestly I don't see the point but it's good to know for those times when you fancy a burger or pizza.

Anyways in general I kind of knew all this from the days when I was experimenting Law of Attraction but not to this degree.

Here are two links that go into more details about how thoughts or intentions can literally change the energy pattern of anything:

The Intention Experiment
Emoto's Water Experiment

Also early morning an incident occured where when I wake up suddenly from sleep there is a shadowy of effect on the ceiling, the forms are vibratory and there is that sense that whilst the physical body was sleeping I had a meetup with them.

Update on lentil results: So far no reaction.

I think this may be the case: several factors go into how the body reacts to food, first every food has a predefined energy when you consume the food you consume the energy pattern, there are other factors that go into this such as the person who cooked or prepared the meal, their state of mind and emotions at the time of cooking.

Second, your body's reaction to the food is determined by your own energy pattern. This means that the overall reaction to whatever you eat has to do with your energy pattern and has the ability to override the energy pattern of the food being consumed.

On Salvia I think something changes within the body to guard it from anything harmful - that is so long as you use it regularly.

I would have to repeat this experiment again without the use of Salvia to see what happens. So far this experiment has only determined that with Salvia I can eat highly reactive foods and have no reactions.

The main thing I really want to determine is how I can eat one food and derive nutritional value of another food - problem with this is there is no actual way of telling whether I've received the nutritional value or not.

Which is why at this stage it's safer to play with the idea that the body can sustain itself purely by the energy pattern (nutrition and nourishment) without consuming food and that is what I'm trying to accomplish at the moment.

Beings and illusions

I need to start defining who or what these beings are. The explanation I can come up with and feels to be most correct are that they are the higher, wiser aspects of our own selves. Yet they can be complex in their appearance. I see or perceive them as energy patterns that are orchestrated in such a fashion that they represent aspects of the physical stuff. This means when I see cancer it is simply a group of patterns orchestrated in order to represent the idea of cancer. There were other things that came to me at the time but they have eluded me, too busy concentrating on other things.


The world is based on ideas, they're constantly running in our mind and program how we experience reality. Everything is an idea, there is the idea that if I don't cleanse myself the germs will follow me, I could die if I stay out in freezing temperatures for too long, or the idea that eating something will improve my health, regardless these ideas once confirmed by more than one person become actualities and everything you know is really just that, an idea. Our problem becomes when we are set on ideas that do not serve us - they're the limited ideas.

I had an experience on Salvia where I ended up in an unknown place during my earlier excursions. During these times I had more freedom in restricted zones. I was in a large room filled with what appeared to be dead carcasses, at the time I was with one of the beings I had encountered. I saw dismembered body parts, not in a gruesome sense, although I could imagine that for the uninitiated this could leave them traumatized, but it all looked like some kind of storage unit and some parts were being moved in a conveyor belt. I even wore a pair of legs once.

There I saw clumps of flesh molding, forming trying to work itself out creating a body, but the thing that was creating it was invisible I could not see the thing that was putting the body together. At that moment I knew something but could not put it in words until now, there is no such thing as birth. Birth is one of the greatest illusion instilled in us through an idea, you might wonder how that explains your baby photos and the fact that your parents are convinced they conceived you. It never actually took place, there is just one moment and in that one moment whatever ideas are floating in our mind all memories will support these ideas so that it feels like you had these experiences and that you lived a specific timeline. So even biologically the human body does not come about through a physical birth - the physical birth is an idea supporting the sense of ones self as the body.

To See Through the Hole

Yesterday in the evening I fell asleep early only to wake up around 11pm after which time I had difficulty sleeping.

Later on unable to sleep I played around with the idea of experimenting with sleep deprivation, have thought of trying it in the past but never have done it long enough.

I was watching or waiting for the body to fall asleep. Eventually there was a magnetic pulling force, I felt the body had become so pumped with helium it was about to float away. Only there was an intense magnetic type of force trying to pull me away or something from within the body. My arms automatically raised up, with closed eyes I was feeling it and then I could see a silhouette arms rising up through eyelids. Opened eyes and this was not the case, my arms were by my side under the covers, yet that other sensation was just as vivid.

 Soon, and I can't recall how I shifted in the environment but it was similar to current physical reality and I did not make the connection at the time as it felt like it was this reality. Only now when I think about it there were subtle differences which were in the general atmosphere or feeling of the new environment.

It was a very vivid false awakening experience.

It was evening time, I was somewhere downstairs and slowly started to feel disoriented, the entire experience was like what I experience during MJ only this was rapid and much more intense. I needed to get to my room quickly because I felt I was about to collapse and that would result in my family calling for an ambulance. The vision around me was turning black and blank slowly edging towards a centre. This centre was the hole through which I could see the physical reality was visible but the hole was getting smaller. Finally got in the room, sister comes in tells me the room was too hot and suggested I open the window. I tell her I can't - I'm too high, I make sure to say this in case she's concerned and calls for help. I don't want to alarm her with my disappearing vision and other senses, just close eyes and pretend to sleep. I try to remain calm reminding myself it will end eventually.

At this point I opened my physical eyes, the eyes focused in this reality. Someone else mentioned to me the 'hole' aspect of MJ, interestingly this is something I have not experienced yet whilst tripping but now I know what the experience feels like. The same person also mentioned how they could no longer drag their feet and ended up collapsing. The 'hole' thing reminds me a little of my earlier astral excursions.

Exposed and Judgement

Yesterday around 4 pm got Salvia rehydrated, I was choosing between quidding and extract, I prefer not to get a headache so chose the quidding.

Again same amount. This time house empty and quiet.

Going deep. Everything in reality revealing itself as though each part is a living entity. Much more complex than one entity, there are groups of entities that make up the more larger entities.

I eventually open my eyes, all the energies around me are counterparts of what I experience in physical reality. It is like suddenly I am being observed by all around me, they've seen from this perspective everything I've been up to meaning all my worldly affairs. In particular they've felt my feelings, most of these feelings aren't so great regarding others. They each are in a sense passing on some kind of judgement on me, not in the punishing sense but they are pointing out, accentuating what I am feeling - even discussing it.

In the deeper sense nothing is hidden all things are completely acknowledged by all beings in that state. So much that I felt it was important to just be completely open with others, because deep down they know.

I open my eyes and after this there is an entire host of entities, to the left I feel them seeking an entity. It is some kind of elemental group, not sure if it is some kind of storm but definitely related to the weather pattern. It is gigantic, and I feel it very strongly. I was maybe just a tiny bit concerned that this entity can gather it's group and cause havoc in my area.

All the while there are things going on with the body. There is a dark entity,  not evil but just not desirable. I sensed it was some kind of tumor or cancer pattern, it was definitely something related to darkness. I wasn't afraid as it embedded itself with my own energy pattern, wasn't sure how to ward it off or banish if that is possible.

Then I opened eyes and other energy patterns bled through the wall, like I saw the surroundings as their face, the shape of their bodies, and they were too large to see fully. But as an energy pattern came through full view I was completely inspired to capture this in a movie, it was incredibly cinema worthy. I make a note of this something to add in the storyline. Later on I got that painful headache.

I have been relaxing and meditating, it has resulted in a lot of head shaking. Later in the evening there was some thunder, sounded like a loud roar, though very unusual. I was not paying attention, too busy writing. It was my sister who made me pay attention to the sound.

Sleeping and Waking

This morning a small amount maybe 4 or 5grams of re-hydrated Salvia leaves chewed. Our beingness emerged. When I'm fully awake, all have awakened. Meaning when I'm awake you too are awake, everyone is awake. Then we return, only when I return I'm still awake and all else have forgotten their wakeful state. In actual fact we don't fall asleep, our true nature is constant wakefulness, what happens here is we forget that this is a dream and get lost inside it.

The trick is to remain awake, our point of being here is to lucidly dream. We're all like zombie's here, the walking dead, the key is to always remain with that awake fully aware life force.

To change the world you would have to go to each individual and convince them that the identity they have assumed is a fictional character, whether you have been treated well or you have lived all kinds of suffering, you have by the power vested in you chosen the role you are now playing. Now I understand more clearly what Krishnamurti was getting at when he said that the crisis was in man.

How can you say to a woman being raped that she specifically chose to have that experience, or an abused child that the experience they are having is their own doing? Yet the fact is we choose the roles we play, and we do it in an unconscious unaware state completely hiding from our true state of being. To see through all the bullshit you need to be lucid, you need to remain awake. When you remain awake and in that full awareness of your real true identity the role you play has no effect upon it but that true self completely changes the conditions of the dream.

Again there were the bodily movements, as if everything around me had a living force and was actively doing something to it. There was a very sharp pain in right ear followed by heat, then same thing in left ear only less painful. Something occurring behind the eyes, a movement. Sight blurred a little.

Amazingly with the quidding that extract migraine is gone.
I recall opening my eyes a bit where there was a kind of visible phenomena that I felt could be visible even without Salvia, something for me to keep an eye out for.

The Lack of Love and Body Fragments

Yesterday just after 7pm I used 20x extract, used a torch lighter and mini bong, saw energy beings or essence of those around me, in particular two of my sisters however in that state we did not have this relationship - there was something majorly different. The essence of my sister-in-law was also present. In reality I don't get along with her. Her energy or essence whatever was communicating with the worldly me. I sense it, that this giant like being could crush the physical body I had assumed. There was no fear on my part.

Instead I started to ponder why I disliked her so much and it all started when she revealed her demonic, seriously messed up behavior. She has a wicked demeanor and I have had bad experience with this, anyways long story short, nobody believes me or they think I exaggerate so I've just learned to avoid her like the plague.

I realize I'm trying to explain myself to the other beings in regards to the feelings I've been having about the she-demon. In reality she puts on this crying act which I can see right through, it works for her most of the time and I thought I'd try it. I conjure up feelings of hurt, a bit of sadness and I cry, well, at least I try to. Within seconds I'm bursting out laughing.

There are the usual energy sensations within and around the body as salvia effect starts to dim. I start to think deeply and it hits me hard, I'm missing something in my life, there's a sense of great lack of something. I go deeper into this feeling of lack and find that what I'm missing is love, not the love between a man or a woman, or any love between individuals but love itself.

It's not just me, everyone is lacking this love and I sensed it so deeply it disturbed me. Decided to take another hit, this time I knew what to ask for when they ask me to make the request.

I had real tears eventually, at least that's what I thought until I took a hit of Salvia. In Salvia state everything which includes emotions becomes bogus, my tears were like crocodile tears. I wanted to keep my eyes open this time. After three hits that was not possible, there was that other sense where there was an urgency to put the bong down as I attempted to take another hit very quickly and place the body in a relaxed posture. Everything was happening too fast, maybe this is good because there's actually no time to think.

As usual I see everything as it is. It's a rapid experience but I don't see that it is any different to the quidding - the difference is in the speed. The unfortunate thing about this is that all the details are left out. There is no frame of understanding for the insights received. I saw what I can only say are fragments of me this me I refer to is the body. It spread out in the space around me. I've been curious about this have read it in other blogs, about versions of the selves. With quidding it is different, I see what looks like parts of my head coming out from the left and right, the heads bopping as they move along, there is a face or something in the center and fragments of my head that look like seperate individual faces are streaming or flowing out, I am now considering this part of the experience to be the dissolution of the false sense of self which is the body.

I eventually opened my eyes and the rest is a blur, only I had a migraine. A horrible pain on the left side and I felt the beings producing the pain. So it seems the extract gives me a headache.

I had a million dreams, these dreams are unusual. I feel like calling them lifetime dreams, me in other lifetimes, other scenarios or probable scenarios all taken out of the context of my current life. In one dream I recall heading back in the house for my umbrella, the same house and same umbrella only something did feel different but I carried on in the dream in much the same way I would here. Then I was walking along and remember tapping the umbrella on the ground like a walking stick. Suddenly a wild looking wolf dog approached me. I realized it was following me because of the tapping of the umbrella, maybe it was a guide dog. Another more pet like dog approaches and I continue walking.

In another dream I'm with other school children and I am in their group. We're walking along and despite being so young we're roaming around the streets freely, like 3 or 5 year olds going wherever we please. There are trucks and lorries about, we pause until they signal a clearing. I see a man climbing a ladder or platform, he looks a bit like Jim Carey. Somewhere upon waking up from the dream I realize in nearly all my dreams this same man made an appearance.

Mouth Entrance

In the afternoon, decided to try the 20x extract once again, just a pinch.

I smoked it in the bong which is making a difference, less harsh.

Again I was expecting to get thrusted out of here, completely losing any sense of reality. The initial effect comes on immediately. Fluttering around peripheral vision like a vibration, the exact same thing is occuring as it does with quidding only rapidly and even surprisingly smoother. Beings are present, my awareness is fixated on the unravelling of physical reality, breaking apart like everything revealing understanding nature of this reality as usual but each time feels like I am understanding something different.

We're all going, about to depart and I hold on, trying to understand what was this existence I was living still unable to let it go. Suddenly I recall the people I have encountered trying to understand the nature of their being. My mum shows up, but it wasn't my mum not in the sense of this world but just the visual of her only she was worn by something that I never get to see. I am slightly stunned.  The beings have surrounded me, we look to be connected. They're inside the blood.

I can feel this earthly world and its drama, coming back someone is walking in the hallway. I open  my eyes and quickly close them seeing that phenomena is occurring again where they can see the physical reality directly through this body.

I sense it to be my brother, he knocks on my door and I respond that I'll talk to him later. My eyes were open as I spoke, realized they were watching me taking a keen interest in the way I moved my mouth and the sounds produced. The way they were observing was like I and this earth realm was some kind of museum piece.

I close eyes trying to go deeper again. My mouth opens involuntarily - I don't realize this until one by one they try to get inside through my mouth, reminds me of the time when certain beings got inside the ears.

I blow out rapidly, pushing out whatever force was trying to get inside the body. I don't think I am ready to trust these beings. I tell them they are not allowed inside without my permission. Soon there's that intense sexual arousal and I pondered this arousal could be a portal through which they can be released or if handled correctly they can be converted into some kind of creative energy.

A lot of familiar kundalini symptoms take place.

Something happens to the head,  like drawers on each side being pushed closed. Head pressure, third eye pressure. Fluttering and energetic movements around the body. I open eyes and there are red and white sparks to one side, vibration of light and shadow on the walls. I think deeply trying to memorize how to write about this until I realize they're still observing me. I say to them in my mind "I'm sorry, where are my manners? Hello and welcome."

Later on still relaxing my fingers had some electrical tingling sensation and other internal bodily sensations and movements. The head pressures are constant.

MJ Trip 4 - Hemi-sync TGE and The Shaman's Heart

In the evening (7pm) smoked a very small amount (mini bong), smooth, no cough just a feeling of expansion in the lung. Breathing changed. Effects immediate.

In bedroom allow the involuntary movements to take place. Body and mostly head feels like it is floating. Winding hips, I get the impression trying to dance and then head falls back and usually this is a signal to lie down.

As usual sensory perception intensifying. Throat closing up feeling, mouth very dry and numbness taking over.

Relaxed, in bed got Hemi-sync TGE track 'free flow' ready. In this track the more I relaxed I could hear voices, seemed like they were embedded in the track. I wonder if at the time of recording this audio some of the background voices were captured. Or it could be I was hearing others around me. At other points I felt I was in the TV sets or around others near to me. Going deep with the audio after this track is over which I think was around 40 minutes, I play 'The Shaman's Heart' drum like music with sounds of nature.

It's beautiful, I am completely immersed in each tone. As if completely a part of the music simply riding the wave. Body swaying in a dancy motion as I type all this, I do look possessed - fortunately I have control over it so in public or around others I don't look like I've lost my mind. However, I feel now it's so very important I give more time to these movements, there's this feeling that if I don't whatever is controlling the movements will start making a public display.

There were bodily sensations, which I did not pay much attention to but they were present.

I think this herb has powered up the movements making them more smoother and maybe the music has made the movements more dance like. There's a constant swaying.

I fell asleep and awakened around midnight. Felt inspired to make notes on the manifestation process as I intend to explore this.

Creative Process with Salvia

I've had this occur numerous times with Salvia, where I feel like the others are asking me to make some kind of request. I'm considering that maybe they are asking me for a set of instructions, it feels like that now.

Before I started the session this morning I was in a very positive and appreciative mood, and I did this thing where knowingly I decided that I was going to die, which meant letting go of everything physical - so in a sense I was trying to do the dying process before actually dying, because Salvia can make it difficult to let go of ones physical reality. I find this so with both quidding and extract.I've noticed over time that my resistance to the death process of Salvia has increased.

 I chewed a very small amount of leaves from a new batch, remembering this time to chew it for at least 10 minutes. The initial effects were not immediate and not as strong as usual, I think something has smoothed out. I can be certain now MJ has made a connection that has allowed Salvia experiences to funnel with a lot more clarity.

Today's experience was based on Law of Attraction something that I have been thinking about past few days. I understood the synchronicities to be a part of the same thing that allowed manifestation of thought.

For the most part this is how I perceive it, the beings that are always present seemed to be the ones actively arranging reality in sync with the content of my mind.Whatever is the content of the mind, all the thoughts are instructions and these beings create a scenerario / incident or events to form the image in mind.

This time as the unravelling took place, going deeper being carried away realizing the creative process and the significance of the instruction I quickly opened my eyes and thought about making a request of some kind. It seemed like I had to be very clear with the thoughts. Will be looking into my past manifestions and explore with new ones. For the most part I realize I'm already setting instructions - everyday thoughts and feelings are specific instructions.

When you look at an object and consider how that object came to be made, think of all the thoughts that went into it. These thoughts are like actual living entities, masquerading in a sense pretending to be the object of our thought.

Or it could be that the beings that seperate as components are simply what I have conjured up using a more deeper layer of the mind. A possibility to consider.

MJ Trip 3 - The Missing Link

Today for the third time trying out MJ. Yesterday had an urge to take a few hits but timing was not right.

I am writing this 4 hours after the initial effects kick in.

MJ, maybe one bud smoked this morning (using mini bong), did not hurt throat, no cough - very very smooth. Effects instantaneous. Water has made a huge difference, though I felt it was intense holding smoke in lungs.

At first just relaxing into it. That fluttering was present, my physical reality based involuntary movements were being carried through into that other state. That other state has been causing these involuntary movements, it is like something from there coming through. Just writing about it is making it stronger, swaying in a dance like movement. My head rotates and then the body is motioned to follow. Round, round, round and round I go. They want me to spin, to make me dizzy? Not the first time. This seems urgent. Something about this rotation perhaps I should try getting dizzy.

I relax, lie down on the bed. Relaxing I hear what sounds like the TV. Sister in other room, she is watching something on her phone. It probably isn't as loud as it sounded to me there. Sounds intensifying. Sounds and sensations being completely removed, but I'm feeling the entire process smoothly. With Salvia this ending process at times can be abrupt.

I feel this herb is doing what Salvia can't - taming and fine tuning the physical operations to a certain degree. Insights have come to me to take this herb whilst listening to hemi-sync audio.

Eventually recalled this in that state, luckily my mp3 player is right next to me on the side of the bed. Get it prepared and listen to free flow - free to do whatever I want in Focus 10 state. My body all this numbing and becoming almost sleep like is Monroe's F10 level. Or maybe much deeper than that?

Something happened to the language center, the thoughts in my head were were in a rambled language, sounded alien completely foreign but making sense in what I was thinking. 

I go deeper into sounds, deep and deep into the hemi-sync audio, hearing things intensely - certain sounds that I don't hear in the ordinary waking consciousness. There are sounds of crackling, and a movement and sensations based on the hemi-sync audio. I should relax go deeper, meditate but certain other worldly matters and thoughts occupy my mind. Some things I need to do in physical reality, should have sorted this out, my timing for this herb was too impulsive.

Earthly matters and concerns need to be tucked away, should not go there tied down, only at the time did not realize these things would come up.

I sense the others around me, as well as the influences. It's the same sense I get with Salvia, only with this herb there is something different, like I'm understanding something more clearer.

Half way through the audio I start to feel far too sexually aroused and the sensations of the body arise based on these thoughts.

Interestingly the effect on others I know is completely different. These others seem to recall a feeling of complete starvation and end up getting the munchies. For me my body and sensations dull to the point everything shuts down to a degree, not completely. One of them is taste, smells change in an interesting way like I sense the falseness of it all. One person has spoke of another experience where she was slowly losing her vision, eventually got to a point where she was looking out of a whole. Her conclusion was that what she had the stronger strain of this herb.

It has nothing to do with the strain of the herb, maybe more to do with the disposition of the individual taking the herb and other factors could be the process or method of ingestion.

I don't like the smoking in general, not sure I'll keep up with this. Did some research yesterday, I think I need to start baking.

Must also continue listening to hemi-sync with this as well as trying it after a fast and only when I have no preoccupations. Complete silence is not a problem, in this state sensory perceptions are fine tuned to the point of muting, the only hindrance are the thoughts.

The Relevance of Fasting

I've been pondering why fasting is essential to the process, whatever that process is. First thoughts - has to do with cleansing and just removing the body of unnecessary content.

After today's experience I think it is because as the body shuts down the digestive process also shuts down. Now ordinarily in normal sleep we don't need to be concerned about the digestive system and we are naturally in that deep kind of awareness that seems to not have anything to do with the body.

I'm thinking this is key to exploring the Salvia terrain deeper for longer durations even though time as we know it does not exist there. Something to do with linking ordinary waking consciousness with that other awareness.

I feel the purpose of fasting for Salvia excursions may be due to the body shutting down in order to hold an awareness of that state.

Or it could be that state causes or alters the physical body and physical as well as mental emptiness is required.

Fasting is something I've been experimenting with for the past two years and even before that. My main reason was for a cleansing as I've noticed my health improves and energy levels increase. I am bit of a health nut or at least I have become one over the years so I've cleaned up my eating habits.

In the salvia trips it is like my own stomach is communicating with me. For the most part the Salvia beings are telling me to be consistent with my fasting. Another thing is emotional hold over food, most people will actually eat because they are bored or they want to taste some kind of flavour and I've noticed this in myself.

I've also become aware that the body's sustenance does not come directly through food. Food is some kind of idea attached to the idea of the body, but the body being an idea visualized, materialized does not directly depend on the idea of food. Does this mean I should starve this body? To consider that would mean the idea that food provides sustenance to the body is still held in ones frame of mind. So to go without food (or at least for long periods) is really me swapping one idea for another idea, the body is sustained by some unknown source, no doubt the same source that sustains all other ideas.

I think I'm using or the body has changed or opened (like a machine getting fixed or programmed) in a way that would suggest that it is operating in a dynamic way. The other night I slept on my side with left ear pressing against the pillow and there was that familiar music, at first it sounds like a beating almost as though I'm directly hearing my heart beat pulsing into the ear drums and if I relax going deeper I can hear the music. It sounds like it is coming from inside the body.

MJ trip 2

My second time attempt with mj.

Last night smoked, oh my god - the cough was frightening.
Had to smoke outside, quite windy.
I've never coughed like this in my entire life. What a strange cough - it was fake sounding yet I thought I was going to die, like my lungs were somehow going to explode. Maybe I sucked in some of the wind blowing across and it caused an adverse reaction.

 At the same time I thought it won't do anything. A very tiny bud and I felt I was not smoking it right - I keep doing this feeling like whatever I will take won't work because I either did not take enough or I did not take it properly only to be proved wrong.

This herb is proving to be very meditative. The effects kicked in rapidly, back inside the house the disorientation was intense. I sat on the bed - the TV on, sister watching my favourite tv shows. She was watching 3 or 4 episodes and I listened to it all - each one made reference to sex which is odd.

I get the same feeling like I do on Salvia, only it's different. There's that feeling reality is not real as well as visuals implying the false nature of reality.

When the characters speak in the show I can feel the sentence in my head, like the sounds produced were echos of what was in my mind. It was like knowing what would be said next but not quite, more like feeling what was coming out as it came out.

My involuntary body movements making more sense now, in that state what I perceived myself to be is making movements. I went with the movement. My head turned to the right and remained still, right now this instant it is moving a little more, swaying the head.

I got in bed - the experience was very sexual, not in a lustful way, it was very spiritual and intense.

Salvia 20x extract

Salvia 20x extract and plain leaf yesterday afternoon:

A pinch of the extract with plain leaf. 3 hits. There was a sensation in the throat, closing up - I think part of the breathing stopping. I'm aware of the others. A dismembering of the body takes place, I was not ready to let the body go. Disrupted the process. The experience similar to quid method.

20x extract this morning:

Lasted 10 minutes. 3 Hits

On first hit I was being too quick, on second reminded myself to put pipe down before I exhale. The usual effects kick in with quidding this part takes 8-10 minutes of chewing process. I take a third hit that throat numbing and reality shifting has taken place with closed eyes.

I recall feeling like the extract was going to be too intense. I had some preconceived notions of how it was to take place and it was not as crazy as I imagined it to be. In fact almost identical to the quidding but just instant.

Lying down ready, legs are being dimembered (quite literally the beings are revealing themselves as made up parts of the legs). I remain still, me and others ready to go somewhere. Cessation of breathing and body numb. Body is shutting down.

I open my eyes and mouth abrubptly remembering what it is like to breathe. Want to see what its all about in relation to the reality in which I'm focused. They make a cracking sound coming from either the radiator or tablet. On the tablet I have prepared word app to write about this experience. I was concerned they may try to interefere with my electronic devices. They have made an attempt once to suck a kind of force out of my computer with me protesting.

They definitely want to take me somewhere or something. I think they might be annoyed that I keep holding onto the body. Opening eyes I pondered deeply about the state one finds themselves in with Salvia - it is a state akin to the death of the body. I feel that I need to meditate and get to this specific state where the body is in sleep mode.

I kept thinking about this meditation all the while being observed by the others.

My expectation with the extract was to be flunged in some whole other reality, maybe that is where I was to go with the other beings but my curious nature abrupted the process. I have to stop studying this process and simply let go. I know one thing now and actually I've always known it, the body has to become mute in a sense, mind absolutely clear.

The fluttering around the eyes is just as strong as it is with quid method. I could feel and see visually beings operating near head region. Specifically near third eye area. They looked to be worshipping or praising. I felt it - something in the middle here, they are tyring to do something to it.

Reality Messaging

I am absolutely certain that this is not mere paranoia.

Lately when I have written comments on other blogs related to Salvia exploration they somehow just delete, the worst part is they are usually the longest comments. It's so irritating. The same incident took place again today. I get this feeling that specific beings that I've encountered with Salvia do not want me participating in these discussions. The question is why?  My guess is collectively we are cracking some kind of secret code.

It is interesting because just before I decided to look for other explorers I was trying to re label some entheogen posts and ended up deleting the more incredible posts that I feel were important. Luckily I found a backup which took so much effort going through.

Another interesting thing occurring is the number phenomena, usually they have started off with the standard 11:11. Now it's still the same but with the addition of other consecutive numbers 2:22, 3:33 4:44.

I think there is a message behind these, like a morse code via the use of numbers.

Some of my most significant posts are not being read, I feel the need to highlight them here. These I did not encounter during my Salvia excursions. What happened during one Salvia incident was that I was experiencing a phenomena known as pareidolia. Only the pareidolia under Salvia effects move, it is a schizophrenic attribute.

I have a feeling there might be something more to this. Eventually I was immersed in this whole pareidolia phenomena - I started to observe it in NASA images and discovered that there is some kind of message in them regarding natural disasters - they're all of course visual.

Here are what I feel are some of my more important posts.

Australia Flood
Interpreting Natural Disasters 

The beings have previously been disappointed in me sharing this. I still wonder what harm could this possibly do. Later on I checked images of star systems and these were just spectacular, you could see a kind of story in them. One that I recall was of a man lying unconscious with several other beings surrounding and observing him - maybe there's something more to it. As of yet I'm not sharing these ones.

Heartgasm

At around 5pm. I had some soaked Salvia remains, about two teaspoon full. To compost or chew was the question? Obviously I decided to chew it. It was sitting there for a day, I couldn't imagine it being at all effective.

Once done with the chewing there were subtle sensations. My face was heating up and I realized I've been feeling this heat quite a bit on Salvia. I think Salvia is stimulating the nervous system, heating burning has a cleansing effect. I feel a sharp pain directly in the right ear drums and heat.

I relax and get into bed. Close eyes meditate. The beings are demonstrating how they operate sexual activity. Quite literally I'm gathering the understanding or should I say I am behind the scenes of sexual activity. I have written about this before, this time the understanding is a lot clearer. Certain specific groups are behind the whole sexual heat, certain others following sexual motions and then those sensations. They're movements are pattern based.

I burst out laughing, just laughing that people have no idea that these little tiny beings make the sexual act what it is. It is like little tiny workers behind the process, and always the same ones in everyone's sexual activities. I don't know why they revealed this to me.

Soon enough despite realizing what went behind the sexual act I was slightly aroused. Immediately there was a sensation of complete pain. They were producing the pain sensation maybe so I don't do anything about it. I got this sense that they were making me feel sexual pain that others were feeling.

Later I had what I can only describe as heartgasms. Pleasurable yet unbearable.

Direct Influence from Beings

This morning after cleaning out deceased cat litter and emptying out her things I chewed Salvia.

They have complete sovereign over what happens to the physical body - it is like they are part of the material aspect - meaning it doesn't matter if it is a body  or a chair - there is energy of essence behind what appears to us as physical material stuff.

It is so hard to  describe what it's like seeing them, how they unfold.For the most part what I've deemed 'my' which isn't even 'my' physical body, they can and do have control over it.

I couldn't go deeper, because there was no deeper. I felt or I was behaving like I was hungry because I didn't want to break apart - I didn't want to forget the feelings of the  body the association of worldly feeling. I started to think maybe now was a bad time. Something I should note - with  the chewing method I can break out of Salvia state, to bring myself back to so called consensus reality easily. With the extract I have a feelling this will be tough.

I felt them directly changing the physical cords of physical body, as well as physical environment.

There was the usual external surrounding coming to life, fluttering, seeing outlines of beings moving about etc.

The energy pattern of several of my relatives were present, in particular I recognized the pattern of my sister whom I'm collaborating with on several projects. I saw immediately our latest incredibly creative genius ideas having been directly influenced by these beings. They directly contribute. We are having an amazing amount of synchronicities, really incredible profound things occurring in our lives, I saw these beings as a part of that process. There was this undeniable sense that I have to make sister aware.

How could I do it? Make her smoke Salvia? That would be interesting and easy since she has already done it once but I can't imagine she could make sense of the experience. Is it possible that when I go through the shift someone near me can feel it to some degree. Suppose this other person was  just as sensitive it is possible they could directly feel something without taking Salvia themselves. I have read about the phenomena.

There is this urge that her being aware and directly knowing will make her next moves potent, powerful creating.

Directly collaborating with these beings. I have spoken of our other selves and mentioned about Higher Selves in other experiences, here in this experience I felt seperated from it in a sense.  The feeeling is different.

Speaking of  feeling, last night I got the sense my mind was making it feel stuff, meaning my body was just a kind of feeling. Everything is some kind of feeling. Slept late and my brain was frying again - it was like the familiar drilling sensation and noise from other times. With it I felt, the body was some kind of feeling and I was feeling it out.

Yesterday the family cat was put down I spoke to sister in her room about cat last night. Her light was constantly flickering. We both  looked at each other knowing it was her. I told her that when someone close to you passes away electric  disturbance is common. Also we both heard a purr.

Interestingly I did not sense anything to do with the cat in this Salvia session,  I was expecting it.

It has been lingering on my mind - to have a contact with Universal Mind and I've read another post which has brought my attention to it. I was thinking about it last night, a momentary profound moment.

Me and my partners in the creative process absolutely determined and completely set with the unfolding  that it has become so  real, yet behind it I kept being aware of the Universal Intelligence -  I was applying that feeling to successfully making contact with this - it was contacting this that all worldly endeavors. Contacting this was the ultimate on my mind.

What I'm doing earth wise was nothing compared to this element it is like in everyone's life this was the end. An end to what? An end to limitation. Everything we do whether we are creating an artwork or any inventions it was from the level of limitation. In the unlimited arena - anything is possible? It is from this 'anything is possible' arena that this beautiful Earth came to be.

My ears hurt they have done things to the body once again, for some reason lately it is getting painful - contact with them.

Salvia is getting difficult to use, the interference is usually due to my inability to let go of the body. I know all association with the body directly is ending and in that phenomena I can't let it go. I think I'm trying to bridge the gap where I can hold on to both states.

Something always happens to the breathing, during and after Salvia. It becomes lighter and fuller.

I intend to try the extract soon.

Realistic Real Life Dream Event

Had a dream this morning, it felt so real. The kind of dream you wake up from screaming and shouting.

The dream concerned another person who I seem to be clashing with, one of the worst relationships I've had to date. For the past year it has been an ongoing cycle of clashing.

In the dream I'm trying to prove a point to everyone I know about this person. Things turn a little aggressive on my part.

All I can say is that I'm working through it trying to remain indifferent to the situation, just let it be. Maybe my dream is only reflecting what my mind has been occupied with past two days, past year actually.

I'm amazed I've recalled this dream as for the longest time now it would seem that there are no dreams.

Fasting Update

I stopped fasting from Sunday evening, also decided not to use Salvia. Feel like at this time I am not meant to, will wait it out.

One thing that has been clear to me that whatever Salvia accomplishes or allows us to see can and is possible without the herb.

Sunday evening as I relaxed in complete darkness the atmosphere was shifting almost in a Salvia sense. There was some resistance on my part.

I have been thinking that with Salvia I have become comfortable having the unusual experiences. I don't think I would be afraid of suddenly going into Salvia zone without Salvia only I would probably be fascinated as if I were having the experience for the first time.

Latest fasting has only revealed that I can actually do without eating a lot, in fact last week has been my most creative week. I think I will stick with interval fasting.

Fasting and The Body

Fasting is going smoothly, although I have had a craving for some kind of flavour. This isn't a pure fast in that initially I subsist on juices and teas. The next phase I soothe into the flow and allow only water.

I think one of the important aspect of a fast is trust. A trust or surrender completely in the power that has created water, air and sun. Surely it by this very power that the forms of human beings came to be.And so it goes without saying that this same power also has the capacity to nourish and power the human body so that it is operating to the highest standards.

Having said all that, I do like to eat. Especially being an excellent cook. The past few years I've only been eating to live with occasions of living to eat simply because I enjoy flavour.

When I go in Salvia world and have those direct knowings, regarding food and the survival of the body - this is what I receive: The body does not survive directly via external means. Its sustenance is due to whatever sustains the world and as such it is this same force that takes care of the body but due to our conditioned beliefs the body has to adapt in accordance to whatever those beliefs may be.

There is more to fasting, such as meditating, reflecting and contemplation. One thing that I find naturally occurring is simply being with what is present, it is pretty much Krishnamurti's instruction and there is also mention of this in the Shurangama Sutra.

A general theme I have noticed in all the scriptures whether it is by Ramana Maharshi, Buddha or Krishnamurti is to observe what is before you without naming it, without the psychological screening.

I am trying to allow more time for the body movements, which are changing. Last night the head moved differently rather than rotating. It's basically bouncing and a lot of emphasis placed on the left side. There was also inner movements in the left leg which seemed directly connected to the head movement. Some pain present near neck left side, a small ball of pain.

Another new movement has been the head shake, it comes on suddenly and vigorously. Last  night it was not as dramatic and I have a feeling it may be almost done - whatever the shakes purpose is, it's almost complete.

Fasting Urgency

Yesterday evening Salvia session was by far the worst experience I've had.

I ate small amounts prior to the session. Past few days have been eating very little. At the moment of chewing I felt a little uneasy and nasueous.

Finally finished chewing, there was that common fluttering only the sensations were stronger, felt like the fluttering was beating into my head.

Lights off and in complete darkness aware of the other beings. I go deeper, have to be silent. There is an opening of some kind that I'm about to enter this is where the world known as Earth ends. Losing myself more this time. Everything taken apart, dismembering process for the physical body. I hold onto some aspect of Earth in the ending process, can't let it go. Recalling something about the body, something wrong. Then I try to recall the feelings of having a body since Salvia has managed to wipe it out completely. I start to slowly feel my mouth once again - there is a fake quality about the sensations like consciousness or awareness wearing just a little of the clothing. Once worn completely it feels like you are the clothing.

Starting to feel odd sensation, very naseous now. Something happening to the stomach region, beings doing something here. A squeezing sensation. I get up knowing very well that I need to throw up. Movements are wobbly but I manage to get to the toilet and there I vomit the entire content of my stomach which was suprisingly a lot.

Two more times they are pumping the stomach and I throw up each time. Unbelievable amount of stuff coming out.

It wasn't just gut cleansing, there was also a cleansing of the bowels. I tried to relax after this vowing that I will never take Salvia again. They were doing more things to the stomach. At the center of the digestive region there was a kind of energetic charge focused. This moved along to the heart region. The stomach sensations were particularly unbearable. I was inviting sleep, waiting to forget everything.

This morning I had time to reflect what this all meant. I think they're trying to give me a head start to fasting, it seems more urgent than ever before that I do this but almost religiously. I was at the point where I decided maybe I just can't take Salvia anymore, but I think more than that I want nothing to do with food. So now with this complete lack of appetite fasting will be a lot smoother.

Fasting starts from today.

The God Complex

Yesterday I have been feeling out of sorts. Completely disconnected, severely seeking something. Something calling.

Someone helped me roll a Salvia joint - this is my first time using it rolled up. It fortunately did not burn my throat, very smooth. The preliminary effects were instant with the first two pull.

Another tried it and felt something minor. The world around me was fluttering, lots of this going on around the eyes almost like the eyes were fluttering.

This was not enough, needed something else and an opportunity arose where I was able to get hold of Mary Jane as if it was purposely arranged by some other force. Only ever had this in the past where it left me paranoid.

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The Experience

No harsh burning in the throat, in fact the taste wasn't even as bad as was described by others. The buzz was immediate with the first two pull.

When I got back in the house the effects started to get even more pronounced, the motions of the body were changing. Everything vibrating intensely. I eventually got in my room, body changing, taking on the rubbery appearance I get with Salvia, only this was intense as though it were filling in some gaps that I missed out on Salvia.

As I a child in my old home I would play with my toys, giving each toy thing a character, a personality and directing the play. One time I had looked out the window up at the clear sky, questioning and pondering the world around me. Is the world like my doll house? Were the people in the world like my toy characters? I had the eerie sense that perhaps a God was playing with us in the same manner I was playing with my toys. Later on in life as I got older the same questions arose in a different format, but it was the same and again about God.

Here I was in my room, current day what appears in the story as many years later, completely and fully aware of the self and the surroundings. Everything around me was real but it had taken on a toy like appearance and I could clearly perceive what was actually taking place.

Whilst there was perception of the body, there was a complete detachment to the sensations like it did not have any hold what so over in that state. The body could have been sliced and diced and it did not effect that awareness being completely detached from it. There was a clicking sound coming from the computer monitor which was turned off, this has also occurred with Salvia.

I quickly got in bed, something that was just lingering now fully taken over. As a result a complete understanding came about, about reality and with clarity the nature of my Self, the real true Self. This can only take place by direct perception. In that moment through this perception I am the God that was pondered in the childhood scene, I am the very force that was pulling the strings.Something was happening to the brain, waves and extreme electrical charges.

Everything around me shutting down, awareness came of the story. Pure awareness was having a direct contact with it. The little scenes, the dramas came up but completely insignificant.

Going deeper and deeper, retiring, completely withdrawn into my real true Self the world started to shut down - it was ending and there was a void, not just darkness but simply nothing  - in there was pure and absolute Silence.

Holding on to the story now, the physical eyes willed open staring back at the mastery of creation. A few times the other characters started talking to me, my phone rang I took the call in that state - it was purely story based.

Closed my eyes to withdraw again, something else was taking place. Deeper and deeper something was occuring in the sexual organs. I was perceiving the body and it's processes. There was sharp pains but being detached to the body there was no reaction but the pain was the worst pain, nothing as brutal as this was felt in the story.

There was awareness of sexual activity, a similar thing occured with Salvia. This time incredibly intense.

At first it was pleasure, like the entire of mankind was having an orgasm at the same time in this one body. Then it was severe sharp tearing pain and I could no longer tell the difference between the two being in a complete detached state. It ends somewhere completely withdrawing. Later awakened at 3am with no sense of having slept.

Other things were done to the body, but again the only thing I have understood is their insignificance. As I began to type this post on the computer, it suddenly went off. I checked this out, the electricity in my room was the only place to be affected.

I've had the sense of being God before, only this is God experiencing God in live stream within the dream and unlike a lucid dream you not only become aware of the dream and the dreamer but the actual essential essence of the dream. That thing underlying it all.

This morning I felt like that great Self wanted to play with the little version of itself. Somehow that everything unfolding within the story was for the purpose of discovering Self in its own creations. 

A Holistic Observation with Krishnamurti

There is a storm unfolding here in the UK. It was incredibly windy this morning.

Around after 8am I started the masticating process of Salvia. Just before the second spoonful, my head was rotating more to the magnetic force - they're behind it.

I tried to leave behind thoughts of the 'signal' and anything earthly to leave it behind and go deep in with this in meditation.

My real self and the reality that was here and there was present. All things crystal clear, only I am confused now and do not even know how to carry on with this post. I am attempting something, to elucidate something and it has completely baffled me.

In that state I was totally aware, of my actual state of being, there were others  - I felt pains sensations in the body and became aware of what they really are. I can see everything it was this world and that and through this world we see it but we don't. It is in our face, we are looking at it not knowing that we are. What has been done is that its appearance has changed.

Immediately I knew what clouded it was the seriousness with which we lived, and they begin with desires and thoughts. This was important, things incredibly important  were being revealed and yet they have been said countless of times by many. I wanted to take it back in that state as broken as it was - something major was being revealed and I wanted to be able to bring it back in my fractured state to help all those fractured others, to let them in on the great secret.

Its a good thing that I don't live in that complete full awareness and my state remains fractured in a condition of confusion, I have to go through it just to break through it so that I can speak a little about it but my doing anything to help others is just that, to help others. But everyone has to see of their own accord - no one person who wishes to help alleviate the condition which mankind suffers from is able to do this. The only thing I can say is that we need a unitary conscious awareness for something new, the unspeakable and unknowable.

As I went deeper I decided to grab my mp3 player which also has a recorder function. I wanted to record everything as I saw it. I told them that I won't reveal anything, how can I? At that stage it was like the body was being inflicted with more pain.

I turn on the mp3 player, the sound of Krishnamurti's voice vibrated through the speaker. I had last listened to this track and now it was continuing. I was quickly fiddling through while still completely aware, with the one goal that I needed to record  everything in detail, everything that was taking place.

My fingers stopped moving as I listened to Krishnamurti, what felt like for the first time.

As this played I looked at the ceiling, everything around me, to what was really occurring. The parts of what I had considered the ceiling light, the play of the light and shadows in the room clearly observing all around me at the same time listening to the crucial moment in the track titled 'holistic observation' like it was all planned out a set up organised specifically for this experience.

I have been listening to Krishnamurti's talks and reading his material for the past 2 years on and off and for the first time I realised he was describing completely this awareness. He was not merely just discussing mans problems and issues and what was required from each of us - he was talking from the awareness that is our natural state.

Every spoken word luminously described what I was seeing and yet to bring those words to what is now considered the ordinary state of mind is like reading a language without knowing it's definition. I have done that, I have learnt Arabic, how to read it but not knowing the definitions of the words I was reading. You can learn a new language, how to read and write it, how to connect vowels with consonants to make up a word but not knowing the definition of these words.

I guess you can say when I was reading Krishnamurti's words I was reading - the definition I found in the direct perception of this awareness.

Here I was with a holistic observation, everything was vibrating to the sound coming out of the player. In a moment I'm going to transcribe the section of the audio that I was listening to.

Krishnamurti transcription (from Krishnamurti - Ojai 1982 - Talk 1 of 6 - Holistic Observation, transcript, video):

"Until we understand that and go into it very deeply and discover total order, we shall always have disorder in the world. So a serious person is not easily dissuaded from the pursuit of understanding, the pursuit of delving deeply into himself, into his consciousness, not easily persuaded by amusement and entertainment which is perhaps sometimes necessary pursuing consistently every day into the nature of man, that is, into himself, observing what is actually going on within himself. From that observation, action takes place. It is not: what shall I do as a separate human being but an action which comes out of total holistic observation of life. Holistic observation is a healthy, sane, rational, logical, perception that is whole, which is holy. Is it possible for a human being, like any one of us who are laymen, not specialists, laymen, is it possible for him to look at the contradictory, confusing consciousness as a whole; or must he look at each part of it separately?"

I had too deeply listen to this track - in that state it was profound.

I was so completely in that state, I think Krishnamurti lived in this state without ever becoming fractured, all his talks were directed from this state of awareness.

I started to once again fiddle with the recorder wishing to accurately describe everything that was occurring - more importantly my understandings, the insights.

As I speak in the recorder the weather has calmed down and throughout it feels as all that happens because of that state, the sky cleared up and appeared blue and luminous, the light that poured in only added to the life brimming all around me.

Audio track lasts 30 mins:

you don't want this recorded...

....a break whilst I try to gather whether to record it or not....this took near around 8 minutes until finally I spoke...

It's somewhere around us, the thing that we're seeking. Something is different and I...see around me as real, what I really am...Krishnamurti was right.................the awareness is here...........I can tell you what it's like, not allowed to share...........only what they say and they are not saying anything..........I'm not allowed to share this.

Why? Why can't I share this with the other parts?

I have to stop pretending to be real, stop acting stop liking and enjoying things. not supposed to like things or enjoy (I think they're referring to my recent highs). But why?

It is not that you're not supposed to like things, desire things it is just that this is what makes you hold on to that state of mind that makes things appear real...it covers up, the desire, thoughts and wants a...

have to stop- eeeeeeeeeeeeeeh they're doing something to the body. Feet has an unpleasant sensation.

Pain..............just trying to handle it.

I whisper I'm not sharing anything anyways...

The most beautiful thing was the way it played out so beautifully, cinema worthy - so brilliantly put together - it is this mastery that needs to be captured in the movie.

It's amazing, how am I to put something like that in a movie.

I never got to see it by the way, the main thing, (the great secret Salvianauts mention) - it was hiding by the appearances before me. It was just about peering over me as if to look at me from.. hidden by all these things... thing that I'm looking for.. didn't look down...they were masking it.

Oh my god, if the others hear me they'll think I'm crazy...I see it now.

Everything that happens, everything around us the change of light...It's not some other world, like some distant place...you think you're going somewhere travelling onto the other place, right here it's always been here, there's no transporting no vehicle to get on to see what's already here.

The ceiling the play of the sun light - its really dramatic, almost.. almost feels like when someone watches a movie for the first time on a cinema screen...this is wow...being in the movie...seeing for yourself how amazing, in the movie as a character suddenly ..I don't know get taken over by the role then you just wake up to the setting the thing that made the light, the thing that made the wind appear as that..

....garbled mumblings... Krishnamurti track, how it just came out, that was just so........., coming back slowly...

...they can do things to the body  , and the body isn't what we think it is but being back here in the body they can actually....ohaha uh! put me in pain ..they can cause the body to have some kind of pain uggh! I'm not allowed to divulge any kind of secret but I have just outlined something that..

What I've just outlined here I'm not going to share so fully........because I can't. How can I share this, I can't share this - I only hope someone experiences it.

Okay...so it is not real...our little drama. Like Krishnamurti has said...we're not looking with that consciousness...Oh my god! how it came about that understanding how everything was just so seamless I can't say anything more..

I promised them I won't tell and even if I were to tell what would anybody understand anyways. Krishnamurti did it, he described everything. He was describing it, oh my god he described it! He did it, he was using ordinary words, he sat there talking, talking on and on about it and nobody sees it. He described it.

They've pinched my nose I don't care

My nose is so stuffed they're changing something, I'm not even telling anyone about the secret, catching my breath.....what are you doing? sniff....sniff....sniffles ok oh my god they've stuffed up my nose they stuffed up my breathing and it's not just the breathing they've just changed the way the body operates wow wow wow.....I can feel sensations in the legs I can feel movement...

What I got earlier on from the very start of this experience:

don't take things for real, don't take experiences for real the things we do, don't take them for real it's desires and thoughts it not like its something bad that these things stop us from spiritual growth/experience and understanding.

It's these desires, these thoughts shroud you in blindness everything that makes you blind is just dirt it's just things and I'm watching it in live stream.

The cloud dissipating, the sky is blue now the suns out I'm not getting up I'm not opening my blinds I'm just looking at the light coming through.

I guess you could say...I'm not going to try look at what it is...that I didn't get to see what was hidden by them, it was not that it was hidden by them and there was one thing, that it was hidden...

There's a good reason for the hiding keeping it secret, why people can't see it. Is there a reason? is there a reason to hide something that is right in our face anyways, its just there all along?

I never ... I didn't just see it, I just saw with that consciousness, oh my god... Krishnamurti described it all, he says the description isn't the described, the described isn't the description something like that something isn't something.

Just what he was saying that it was so seamless with what I was experiencing all was unfolding... Oh my... this mp3 player has Krishnamurti stored in it and his words as it vibrated out of the player and how it was just seamlessly stitched into this part of the garment, I can see the pattern unfolding.

I can't describe this I'm not even sharing the way it is meant to be shared.

The movie...oh please... the movie has to be that this movie at least uncovers that part, the seamlessness, this uncovering is important.

It's amazing, amazing to see what he spoke of whilst it was unfolding right before my eyes as the track was playing, he was spot on, every little detail, every little bit.

The peception is closing now, but the sensations are there the physical body sensations, the light flickering, the sky, the light, the way the lighting was percieved how the sky clouds, how it moved.

Have to recall this need to not take things seriously, see the drama don't get caught up in the role. This was the most crucial understanding. The dreams the desires the thoughts, do not get absorbed...

In the playing field recently things that have happened my highs the things that have excited me being caught up...

I was supposed to close my eyes, relax, not grab my recorder not record anything they can end the process.

It is up to this other state, this other state determines what happens here physically, what happens there is what is taking place here. It's there but here, it's here in the physical surrounding there's a way to see it all...

We need to  have this awareness, but it's not a matter of getting it or attaining it , we're not trying to get something, it's already here but because we are all so taken over by everything dreams, thoughts, desires and  how it all just creates this strong grip tying us down.

I hope this is recording, looking down on the player 29 minutes... it so happens that they can make this not record..they would make sure it doesn't leak out there is something though and it didn't come, it didn't look - it wasn't making an appearance.. it's here, it's with us they can't even hide it.

The secret isn't even hidden...that's the secret...it's not even hiding...

End of audio.

 When I get time I will put up a transcription of Krishnamurti's talks, the section that unfolded with this experience.

The Signal

This has been picking on my mind. I had an experience with Salvia some time ago that has returned to the surface which I recall vividly, will provide link when I find it.

Basically in the experience I perceived to be as usual my real self, but I had connected with all the self of what seemed like the entire of mankind. Every living being at that time was uniting as one singular awareness. As this occurred there was a signal, can't recall how the signal came about whether I heard it or felt it - there was definitely another sense  - perhaps it was all senses operating at the same time.

All I knew was the signal was important, and it doesn't occur just in that state even in our ordinary physical consciousness something is emitting this signal - only problem is nobody is actually tuning in let alone listening. I think something like this was shown in the movie Contact.

The important part is that everyone united in this way hears it at the same time, it seems this is essential. I believe this signal may be the same signal Robert Monroe was referring to in his later books. Will provide an excerpt later. I think there's also The Ringing Cedars series where Anastasia makes a reference to this signal.

You might consider that because I read books and watched a movie referring to this signal my mind is playing tricks and bringing that to the surface. But consider this, the clues are left in the things we see in everyday life as if someone deliberately left them there.

I intend to explore with Salvia again when the time feels right. One thing I have noticed is that each time I'm there they always ask what I wish for, somehow they want me to produce thoughts that is requesting something of them. It is as though they can't do anything until I ask a question or make some kind of statement. I am left confused when this happen especially when the ego is lurking there like a shadow  - the phantom in the room and naturally from here I make unusual requests things that baffle them they cannot compute when the request is made from my limited ego sense. A fluctuation between real self and ego.

When I am fully my actual self no questions arise, nothing arises it is almost as if everything is perfect and there is a sense of all things being hopeless here in our physical world drama.

I need to play around with this. One thing that I have to do when taking Salvia is let my mind be completely still, the silence itself is like an invisibility cloak so I'm hoping the entities will not be paying much attention - have to go beyond them.

The difficult part is not letting the ego suddenly take over, but it has its place. I don't think the ego is a menace to get rid of, but it needs to lose its sense of importance and governance over the realm of thoughts.

I have to come back with the ineffability of the experience and the ego which is simply a thought process needs to rearrange itself according to that so that when the transference occurs words are not lost in symbols.

Powerful Intentions for the Dream

I wish I could record the thoughts that come spontaneously in live stream.

This morning I got into a discussion with my sister regarding a dream me and my other sisters have. It is a family project, they don't realize it but I'm actually using it as an experiment.

The discussion made me realize something as we etched out the plans, we were deliberately each adding to the dream. Talking about it each step of the way and it is something that we all see as solid, and I'm surprised how positive they have been. The positive energy is charging it in a way we each see it as something that is done, already exists as a potential that only needs to manifest.

So we were doing a lot of talking but at the same time something else was going on in the mind. Another layer screening through, there I thought about dreams and how they manifest. Our dream (me and the sisters) started off with a thought and it spread out, and as it takes shape I see the ripple effects and I see that the dream itself is some kind of effect from another dream.

The seed is planted and the roots have established yet from here I see not only the trunk but the branches, twigs leaves and even the fruits of that tree. but for both of us it wasn't that it was an outcome to take place in some future time, it exists now.

I see how the story of the past actively contributed to the outcome as if interwoven within the dream. We both saw how each of our skill sets were meant to be, that what we were involved with in the past has contributed to what we are now doing. How everyone involved right now had to go through a particular phase in order for this probability to manifest, to make its appearance. That is what the little dream is, a  probabilitiy out of the pool of inifinite probabilities.

All the things unfolding was like a jigsaw puzzles - the pieces are connecting creating the bigger picture.

It's really like seeing the process of karma face to face or another adequate description would be seeing the domino effect, or the ripple effect.

Our conversation was the general mundane stuff most people discuss but I was learning something very significant from it.

It got deeper when I mentioned how its so important that what we do, contributes somehow to mankind. We don't want to establish ourselves only to live a lavish lifestyle, it must mean something more than that. She responded immediately with the idea of setting up a charity, her and another sister have already decided on this. Their aim being to help those stuck in poverty, to help the sick and especially to do something about the corruption in third world countries in order to alleviate the suffering of these poor people. She mentioned that her desire was to set a school up in a particular third world country to give opportunity to these poor souls a chance to get educated. My honest opinion is, wow! don't we already have thousands if not a million of these and how have they helped?

I couldn't understand it, it was almost as if I was seriously being tested. Here was a do gooder, and I think this quality is naturally built in with all beings, to help alleviate the suffering of the world. It is a worthy cause the charities spoken of but only if you look at the surface. I wasn't looking at the surface, going deeper into it I saw that these actions no matter how well meaning they appear only actively contributed to the problem. Outwardly you will see some significant improvement - someone somewhere just might not starve for at least one night, someone might get educated and so on. But deep down it was contributing to the problem at large. And the problem at large is this, that humans do not even know what the problem or condition is, they do not even know what they are suffering from.

The human suffering is this - not knowing who we are and pretending to be something we are not. This is the only suffering and all else a delusion created by our false characters, the roles we play.

So how do I myself help others now understanding my own condition, having seen what the condition is and knowing who I really am - how do I help others see it, and help them break through their own suffering.

I only get glimpses of this, it does not remain. My condition somehow takes over again, think of it as a cancer relapse.

Yet when the veil lifts for even just a second, I am cured of everything -  nothing can perturb the mind. This is the original state, our natural state and there is no denying it.

This is just a mini dream version of the big dream.

You know the big dream in which we are all characters, this dream has many layers of other dreams each dream having some kind of ripple effect.There is something calling now, it seems to be coming from the big dream to emit something through the little dream and focusing on the probabilities I saw a potential, a probability that if manifested can awaken mankind.

I read another blog about Salvia experiences and randomly going through the post there was mention of a movie, the desire for Hollywood movie depicting the Salvia state.

I had a similar desire, an urge to have the effects of Salvia somehow portrayed in a movie at that time nothing solid was thought of it, it was a bubble of thought not yet pulsating with life. Now my absolute desire is this, to make a movie that will not be about awakening it most likely will not even be about Salvia but the effect of watching it will be equivalent of a Salvia trip, the equivalent to waking up.

Honestly, I see this now that my current intentions, the dream with which I'm starting is headed in this direction. The metaphorical fruit that I see on the tree is this movie.