Thought Construction

Last night at 7:30pm chewed quids - just 2 left.

Fell asleep desperately seeking to escape it all - physical life and everything, feeling so depressed.

Middle of sleep awakened to find the window and blinds have been converted forming a Being - moment of clarity.

I knew then at that moment beings, entities, light beings are constructed by thought.

But who thought it into Being? Who converted my blinds and window into that being? I don't recall doing it - unless I was unconscious at the time.

Soul Romance - The Beloved

Last night at 12:35am it was so peaceful, chewed 2 quids and went there or perception of them opened - I saw other souls perhaps connected to neighbouring people.

I noticed these Souls were masculine and got this feeling that my soul too was masculine but I'm not certain, I could be completely wrong as I have been many times before. As far as I can say for now is that these particular lot were male. Also a majority of the faces that I see (pasted on walls, floors, trees etc are male.

They're doing some physical works to the body - pinching nerves - squeezing digestive and endocrine system - painful but I know I can take it, still a few moments I told them about the pain so that maybe they'd be a little more gentle.

Clear visual perception dimmed so I chewed the other 2 but quickly. Glimpses of them and just a sense - I knew the Soul part was active within me - litterally wrapping itself around me.

At 4am I was still awake but wanted to sleep - people in external chatting got me angry - I started hitting the pillow and was in a rage - started to shake my head and witnessed a blob of flashing light, a brilliant white light, so crystal clear even if it just lasted that nano second.

Sexual arousal incredibly strong but I relate it to Soul, Soul was the Beloved? I feel so utterly and insanely in love.

Eventually fall asleep - wake at 7am but try to get more sleep.

So many dreams of Soul communicating, lessons and teachings of the Soul. Told me to look up ceiling and I saw the faces clearly - Soul trying to tell me that it's suppose to be that easy even in physical environment?

It told me many other things of which I cannot recall or perhaps I couldn't comprehend as the communication was non-verbal.

There are doubts - what if I'm being tricked? what if they're just playing with me? I got the sense a few times Soul was perceiving through me, looking out with these physical eyes I am using right now. Level of trust far greater than the doubts.

Kundalini Moves

Ever since Salvia has exploded open this whole other world, my awareness of it has remained open in my waking hours. I could feel the energy move and one way to describe the movement is that similar to a child playing with a doll - in this case I'm the doll.

A few times whilst standing up breathed, relaxed and let go and it, they, kundalini not sure how to refer to it anymore moved me. Usually a swaying movement tipping left and right, a few times I tried to let go fully realizing that I would lose balance and fall.

It seems like they are trying to make me fall over - to fall flat down, luckily I have enough control over it but no idea what their intentions are.

I should mention a few days ago some lump has developed on the right side of my neck - at first I was concerned thinking it may be a tumor. It was so hard thought maybe my bone popped out, when I press it there's pain.
Yesterday relaxed to see what they will do. My head moved leaning towards the right with rest of the body still then it moved to the left and as it stretched that lump really hurt. Then head forward and back. As neck stretched I was reminded of the 5 tibetans and realized they're loosening something within the body and no doubt this is something that carries on in my sleep and could explain the reason for the broken sleep. Then my whole body swayed within this energy and I could feel it like a living pulsing bubble wrapped around me.

It's Alive!

Early morning, still dark outside I awakened and consciousness housed in everything I was viewing. The view was completely alive. I had this sense that what I was viewing as what was outside, this same everything was inside me.

Salvia Understanding

Yesterday afternoon used salvia - chewed first quid for really long time, used cotton wool to block ears from external noise. Chewed the little bits, looked to right side of wall saw a little person made of shadow and light, felt the lingering presence. I knew if I put another quid in my mouth it would be an insult. I was annoyed because during the chewing process I think my sister knocked on my door or it could be I was hearing sounds from other physcial locations.

There is this fluttering in the corner of my eyes which is constant even in the day time and I wonder is Salvia still in my system - doubt it, maybe it has just opened up something. The fluttering increased rapidly during the chewing process and suddenly I know what is happening - what the fluttering means. I could slip into those states, possibly without warning even without taking Salvia in the most unexpected and maybe unwanted moments.

The transition with Salvia has changed to such a degree that in each transition the creases are smoothed a little more.

Put bowl aside and relaxed.

Went to other places whilst still retaining my human identity consciousness. Got to a stage where I am hearing thoughts - they're doing something deep in the brain, shutting off areas. I know the centre that formulates or stores language was being played with - it almost felt like they were teasing me, when certain words would come out funny. Shit! So, this is how certain people lose ability to speak coherently. I knew it could happen to me, it wasn't paranoia as my thoughts were coming out garbled and though what I wanted to say made sense to me if someone else were to hear me they'd be confused.

Several times I was going deep, I wanted to go deeper but I kept feeling like someone in physical was calling me, maybe my sister so I take the cotton wool out whilst still going deep - external noise irritating me. It felt like other souls were holding me back.

Chewed remaining three quids.

There was a mixture of irritation and anger. The souls or human counterparts maybe, they're rising and approaching me. There's a dark group as they get closer I feel them inside in the left part of the brain. I feel like they've just put something there, thought maybe it's a tumor or something unpleasant.

I recall at some stage I used my mind in a way that was very powerful, I don't know how to describe it. I would stretch the mind and when I wanted a certain group to move away from me I willed them away - they would slide away. Didn't do it for too long - didn't want them to know.

Yesterday I tried Salvia on a whim without contemplating why or setting intention and the timing was not exactly great. I don't think it was external noise that was getting in the way, I was being too paranoid thinking there might be a physical emergency and I'll be called to it while being in Salvia zone.

Next time I need to chew big quid for long - one quid should be chewed for 8-10 minutes
make sure there are no physical distraction - select times when I would not be disturbed.

I think for me the best times are early mornings - I tried 4am when there was absolute silence the other day and had a brief experience where there was an amazing explosion of full body tingles and then the sexual energy took hold. I think the souls that were involved had the impression my physical body was sleeping.

The best morning time seems to be at around 8am where I have a lot more clarity in the experiences. Night time experiences have been a little difficult most of these I have not written about - the initial stages have made me quite paranoid. I recall once a few street beings had to leave and this made me feel sad, I couldn't bear the thought of them leaving and I knew somehow it was my fault I also felt a commander that was issuing them this order only I couldn't clearly see him the way I saw the beings. Then there was this other order and I felt like they were stripping me of certain physical abilities. I saw this being who was going around the entire neighbourhood and placing a certain type of goggles or glasses over sleeping individuals - I only got scared when they had reached my family members, opened eyes and shocked them. They stopped and approached me. I think not understanding what they were doing made me paranoid. There's still fear of unknown. Now I think those goggles maybe what allows us to dream - don't know for sure. Anyways, after they noticed me there was a huge crowd gathered around me, attention from all over and I felt over exposed. Each group of beings waiting for me to open my eyes.

Now I know what I have to do is completely let go, no matter what they do or what irrational thoughts plague the mind I have to let go. Observe and be passive without getting caught in the drama and this means letting go of all fear. In my next session I have to make sure that I do not open my eyes, when the perception closes it is best to meditate for a while or simply let the body fall asleep.

Salvia Mind Stretch and Second Self

Aware of Second Self/ Soul - can ask it for guidance or help, can ask anything. Second Self should be Primary Self.

Speaking to other Second Selves through my Second Self.

Second Self always with me.

Love connection.

Unwanted group approaching, stretch my mind sending them away from me. Did not simply think 'go away' - the unwanted a part of the field of Self. Suppose you don't want your arm too close by your side - you stretch and you move it but it's still there - you've just distanced yourself from it. That's exactly what I did to them in the mind.

We are a part of someone - a woman? a man? a God? All I know is that we were on the edge as if a part of everything.

Sun light - the rays formed light beings - they feel angelic, but I know it's from the rays of the sun - they have a godly feel and now I can see for myself how people see these beings in such reverence - it's due to the light.

The other beings curious about me as usual - always feel like I'm meeting new groups.

Salvia Abundance

Recieved my new order of Salvia dried leaves and was surprised to find twice the amount I actually ordered. I ordered so much as it is that the extra I've recieved will last a really long time unless I over do it.

A sign that I need to explore more with this? I got this strange feeling as I pulled out the extra packages that somehow they were behind this, the others that I've been seeing in Salvia induced states. I think that feeling was there more due to logical reasoning because I've journeyed with them inside other minds where they were controlling thoughts.

Still trying to define them knowing that no word seems to fit.