The other night I recommenced urine therapy, sipped the middle stream very slowly. Almost immediately after I retired to bed my body was charged with some kind of magnetic force. Something buzzing and almost popping out, I felt that something to be the astral body or another layer of the physical shell. I remember like a drunk I headed for the toilet - looking at how red my arms had become I can tell my blood was circulating with great force.
Not sure if it was that night or the night after but I had some very vivid long flowing dreams.
Another night I dreamt of a tree that resembled a face - the leaves were like strands of hair and this tree had a recent fresh haircut, it seemed to be communicating with me.
Tuesday, 22 May 2012
Thursday, 10 May 2012
Recent Salvia Trips
The end of the world
A few days ago, I think it was tuesday I decided to use up some of the remainder salvia from an old batch. I almost forgot what it tasted like - but the flutterring around peripheral vision expanded and visual changed and my eyes completely changed, the outer visuals were a reflection of the actual change of the sight. I was viewing things the way they really were. My mouth surprisingly heavy and full on such a small amount of the leaf. As I continued chewing I knew I had enough but there was so much left - didn't want to waste so I put a little more in my mouth. To do so was an insult, I was offending some 'thing' so I spat out fast and arranged the mug and jar with its contents on bedside table with awareness of lingering presence. Resting on my back, eyes finally closed beings flooded inside physical organism. They were travelling far down and it seemed their destination was the sexual organ or root chakra. So many things were happening too rapidly for me to accurately relay in the order that the events took place. There were many familial incidents and issues that were surfacing, my behaviour pattern was becoming more apparent and I recognized the greed and selfishness I have been living in for the past few months - they all knew my every fault and error and I wished to correct these faults.
The body was pulling apart, each component revealing itself as living individual beings that form what I know as the physical body. It's always at the moment that I should remain still and quiet I end up moving - the world that I knew everything and every detail contained within it was ending and revealing a complex indescribable reality, open eyes not wanting to go too far holding onto the physical world desperately seeking the physical life once again. It was hard coming back, almost like going through a battlefield. I struggled with the physical eyes, I think it was worse for the beings that compose the physical surrounding. To my right a being who formed the pink salt lamp on my bedside table molded back into it all the while staring directly at me - the whole melding into it seemed painful. In some way I felt bad for coming back and apologized to the beings. I thought about all the things I like about this reality and lately chocolate has been on my mind as well as melting in my mouth. I worded out 'chocolate' to them and how yummy it is even though it's not real. I wanted to grab my smartphone and visit a web page with the buddha teachings, as I held the phone my spine buzzed and I felt the connection between the human physical organism and electric powered device one that I can't describe properly right now. I look at the last page viewed which on the small screen filled with the title 'The Coming into Being of Worlds' - how appropriate. The screen as well as the words on it pulsed and waved. The nagging buzz made me put the phone down and buzzing subsided.
My eyes were doing something - all the cords connected to the eyeballs were burning and fizzing, this happened for quite a long time and I think had to do with the whole coming back too suddenly. Then I felt a light pressure and my body felt like it was going through the motions of sexual intercourse but not happening directly to my physical body, this was elsewhere and I was sharing the experience in some way. I could be wrong about this - it could even be something else but at the time this is what it felt like. I was also very aroused but kept my cool trying to stay in control.
A Clarifying Encounter - this particular inicdent is based on part physical reality incident which will clarify a salvia induced incident
Yesterday I went to collect my niece and nephew from school, I haven't done this in a long time but somehow the events played out so that I end up being in a certain place at a certain time just for a certain encounter. As I approached the school building in the heavy rain under my brolly a woman coming from the opposite end is also making her way to the building entrance. She keeps staring at me, to the point where I'm a little creeped out but more than that annoyed - it was simply rude. When I think about it her expression was rather unusual - a combination of curiousity mixed with a hint of shock or surprise and she even looked back as if to make sure of something.
Yesterday evening after a really long day I wanted to take a little trip with Salvia, this time the onset of the experience was very mild but I was almost immediately viewing spirits all around with closed eyes. I danced preparing for this trip just to see if they acknowledge my awesome dance moves. Guess what? they do - they were dancing somewhere near the spine re-enacting some of my moves only they were doing so very slowly as if teasing in some way. The spirit like beings were all over around me, we were headed somewhere or more like I was being carried along. Travelling we ended up somewhere nearby and an understanding came rushing to me almost in a flash. She saw me and perhaps recognized me but more importantly I recognized her and remembered meeting her in a previous salvia experience where the others took me locally to someone who lived not too far from me. It was the same woman I encountered at the school entrance earlier that day. It seems she has some kind of ability perhaps to see disincarnate spirits which could explain why she had that surprised look as if she had seen a ghost, only this time the ghost was an actual living person. I felt a little invaded somehow, wondering how many others knew about me, how many others are living around me with this kind of ability. I have to admit I was jealous when I realized she had this ability - kept wondering why I don't have that kind of clear open sight. Of course we all have these abilities to a certain degree and clearly some people are more open than others.
This clears another suspicion of mine, another woman that I had met in an older salvia experience also has a physical existence and she lives nearby. Upon realizing all this I open my eyes not wanting to go any deeper. Anyways I do wonder why they took me to her, what was their intention?
A few days ago, I think it was tuesday I decided to use up some of the remainder salvia from an old batch. I almost forgot what it tasted like - but the flutterring around peripheral vision expanded and visual changed and my eyes completely changed, the outer visuals were a reflection of the actual change of the sight. I was viewing things the way they really were. My mouth surprisingly heavy and full on such a small amount of the leaf. As I continued chewing I knew I had enough but there was so much left - didn't want to waste so I put a little more in my mouth. To do so was an insult, I was offending some 'thing' so I spat out fast and arranged the mug and jar with its contents on bedside table with awareness of lingering presence. Resting on my back, eyes finally closed beings flooded inside physical organism. They were travelling far down and it seemed their destination was the sexual organ or root chakra. So many things were happening too rapidly for me to accurately relay in the order that the events took place. There were many familial incidents and issues that were surfacing, my behaviour pattern was becoming more apparent and I recognized the greed and selfishness I have been living in for the past few months - they all knew my every fault and error and I wished to correct these faults.
The body was pulling apart, each component revealing itself as living individual beings that form what I know as the physical body. It's always at the moment that I should remain still and quiet I end up moving - the world that I knew everything and every detail contained within it was ending and revealing a complex indescribable reality, open eyes not wanting to go too far holding onto the physical world desperately seeking the physical life once again. It was hard coming back, almost like going through a battlefield. I struggled with the physical eyes, I think it was worse for the beings that compose the physical surrounding. To my right a being who formed the pink salt lamp on my bedside table molded back into it all the while staring directly at me - the whole melding into it seemed painful. In some way I felt bad for coming back and apologized to the beings. I thought about all the things I like about this reality and lately chocolate has been on my mind as well as melting in my mouth. I worded out 'chocolate' to them and how yummy it is even though it's not real. I wanted to grab my smartphone and visit a web page with the buddha teachings, as I held the phone my spine buzzed and I felt the connection between the human physical organism and electric powered device one that I can't describe properly right now. I look at the last page viewed which on the small screen filled with the title 'The Coming into Being of Worlds' - how appropriate. The screen as well as the words on it pulsed and waved. The nagging buzz made me put the phone down and buzzing subsided.
My eyes were doing something - all the cords connected to the eyeballs were burning and fizzing, this happened for quite a long time and I think had to do with the whole coming back too suddenly. Then I felt a light pressure and my body felt like it was going through the motions of sexual intercourse but not happening directly to my physical body, this was elsewhere and I was sharing the experience in some way. I could be wrong about this - it could even be something else but at the time this is what it felt like. I was also very aroused but kept my cool trying to stay in control.
A Clarifying Encounter - this particular inicdent is based on part physical reality incident which will clarify a salvia induced incident
Yesterday I went to collect my niece and nephew from school, I haven't done this in a long time but somehow the events played out so that I end up being in a certain place at a certain time just for a certain encounter. As I approached the school building in the heavy rain under my brolly a woman coming from the opposite end is also making her way to the building entrance. She keeps staring at me, to the point where I'm a little creeped out but more than that annoyed - it was simply rude. When I think about it her expression was rather unusual - a combination of curiousity mixed with a hint of shock or surprise and she even looked back as if to make sure of something.
Yesterday evening after a really long day I wanted to take a little trip with Salvia, this time the onset of the experience was very mild but I was almost immediately viewing spirits all around with closed eyes. I danced preparing for this trip just to see if they acknowledge my awesome dance moves. Guess what? they do - they were dancing somewhere near the spine re-enacting some of my moves only they were doing so very slowly as if teasing in some way. The spirit like beings were all over around me, we were headed somewhere or more like I was being carried along. Travelling we ended up somewhere nearby and an understanding came rushing to me almost in a flash. She saw me and perhaps recognized me but more importantly I recognized her and remembered meeting her in a previous salvia experience where the others took me locally to someone who lived not too far from me. It was the same woman I encountered at the school entrance earlier that day. It seems she has some kind of ability perhaps to see disincarnate spirits which could explain why she had that surprised look as if she had seen a ghost, only this time the ghost was an actual living person. I felt a little invaded somehow, wondering how many others knew about me, how many others are living around me with this kind of ability. I have to admit I was jealous when I realized she had this ability - kept wondering why I don't have that kind of clear open sight. Of course we all have these abilities to a certain degree and clearly some people are more open than others.
This clears another suspicion of mine, another woman that I had met in an older salvia experience also has a physical existence and she lives nearby. Upon realizing all this I open my eyes not wanting to go any deeper. Anyways I do wonder why they took me to her, what was their intention?
Morning Transitions
Yesterday went back to bed around 11am after waking up from a 2-3 hour sleep period. Could not sleep at all, so much crap in my head - thinking excessively about how to plan out the next day and everything escalated into planning things for the rest of this life. Unfortunately these thought patterns were not tiring, it took forever until I just shut my eyes tight.
Eventually entered several states similar to sleep paralysis but things were a little different. I could feel physical eyes had been twisted so that I was viewing things in the room differently so much that I was no longer in my bedroom. There were multitude of beings around me converting into all kinds of pattern creating the entire scenery. I kept getting agitated with them and a few moments I was frightened of what they were capable of. I knew there was a source, something that was causing this, something that had control over my external environment. After moments of panicking trying to unlock my eyes there were moments of sexual arousal beyond my control, base of tailbone pulsing followed by a pumping pressure. Soon enough things were almost returning to normal and I managed to turn around on my back, feeling so drunk and out of it managed to just crash into a really deep sleep which was broken earlier than it should have.
Upon reflection on this experience I realize that I was startled by the whole event which may be the reason I was afraid of the others. It was very unexpected and the fact the others were too visible and very in my face didn't help much with fear levels. So perhaps I should be more mindful of this and not be so quick to panic.
Eventually entered several states similar to sleep paralysis but things were a little different. I could feel physical eyes had been twisted so that I was viewing things in the room differently so much that I was no longer in my bedroom. There were multitude of beings around me converting into all kinds of pattern creating the entire scenery. I kept getting agitated with them and a few moments I was frightened of what they were capable of. I knew there was a source, something that was causing this, something that had control over my external environment. After moments of panicking trying to unlock my eyes there were moments of sexual arousal beyond my control, base of tailbone pulsing followed by a pumping pressure. Soon enough things were almost returning to normal and I managed to turn around on my back, feeling so drunk and out of it managed to just crash into a really deep sleep which was broken earlier than it should have.
Upon reflection on this experience I realize that I was startled by the whole event which may be the reason I was afraid of the others. It was very unexpected and the fact the others were too visible and very in my face didn't help much with fear levels. So perhaps I should be more mindful of this and not be so quick to panic.
Wednesday, 18 April 2012
Morning Glory - Take 2
After my previous session with morning glory I decided not to ever touch it, ever again! However on Monday I felt so inspired to take it and did so on Tuesday morning.
Within 10 minutes started to feel sick then regretted taking it but it was not as bad as the first time - the taste however was unbearable, had honey prepared and that did not help. Had some rosehip ginger tea prepared to help with the nausea. The 110 seeds were partially crushed before chewing.
I had to lay down to let the physical effects take its course. There were movements much like in Salvia but everything was pulsing much faster and I could feel from the start that it was based more on colour visuals. To my side on the floor I had a carrier bag ready incase I needed to vomit - the bag was breathing and moving as if some kind of entity.
I was feeling very sick, physically tormented but the physical element of this pain was like a mask for a pain that was deep beneath the surface. The physical torture was nothing compared to the agony of empty hearts, and I don't mean the agony of people who are alone or haven't found a partner I mean the complete emptiness of the heart. Time for the waterworks, allowed the crying and emotional outburst to run its course until there were no more tears.
There were incidents where something in the right side on chest was being kneaded and changed my breathing pattern.
Third eye was energetic and pulsing. I relaxed and started seeing the blank screen changing colors, red, blue and green with crystallizing visuals. When I relaxed deeply saw one of the 'others' - male as usual, elderly looking spinning some kind of wheel which is interesting because past few days I have been reading The Avatamsaka Sutra which repeatedly mentions a dharma wheel. This visual did not last long as I could not relax, kept opening my eyes. There were two incidents where I just dozed off only to return to waking consciousness with excessive pulsing in the peripheral visual and body itself, as if each little atom of the body was trying to pull apart.
Again there were some white sparks suddenly flashing. I was considering growing some morning glory, communicating with the plant and then taking the seeds but have decided that I never ever want to touch this stuff again no matter how inspired I feel, this is only for growing pretty flowers.
I have a batch of Salvia which I will finish off but the time has come or actually is way over due for me to get off these entheogens and focus solely on meditation and really just simplify all aspects of life right now.
Within 10 minutes started to feel sick then regretted taking it but it was not as bad as the first time - the taste however was unbearable, had honey prepared and that did not help. Had some rosehip ginger tea prepared to help with the nausea. The 110 seeds were partially crushed before chewing.
I had to lay down to let the physical effects take its course. There were movements much like in Salvia but everything was pulsing much faster and I could feel from the start that it was based more on colour visuals. To my side on the floor I had a carrier bag ready incase I needed to vomit - the bag was breathing and moving as if some kind of entity.
I was feeling very sick, physically tormented but the physical element of this pain was like a mask for a pain that was deep beneath the surface. The physical torture was nothing compared to the agony of empty hearts, and I don't mean the agony of people who are alone or haven't found a partner I mean the complete emptiness of the heart. Time for the waterworks, allowed the crying and emotional outburst to run its course until there were no more tears.
There were incidents where something in the right side on chest was being kneaded and changed my breathing pattern.
Third eye was energetic and pulsing. I relaxed and started seeing the blank screen changing colors, red, blue and green with crystallizing visuals. When I relaxed deeply saw one of the 'others' - male as usual, elderly looking spinning some kind of wheel which is interesting because past few days I have been reading The Avatamsaka Sutra which repeatedly mentions a dharma wheel. This visual did not last long as I could not relax, kept opening my eyes. There were two incidents where I just dozed off only to return to waking consciousness with excessive pulsing in the peripheral visual and body itself, as if each little atom of the body was trying to pull apart.
Again there were some white sparks suddenly flashing. I was considering growing some morning glory, communicating with the plant and then taking the seeds but have decided that I never ever want to touch this stuff again no matter how inspired I feel, this is only for growing pretty flowers.
I have a batch of Salvia which I will finish off but the time has come or actually is way over due for me to get off these entheogens and focus solely on meditation and really just simplify all aspects of life right now.
Saturday, 14 April 2012
Sweet Song explains Misery
Last night I was quite miserable, feeling lonely on a planet filled with 7 billion people. The feelings just came suddenly without pondering how alone I really was. And now even though I see faces everywhere and I know that this entire universe is made of combination of all kinds of living entities I feel even lonelier.
I pretty much cried to sleep unable to even recall the incident.
Woke at 3ish am completing a few chores, back to bed falling asleep I at some stage heard a light snore perhaps heavy breathing. Then I knew body was asleep but felt very much awake with new body. I was located in my room or a room somehwere and then heard the song 'Ishq Bina' and was excited. It was incredible because I was humming to the same song only 3 days ago I don't think I even selected the song it just came to my mind all of a sudden. Then hearing it this morning and then trying to remember all the words and translating them it seems that the message arrived with excellent timing.
I pretty much cried to sleep unable to even recall the incident.
Woke at 3ish am completing a few chores, back to bed falling asleep I at some stage heard a light snore perhaps heavy breathing. Then I knew body was asleep but felt very much awake with new body. I was located in my room or a room somehwere and then heard the song 'Ishq Bina' and was excited. It was incredible because I was humming to the same song only 3 days ago I don't think I even selected the song it just came to my mind all of a sudden. Then hearing it this morning and then trying to remember all the words and translating them it seems that the message arrived with excellent timing.
Vivid Dreams
The Silent Captor
For a few nights have had some interesting dreams so far I can only recall this one.
I see an actress from the TV show Bones loading a gun whilst sitting waiting on the bed. Across the room a masked man is tiptoeing towards her. He captures her and does this to two other men until they are all seated at a table. The younger man looks up startled and as he does a light seems to be shining over him - as I observe more closely I realize he is looking at me - light gets brighter and dream ends.
For a few nights have had some interesting dreams so far I can only recall this one.
I see an actress from the TV show Bones loading a gun whilst sitting waiting on the bed. Across the room a masked man is tiptoeing towards her. He captures her and does this to two other men until they are all seated at a table. The younger man looks up startled and as he does a light seems to be shining over him - as I observe more closely I realize he is looking at me - light gets brighter and dream ends.
Tuesday, 3 April 2012
General Update
Extraordinary phenomenas are becoming extra ordinary, so much that I barely take note of these incidents.
As I wrote in my previous post I do not get interrupted in the middle of sleep anymore which really is a good thing but only downside being that I don't get that many opportunities to project and broken sleep had helped in the past, then again I really haven't been bothered - too preoccupied.
However upon waking up in the mornings there is that same energy all around vibrating, pulsating and moving and it is at these moments or when I am relaxing that the energy is intense. This energy vibe goes on 24 hours and is right now fluttering in peripheral vision and if I stay still for a while it amplifies.
Haven't meditated for like ever. It feels impossible I don't know if it is because I just have too much going on right now but I hope to start adding in some time for meditation.
Haven't dared touch Salvia for some time and the thought of doing a session had crossed my mind 2 or 3 times, the timing did not feel right.
Lately I have needed to seriously loosen the physical body and have been dancing a lot - got to a point where if I didn't dance I would become so miserable, and the thought of dancing lifted up my mood as well as some chocolate. Sometimes in the middle of dancing I would pause and remain still where I allow some of the involuntary movements - the body would move as if still dancing but not under my control - something else is definitely controlling these movements, the parts of the body? souls/spirits? energies? honestly I am clueless in this regard however I don't mind it at all - in fact I know I have to do this 'allow 'it' to move the body' as often as I can almost like I have to let it run it's course.
As I wrote in my previous post I do not get interrupted in the middle of sleep anymore which really is a good thing but only downside being that I don't get that many opportunities to project and broken sleep had helped in the past, then again I really haven't been bothered - too preoccupied.
However upon waking up in the mornings there is that same energy all around vibrating, pulsating and moving and it is at these moments or when I am relaxing that the energy is intense. This energy vibe goes on 24 hours and is right now fluttering in peripheral vision and if I stay still for a while it amplifies.
Haven't meditated for like ever. It feels impossible I don't know if it is because I just have too much going on right now but I hope to start adding in some time for meditation.
Haven't dared touch Salvia for some time and the thought of doing a session had crossed my mind 2 or 3 times, the timing did not feel right.
Lately I have needed to seriously loosen the physical body and have been dancing a lot - got to a point where if I didn't dance I would become so miserable, and the thought of dancing lifted up my mood as well as some chocolate. Sometimes in the middle of dancing I would pause and remain still where I allow some of the involuntary movements - the body would move as if still dancing but not under my control - something else is definitely controlling these movements, the parts of the body? souls/spirits? energies? honestly I am clueless in this regard however I don't mind it at all - in fact I know I have to do this 'allow 'it' to move the body' as often as I can almost like I have to let it run it's course.
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