The God Complex

Yesterday I have been feeling out of sorts. Completely disconnected, severely seeking something. Something calling.

Someone helped me roll a Salvia joint - this is my first time using it rolled up. It fortunately did not burn my throat, very smooth. The preliminary effects were instant with the first two pull.

Another tried it and felt something minor. The world around me was fluttering, lots of this going on around the eyes almost like the eyes were fluttering.

This was not enough, needed something else and an opportunity arose where I was able to get hold of Mary Jane as if it was purposely arranged by some other force. Only ever had this in the past where it left me paranoid.

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The Experience

No harsh burning in the throat, in fact the taste wasn't even as bad as was described by others. The buzz was immediate with the first two pull.

When I got back in the house the effects started to get even more pronounced, the motions of the body were changing. Everything vibrating intensely. I eventually got in my room, body changing, taking on the rubbery appearance I get with Salvia, only this was intense as though it were filling in some gaps that I missed out on Salvia.

As I a child in my old home I would play with my toys, giving each toy thing a character, a personality and directing the play. One time I had looked out the window up at the clear sky, questioning and pondering the world around me. Is the world like my doll house? Were the people in the world like my toy characters? I had the eerie sense that perhaps a God was playing with us in the same manner I was playing with my toys. Later on in life as I got older the same questions arose in a different format, but it was the same and again about God.

Here I was in my room, current day what appears in the story as many years later, completely and fully aware of the self and the surroundings. Everything around me was real but it had taken on a toy like appearance and I could clearly perceive what was actually taking place.

Whilst there was perception of the body, there was a complete detachment to the sensations like it did not have any hold what so over in that state. The body could have been sliced and diced and it did not effect that awareness being completely detached from it. There was a clicking sound coming from the computer monitor which was turned off, this has also occurred with Salvia.

I quickly got in bed, something that was just lingering now fully taken over. As a result a complete understanding came about, about reality and with clarity the nature of my Self, the real true Self. This can only take place by direct perception. In that moment through this perception I am the God that was pondered in the childhood scene, I am the very force that was pulling the strings.Something was happening to the brain, waves and extreme electrical charges.

Everything around me shutting down, awareness came of the story. Pure awareness was having a direct contact with it. The little scenes, the dramas came up but completely insignificant.

Going deeper and deeper, retiring, completely withdrawn into my real true Self the world started to shut down - it was ending and there was a void, not just darkness but simply nothing  - in there was pure and absolute Silence.

Holding on to the story now, the physical eyes willed open staring back at the mastery of creation. A few times the other characters started talking to me, my phone rang I took the call in that state - it was purely story based.

Closed my eyes to withdraw again, something else was taking place. Deeper and deeper something was occuring in the sexual organs. I was perceiving the body and it's processes. There was sharp pains but being detached to the body there was no reaction but the pain was the worst pain, nothing as brutal as this was felt in the story.

There was awareness of sexual activity, a similar thing occured with Salvia. This time incredibly intense.

At first it was pleasure, like the entire of mankind was having an orgasm at the same time in this one body. Then it was severe sharp tearing pain and I could no longer tell the difference between the two being in a complete detached state. It ends somewhere completely withdrawing. Later awakened at 3am with no sense of having slept.

Other things were done to the body, but again the only thing I have understood is their insignificance. As I began to type this post on the computer, it suddenly went off. I checked this out, the electricity in my room was the only place to be affected.

I've had the sense of being God before, only this is God experiencing God in live stream within the dream and unlike a lucid dream you not only become aware of the dream and the dreamer but the actual essential essence of the dream. That thing underlying it all.

This morning I felt like that great Self wanted to play with the little version of itself. Somehow that everything unfolding within the story was for the purpose of discovering Self in its own creations.