Felt this intense depression, grieving of a loss yet I don't know what I just lost. It occured when doing some research on health.
Few hours later a thought came into my head, urine therapy. I know I read about before but it was just a disturbing notion, besides I would think one would have to be on a very pure diet in order to drink their own urine.
Looked into it and all of a sudden it feels so right. The grief is still there, but it comes and goes and I could tell when it comes because it is just too unbearable my eyes well up. It feels like there is someone else inside me feeling the emotion and I feel for it.
Monday, 7 March 2011
Saturday, 5 March 2011
K Symptoms Since Recent Salvia Explorations
Many K symptoms include:
- Rocking of body
- Tremors in legs and other parts
- Energy across legs
- Head pressure
- Body Swaying
- Encapsulated by energy
- Energy around eyes fluctuating - hard to describe
- night time coughing in sleep - may have to do with this feeling of wanting to escape, taking in negative from those around me? and chugging down on junk food (like chocolate) - clearly emotional stuff blowing out of proportion.
Friday, 4 March 2011
Projection of Consciousness
Had many dreams throughout the night - so long I can't even think of writing down quick notes. So far all I'm doing is jotting down tips that I'm getting in my dreams that are relevant to the material plane of existence, such as using almond oil, getting sunlight, sleeping at 9am and things like that.
I didn't recall the projection immediately had to really think about all the dreams. Recalled I was awoken at 4:30am surprised it wasn't 1:15 or 2am because that had become the norm.
Going back to sleep did not take so long. I had a projection that by appearance was very much like most of the APs I've had in the past. I was out of the body, flowing across the wall, then down the floor and as this was occurring I had a deeper understanding of what was occurring. My consciousness was moving through various points. It is like everything material is a mask, something that can be worn by consciousness, and I was wearing the wall then I was wearing the floor and as I was sinking down as usual I knew there was going to be some darkness for a while - I thought maybe I'm going deep within the Earth.
I recall a moment where I was trying to grasp something, to combine with it. This same thing occured a few days ago in the middle of my sleep.
I know that if I had absolute control of this - meaning I could project by will - it means I can position and house my consciousness by will in anything I perceive, in the Earth and even beyond that. It's more than just remote viewing.
It's like there are many stations, consider the location of the physical body as the starting station and the moon as the destination. Consciousness can move freely through the many material forms meaning as I move my consciousness melds within the wall, then the window, surrounding air as though the path led all the way to the moon. It's not necessary though to have a conscious awareness of passing by these various forms or objects - there is also speed, we could just end up straight away at our destination in a snap. This is just another interesting facet of projecting that I feel inspired to explore.
There's also the astral body - a copy of the physical body without being bounded by physical limits.
There's teleportation and bi-location which operate with the physical body, I think for this to be successful body needs to be very strong and healthy, there needs to be a great amount of energy.
There are of course many abilities that have yet to be consciously untapped. Though I feel inspired to start consciously projecting my main focus now seems to be on self-inquiry.
I didn't recall the projection immediately had to really think about all the dreams. Recalled I was awoken at 4:30am surprised it wasn't 1:15 or 2am because that had become the norm.
Going back to sleep did not take so long. I had a projection that by appearance was very much like most of the APs I've had in the past. I was out of the body, flowing across the wall, then down the floor and as this was occurring I had a deeper understanding of what was occurring. My consciousness was moving through various points. It is like everything material is a mask, something that can be worn by consciousness, and I was wearing the wall then I was wearing the floor and as I was sinking down as usual I knew there was going to be some darkness for a while - I thought maybe I'm going deep within the Earth.
I recall a moment where I was trying to grasp something, to combine with it. This same thing occured a few days ago in the middle of my sleep.
I know that if I had absolute control of this - meaning I could project by will - it means I can position and house my consciousness by will in anything I perceive, in the Earth and even beyond that. It's more than just remote viewing.
It's like there are many stations, consider the location of the physical body as the starting station and the moon as the destination. Consciousness can move freely through the many material forms meaning as I move my consciousness melds within the wall, then the window, surrounding air as though the path led all the way to the moon. It's not necessary though to have a conscious awareness of passing by these various forms or objects - there is also speed, we could just end up straight away at our destination in a snap. This is just another interesting facet of projecting that I feel inspired to explore.
There's also the astral body - a copy of the physical body without being bounded by physical limits.
There's teleportation and bi-location which operate with the physical body, I think for this to be successful body needs to be very strong and healthy, there needs to be a great amount of energy.
There are of course many abilities that have yet to be consciously untapped. Though I feel inspired to start consciously projecting my main focus now seems to be on self-inquiry.
Wednesday, 2 March 2011
Self Realization - The Parts and Freedom
Chew some salvia in the afternoon, this time cotton wool in ears relax- go so deep. we're leaving to somewhere very restricted and we've almost gained entrance but not quite, because of me so much for the cotton wool. Ears feel heavy, blocked with wool. We're all moving back now and heading for elsewhere - maybe places where I'm allowed. All going in particular direction in a queue - watch some of them go by and feel as though they were leaving my physical body and softly wonder 'hmm they - these others are a part of me' - one of the others suddenly stops moving in my direction calls the others and I'm still wondering how they are all a part of me. It felt like there consciousness were fragmented parts that made up the entire physical body. I can feel or should I say I know that they know that I'm on to something. I keep pondering. I feel they're cheering and waiting for something. 'I thought this all up' I look to another and I think 'I thought you into being' and with my mind I made it bend to my will.
I have been searching for the Creator what we might call God, the source of life as if it were external hiding in some magical shrine, somewhere up beyond the clouds like it was separate from me, that it was some other. Now I have found that Creator.
I was the One who thought my life on Earth into being, I am the Creator, the One that I've been looking for all this time was me all along. The irony of it is so beautiful it's poetic.
Hearing this from others is one thing but to know it is something else.
Thoughts shape and mold our experiences into being - nothing new I've always known this but it's the degree to which I know that has magnified. Here I am returning to the original primary identity but not so fully - some other parts come rushing in from the right side - I see they're trying to distract me from pondering deeper or doing something else - I recognize them also as a part of me, we're all connected. I sense maybe they're not keen on me remembering it entirely, I think it's too late, I know more than I will ever need to know.
They're once again taking me to scenes of a very sexual nature - don't feel at all aroused and decide this time I'm changing the course of this journey. I want to feel what it is like to be a bird, and our consciousness as an entire unit is rushing to a bird I know to be somewhere local.
This choice of bird was symbolic - I was feeling free and wanted to express it.
We've become a part of the bird. I know I'm not flying it - another in control here - I'm simply a guest - just for a while - we're flying but my perception is dimming - I can still feel as though I am embedded within the bird flying - but I don't see clearly. I state knowing the power of thoughts that my perception is clear opening up now and clearer - thoughts have to be succinct for it to work. Somehow though they are corresponding and I feel kissing pressure all over eyes.
Back now housed in PR - a bit hungry munch on snacks - I try to switch on lamp with thought alone but no - move bowl with thought alone, again no. Realize that I have to really either want it to or my thoughts have to be succinct - and I know deep down I really didn't want it.
If I want to turn it on I'll just use my hands, if I want to move bowl again I'll use my hands - but that movement of physical body is done by thought.
Tried to meditate after this but I couldn't silence my mind, pondered on the meaning of awakening.
I have been searching for the Creator what we might call God, the source of life as if it were external hiding in some magical shrine, somewhere up beyond the clouds like it was separate from me, that it was some other. Now I have found that Creator.
I was the One who thought my life on Earth into being, I am the Creator, the One that I've been looking for all this time was me all along. The irony of it is so beautiful it's poetic.
Hearing this from others is one thing but to know it is something else.
Thoughts shape and mold our experiences into being - nothing new I've always known this but it's the degree to which I know that has magnified. Here I am returning to the original primary identity but not so fully - some other parts come rushing in from the right side - I see they're trying to distract me from pondering deeper or doing something else - I recognize them also as a part of me, we're all connected. I sense maybe they're not keen on me remembering it entirely, I think it's too late, I know more than I will ever need to know.
They're once again taking me to scenes of a very sexual nature - don't feel at all aroused and decide this time I'm changing the course of this journey. I want to feel what it is like to be a bird, and our consciousness as an entire unit is rushing to a bird I know to be somewhere local.
This choice of bird was symbolic - I was feeling free and wanted to express it.
We've become a part of the bird. I know I'm not flying it - another in control here - I'm simply a guest - just for a while - we're flying but my perception is dimming - I can still feel as though I am embedded within the bird flying - but I don't see clearly. I state knowing the power of thoughts that my perception is clear opening up now and clearer - thoughts have to be succinct for it to work. Somehow though they are corresponding and I feel kissing pressure all over eyes.
Back now housed in PR - a bit hungry munch on snacks - I try to switch on lamp with thought alone but no - move bowl with thought alone, again no. Realize that I have to really either want it to or my thoughts have to be succinct - and I know deep down I really didn't want it.
If I want to turn it on I'll just use my hands, if I want to move bowl again I'll use my hands - but that movement of physical body is done by thought.
Tried to meditate after this but I couldn't silence my mind, pondered on the meaning of awakening.
The Darkness
Morning chewed only 2 Salvia quids. Perception open. There are greater, mightier beings - feminine, motherly. Following her like her child, me and a bunch of others. She sees something, I don't know if it was me but I feel we've been refused for some reason. Salvia wears off so I can't make clear sense of the shadowy glimpses.
Chew the remaining 2 quids - angry due to external noise, dammit I know it's the noise, stick some cotton wool in ears. Relaxed now, no sound. We're moving now and that other presence has left, now a dark cloud looms over - this new group there is darkness about them I feel like maybe I've just let evil enter. The others though do not appear afraid, I guess this helps me to relax and not get so paranoid and so not so afraid myself. Observe for a short while and then open eyes for a flashing moment and startle them.
I wonder if the darkness was there because of the anger I was feeling I know there is some connection there. In the external surrounding kept hearing bells at the onset of Salvia effects and then just as it was wearing off which was strange as it was in the physical environment but there's no local bells that I know of that would go on resounding for that long.
Chew the remaining 2 quids - angry due to external noise, dammit I know it's the noise, stick some cotton wool in ears. Relaxed now, no sound. We're moving now and that other presence has left, now a dark cloud looms over - this new group there is darkness about them I feel like maybe I've just let evil enter. The others though do not appear afraid, I guess this helps me to relax and not get so paranoid and so not so afraid myself. Observe for a short while and then open eyes for a flashing moment and startle them.
I wonder if the darkness was there because of the anger I was feeling I know there is some connection there. In the external surrounding kept hearing bells at the onset of Salvia effects and then just as it was wearing off which was strange as it was in the physical environment but there's no local bells that I know of that would go on resounding for that long.
Tuesday, 1 March 2011
Collecting Sexual Energy
In the afternoon I knew I had to go back, in that state of mind something was about to be revealed, it's unfortunate that I don't have a constant open clear perception I feel I could learn so much.
Chewed leaves and immediately we're observing other areas, I feel we're moving around the neighbourhood. Somewhere local in someone's house we're watching two people in sexual intercourse. I am confused this is not what I expected at all. We're moving to other neighbouring houses in particular where others are having sex.
I feel we're traveling fast now, somewhere deeper, where there are so many entities that are pairing up and copying the sexual act that they're watching. But strangely I always see their face bobbing in and out - no bodies. Something opens, almost like a flower opening up and above me is a face of a bearded man, almost always a bearded man. Ancient looking old face that is bobbing up and down and then it really hits me - I am inside someone's vagina, like a part of it and his face is a part of someone's penis. And just as we enter a new person there is a stream of these entities rushing down to the main points where two faces meet and my goodness now I am really confused.
It takes a few sexual acts and some major intense arousal to figure out what they are doing, they're collecting the sexual energy that others are possibly wasting away. Initially it felt so odd and I felt like these others might possibly be a bunch of peeping toms. I have to figure out if I understand what is occuring, give in to the sexual intensity and whoa major orgasm, residue of it blissing parts of my legs. I could sense that they want me to bear the intensity out and not waste it - to somehow endure it. Found this website that goes more into the sexual aspect of Kundalini and things making more sense now. As I type this it is still going on - the continuous throbbing, sometimes I feel I'm about to slip out of this body.
Chewed leaves and immediately we're observing other areas, I feel we're moving around the neighbourhood. Somewhere local in someone's house we're watching two people in sexual intercourse. I am confused this is not what I expected at all. We're moving to other neighbouring houses in particular where others are having sex.
I feel we're traveling fast now, somewhere deeper, where there are so many entities that are pairing up and copying the sexual act that they're watching. But strangely I always see their face bobbing in and out - no bodies. Something opens, almost like a flower opening up and above me is a face of a bearded man, almost always a bearded man. Ancient looking old face that is bobbing up and down and then it really hits me - I am inside someone's vagina, like a part of it and his face is a part of someone's penis. And just as we enter a new person there is a stream of these entities rushing down to the main points where two faces meet and my goodness now I am really confused.
It takes a few sexual acts and some major intense arousal to figure out what they are doing, they're collecting the sexual energy that others are possibly wasting away. Initially it felt so odd and I felt like these others might possibly be a bunch of peeping toms. I have to figure out if I understand what is occuring, give in to the sexual intensity and whoa major orgasm, residue of it blissing parts of my legs. I could sense that they want me to bear the intensity out and not waste it - to somehow endure it. Found this website that goes more into the sexual aspect of Kundalini and things making more sense now. As I type this it is still going on - the continuous throbbing, sometimes I feel I'm about to slip out of this body.
Purity of Thought
Yesterday morning chewed Salvia and meditated.
In the physical my mum and nan are sleeping in the room adjacent to mine and they are significant to this experience.
That other perception opened immediately though a trace of it has been left behind in my waking state with Salvia it enhances.
Next to me are children, I notice in all the Salvia experiences I see these children - somehow I'm a part of their group, I know them just maybe suffering from amnesia maybe.
Suddenly there are other beings, so many of them noticing me. Keep eyes closed and silence. Then there's commotion to the right, someone who knows me comes through and I see them so clearly, 2 female looking beings. I know who they are - the same energies acting out to be my mum and nan. Again it felt weird thinking 'my' when it was all just an act. They come closer to look at me simply waiting for me to open my eyes or make a sudden physical movement. I play dead thinking in my head maybe if they thought I was physically dead I with this identity can go to those restricted areas and just explore. They move away - the female energy is going back to the physical shells doing something and I get this feeling that maybe one of them, either mum or nan is about to get released because they don't want to play this game without me. I don't want either of them to die so I give in and for a flashing moment open my eyes - in a few other trips that I have not written about (because they are too long) this has occured. When I open my physical eyes it always startles them - I still wonder why this is? Eyes are throbbing and pulsing some rewiring occuring in the legs. Need to go toilet and perception is wearing off leaving only trace of dimmed perception but I told them to stop any operationg - don't want anything to snap.
A short while later I finish remaining leaves with intention to meet creator, the Earths designer.
We're moving somewhere and I feel like the children are guiding me. There's a portal which the children begin to jump into. A friend is about to jump in but wants me to go first so I can be assisted. I'm excited because I know jumping in there means jumping into another world and I thought maybe I might be born again somewhere else but then what happens to this earth life? I didn't worry so much just excited that I'm going on an adventure, I'm just about ready to jump when I feel the resistence. Someone holding me back. I realize others that I'm seeing are souls and I wonder is it my soul holding me back or some other.
Feel like a permission has been granted and I am accessing physical environment through a completely other way. We're heading somewhere, and this somewhere is very important - the place where I know I will get answers to all my questions. My excitement is short-lived when the other children hear the noise coming from neighbours house, in physical reality they are doing works and when I'm with them I can still hear physical surrounding noise and this tends to divert their attention.
They are listening to the builder hammering something and we're moving swiftly across his mind - feeling what he feels, for a moment experiencing his experience. We're housed in him, resting in his mind. I can't believe what I know what is about to happen or maybe I don't want to, somehow we're going to control his thought system. Feel really almost upset about this - so us humans have thoughts controlled by these beings?
Then we are moving, consciousness housed in other minds. We're going to the streets now and now we're acting like a dog breathing heavy and fast excitedly. This is happening locally in physical meaning parts of earth plane. Then we are other components, everything that makes up the street, we're riding everything whilst I am simply observing. I feel bored, they all stop for a moment and look at me. I tell them to carry on and start acting excited like them, but they can see right through me. We start to move away and now we're going across these other neighbouring houses and we are watching two people in a sexual act which I'm not enjoying because I get the sense that they must think I am obsessed with sex. Consciousness moving to various scenes that are taking place in real time. I noticed that all this time I'm letting them take me to these places now it was my turn to pick, I was extremely excited. I want to go to the moon, to the stars and all the galaxy systems. I have to be specific so I think Pleiades as a starting destination. In the physical reality I was able to catch faces in images on nasa website which is why I thought of it. We're ready preparing for launch just like a rocket. Instead I feel that this clear perception is closing up, losing this state of mind but not quite I just feel like I need to open my eyes. The others have bled through in physical so much that the physical construction has a life of its own, the light fixing moves about stretching back and forth. Faces of the others more visible, I could tell by their expressions that they are trying to understand me.
Suddenly I remember something that I have overlooked. Buddha, Jesus, Krishnamurti, Anastasia (Ringing Cedars Series) always emphasized something in exactly the same way, always the same phrase. They each pointed out the need for 'Purity of thought' and it was completely related to the ability of an individual consciousness streaming through various facets of the physical reality. I had to think for a while and understand what that meant. Does it mean that a pure thought is simply one that is good without any negative element - the answer I felt was it had nothing to do with good or bad although by our standards it is a good thought it's something else entirely. Perhaps a thought that has never been thought - the unthought thought. hmm something to think about?
In the physical my mum and nan are sleeping in the room adjacent to mine and they are significant to this experience.
That other perception opened immediately though a trace of it has been left behind in my waking state with Salvia it enhances.
Next to me are children, I notice in all the Salvia experiences I see these children - somehow I'm a part of their group, I know them just maybe suffering from amnesia maybe.
Suddenly there are other beings, so many of them noticing me. Keep eyes closed and silence. Then there's commotion to the right, someone who knows me comes through and I see them so clearly, 2 female looking beings. I know who they are - the same energies acting out to be my mum and nan. Again it felt weird thinking 'my' when it was all just an act. They come closer to look at me simply waiting for me to open my eyes or make a sudden physical movement. I play dead thinking in my head maybe if they thought I was physically dead I with this identity can go to those restricted areas and just explore. They move away - the female energy is going back to the physical shells doing something and I get this feeling that maybe one of them, either mum or nan is about to get released because they don't want to play this game without me. I don't want either of them to die so I give in and for a flashing moment open my eyes - in a few other trips that I have not written about (because they are too long) this has occured. When I open my physical eyes it always startles them - I still wonder why this is? Eyes are throbbing and pulsing some rewiring occuring in the legs. Need to go toilet and perception is wearing off leaving only trace of dimmed perception but I told them to stop any operationg - don't want anything to snap.
A short while later I finish remaining leaves with intention to meet creator, the Earths designer.
We're moving somewhere and I feel like the children are guiding me. There's a portal which the children begin to jump into. A friend is about to jump in but wants me to go first so I can be assisted. I'm excited because I know jumping in there means jumping into another world and I thought maybe I might be born again somewhere else but then what happens to this earth life? I didn't worry so much just excited that I'm going on an adventure, I'm just about ready to jump when I feel the resistence. Someone holding me back. I realize others that I'm seeing are souls and I wonder is it my soul holding me back or some other.
Feel like a permission has been granted and I am accessing physical environment through a completely other way. We're heading somewhere, and this somewhere is very important - the place where I know I will get answers to all my questions. My excitement is short-lived when the other children hear the noise coming from neighbours house, in physical reality they are doing works and when I'm with them I can still hear physical surrounding noise and this tends to divert their attention.
They are listening to the builder hammering something and we're moving swiftly across his mind - feeling what he feels, for a moment experiencing his experience. We're housed in him, resting in his mind. I can't believe what I know what is about to happen or maybe I don't want to, somehow we're going to control his thought system. Feel really almost upset about this - so us humans have thoughts controlled by these beings?
Then we are moving, consciousness housed in other minds. We're going to the streets now and now we're acting like a dog breathing heavy and fast excitedly. This is happening locally in physical meaning parts of earth plane. Then we are other components, everything that makes up the street, we're riding everything whilst I am simply observing. I feel bored, they all stop for a moment and look at me. I tell them to carry on and start acting excited like them, but they can see right through me. We start to move away and now we're going across these other neighbouring houses and we are watching two people in a sexual act which I'm not enjoying because I get the sense that they must think I am obsessed with sex. Consciousness moving to various scenes that are taking place in real time. I noticed that all this time I'm letting them take me to these places now it was my turn to pick, I was extremely excited. I want to go to the moon, to the stars and all the galaxy systems. I have to be specific so I think Pleiades as a starting destination. In the physical reality I was able to catch faces in images on nasa website which is why I thought of it. We're ready preparing for launch just like a rocket. Instead I feel that this clear perception is closing up, losing this state of mind but not quite I just feel like I need to open my eyes. The others have bled through in physical so much that the physical construction has a life of its own, the light fixing moves about stretching back and forth. Faces of the others more visible, I could tell by their expressions that they are trying to understand me.
Suddenly I remember something that I have overlooked. Buddha, Jesus, Krishnamurti, Anastasia (Ringing Cedars Series) always emphasized something in exactly the same way, always the same phrase. They each pointed out the need for 'Purity of thought' and it was completely related to the ability of an individual consciousness streaming through various facets of the physical reality. I had to think for a while and understand what that meant. Does it mean that a pure thought is simply one that is good without any negative element - the answer I felt was it had nothing to do with good or bad although by our standards it is a good thought it's something else entirely. Perhaps a thought that has never been thought - the unthought thought. hmm something to think about?
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