Salvia After Bad Mood

From Tuesday my mood has been very sour, complex emotions and just plain debilitating. The incident left me angry to grieving to I don't know what. It was just plain disturbing, losing sleep even felt quite dizzy and sick yesterday - stopped eating for 2 days.

The incident constantly escalating in my mind - it was almost enough to make me want to get away from this kind of life and the people I'm around.
I recall at some point with all the hurt feelings that the pain escalated to the presence, the warmth and radiation which I once felt from something that personifies a Father figure. I cried and realized that was the hidden pain in all my pains - I asked how it could refuse me and I remembered the other beings who supported that presence and made me return to the stage.

Angry at their rejection of me by Wednesday afternoon I really needed to seriously understand what was going on and decided it was time to get the Salvia out. By the time I drained the re-hydrated leaves it was such a small amount I didn't expect anything from it. As I was going through the effects of the plant the issues were running in my mind but I was still much calmer. The beings opened up in a different way I can't describe it. Awareness and perception were different, a presence was there but it was not like the other presence I have felt previously - something different about it. I had to be very careful with my anger which was brewing a storm.

Something major was occurring in the nostrils - almost like the breath of life was detaching from the body via the nose. It was an odd sensation and there was no breathing yet the body was still functioning on a different level.

There was an understanding regarding a particular section of one of the Upanishads - spoken of a specific person that if he should think or say your head to fall off it will. My anger was tamed, I wished no harm on the people who have hurt me. The energies of my family members were present. It was raining outside and via some perception I could observe the beings/ energies causing drip drop sounds - it was musical. Amazing, I saw them beating to it and listening very intently it was soothing. I knew I could put in a particular kind of melody and they would create it with the droplets its just about building a rapport with them. I can perceive their dancing, it was wonderful. Wow, something else I can reveal to others. I kept thinking how I will reveal it to others, and the music is not only in rain droplets - in the wind, the howling and thunders music is everywhere. One has to be really silent and open to hear it.

Right now leaving this life behind away from people I don't get along with anymore nor the social structure is an option - I can do it, nothing really stopping me and then a part of me wishes to remain and finish a particular study after which I get an easy job and can save enough to properly plan out a new community like a kins domain mentioned in Ringing Cedar Series. In deep with Salvia though it was revealed to me anything is possible, anything I wish or desire is done. I'm going to listen to natural music more often, especially when it rains sometimes just sit beside the window and listen to the storm.

Die-Off Dreams

I am going through a major parasite die off period once again much like last year. With this experience I've come to understand dreams or should I say nightmares that are just plain whacky and I think are associated with body and mind healing.

As of recently dreams are first of all are being recalled since prior to this I feel there was nothing occurring during sleep time.

Anyways this morning I had an unpleasant dream, where my rage was uncontainable. Just at moment when I woke up my teeth was clenched hard but no pressure. I was concerned thinking I must've chipped my teeth real bad from all that pressure.

It also happens that last night there was a generation of parasites exiting and I think there's no need to share in which direction they left. I have also been super hungry lately constantly eating whatever I could shove in my mouth with great ease, in particular I crave lots of fat. Fortunately not fried fats but raw healthy fats, egg yolks, cheese, pistachios, coconut, ghee(usually this fat is a last resort if there's no other fat). It seems that suddenly overnight my appetite has gone bonkers. Another rather odd symptom is I just want to lay down all day long, being still doing nothing unless my appetite is calling me. All I want to do is not do anything, at least nothing physical. On some occasions I have felt like dancing but it's not how it used to be, can't describe it. Nothing to do with lack of energy, the energy is there it seems it wants to be reserved for something else.

Last night however I had a sudden what I would call 'sleeping spell'. I was falling asleep rather too quickly, head just nodding off. Not due to exhaustion as that would have come on gradually, this was sudden and taking effect instantly.

When I woke up from todays whacky dream, there was that fluttering all around me in the darkness and feeling aroused.

Haven't started the fasting phase just yet.

Wolf-Bird

Dream starts off with me near garden door. Open door sense an animal nearby. See the most beautiful looking wolf staring back. Some fear mounts as I approach it but the wolf seems more afraid of me. I try to call it forward all the while scared, it slows down a little and approaches slowly carefully standing quietly. Face to face I see clearly now that the wolf is part bird with a peculiar beak – very sharp and dangerous looking. This creature, so beautiful yet scary at the same time. I stroke the beak with some bravery. It has formed some kind of attachment to me and this seems to bother me since I am still a little afraid. What in case it suddenly attacks me out of nowhere, animals have been known to suddenly go wild. It acts a lot more gentle and calm but I think perhaps I should just whack its beak – it will get scared and run off. Dream sequence changes, I have a feather that belongs to the wolf-bird – orangish brown tints and fluffy unlike any feather. I show it to friends and tell them about the amazing magical creature I met in the garden.

The Kid Bus Driver

In this dream I'm on a bus- kid driving, ask others do you want a kid to drive you about town. I'm pissed off and get other people to realize the dangers of a kid driving. 

Fading out

Last night I was in a mode of complete appreciation, expressing my gratitude to the universe. I felt peace, harmony and a deep love for all. Somewhere in appreciation I asked the Universe to help me with certain abilities I was aware of in Salvia states - namely projecting into the reality around me. This sudden outburst of joyful gratitude may have also caused the snake dream.

After the snake flames dream around  4ish am I relaxed and soon was aware of AP state. Body rotates counterclockwise to the right side of room in the corner. Body shifts downwards, slight blindness. Remain relaxed and silent. Suddenly I'm floating upwards and there is this sense of looking down. I see the rows of houses that look very toylike. There is the feel of a fading away, electrical glitch like. Each house starts to disappear and I know this is the ending process so that something very new was about to form or take place - the reality that I was seeing was like a computer game simulation. I was calmly waiting for it and recall is little hazy here - after this the only thing I recall is feeling and hearing the breathing in my physical body - surprised that it was still very alert, not quite in sleep mode. There was that orgasm type massage in centre of forehead.

Snake Flames

A snake dream must share. First in the dream I am accompanied by my niece who seems older. She is cooking a meat dish and I remind her that I don't eat meat. She then cooks a big dense pancake and I try to find the words to politely tell her I also do not eat crap. Suddenly a cousin shows up, she wants a dustpan and the scene evolves to me finding a quirky looking tall dustpan that comes with a plastic translucent shield. Her sister then shows up, in the kitchen she places a snake on the stove and starts the fire. I move away afraid of the snake knowing it will come after me.

The snake seems to be taking long to burn off, somehow appears resistant to fire. As the fear mounts that this snake is after me some part of me really wants the snake to hurry up and die. Suddenly snake falls to ground unhurt - I hide quickly. It is going up a flight of stairs where cousin who was handling the snake picks it up to put it back on. It escapes and finds me - fortunately I wake up at this stage. Only a short while later I feel next time to surrender - I know the message of the snake and especially when it is associated with fire is significant in relation to kundalini awakening.

Dreams and Morning Company

In the dream I'm in a forest but think it to be my garden. I see a brown squirrel - in reality I was reading an article yesterday about how the brown squirrel is rare in Britain and the greys are disliked by most gardeners. The squirrel is so adorable, I got closer unlike in reality this squirrel isn't running away. I stroke it gently but manages to squirm away.

Moving along there's a pear tree and my eldest sister is suddenly present. I tell her we should harvest the pears - in reality there's a wild pear tree I walk by often and just yesterday checked that the seasonable food this month are pears. In the dream the pears are unusually large, I grab one realizing it's rotting. Suddenly notice a spider crawling and it gets on my hand. I throw the pear trying to shake of the spider which is a tan colour. It keeps pulling itself up on me through its web. I am lying down on the ground trying to shake it off but it seems persistent.

Have looked into totem symbology and honestly I am not sure if the messages have any significance anymore. It seems any totem can apply to me at any time and correlate with life circumstance.

I woke up from the spider dream relieved at about 4am. When I opened eyes visual of dark shadows around eyes and internal shaking. Empty bladder and an hour later try to fall asleep.

I am suddenly aware of the physical body and feel a thumping in root area which feels like sexual intercourse. I seem to have enough control to not let the sensations overtake me or release the energy. I find myself suddenly conjuring up a song, making up the words in Hindi and perhaps English as well. I was in awe with the song and the melody, creating it in that moment. Dozed off and when I opened eyes felt groggy like I could sleep forever yet there was some sexual arousal still present.