Sun Dreaming

This morning I had vivid movie type dreams - the kind with intriguing plots.

The memory of the sun dream took some time to come through and then when I remembered it clearly made a mental reminder to write about it here. Occupied throughout the day I almost completely forgot about it until the afternoon when I remembered I needed to write about an important dream. Kept digging in my mind and the mental image of the Suns face appeared.

It was a short dream but in comparison to the other longer dreams it's the best dream I've had in ages, short, simple and to the point. In the dream I was looking at the sun and it appeared to be close enough to burn me, but there were no negative incidents. I stood still realising that I was staring at the face of the sun, an actual being, just like all the creatures of the world the sun had its own independent existence. I don't recall being in awe, it felt so normal to me that the Sun and I can stare at each other.

Ceremonial Cacao

I have been consuming cacao regularly past several months, and I think my recent fatigue symptoms maybe a result of this newly formed addiction.

I also think it may have given me high amounts of energy which I have been releasing through dancing and lots of physical activity. I feel the addiction was formed from emotional problems rather than addictive substances. Most of the times when I'm reaching out for it - it has been triggered by some emotional response. Other times I am craving the taste and the euphoria such taste induces.

I am aware of raw cacao toxicity but have only consumed the roasted cacao powder until last week when I purchased the raw version. Interestingly the raw cacao does not give me that 'high' feeling which roasted gave instantly. However I was consuming it with fat (coconut oil) and sugar (dates, sometimes bananas), I have been eating in small quantities but I think the accumalation is having some effect on me right now. The main effect seems to be a fatigue that comes on suddenly but I'm not sure if this fatigue could be due to egg yolk liver flush since it started after this.

Today I was thinking about the cacao tree that produces the bean. Just like Salvia the Cacao tree has consciousness. I was consuming the powdered bean from the Cacao tree consciouness and everything that the bean had to offer was blending with my consciousness creating a fusion. Looked up cacao online today and came across an interesting blog discussing the spiritual uses of cacao: ceremonial cacao.

I realize I have been abusing cacao and so now currently will stay away from it for a while - until I once again feel the call for some cacao journeying. It has opened my eyes though - to the wide spectrum of thoughts and emotions that I'm harboring. Honestly though, most of the emotions I have been releasing have been great but that is only when I am by myself allowing the high energy thoughts flowing through and they have been just 'wow' - so maybe I have been running after these high thoughts rather than running away from the negative thoughts that seem mostly to be induced by negative circumstances in my life right now. I can't say for sure which one it is, could be both...

Sungazing Inconsistency

I have not been practising consistently mostly due to weather but also because I have not been able to get up early nor have I had the energy - it seems since the start of this week having family over my energy levels have dropped dramatically. My eyes are constantly drooping - this sleepiness is different to any sleepiness I've experienced before. Some kind of deep urge to sleep throughout the day in intervals - when I do sleep or nap and awaken there is major grogginess, do not feel rejuvenated at all. Not sure if this is the body's way of healing but I have a feeling it has something to do with the few days that I have sun gazed.  Also I did 3 egg yolk liver flushes and just the one or two enema and the new sleepy feelings could be due to that.

Have not been going out to the local park where the view of the sunrise is the clearest. At times I'd just do it in the garden only not standing on soil, will have to make an arrangement for this. Other times I am just gazing out the open window from the house (not through glass). It is quite cloudy here, hopefully not for that long. I'm not too fussed about missing days or not doing it exactly as instructed. I think attitude is more important than consistency. This morning I gazed out from the garden, it was cloudy but quite bright, I then went to lie down and relaxed - there was some pineal gland magnetic sensations, pulsing for a while and then I just dozed off for a while.

Did some deep breathing this morning in my room on the chair. As I breathed deeply focusing on the breath reaching head region my head would start bopping until I released the breath. I have noticed breathing in and focusing on different parts of the body causes different kind of involuntary movements.

Need to make an arrangement for sun charged water and start drinking regularly.

Heart Pounding Kisses

Last night as I retired to bed I was beyond sleepy, I rarely sleep in a sleepy state even this late, normally I just end up in bed still too alert to sleep.

I relaxed and started to feel pressure around my mouth which started to move around. Observing the sensations I realized, someone or something was kissing me. Soon enough my heart was pounding and there were mixed emotions flaring up, on the surface the sensations were pleasant but I was a little wary of my nocturnal visitor. What if it was some kind of parasite? I asked it to leave if it had harmful intentions. Being so curious I continued observing trying to keep from falling asleep - in the end sleep took over.

Sun Gaze - Missing Days

This morning I didn't get a chance to sun gaze and meditate - had family over last night and as a result slept late, woke up early but way too groggy to be bothered and the dense clouds were not helping much. Hopefully will catch evening sun, however living in the UK I am aware that there are going to be days with no sun and lots of rain however I won't let that hamper my sun gazing efforts, I can still meditate and continue with other practices as well as get as much early morning fresh air as possible.

Meditation Detox

Meditation is causing some kind of external detoxing that is working deep from within the mental space.  Suddenly people around me are moody to the power of infinity and I feel the huge contrast between my non meditating days to now meditating and only for just 2 days. This I feel could be the reason why I've been having difficulty meditating - I secretly know every crappyness within my space is going to get crappier. Like a healing crisis things get worse before they get better. There are currently a few changes going on in my life right now they are positive but there are still some doubts.

Meditation after morning sungazing

Just before noon I felt the urge to lie down on the bed - body slowly motioned backwards as if signalling to lie down. I also had a realization regarding previous kundalini symptoms. The bright orange and at times bright yellow glowing suns that I had seen in closed eyes were actually the inner suns. Before relaxing I asked the inner sun to appear and I will not be so quick to look away.

Stuff going on deeper in the head, all sorts of body tingles and other very kundalini type symptoms - there was a crawling sensation on my skin and I was certain it was some kind of bug especially since earlier I saw a spider crawling on my hand and even in the park lots of bugs. Obviously there were no bugs and then things were swirling inside the body. I felt pulsing and waves, there was definitely something going on in the forehead. The upper part of spine had that familiar kundalini energy rush up yet it was quick and gentle, thought maybe it was some trapped energy that was finally releasing. There was also that Salvia type effect where faces emerge from the inner fleshy parts of eye.

I went deeper into the meditation ready to completely release all mental occupation to that deep inner peace. At some point I opened eyes staring at the ceiling, green lines pulsing and waving they seemed like veins. Closed eyes again naturally relaxing. There was a gentle breakdown in the mind, sort of stretching outwards into the physical environment yet I was still very much aware of the physical body. I can hear my mums thought with the inner ears (non-physical hearing), she was wondering where I was. A few minutes later she knocks on my door and I have to stop the practice.

Later I tried to continue meditation but ended up falling asleep, there was a lot of visual vibration and inner vibrating upon waking up, feels like it is deep in the flesh.