The past two weeks I have made a very radical shift. After a question and answer session with myself about the nature of reality and how I can enhance or even speed the creation and manifestation process whilst I'm having this human experience - the basic answer and somehow I knew it before it came out, was that reality is an illusion. Because it's an illusion there is no need to change it, or enhance or improve it.
This led to looking into teachings that have the same school of thought and I have come across some interesting mind altering material - I'll write about this another time.
What I've been doing the past few days is attempting to looking at my reality (the experiences that unfold, whether they're good or bad, subtle or intense) as an illusion. This means that all the techniques I use, all the ideas and beliefs I have are not real and this includes astral projections and dreams everything you can possibly perceive within this reality. I have to admit understanding this is really mind boggling.
Illusions can be Spine Tingling
This morning I woke up at 5:30am, there was a slight problem, slight because I was able to immediately see it as an illusion. After a short while of the problem settling down perhaps just serving it's purpose (assisting in my awakening) I began to realize how I can't use APs to figuring out the mysteries of life or using it to explore who I really am. There is no method within this reality that can lead me to the Truth, to that which is an illusion. So I surrendered, nothing was needed to be done at least I know I can't do anything from the perspective that the doing will yield results because that idea itself is an illusion. So I left it to the greater part of me to guide me and that I will just go with the flow.
At 7:15 am I felt inspired to meditate which is about the only tool I can seem to use because it's the one practice with which I have no goals attached to. I seem to have no expectations with meditation.
As I focused on the natural rhythm of my breathing, had to shift my position so that I was lying on my front but still focusing on my breathing. Eventually the vibrations erupted in my head followed by high pitch sound travelling into my right ear - I could clearly feel the sensation of the sound. I reminded myself that it was an illusion. Overlayed with the high pitch sound was the sound of an aeroplane - how convenient I thought just when I'm about to AP realizing that even that was an illusion as are the symptoms preceding it. These vibrations were somewhat different I think mostly because I still had full awareness of my body.
After what seemed like a long time I wondered why I haven't made the usual exit - were my thoughts of the process being an illusion somehow stopping the AP from unfolding? I didn't really care much for what was to take place. The vibes cooled down a bit or more like transformed into a tingling energy surge sensation I felt it move down from my head to the back of my neck, slowly down the full length of my spine and then back up again - my immediate thought was 'Wow, this is a sign of Kundalini rising' which was followed by a knowing that even that was an illusion. I found myself in a very nonreactive mode - in fact my only reaction was that whatever was happening is an illusion, no exceptions.
Soon I felt a presence around me and thought it could be a group rather than just an individual - of course out of habit I determined it was an illusion. I could hear something breathing on the back of my neck and it felt masculine - it transformed into a male voice, 2 thoughts that I could hear 'Still' and 'Relax'.
The tingling continued up and down my spine with the added sense of this male presence engulfing me - there was also a sense that this male presence was more within me rather than a separate entity outside of me. Then a most unusual thing happened as the tingling made it's way downward - my anus felt like it was widening followed by a severe cramping feeling. This felt really unpleasant even though deep down I knew it was an illusion I couldn't help but get absorbed by the realness of it. I realized that I could no longer associate myself as a female, nor a male - suddenly I felt completely genderless. There was an eruption of intense sexual arousal - I felt intoxicated.
In a bid to stop that unpleasant cramping I turned around to rest on my back which didn't change anything other than that I began to levitate - about an inch off my bed. I felt completely solid and dense as though I were still in my physical body - I did not dare to open my eyes. I decided I'm not ready for this - it was way too weird no matter how illusory it really was. At about 8:10am I turned to my side and opened my eyes got up with tingling still in my spine. My head nodded involuntarily for a short while - it was as if that involuntary action was dissipating the tingling until I readjusted into normalcy.