Salvia Fasting

03/12/2011 - Evening take Salvia, this time leaves in quid form, no crumbles. So much easier and more comfortable chewing whole leaves rather than crumbles. Not so bitter.

15 minutes later relaxed, eyes closed and become aware of the others inside the body and around physical environment. I haven't taken Salvia for quite some time or at least not as much as usual. The day before I intended to take Salvia I was feeling incredibly sexual. Somehow 'others' inducing the sexual arousal. As I go deeper everyone within me and all the energies external in a sexual communion. I wonder if this is some kind of test to see if I can endure the temptations. I remain still trying to show them that they have no effect on me whatsoever but the body reveals otherwise. I am conflicted - at the same time that I want to embrace everything I am trying to restrain myself. There is nothing wrong with feeling sexual - only when there is too much of it it needs to be maintained responsibly so that it is not wasted on physical sensations.

Today -
Felt guided to fast before this session so yesterday I fasted (drinking only water and herbal teas) - kept myself busy by running chores. This morning I chewed the leaves - about 2 quids. Relaxed - body entities detaching. I remain as still as I possibly can but at some point move left arm, female entities laugh as I feel the pain of my action. Somehow feel that they are laughing because I act as if I am the body. Rest arm - knowing that they are trying to do something. Continue to relax, fortunately no sexual arousal this time. Things changing - awareness of inner workings, of the mind. Feel myself controlling everything - that I am doing it all but not aware that I am doing it. Almost as if I am the one who placed the blindfold over my eyes and acting as if another had done it. In the mind I can see how whatever I'm imagining is appearing before me - and I can unimagine it all. Relax some more - have to remain still. The others marching around, changing something but there is distraction. Already I'm so depressed by what has been revealed still holding onto external reality. Want to end the fast - I want to eat and this desire is simply a result of the conjured emotions from within. I can't let them continue and start communicating with them. Movement near forehead, they're piercing top of head - a little worried I thought they were pulling my hair out but sensations were inside the head.

Lately something has been happening to the left side of neck - I get this feeling that certain conditions may appear. After lump on right side of neck, diagnosed as TB, I'm not sure how much more I can handle even though they have caused no physical pain the emotional stuff is not something I can continue with. I know the key is fasting, I can feel that the reason they are moving more smoothly within me in this session is because I had fasted for one day which was so tough but what a difference one day can make. The whole point of fasting is to create a clearing within the physical organism. I knew as I was in that state, a person who after fasting for some time can call out to the Source of life and something extraordinary would take place, but the call has to be genuine.

I broke out of that state by opening eyes and despite that movements internal ongoing. I have stated to the others that my intentions are to fast and I'm starting by Wednesday and next Salvia session will commence on Friday. Haven't decided when I will end the fast possibly in the weekend. I cannot simply fast during these days and keep myself busy with action in order to hide from hunger - the fast must be accompanied by prayer, meditation, pranayama, and relaxation - no physical exertion.

I try not to doubt that I can do this, fasting is very difficult - requires a lot of willpower to not give into hunger. I have changed the way I eat so maybe it won't be so difficult - my diet is simple - lots of sprouts most of which have become bland in flavour over time. I eat small portions of fruit (dried and fresh) and vegetables - in that Salvia induced state I got a massive craving for dried fruits.