This post is adult rated 18+
Woke up 12am, another bout of insomnia. I didn’t take any
supplements to help me relax. For some reason constantly needing to empty
bladder. Need to do all my drinking early during the day.
After 4 am, relaxed this time again concentrating on
forehead. Energy building up, for some reason this seems to be the only way I’m
able to relax and get something similar to sleep. Except I’m not asleep, I’m
still wide awake.
I heard the music and the song again, this time different. I’m
in a dream like state where I am somewhat lucid, there are two creatures. One I
recall being panda the other was also some white creature but don’t recall accurately.
The panda lifts me up. I can feel sensation on my backside, so vivid. Just too
real. I’m not afraid that the panda will drop me as it runs down my stairs
carrying me to the front door. After that where I end up is a complete blur.
The scene changes and I know something is with me, inducing
these states. I just can’t see it but I know it is definitely present. I am
coming out of the body, this time it is strange. The window part everything seems
broken as if the image of my wall is having trouble forming according to how it
really is in memory. Broken fragments of my surrounding and lots of flashing. I
am repeatedly going out of the body and back.
I am suddenly near a scene. Not inside it but looking at it.
I look ahead in some kind of mirror. A man is standing and he beckons to a
woman. He takes his pants off exposing his penis and she begins to perform oral
sex, I can feel to some degree what they are feeling. Suddenly her face is
covered in blood, I’m not sure if blood is from her mouth or his penis. I beg the
presence to stop this visual several times. I cannot bear watching any more of
this and attempt snapping out of it.
I do snap out of it, relieved to be back in bed but thinking
why these very gruesome acts are appearing before me. I have one idea and it
may be related to a very dear friend. He had a health scare where he
found blood in the urine.
I’m so exhausted that I end up going back into that sleep
state, very relaxed. There are more scenes of a sexual nature. Suddenly I am in
a chair and a man is looking down at me as if examining me. He is African,
probably in his mid 40s. Slightly chubby face. He tells me to open my mouth and
uses something plastic to keep my mouth open. Then he uses a wood piece in my
mouth and just leaves it there. I’m afraid of the plastic and tell him to use
another wooden piece. I seem to know what is going on, I’m just not sure if I
am myself (my this self) except I feel that I am myself whoever that self is.
Then scene ends and I find I am returning to the body back
in bed. I think I am awake back in my room, in my bed, similar surroundings.
Suddenly my legs lift up, I am being hung upside down again very aware of this
other presence. I know I didn’t lift my legs up wilfully. Who are you? I am pleading for it to reveal its identity, thinking
that it is some kind of evil spirit doesn’t quiet put my mind at ease.
Then I get some kind of answer, not in words but in
feelings. Right now I can’t even recall what that feeling was, all I remember
is disbelief and denial on my part.
Next time I will try and sleep without concentrating on the forehead to see what happens.
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