From Tuesday my mood has been very sour, complex emotions and just plain debilitating. The incident left me angry to grieving to I don't know what. It was just plain disturbing, losing sleep even felt quite dizzy and sick yesterday - stopped eating for 2 days.
The incident constantly escalating in my mind - it was almost enough to make me want to get away from this kind of life and the people I'm around.
I recall at some point with all the hurt feelings that the pain escalated to the presence, the warmth and radiation which I once felt from something that personifies a Father figure. I cried and realized that was the hidden pain in all my pains - I asked how it could refuse me and I remembered the other beings who supported that presence and made me return to the stage.
Angry at their rejection of me by Wednesday afternoon I really needed to seriously understand what was going on and decided it was time to get the Salvia out. By the time I drained the re-hydrated leaves it was such a small amount I didn't expect anything from it. As I was going through the effects of the plant the issues were running in my mind but I was still much calmer. The beings opened up in a different way I can't describe it. Awareness and perception were different, a presence was there but it was not like the other presence I have felt previously - something different about it. I had to be very careful with my anger which was brewing a storm.
Something major was occurring in the nostrils - almost like the breath of life was detaching from the body via the nose. It was an odd sensation and there was no breathing yet the body was still functioning on a different level.
There was an understanding regarding a particular section of one of the Upanishads - spoken of a specific person that if he should think or say your head to fall off it will. My anger was tamed, I wished no harm on the people who have hurt me. The energies of my family members were present. It was raining outside and via some perception I could observe the beings/ energies causing drip drop sounds - it was musical. Amazing, I saw them beating to it and listening very intently it was soothing. I knew I could put in a particular kind of melody and they would create it with the droplets its just about building a rapport with them. I can perceive their dancing, it was wonderful. Wow, something else I can reveal to others. I kept thinking how I will reveal it to others, and the music is not only in rain droplets - in the wind, the howling and thunders music is everywhere. One has to be really silent and open to hear it.
Right now leaving this life behind away from people I don't get along with anymore nor the social structure is an option - I can do it, nothing really stopping me and then a part of me wishes to remain and finish a particular study after which I get an easy job and can save enough to properly plan out a new community like a kins domain mentioned in Ringing Cedar Series. In deep with Salvia though it was revealed to me anything is possible, anything I wish or desire is done. I'm going to listen to natural music more often, especially when it rains sometimes just sit beside the window and listen to the storm.
No comments:
Post a Comment