Yesterday I asked that being, presence ( still not sure what to call it ) to come through in the dreams.
The dream was incredibly vivid, very life like. There is a girl in red with her parents near a cliff. The girl is at the edge, she says 'Daddy I'm gonna jump'.
She jumps, her parents in shock looking down stretching arms down trying or hoping they can save her. The girl is floating with the pull of the wind much like a leaf. She hangs on to the rocky parts. Her movements are swift. As I watch this I think 'What a clever little girl'. I'm astounded how carefully she holds onto the rocks, moving along swiftly without fear. She finally sits in a small cave area waiting for her parents to get to her, when they finally do I notice above this cave are other cave with pointed icicle shaped rocks hanging down. Danger was imminent. But deep behind the icicles, hiding and lurking in the dark was what I percieved as a serial killer. I woke up, brain vibrating, physically actually shaking about inside. My body was lifted or it was doing something but being aware of it it was put back to a normal position.
Something was definitely occuring within the body, not sure what. At first glance the dream seems to be saying 'there's something sinister lurking in the dark'. However not sure the dream has any significance, could have simply been placed there to initiate fear response.
I am however more concerned about the effect this is all taking on the physical body, I think that at the moment that these vivid fear inducing dreams take place something happens to the physical body, either it reacts or is cleansing something deeper?
I have asked questions regarding the dream and answers are confusing - head swaying, rotating or stretching back - so no straight forward yes or no.
Wednesday, 3 October 2012
Open for Communication
Monday afternoon I sat down in front of the mirror allowing the swaying of the head and other involuntary movements. A thought occured 'Why don't I try to question this movement?'
As I thought this body was silencing. I asked whatever presence was there whether it was open to communication, there was a nod in the affirmative. It was very slow almost as if 'it' was trying to be as gentle as possible. I continued asking yes and no questions. The following questions were not asked in the order that they are written and not all questions are included.
Are you good? Yes
Are you evil? No
Are you within the body? Head spins
Do you have control over the body? Yes
Do you have complete control over the body? No
Have you always been here? No
Are you a discarnate spirit? Yes
Do you have good intentions? Yes
Are you beloved? Yes
Are you male?Yes
Are you female? No
In what country did you have your physical existence? (skimming around continents until nodded in affirmative for somewhere in South Asia.
Are the physical movements part of a healing process? Yes
Are you telling me what I want to hear? No
Can I write about you on my blog? No - this question was asked several times until finally I got a yes.
Sensing some confusions over some answers I asked if there were more than one - the answer was yes.
Briefly when I sat quiet with no questions, my head was leaning forward ever so slowly and carefully watching over the chair looking down at the carpet. It felt like whatever this was was getting comfortable.
Can you see through the physical eyes? Yes
Can I trust you? Yes
Can you manipulate my dreams and come through them? Yes
Sitting there asking so many questions I felt this being knew too much about me and also I gathered that it liked all that I liked and disliked all that I disliked, what if I was simply talking to myself, or some unconscious part that had awakened.
Are you me? Head spins - and for other questions the head would rotate a new response - not yet certain. It could mean 'I don't know', 'I can't say' or still simply gathering answer.
Are you aware of Him ( referring to that most powerful dangerous presence in whose embrace in one incident I almost completely dissolved physical reality and was so close to something far beyond unknown ) ? Yes
Do you know Him? I can't recall the answer
Did He send you? No
Is He here? No - this answer confused me as I expected a yes
Each time that I thought of The Presence and even now as I relay this , eyes swell up with tears and a massive knot forms in the throat.
Left cheek muscles would tingle and there were some pressure there and sense of being touched was there. I asked if it wanted to play and got a yes.
I stopped session and went downstairs for a bit where my brothers annoying cat would go on meowing as she always does. In the bathroom I asked whether 'it' liked the cat, got a 'no' to which I replied 'Good, coz neither do I, but of course you already knew that.'
Do you know the nature of reality? Yes
Can you share it with me? Head Spin
My questions seem unimportant, completely irrelevant.
At times my head would go back bending my neck, an indication to lie down. Tried meditating but I simply end up getting lost in an array of thoughts or if I'm lucky brief few minutes nap which are more like blanking out for brief moments.
Night times have been pretty difficult for me lately and I gather what is occuring at this stage is parasite die off - extreme amounts of pinworm exit I mean it is like something out of a horror movie. I am almost completely certain this is a die off and other things are coming out (sorry for being too graphic), as in the past I have had pinworm symptoms ( itchiness, chronic fatigue, mood swings etc) just had no idea that I had pinworms. Sometimes the moodiness had heightened lately but in general I do not get tired however most times I just don't feel like doing anything - doing nothing feels peaceful for the body at times. Also I get drawn to specific types of food, recently I was drawn to papaya started reading about the fruit and found that it is cleansing so started taking fruit and seeds for 5 days and on first day I saw some red tomato skin looking things come out but have not eaten tomatoes in ages - I read that it could be liver flukes.
As for personality, it would seem I am a host to all kinds of parasites as well as all kinds of qualities but lately I have been changing in ways that as I observe how I am and compare to how I was one would think my power chakra was overactive. Already I have been called bossy since this change and I have even noticed I can be controlling. I've dialled it down a bit, not getting too involved with others since that is when problems arise. It feels that those around me were attached to me through metaphoric chains and everytime they tug, it causes me harm - seeing this I snapped each chain off. I only seem to have one mantra now 'Me, me, me, me' or 'I, I, I' depending on whatever I'm in the mood for. I never take shit from others as I once did, and previously I would be concerned with others wellbeing guiding them, trying to help especially those around me and now...
I have been thinking that there is one word that can describe every quality that makes up what one might call my personality or my character: carefree.
As I thought this body was silencing. I asked whatever presence was there whether it was open to communication, there was a nod in the affirmative. It was very slow almost as if 'it' was trying to be as gentle as possible. I continued asking yes and no questions. The following questions were not asked in the order that they are written and not all questions are included.
Are you good? Yes
Are you evil? No
Are you within the body? Head spins
Do you have control over the body? Yes
Do you have complete control over the body? No
Have you always been here? No
Are you a discarnate spirit? Yes
Do you have good intentions? Yes
Are you beloved? Yes
Are you male?Yes
Are you female? No
In what country did you have your physical existence? (skimming around continents until nodded in affirmative for somewhere in South Asia.
Are the physical movements part of a healing process? Yes
Are you telling me what I want to hear? No
Can I write about you on my blog? No - this question was asked several times until finally I got a yes.
Sensing some confusions over some answers I asked if there were more than one - the answer was yes.
Briefly when I sat quiet with no questions, my head was leaning forward ever so slowly and carefully watching over the chair looking down at the carpet. It felt like whatever this was was getting comfortable.
Can you see through the physical eyes? Yes
Can I trust you? Yes
Can you manipulate my dreams and come through them? Yes
Sitting there asking so many questions I felt this being knew too much about me and also I gathered that it liked all that I liked and disliked all that I disliked, what if I was simply talking to myself, or some unconscious part that had awakened.
Are you me? Head spins - and for other questions the head would rotate a new response - not yet certain. It could mean 'I don't know', 'I can't say' or still simply gathering answer.
Are you aware of Him ( referring to that most powerful dangerous presence in whose embrace in one incident I almost completely dissolved physical reality and was so close to something far beyond unknown ) ? Yes
Do you know Him? I can't recall the answer
Did He send you? No
Is He here? No - this answer confused me as I expected a yes
Each time that I thought of The Presence and even now as I relay this , eyes swell up with tears and a massive knot forms in the throat.
Left cheek muscles would tingle and there were some pressure there and sense of being touched was there. I asked if it wanted to play and got a yes.
I stopped session and went downstairs for a bit where my brothers annoying cat would go on meowing as she always does. In the bathroom I asked whether 'it' liked the cat, got a 'no' to which I replied 'Good, coz neither do I, but of course you already knew that.'
Do you know the nature of reality? Yes
Can you share it with me? Head Spin
My questions seem unimportant, completely irrelevant.
At times my head would go back bending my neck, an indication to lie down. Tried meditating but I simply end up getting lost in an array of thoughts or if I'm lucky brief few minutes nap which are more like blanking out for brief moments.
Night times have been pretty difficult for me lately and I gather what is occuring at this stage is parasite die off - extreme amounts of pinworm exit I mean it is like something out of a horror movie. I am almost completely certain this is a die off and other things are coming out (sorry for being too graphic), as in the past I have had pinworm symptoms ( itchiness, chronic fatigue, mood swings etc) just had no idea that I had pinworms. Sometimes the moodiness had heightened lately but in general I do not get tired however most times I just don't feel like doing anything - doing nothing feels peaceful for the body at times. Also I get drawn to specific types of food, recently I was drawn to papaya started reading about the fruit and found that it is cleansing so started taking fruit and seeds for 5 days and on first day I saw some red tomato skin looking things come out but have not eaten tomatoes in ages - I read that it could be liver flukes.
As for personality, it would seem I am a host to all kinds of parasites as well as all kinds of qualities but lately I have been changing in ways that as I observe how I am and compare to how I was one would think my power chakra was overactive. Already I have been called bossy since this change and I have even noticed I can be controlling. I've dialled it down a bit, not getting too involved with others since that is when problems arise. It feels that those around me were attached to me through metaphoric chains and everytime they tug, it causes me harm - seeing this I snapped each chain off. I only seem to have one mantra now 'Me, me, me, me' or 'I, I, I' depending on whatever I'm in the mood for. I never take shit from others as I once did, and previously I would be concerned with others wellbeing guiding them, trying to help especially those around me and now...
I have been thinking that there is one word that can describe every quality that makes up what one might call my personality or my character: carefree.
Recent Salvia Sessions
Sunday night at about 11 chewed on small amount of Salvia. This batch was less bitter. There was a transition but not as smooth as others, not much fluttering. The body still took on the feeling of plasticity, as though it were a toy thing. Perception of others open but dim, hard to percieve with clarity, felt like something or someone was deliberately making things hazy. Parts of body seperating curling. Too tired, just wanted to sleep.
Monday morning at around 10ish am chewed a bit more Salvia than night before. Again less bitter but still unpleasant tasting, transition different to other transitions, no fluttering instant sudden changing. Feel like this batch may not be as potent as previous Salvias or there is something else going on within the body that is not allowing clearer open perception. Others of physical organism present again doing something to the body - perception too hazy. However the knowings or insights are present, there is this absolute feeling of complete power and ability to do anything, to create anything. However being aware of the whole make up of material matter one looses all sense all need to do anything - it is almost as if wanting something, wishing to change something were desires born out of fear and ultimately out of ignorance. I have been eating loads of coconut chips lately - yummy. The digestive system was awake, I was aware of the being that made this part up.
Something about these Salvia sessions... they were very short, less vivid and less clarity than in other experiences. Also I did not have that desire to use this plant as I once did, it seems as though I am slowly losing the need for it. I have about 30 or so grams left which I will finish throughout the next few months taking only in intervals.
That day an unexpected thing did occur as I sat silently in front of the mirror details of which will be included in the next post.
Monday morning at around 10ish am chewed a bit more Salvia than night before. Again less bitter but still unpleasant tasting, transition different to other transitions, no fluttering instant sudden changing. Feel like this batch may not be as potent as previous Salvias or there is something else going on within the body that is not allowing clearer open perception. Others of physical organism present again doing something to the body - perception too hazy. However the knowings or insights are present, there is this absolute feeling of complete power and ability to do anything, to create anything. However being aware of the whole make up of material matter one looses all sense all need to do anything - it is almost as if wanting something, wishing to change something were desires born out of fear and ultimately out of ignorance. I have been eating loads of coconut chips lately - yummy. The digestive system was awake, I was aware of the being that made this part up.
Something about these Salvia sessions... they were very short, less vivid and less clarity than in other experiences. Also I did not have that desire to use this plant as I once did, it seems as though I am slowly losing the need for it. I have about 30 or so grams left which I will finish throughout the next few months taking only in intervals.
That day an unexpected thing did occur as I sat silently in front of the mirror details of which will be included in the next post.
Monday, 17 September 2012
SP experience, Latest Dreams, Body Detox
The Shadow Legs and Morphed Room
Woke up yesterday morning in a somewhat SP kind of state. Suddenly physical legs fly up and connect with shadow black legs. Concerned, I had this feeling of being 'occupied' by another. This other, being or entity was now having any experience I would be having. I was afraid that this other can now control my movement. The feeling is faintly still here as I type. It is not eerie but I just know something is there. After shadow connected with what seemed physical body awareness snapped into room only I knew legs were under duvet so there was no way it sprinted up and I felt perhaps happened was my imagination. It happened one more time and the feeling of a presence nearby was there. Room morphed back and forth.
The Bee /Wasp
This morning had an interesting dream - these interesting dreams are waking me up lately, now I wake around 4-5 am. In the dream I am walking down the stairs and a bee or a wasp lands on my bare leg. My brother is at the bottom of the stairs and I could sense he wants to smack it dead. I raise my arms warning him not to as it would sting me, however I start to sense a sinister vibe coming from him as if his intention is so that it stings me.
I woke up suddenly at 4:30am hearing a loud knock feeling a tad bit scared of the dark. If someone had indeed knocked that loud someone else would also have heard it.
The other day in physical reality I was in the garden and a yellow jacket landed on my leg. It tickled as it started to wriggle its legs. I stood still mostly because I didn't want to scare it, amazed at the little creature and was astonished that I didn't jump or scream, normally these critters scare the life out of me. Perhaps spending time out in nature and in the garden is making me comfortable around any living creatures.
Detox of Body
I think I am having those anxiety issues again, this is the only way that I can translate these phenomenas (eg. loud knocking, lights etc) whereas before when they first occured it was all rather mystical. However now I see clearly that these phenomenas have to do with body detox, the only evidence I have are anecdotes from those who go through raw food diet and eventually have these mystical experiences. Obviously it eventually happens to others who meditate regularly. I have read of an account regarding involuntary movements, will link to it if I find it. This person had meditated regularly, eventually in one meditation the body started to move involuntarily, sometimes swaying and eventually making specific controlled movements. The person was convinced that the body was healing itself. I too am convinced that this physical body is going through the same process. Some inherent ability where the body itself is awake and functions according to the needs of the body. In my case I am still somewhat stressed out and need to relax. I know deep down I cannot do that unless outwardly I make some changes and the changes that I make are very likely to effect others. Krishnamurti gave importance to the inward transformation, and I wonder can I do that whilst living chaotically outwardly as I am now and be in peace and harmony without changing the outward?
Woke up yesterday morning in a somewhat SP kind of state. Suddenly physical legs fly up and connect with shadow black legs. Concerned, I had this feeling of being 'occupied' by another. This other, being or entity was now having any experience I would be having. I was afraid that this other can now control my movement. The feeling is faintly still here as I type. It is not eerie but I just know something is there. After shadow connected with what seemed physical body awareness snapped into room only I knew legs were under duvet so there was no way it sprinted up and I felt perhaps happened was my imagination. It happened one more time and the feeling of a presence nearby was there. Room morphed back and forth.
The Bee /Wasp
This morning had an interesting dream - these interesting dreams are waking me up lately, now I wake around 4-5 am. In the dream I am walking down the stairs and a bee or a wasp lands on my bare leg. My brother is at the bottom of the stairs and I could sense he wants to smack it dead. I raise my arms warning him not to as it would sting me, however I start to sense a sinister vibe coming from him as if his intention is so that it stings me.
I woke up suddenly at 4:30am hearing a loud knock feeling a tad bit scared of the dark. If someone had indeed knocked that loud someone else would also have heard it.
The other day in physical reality I was in the garden and a yellow jacket landed on my leg. It tickled as it started to wriggle its legs. I stood still mostly because I didn't want to scare it, amazed at the little creature and was astonished that I didn't jump or scream, normally these critters scare the life out of me. Perhaps spending time out in nature and in the garden is making me comfortable around any living creatures.
Detox of Body
I think I am having those anxiety issues again, this is the only way that I can translate these phenomenas (eg. loud knocking, lights etc) whereas before when they first occured it was all rather mystical. However now I see clearly that these phenomenas have to do with body detox, the only evidence I have are anecdotes from those who go through raw food diet and eventually have these mystical experiences. Obviously it eventually happens to others who meditate regularly. I have read of an account regarding involuntary movements, will link to it if I find it. This person had meditated regularly, eventually in one meditation the body started to move involuntarily, sometimes swaying and eventually making specific controlled movements. The person was convinced that the body was healing itself. I too am convinced that this physical body is going through the same process. Some inherent ability where the body itself is awake and functions according to the needs of the body. In my case I am still somewhat stressed out and need to relax. I know deep down I cannot do that unless outwardly I make some changes and the changes that I make are very likely to effect others. Krishnamurti gave importance to the inward transformation, and I wonder can I do that whilst living chaotically outwardly as I am now and be in peace and harmony without changing the outward?
Monday, 10 September 2012
Nightmares and Bodily Changes
Family gatherings make me physically and emotionally drained, fortunately it is not as bad as it used to be due to some changes. Generally I don't do too well in a crowded environment. I don't think it has to do with the number of people I am around but the kind of people I am around. I wonder maybe it is that I have become far too sensitive that with this new found sensitivity I am seeing too deeply into others around me and often I allow it to influence certain emotions. Due to recent stress I have given into bad eating habits. I feel this stress may never end - the same stress in a different guise will eventually apear.
For a while I have had copious amounts of pinworms appearing suddenly and according to what I read about detoxing, sudden onset of pinworm activity is often a sign of parasite die off. They also look to be getting weaker. Lately I feel something has been stuck in my throat and many times I have awoken middle of the night feeling as though I choked in my sleep. My sister has told me that last night she heard me snore which is something that stopped for a long time until recently when I actually heard myself snore. Also she heard me chewing as though I were eating make sucking sounds and warned me that maybe I'm doing that 'teeth grinding' thing I do in my sleep but I think it may be something a little different - only the body at this stage knows what its doing. A tooth pains in the back when chewing food which may be from experimenting eating mahonias - bad idea some were too sour and one actually caused a bad reaction I thought my teeth were just about to fall out. The pain is slowly wearing off. Just to be on the safe side I need to start wearing mouth guard.
The body still moves involuntarily and I have given it some more time to carry out the movements. At the moment movement is focused on head region and neck area - sometimes body wants to arch backwards and when the arching is too far back my neck and spine hurt - I never allow the movement to force or push itself to the point where I feel some damage can occur. The head swaying is pleasant and sometimes there is a rush of sensational passionate feelings. Last night before I went to sleep the pressure was on the physical body, there was a throbbing and the entire feeling was of two bodies connecting. Did not let the sexual intensity take over, observed and somehow fell asleep.
Resident Evil Boss Nightmare
Last night I had a dream where I was in a resident evil game, me and another player are killing a boss - the giant boss is walking towards us around a circular platform with slow but long scary strides and I recall pointing the gun at the boss but the damage is minimal. There is a car that at times seems to be circling around us and I get the thought 'I have to shoot the car and cause an explosion as soon as the boss is in close proximity.' Something goes wrong and the burning car is flung at me and the other player and I know it is about to be game over but there's no fear - I know there's gonna be another round. It was at this point I woke up. Still dark out, I felt the time might be 4 or 5 am but it was just after midnight.
Shocking Cat Nightmare
Lately nightmarish dreams are very vivid and I wake from them at this time. In another nightmare I recall being in some kind of maze with walls and ceilings. Felt trapped. My brothers cat is running around this maze, it looked scary and very disturbing almost as if it were electrocuted some kind of grusomeness forming from cat targeting me. I also had someone in my arms, recollection of this is hazy but it was either my eldest sister who was here for the hols or my nephew. I was holding the person trying to soothe and comfort all the while myself suffering the shock from the beastly cat. I had this feeling of being some kind of compartment, that my body was mechanical and it needed to go through a certain mechanical operation and I was dreading it. The two people in the dream whether it was my sister or nephew may be symbolic of stress because that is their current condition in physical waking life.
For a while I have had copious amounts of pinworms appearing suddenly and according to what I read about detoxing, sudden onset of pinworm activity is often a sign of parasite die off. They also look to be getting weaker. Lately I feel something has been stuck in my throat and many times I have awoken middle of the night feeling as though I choked in my sleep. My sister has told me that last night she heard me snore which is something that stopped for a long time until recently when I actually heard myself snore. Also she heard me chewing as though I were eating make sucking sounds and warned me that maybe I'm doing that 'teeth grinding' thing I do in my sleep but I think it may be something a little different - only the body at this stage knows what its doing. A tooth pains in the back when chewing food which may be from experimenting eating mahonias - bad idea some were too sour and one actually caused a bad reaction I thought my teeth were just about to fall out. The pain is slowly wearing off. Just to be on the safe side I need to start wearing mouth guard.
The body still moves involuntarily and I have given it some more time to carry out the movements. At the moment movement is focused on head region and neck area - sometimes body wants to arch backwards and when the arching is too far back my neck and spine hurt - I never allow the movement to force or push itself to the point where I feel some damage can occur. The head swaying is pleasant and sometimes there is a rush of sensational passionate feelings. Last night before I went to sleep the pressure was on the physical body, there was a throbbing and the entire feeling was of two bodies connecting. Did not let the sexual intensity take over, observed and somehow fell asleep.
Resident Evil Boss Nightmare
Last night I had a dream where I was in a resident evil game, me and another player are killing a boss - the giant boss is walking towards us around a circular platform with slow but long scary strides and I recall pointing the gun at the boss but the damage is minimal. There is a car that at times seems to be circling around us and I get the thought 'I have to shoot the car and cause an explosion as soon as the boss is in close proximity.' Something goes wrong and the burning car is flung at me and the other player and I know it is about to be game over but there's no fear - I know there's gonna be another round. It was at this point I woke up. Still dark out, I felt the time might be 4 or 5 am but it was just after midnight.
Shocking Cat Nightmare
Lately nightmarish dreams are very vivid and I wake from them at this time. In another nightmare I recall being in some kind of maze with walls and ceilings. Felt trapped. My brothers cat is running around this maze, it looked scary and very disturbing almost as if it were electrocuted some kind of grusomeness forming from cat targeting me. I also had someone in my arms, recollection of this is hazy but it was either my eldest sister who was here for the hols or my nephew. I was holding the person trying to soothe and comfort all the while myself suffering the shock from the beastly cat. I had this feeling of being some kind of compartment, that my body was mechanical and it needed to go through a certain mechanical operation and I was dreading it. The two people in the dream whether it was my sister or nephew may be symbolic of stress because that is their current condition in physical waking life.
Tuesday, 21 August 2012
Salvia After End of Ramadan Fasting
Used salvia in my mums room last night. It has been a long time since I used this plant, just before I chewed I braced myself for the revolting bitter taste. There was noise in the background - tv and all that on. I left the light on. The body became more plastic and felt toy like, sensation of mouth feeling stiff.
The others presence lingering. Shadow produced by light fixing was generally spiralled with lines strecthing out in hexagonal directions but as I looked now with the changing sight the others moved out of it, they are camouflaging every aspect of the room. I close eyes and awareness is on the body beings, the components that make up body parts.
People living around me and my brothers and sisters, their energy essence or in other words there soul or spirit was there. Almost as if as my physical process was changing there was a shift also in their deeper being. I felt naked, all my physical habits and all that was present revealed as if they have always known how I felt. Some of them I have an aversion towards, actually mostly towards most of them and I do not know why I dislike them so much something I need to figure out. The greed that has been giving me company lately was facing me at certain times tried to avoid it.
New member of the family - sister-in-law's energy pattern emerged during a few intervals.
I sensed the energy being or pattern that belonged to a sister I was not getting along with recently who was sleeping at the moment - she knew how I felt and at that moment it was being revealed to her in dreamtime, I was shocked at this and feeling bad.
Some point I ended in the television playing downstairs and felt to be a part of the movement of the little pretend people on there acting out.
Going deeper, flooding down in the atmosphere - the world as I knew it was ending - down down down down, out out out, everything was being put away. There was music and I felt completely that I was a part of it. Even the people and their non-physical counterparts had no reality. Everything was happening, changing so fast the body was taking on full lightness - I felt so supreme, so powerful - all impossibilities were now possible. Recently I have been skimming around for the perfect boots, desire to complete garden as effectively as I could, skimmed around for a parcel of land - how ridiculous and unnecessary it all seemed at that moment.
As I was swarming in the deepness of this never ending end I resisted. Opened my eyes, the physical eyes were so badly distorted, almost as if there was no such thing as sight. The wardrobe to the right were sort of clumped up together, in front there was another set of wardrobe with glass, on the glass was reflection and this itself was clumped up other forms or beings.
At some point theres some paranoia and I felt so sensitive to the external happenings (sounds sensations etc) I heard glass crack and thought there was a burglary. Some fear mounted, but I think I was more afraid that the others noticed this and were 'working on it'.
Recently sisters mother in law passed away from cancer, she had told me that on her death bed her face distorted so badly it was like something out of The Exorcist movie - I started to understand this phenomena with my own physical changes with Salvia. I looked up brain cancer online earlier yesterday day to see if brain wave sensations were a symptom of cancer. The energies that go into making up the physical body decide the overall health of the body, how silly of me to think it was all down to what the body consumed. Still I could not comprehend how it is I can do all the right things for the body and yet that certain other factor can give me cancer. A group approaching in physical body, I could sense it as a form of cancer with such clarity yet I was not afraid of it almost as if physical death had no relevance. Death is impervious when Truth is revealed. No matter how much I try to explain this Truth, I can't and I wonder if I have even taken it in. It remains in the altered state but once Salvia effects wear off I am pretty much back to square one.
I felt movement in the brain, some pain near throat, an ache in the ear, what I recognized as the thing labeled as cancer was up to something. Some parts of body heating up and there were some sexual sensations.
That day and the day before I was eating so much and I think I may have had some food poisoning. In the Salvia state stomach was churning and doing something to what we know as digestive system. I kept thinking how I want to say something to someone, to anyone 'What would you do if you have discovered something, something that you may not be able to describe or even give to others and yet the moment you are with that discovery all of lifes arrays of miseries, worries and problems seize to exist? How do you share something that indescribable.' I have been reading a lot of jiddu krishnamurti materials and all that only makes sense when under that state and then coming back to the masked camaflouged life I have lost it and only fragmented awareness remains.
And now I wonder how can I even share something that I can't hold onto, a state that lasts momentarily and yet I know I can look into it but how is it that I slip so easily back into the abyss of confusion? In that state I can reveal some aspect but not being in that state is difficult. The only thing I can do now is reveal those others as faces in surrounding environment but that is like a magician showing you a trick but unable to tell you how it's done.
All I can say now is that all the worries, the numerous problems that arise are all illusory - they have no reality but there is something that is real and I know I just barely touched the surface. I see the importance of silence, the mind must be quiet and in that state all thoughts appear to be actual individual entities connected to the stream of all thoughts. In the Salvia state the mind initially is not quiet, but quietening down and in the deep process of the transition from the usual physical state to that other state the many entities are revealed and I am pulled down deeper into that end. Dialling down to the off position, and I am just barely there until some part of me goes 'hold on a minute - I have a physical life and there is something unfinished, need to return.'
The others presence lingering. Shadow produced by light fixing was generally spiralled with lines strecthing out in hexagonal directions but as I looked now with the changing sight the others moved out of it, they are camouflaging every aspect of the room. I close eyes and awareness is on the body beings, the components that make up body parts.
People living around me and my brothers and sisters, their energy essence or in other words there soul or spirit was there. Almost as if as my physical process was changing there was a shift also in their deeper being. I felt naked, all my physical habits and all that was present revealed as if they have always known how I felt. Some of them I have an aversion towards, actually mostly towards most of them and I do not know why I dislike them so much something I need to figure out. The greed that has been giving me company lately was facing me at certain times tried to avoid it.
New member of the family - sister-in-law's energy pattern emerged during a few intervals.
I sensed the energy being or pattern that belonged to a sister I was not getting along with recently who was sleeping at the moment - she knew how I felt and at that moment it was being revealed to her in dreamtime, I was shocked at this and feeling bad.
Some point I ended in the television playing downstairs and felt to be a part of the movement of the little pretend people on there acting out.
Going deeper, flooding down in the atmosphere - the world as I knew it was ending - down down down down, out out out, everything was being put away. There was music and I felt completely that I was a part of it. Even the people and their non-physical counterparts had no reality. Everything was happening, changing so fast the body was taking on full lightness - I felt so supreme, so powerful - all impossibilities were now possible. Recently I have been skimming around for the perfect boots, desire to complete garden as effectively as I could, skimmed around for a parcel of land - how ridiculous and unnecessary it all seemed at that moment.
As I was swarming in the deepness of this never ending end I resisted. Opened my eyes, the physical eyes were so badly distorted, almost as if there was no such thing as sight. The wardrobe to the right were sort of clumped up together, in front there was another set of wardrobe with glass, on the glass was reflection and this itself was clumped up other forms or beings.
At some point theres some paranoia and I felt so sensitive to the external happenings (sounds sensations etc) I heard glass crack and thought there was a burglary. Some fear mounted, but I think I was more afraid that the others noticed this and were 'working on it'.
Recently sisters mother in law passed away from cancer, she had told me that on her death bed her face distorted so badly it was like something out of The Exorcist movie - I started to understand this phenomena with my own physical changes with Salvia. I looked up brain cancer online earlier yesterday day to see if brain wave sensations were a symptom of cancer. The energies that go into making up the physical body decide the overall health of the body, how silly of me to think it was all down to what the body consumed. Still I could not comprehend how it is I can do all the right things for the body and yet that certain other factor can give me cancer. A group approaching in physical body, I could sense it as a form of cancer with such clarity yet I was not afraid of it almost as if physical death had no relevance. Death is impervious when Truth is revealed. No matter how much I try to explain this Truth, I can't and I wonder if I have even taken it in. It remains in the altered state but once Salvia effects wear off I am pretty much back to square one.
I felt movement in the brain, some pain near throat, an ache in the ear, what I recognized as the thing labeled as cancer was up to something. Some parts of body heating up and there were some sexual sensations.
That day and the day before I was eating so much and I think I may have had some food poisoning. In the Salvia state stomach was churning and doing something to what we know as digestive system. I kept thinking how I want to say something to someone, to anyone 'What would you do if you have discovered something, something that you may not be able to describe or even give to others and yet the moment you are with that discovery all of lifes arrays of miseries, worries and problems seize to exist? How do you share something that indescribable.' I have been reading a lot of jiddu krishnamurti materials and all that only makes sense when under that state and then coming back to the masked camaflouged life I have lost it and only fragmented awareness remains.
And now I wonder how can I even share something that I can't hold onto, a state that lasts momentarily and yet I know I can look into it but how is it that I slip so easily back into the abyss of confusion? In that state I can reveal some aspect but not being in that state is difficult. The only thing I can do now is reveal those others as faces in surrounding environment but that is like a magician showing you a trick but unable to tell you how it's done.
All I can say now is that all the worries, the numerous problems that arise are all illusory - they have no reality but there is something that is real and I know I just barely touched the surface. I see the importance of silence, the mind must be quiet and in that state all thoughts appear to be actual individual entities connected to the stream of all thoughts. In the Salvia state the mind initially is not quiet, but quietening down and in the deep process of the transition from the usual physical state to that other state the many entities are revealed and I am pulled down deeper into that end. Dialling down to the off position, and I am just barely there until some part of me goes 'hold on a minute - I have a physical life and there is something unfinished, need to return.'
Thursday, 2 August 2012
Body Energy Movement
From a few days ago I made time for that energy which has some control over bodily movement.
It seems to move with more ease, in fact right now it is spinning my head, unwinding or unlocking neck area joints.
I have and sometimes still do have concern whether I am right about this being an energy or some illness. It is an involuntary movement. Every evidence seems to point in the fact that it is a form of intelligent 'energy' and my guess is it is healing, the whole movement is a detox process. I just need to give it more time. The other day when I did give it more time there was a lot of clicking near neck and back of neck at tip of spine. Sometimes it had moved head back with such force I feared spine snapping.
In the mornings upon waking up I can sense that there was a lot of movement in head region, eyes do that Salvia type fluttering, not the physical eye itself but something within projecting outwards.
I have been reading a lot of Krishnamurti text for some time now. The other day whilst resting in bed I observed thought process and there was some change occurring which I can't fully describe but also could not hold on to, I ended up dozing off and when eyes opened fluttering was much more vigorous.
It seems to move with more ease, in fact right now it is spinning my head, unwinding or unlocking neck area joints.
I have and sometimes still do have concern whether I am right about this being an energy or some illness. It is an involuntary movement. Every evidence seems to point in the fact that it is a form of intelligent 'energy' and my guess is it is healing, the whole movement is a detox process. I just need to give it more time. The other day when I did give it more time there was a lot of clicking near neck and back of neck at tip of spine. Sometimes it had moved head back with such force I feared spine snapping.
In the mornings upon waking up I can sense that there was a lot of movement in head region, eyes do that Salvia type fluttering, not the physical eye itself but something within projecting outwards.
I have been reading a lot of Krishnamurti text for some time now. The other day whilst resting in bed I observed thought process and there was some change occurring which I can't fully describe but also could not hold on to, I ended up dozing off and when eyes opened fluttering was much more vigorous.
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