A Holistic Observation with Krishnamurti

There is a storm unfolding here in the UK. It was incredibly windy this morning.

Around after 8am I started the masticating process of Salvia. Just before the second spoonful, my head was rotating more to the magnetic force - they're behind it.

I tried to leave behind thoughts of the 'signal' and anything earthly to leave it behind and go deep in with this in meditation.

My real self and the reality that was here and there was present. All things crystal clear, only I am confused now and do not even know how to carry on with this post. I am attempting something, to elucidate something and it has completely baffled me.

In that state I was totally aware, of my actual state of being, there were others  - I felt pains sensations in the body and became aware of what they really are. I can see everything it was this world and that and through this world we see it but we don't. It is in our face, we are looking at it not knowing that we are. What has been done is that its appearance has changed.

Immediately I knew what clouded it was the seriousness with which we lived, and they begin with desires and thoughts. This was important, things incredibly important  were being revealed and yet they have been said countless of times by many. I wanted to take it back in that state as broken as it was - something major was being revealed and I wanted to be able to bring it back in my fractured state to help all those fractured others, to let them in on the great secret.

Its a good thing that I don't live in that complete full awareness and my state remains fractured in a condition of confusion, I have to go through it just to break through it so that I can speak a little about it but my doing anything to help others is just that, to help others. But everyone has to see of their own accord - no one person who wishes to help alleviate the condition which mankind suffers from is able to do this. The only thing I can say is that we need a unitary conscious awareness for something new, the unspeakable and unknowable.

As I went deeper I decided to grab my mp3 player which also has a recorder function. I wanted to record everything as I saw it. I told them that I won't reveal anything, how can I? At that stage it was like the body was being inflicted with more pain.

I turn on the mp3 player, the sound of Krishnamurti's voice vibrated through the speaker. I had last listened to this track and now it was continuing. I was quickly fiddling through while still completely aware, with the one goal that I needed to record  everything in detail, everything that was taking place.

My fingers stopped moving as I listened to Krishnamurti, what felt like for the first time.

As this played I looked at the ceiling, everything around me, to what was really occurring. The parts of what I had considered the ceiling light, the play of the light and shadows in the room clearly observing all around me at the same time listening to the crucial moment in the track titled 'holistic observation' like it was all planned out a set up organised specifically for this experience.

I have been listening to Krishnamurti's talks and reading his material for the past 2 years on and off and for the first time I realised he was describing completely this awareness. He was not merely just discussing mans problems and issues and what was required from each of us - he was talking from the awareness that is our natural state.

Every spoken word luminously described what I was seeing and yet to bring those words to what is now considered the ordinary state of mind is like reading a language without knowing it's definition. I have done that, I have learnt Arabic, how to read it but not knowing the definitions of the words I was reading. You can learn a new language, how to read and write it, how to connect vowels with consonants to make up a word but not knowing the definition of these words.

I guess you can say when I was reading Krishnamurti's words I was reading - the definition I found in the direct perception of this awareness.

Here I was with a holistic observation, everything was vibrating to the sound coming out of the player. In a moment I'm going to transcribe the section of the audio that I was listening to.

Krishnamurti transcription (from Krishnamurti - Ojai 1982 - Talk 1 of 6 - Holistic Observation, transcript, video):

"Until we understand that and go into it very deeply and discover total order, we shall always have disorder in the world. So a serious person is not easily dissuaded from the pursuit of understanding, the pursuit of delving deeply into himself, into his consciousness, not easily persuaded by amusement and entertainment which is perhaps sometimes necessary pursuing consistently every day into the nature of man, that is, into himself, observing what is actually going on within himself. From that observation, action takes place. It is not: what shall I do as a separate human being but an action which comes out of total holistic observation of life. Holistic observation is a healthy, sane, rational, logical, perception that is whole, which is holy. Is it possible for a human being, like any one of us who are laymen, not specialists, laymen, is it possible for him to look at the contradictory, confusing consciousness as a whole; or must he look at each part of it separately?"

I had too deeply listen to this track - in that state it was profound.

I was so completely in that state, I think Krishnamurti lived in this state without ever becoming fractured, all his talks were directed from this state of awareness.

I started to once again fiddle with the recorder wishing to accurately describe everything that was occurring - more importantly my understandings, the insights.

As I speak in the recorder the weather has calmed down and throughout it feels as all that happens because of that state, the sky cleared up and appeared blue and luminous, the light that poured in only added to the life brimming all around me.

Audio track lasts 30 mins:

you don't want this recorded...

....a break whilst I try to gather whether to record it or not....this took near around 8 minutes until finally I spoke...

It's somewhere around us, the thing that we're seeking. Something is different and I...see around me as real, what I really am...Krishnamurti was right.................the awareness is here...........I can tell you what it's like, not allowed to share...........only what they say and they are not saying anything..........I'm not allowed to share this.

Why? Why can't I share this with the other parts?

I have to stop pretending to be real, stop acting stop liking and enjoying things. not supposed to like things or enjoy (I think they're referring to my recent highs). But why?

It is not that you're not supposed to like things, desire things it is just that this is what makes you hold on to that state of mind that makes things appear real...it covers up, the desire, thoughts and wants a...

have to stop- eeeeeeeeeeeeeeh they're doing something to the body. Feet has an unpleasant sensation.

Pain..............just trying to handle it.

I whisper I'm not sharing anything anyways...

The most beautiful thing was the way it played out so beautifully, cinema worthy - so brilliantly put together - it is this mastery that needs to be captured in the movie.

It's amazing, how am I to put something like that in a movie.

I never got to see it by the way, the main thing, (the great secret Salvianauts mention) - it was hiding by the appearances before me. It was just about peering over me as if to look at me from.. hidden by all these things... thing that I'm looking for.. didn't look down...they were masking it.

Oh my god, if the others hear me they'll think I'm crazy...I see it now.

Everything that happens, everything around us the change of light...It's not some other world, like some distant place...you think you're going somewhere travelling onto the other place, right here it's always been here, there's no transporting no vehicle to get on to see what's already here.

The ceiling the play of the sun light - its really dramatic, almost.. almost feels like when someone watches a movie for the first time on a cinema screen...this is wow...being in the movie...seeing for yourself how amazing, in the movie as a character suddenly ..I don't know get taken over by the role then you just wake up to the setting the thing that made the light, the thing that made the wind appear as that..

....garbled mumblings... Krishnamurti track, how it just came out, that was just so........., coming back slowly...

...they can do things to the body  , and the body isn't what we think it is but being back here in the body they can actually....ohaha uh! put me in pain ..they can cause the body to have some kind of pain uggh! I'm not allowed to divulge any kind of secret but I have just outlined something that..

What I've just outlined here I'm not going to share so fully........because I can't. How can I share this, I can't share this - I only hope someone experiences it.

Okay...so it is not real...our little drama. Like Krishnamurti has said...we're not looking with that consciousness...Oh my god! how it came about that understanding how everything was just so seamless I can't say anything more..

I promised them I won't tell and even if I were to tell what would anybody understand anyways. Krishnamurti did it, he described everything. He was describing it, oh my god he described it! He did it, he was using ordinary words, he sat there talking, talking on and on about it and nobody sees it. He described it.

They've pinched my nose I don't care

My nose is so stuffed they're changing something, I'm not even telling anyone about the secret, catching my breath.....what are you doing? sniff....sniff....sniffles ok oh my god they've stuffed up my nose they stuffed up my breathing and it's not just the breathing they've just changed the way the body operates wow wow wow.....I can feel sensations in the legs I can feel movement...

What I got earlier on from the very start of this experience:

don't take things for real, don't take experiences for real the things we do, don't take them for real it's desires and thoughts it not like its something bad that these things stop us from spiritual growth/experience and understanding.

It's these desires, these thoughts shroud you in blindness everything that makes you blind is just dirt it's just things and I'm watching it in live stream.

The cloud dissipating, the sky is blue now the suns out I'm not getting up I'm not opening my blinds I'm just looking at the light coming through.

I guess you could say...I'm not going to try look at what it is...that I didn't get to see what was hidden by them, it was not that it was hidden by them and there was one thing, that it was hidden...

There's a good reason for the hiding keeping it secret, why people can't see it. Is there a reason? is there a reason to hide something that is right in our face anyways, its just there all along?

I never ... I didn't just see it, I just saw with that consciousness, oh my god... Krishnamurti described it all, he says the description isn't the described, the described isn't the description something like that something isn't something.

Just what he was saying that it was so seamless with what I was experiencing all was unfolding... Oh my... this mp3 player has Krishnamurti stored in it and his words as it vibrated out of the player and how it was just seamlessly stitched into this part of the garment, I can see the pattern unfolding.

I can't describe this I'm not even sharing the way it is meant to be shared.

The movie...oh please... the movie has to be that this movie at least uncovers that part, the seamlessness, this uncovering is important.

It's amazing, amazing to see what he spoke of whilst it was unfolding right before my eyes as the track was playing, he was spot on, every little detail, every little bit.

The peception is closing now, but the sensations are there the physical body sensations, the light flickering, the sky, the light, the way the lighting was percieved how the sky clouds, how it moved.

Have to recall this need to not take things seriously, see the drama don't get caught up in the role. This was the most crucial understanding. The dreams the desires the thoughts, do not get absorbed...

In the playing field recently things that have happened my highs the things that have excited me being caught up...

I was supposed to close my eyes, relax, not grab my recorder not record anything they can end the process.

It is up to this other state, this other state determines what happens here physically, what happens there is what is taking place here. It's there but here, it's here in the physical surrounding there's a way to see it all...

We need to  have this awareness, but it's not a matter of getting it or attaining it , we're not trying to get something, it's already here but because we are all so taken over by everything dreams, thoughts, desires and  how it all just creates this strong grip tying us down.

I hope this is recording, looking down on the player 29 minutes... it so happens that they can make this not record..they would make sure it doesn't leak out there is something though and it didn't come, it didn't look - it wasn't making an appearance.. it's here, it's with us they can't even hide it.

The secret isn't even hidden...that's the secret...it's not even hiding...

End of audio.

 When I get time I will put up a transcription of Krishnamurti's talks, the section that unfolded with this experience.