Had a session with Salvia this evening. My day started pretty well - I was doing my studies decided to put it off and focus on eco village plan for which I sat in front of the computer for almost eight hours just immersed in ideas. I ate fine, mostly chomping on raw food meals. Finally I ate a banavococo pudding, yep I just made that up (banana avocado coconut and coco powder whipped in a blender). In the process of making the pudding, happy that there's a real raw treat out there that is much better than conventional sugar laced junk. There it was sitting on the worktop, two large boxes of jammy doughnuts. The day before I was having uncontrollable cravings for the white stuff (bad carbs). The doughnuts certainly triggered my cravings to a point where I thought 'Ah well, 1 doughnut won't kill me'.
Throughout the day something was definitely disturbing me so much that I was seeking out all kinds of crap to chomp on. After almost two years I suddenly found myself wanting to uncontrollably binge on junk food and even the raw pistachios were not 'satisfying' my crazy taste buds.
Fast forward to the evening. Feeling so frustrated I got the urge to try and understand it through Salvia. House was fairly quiet, soaked a lot of leaves. During soaking process I got my evo village plan book out, it's a massive book. Opened it up thinking if I browse through it the Salvia experience and those energies will focus on this area of my life. I really wanted this session to be about the eco village. Going through the plans makes me happy and excited so much that I didn't want to carry on with the Salvia but since it was soaked...
The leaves were really tough to chew but hardly bitter. Eventually mouth felt numb flesh took on a rubbery feel everything about the physical was intense and toy like. Looking on the wall at light fractions the faces/energy beings were not as visible and intense as those earlier days. I feel like something has changed since then. The body energies start moving. Close eyes and I can see some of them hovering. Going deeper there was a point where I totally understood once again what Krishnamurti meant by emptiness. Something happened or more like something 'is' that I can't explain. All I can say is I knew that everything around me 'was' or 'is' because of the focus - see I just made absolutely no sense there. The people around me, the problems and concerns, joys and pleasure were all in existent when the 'focus' was there but they have no actual existent.
Eventually there was an energy I recognized, they looked to be on the outside, but really they were inside the stomach and they were the ones behind the craving - it was the jammy doughnut, the little bits of energy beings that made it up. The energy processes that made up the internal organs were up to something. I could feel them splitting and moving about as if they were trying to say 'You know what, we don't need to be a stomach or the kidneys right now.' I was intrigued and out of curiosity I wanted to eat more doughnuts whilst I was under the effects of Salvia. Physical movement was jittery and there was that familiar feeling of being in a movie that was being fast forwarded, not the actual movie but my perception and the physical movements. Downstairs in the kitchen my brother was telling me something, I was in no condition to have a conversation with anyone during that moment. Grabbed two jammy doughnuts flying back up the stairs into my room. Naked I sat on the bed, looked at arms and hands some beings visible. Something was moving near the thighs and near sensitive areas - it was painful and annoying - felt like they were moving and commanded them to stop then just decided to ignore it.
My focus was on the doughnut. I took two small bites, then shoved it in my mouth and then with one big khab the jam oozed in my mouth with an explosion of flavours I had never experienced my entire life. The second doughnut was just as delightful but perhaps it can never be repeated twice with precision. On the second I noticed the beings formed by jam part spread out onto the white doughy part.
I also have this craving for chilli lately, had to put some hot naga in my veg soup to get over it.
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