Meditation after morning sungazing

Just before noon I felt the urge to lie down on the bed - body slowly motioned backwards as if signalling to lie down. I also had a realization regarding previous kundalini symptoms. The bright orange and at times bright yellow glowing suns that I had seen in closed eyes were actually the inner suns. Before relaxing I asked the inner sun to appear and I will not be so quick to look away.

Stuff going on deeper in the head, all sorts of body tingles and other very kundalini type symptoms - there was a crawling sensation on my skin and I was certain it was some kind of bug especially since earlier I saw a spider crawling on my hand and even in the park lots of bugs. Obviously there were no bugs and then things were swirling inside the body. I felt pulsing and waves, there was definitely something going on in the forehead. The upper part of spine had that familiar kundalini energy rush up yet it was quick and gentle, thought maybe it was some trapped energy that was finally releasing. There was also that Salvia type effect where faces emerge from the inner fleshy parts of eye.

I went deeper into the meditation ready to completely release all mental occupation to that deep inner peace. At some point I opened eyes staring at the ceiling, green lines pulsing and waving they seemed like veins. Closed eyes again naturally relaxing. There was a gentle breakdown in the mind, sort of stretching outwards into the physical environment yet I was still very much aware of the physical body. I can hear my mums thought with the inner ears (non-physical hearing), she was wondering where I was. A few minutes later she knocks on my door and I have to stop the practice.

Later I tried to continue meditation but ended up falling asleep, there was a lot of visual vibration and inner vibrating upon waking up, feels like it is deep in the flesh.

First sungazing

I woke up at 4am this morning only because I needed to badly empty bladder and then thought about my intention to sungaze. Headed out around 4:45 to local park, went to a local park. It was cloudy and I was almost disappointed until I headed out in another direction towards another park where I caught a glimmer of the perfect firey bronze tinged sun illuminating so brightly behind the dense cloud.

Barefoot I stared at the sun for the recommended 10 seconds on first try. The process involves a daily 10 second increment, so tomorow it will be 20 seconds and the day after 30 seconds. This can be carried out for up to a duration of 9 months or until ones appetite is completely reduced. According to the instructions it is best to sun gaze at the same location. I have chosen to do it around the 1 hour window after sunrise and may even do one 1 hour before sunset.

I then sat down under a tree where the suns ray was illuminating, after getting comfortable started my breathing practice, then the 5 tibetan rites until I sat down and just relaxed letting the sun warm my skin. There were magnetic sensations in my forehead, something to do with the pineal gland and third eye. This tends to occur early morning but in the sun it feels more smoother. As I write this the sensation is still there, I really do feel like somehow the brain just got charged.

I normally do not ever go out this early in the morning and after sitting there in the suns warmth I never reallly wanted to leave. It was peaceful and even internally there was no mental chronic chatter, nature provides effortless relaxation. Next time I intend to get there earlier starting off with a meditation.

Sungazing

This practice has been around since ancient times perhaps in the very beginning but in these modern times it is Hira Ratan Manek who has assisted in bringing this practice into the western public awareness. I have been reading up the process on solar healing center website and have been thinking why haven't I started this from last year since that is when I first found out about it. Naturally I was already by then losing my appetite and I became aware of cravings and forced myself to eat simply because I was concerned as well as just out of habit, I was even concerned what others might think. However I have been realising more importantly that my appetite was almost exclusively based on cravings and this year it has become more apparent to me that cravings are a deeper need for emotional satisfaction rather than physical nourishment, hence why we eat more when bored and make bad unhealthy eating habits when stressed out. This doesn't mean that food cannot nourish the physical organism, just by changing my diet to a high raw diet has had good impact on my physical body. However the fact that everything we eat draws nourishment from the earth, the sun and water has really got me thinking in this path to breatharianism which is not really all that different to sun gazing. If the life forms in the plant kingdom can recieve their nourishment via these elements then surely human beings can receive nourishment via the same mechanism.

I'm still doing lots of cleansing, through various techniques such as colon, kidney and liver cleanse. Also different types of breathing exercises, headstands to improve oxygen level in brain, 5 tibetan rites, meditate and early morning and evening sunbathing. I also intend to drink filtered sun charged water everyday and in the process of my appetite reducing to a significantly lower level I will slowly change to a liquid diet which will be mostly juiced greens and I think I want to say goodbye to some flavours  - like chocolate.

I intend to update my progress on this blog.

Meditation Difficulty

Today I tried seated meditation, I have noticed my mind is more alert and chronic with thoughts than with meditating lying down. I think with lying down I tended to fall asleep and napped for quite some time and sometimes I would doze off so deeply after snapping out of the deep sleep state for say 10 or 30 mins I would feel as though I had been gone for hours.

I guess the benefit of seated meditation would be more than lying down at this stage but sometimes I shall alternate.

Todays practice was very difficult - and it would be since I haven't intentionally practiced meditation frequently. I felt my mind was consistently occupied with certain specific types of thoughts - these thoughts seem to be 'doing' thoughts, thoughts about the many tasks I must carry out. I have also noticed these thoughts are branched out from the people in my life right now. I have set up my life in such a way that others to some degree are still dependent on me and really I want to say that it is their negative energy and low vibration that is sucking me deep into the abyss of misery, but really I have myself to blame. The other day I had a conversation with my brother and the whole point of it was 'some people need to learn to say no'. Of course I agreed and even added specifically the person we were discussing needed to speak up and not be afraid. Seriously I would do good to take my own advice and I felt more deeply that this conversation was bought up exactly as if a message for me. Anyways my point is until I I do not stop allowing others to pull me left and right I am always going to be overly mentally occupied and meditation will be like sitting down waiting for that one thought that would creep into my mind and then on to carrying out whatever command it may be.

This doesn't change the fact that there was a time in my life when I was much busier and the environment around me a lot more toxic and added to that the strain I was putting on my physical body through bad eating habits, yet around that time I took up meditation that really helped me to relax efficiently, details of which have been added to this blog.


So why is it harder to meditate now, maybe I should consider a 30 day challenge which helped at one time. I may have to go through old journal and start using similar meditation techniques - in my next session rather than watch the thoughts I intend to observe my breathing.

I think journalling about meditation helped so I may accompany this with the practice

Breatharianism - Living on Light

This is something that I have read about a few times and it clicked with me instantly. I think it is a process that I have naturally been undergoing without much awarenes and it seemed to start happening around the time I had my so called TB lump which just emerged overnight. When it happened I knew about breatharianism but never quite connected the dots. At that time my appetite was so greatly reduced that I was incredibly concerned for my physical body I had to force myself to eat and I went so downhill with all the junk food which I see now was a result of my out of whack emotions. However with the reduced appetite I experienced no fatigue at all, in fact around this time the amount of energy I had was so new to me that I felt like a new person. Despite this I was depressed - which I realize now was a reaction to all the hospital wait and negative energy from doctors and nurses rather than my condition, never ever again - I would happily die of cancer if need be.

I have been reading as well as watching some material by Jasmuheen and she exudes this incredible loving energy - very motherly.

 For a while now my appetite has been so low, sometimes I'm not hungry at all. I am starting to understand my body more clearly now and I have realized this business of eating is a habit formed by our emotions and rarely from an actual need to provide the body with fuel. Most of the times when I eat - I'm either bored, worried that I might waste away or I just want to taste food for pleasure (chocolate does a good job of this). Another thing also is the routine of eating. We have a set time to eat food, breakfast in the morning, lunch afternoon and dinner in the evening. Fortunately out of concern for my health I have done some real hard work on force feeding myself healthy raw foods since last year summer rather then let my emotions eat away at my core with junk food - so I applaude myself for that and for anyone who is at least trying. Now I'm starting to understand hunger signals, basically there aren't any hunger signals or none that I'm aware of. I do not know what hunger is, the very subject of food and eating is becoming so alien to me and yet I'm constantly refining my diet primarily out of the fear that I will become frail and weak if I eat too little or stop eating all together. I rarely am thirsty enough and do not drink as much fluid as I used to but with the change of weather (dry and very hot) I am somewhat getting thirsty and need to drink. Since converting to vegetarian diet I have lost a significant amount of weight.

I think somehow all this is due to the Salvia induced experiences on top of a kundalini process - it has directly changed the way my body functions. I have been practicing doing headstands and I can't balance at all because my legs have a life of their own. The body seems to like spinning. My body has become so light and bouncy I feel it can levitate. There is so much energy powering this body I can dance a whole day and not feel tired - dancing is about the only thing right now that makes me come alive and I have this need to do it daily. It feels so good, not dancing - but coming alive. Lately I have been sleeping quite a bit more than usual but still energetic during the day, other than dancing I prefer doing light energy work rather then anything too strenuous, gardening is a nice form of relaxation and I'm turning a neglected garden into a beautiful oasis.

When it comes to diet however I am  not  a saint or anything, I do sometimes indulge in the forbidden white grains mostly just rice really, with cooked vegetables, sometimes potatoes and on rare occasions wheat products - I live at home with other family members and they have the worst kind of diet imaginable, everyday I am bombarded with rice so I taste some of it just to fulfill a craving which is slowly dissipating however I know for a fact everytime I eat it it is always due to emotional upheavel, even a slight elevation of negative emotions makes me want to stuff the crap out of it. Despite these nagging cravings I tend to eat very little, daily meals include mostly sprouted legumes and beans, sprouted greens, wild foraged food, egg yolks, carrots and even conventional type salads, some nuts and fatty seeds - about 80% of what I eat is organic and raw. I've definitely developed a chocolate addiction, fortunately not commercial chocolates. Luckily I'm not rich enough to feed this addiction constantly. For this year I have decided to stick with solids until I feel ready for liquidarianism.

So now I am facing the very potential of living on prana, I know I have to do some extra cleaning and assist the body in detoxing which involves enemas and longer fasting durations. Fridays fasting have been difficult because again my emotions take over and I'll stick a bit of flavoured rice in my mouth or let some chocolate covered dates melt in my mouth. It's all about the emotional triggers and I don't know how to resolve them but I need to work on this area. Right now there are three solutions:

1) Work on the emotional triggers one by one - this could be a long and arduous task
2)  Stay away from the emotional triggers so they do not produce the negative respones - this ones hard because I simply can't and even if I did stay away more emotional triggers would find me in another form or another situation
3) Keep myself busy with joyous activity and do some positive intention work daily so that I am happily too busy to be revved up by the common emotional triggers - dancing is helping, I forget everything else when I'm dancing.

I have added in a few routine practices such as headstands, 5 tibetan rites,  pranayama and meditation. I love singing and when I have time I am doing voice excerises - humming and head vibrations are a good way to clear the head of impurities and does wonders for the voice. Another thing that interests me is spontaneity, to live spontaneously and not plan every second of life and only parts of it that are necessary such as ones lifestyle etc.

I will keep this blog updated on my progress.

Urine Buzz

The other night I recommenced urine therapy, sipped the middle stream very slowly. Almost immediately after I retired to bed my body was charged with some kind of magnetic force. Something buzzing and almost popping out, I felt that something to be the astral body or another layer of the physical shell. I remember like a drunk I headed for the toilet - looking at how red my arms had become I can tell my blood was circulating with great force.

Not sure if it was that night or the night after but I had some very vivid long flowing dreams.

Another night I dreamt of a tree that resembled a face - the leaves were like strands of hair and this tree had a recent fresh haircut, it seemed to be communicating with me.

Recent Salvia Trips

 The end of the world
A few days ago, I think it was tuesday I decided to use up some of the remainder salvia from an old batch. I almost forgot what it tasted like - but the flutterring around peripheral vision expanded and visual changed and my eyes completely changed, the outer visuals were a reflection of the actual change of the sight. I was viewing things the way they really were. My mouth surprisingly heavy and full on such a small amount of the leaf. As I continued chewing I knew I had enough but there was so much left - didn't want to waste so I put a little more in my mouth. To do so was an insult, I was offending some 'thing' so I spat out fast and arranged the mug and jar with its contents on bedside table with awareness of lingering presence. Resting on my back, eyes finally closed beings flooded inside physical organism. They were travelling far down and it seemed their destination was the sexual organ or root chakra. So many things were happening too rapidly for me to accurately relay in the order that the events took place. There were many familial incidents and issues that were surfacing, my behaviour pattern was becoming more apparent and I recognized the greed and selfishness I have been living in for the past few months - they all knew my every fault and error and I wished to correct these faults.

The body was pulling apart, each component revealing  itself as living individual beings that form what I know as the physical body. It's always at the moment that I should remain still and quiet I end up moving - the world that I knew everything and every detail contained within it was ending and revealing a complex indescribable reality, open eyes not wanting to go too far holding onto the physical world desperately seeking the physical life once again. It was hard coming back, almost like going through a battlefield. I struggled with the physical eyes, I think it was worse for the beings that compose the physical surrounding. To my right a being who formed the pink salt lamp on my bedside table molded back into it all the while staring directly at me - the whole melding into it seemed painful. In some way I felt bad for coming back and apologized to the beings. I thought about all the things I like about this reality and lately chocolate has been on my mind as well as melting in my mouth. I worded out 'chocolate' to them and how yummy it is even though it's not real. I wanted to grab my smartphone and visit a web page with the buddha teachings, as I held the phone my spine buzzed and I felt the connection between the human physical organism and electric powered device one that I can't describe properly right now. I look at the last page viewed which on the small screen filled with the title 'The Coming into Being of Worlds' - how appropriate. The screen as well as the words on it pulsed and waved. The nagging buzz made me put the phone down and buzzing subsided.

My eyes were doing something - all the cords connected to the eyeballs were burning and fizzing, this happened for quite a long time and I think had to do with the whole coming back too suddenly. Then I felt a light pressure and my body felt like it was going through the motions of sexual intercourse but not happening directly to my physical body, this was elsewhere and I was sharing the experience in some way. I could be wrong about this - it could even be something else but at the time this is what it felt like. I was also very aroused but kept my cool trying to stay in control.

A Clarifying Encounter - this particular inicdent is based on part physical reality incident which will clarify a salvia induced incident
Yesterday I went to collect my niece and nephew from school, I haven't done this in a long time but somehow the events played out so that I end up being in a certain place at a certain time just for a certain encounter. As I approached the school building in the heavy rain under my brolly a woman coming from the opposite end is also making her way to the building entrance. She keeps staring at me, to the point where I'm a little creeped out but more than that annoyed - it was simply rude. When I think about it her expression was rather unusual - a combination of curiousity mixed with a hint of shock or surprise and she even looked back as if to make sure of something.

Yesterday evening after a really long day I wanted to take a little trip with Salvia, this time the onset of the experience was very mild but I was almost immediately viewing spirits all around with closed eyes. I danced preparing for this trip just to see if they acknowledge my awesome dance moves. Guess what? they do - they were dancing somewhere near the spine re-enacting some of my moves only they were doing so very slowly as if teasing in some way. The spirit like beings were all over around me, we were headed somewhere or more like I was being carried along. Travelling we ended up somewhere nearby and an understanding came rushing to me almost in a flash. She saw me and perhaps recognized me but more importantly I recognized her and remembered meeting her in a previous salvia experience where the others took me locally to someone who lived not too far from me. It was the same woman I encountered at the school entrance earlier that day. It seems she has some kind of ability perhaps to see disincarnate spirits which could explain why she had that surprised look as if she had seen a ghost, only this time the ghost was an actual living person. I felt a little invaded somehow, wondering how many others knew about me, how many others are living around me with this kind of ability. I have to admit I was jealous when I realized she had this ability - kept wondering why I don't have that kind of clear open sight.  Of course we all have these abilities to a certain degree and clearly some people are more open than others.

This clears another suspicion of mine, another woman that I had met in an older salvia experience also has a physical existence and she lives nearby. Upon realizing all this I open my eyes not wanting to go any deeper. Anyways I do wonder why they took me to her, what was their intention?

Morning Transitions

Yesterday went back to bed around 11am after waking up from a 2-3 hour sleep period. Could not sleep at all, so much crap in my head - thinking excessively about how to plan out the next day and everything escalated into planning things for the rest of this life. Unfortunately these thought patterns were not tiring, it took forever until I just shut my eyes tight.

Eventually entered several states similar to sleep paralysis but things were a little different. I could feel physical eyes had been twisted so that I was viewing things in the room differently so much that I was no longer in my bedroom. There were multitude of beings around me converting into all kinds of pattern creating the entire scenery. I kept getting agitated with them and a few moments I was frightened of what they were capable of. I knew there was a source, something that was causing this, something that had control over my external environment. After moments of panicking trying to unlock my eyes there were moments of sexual arousal beyond my control, base of tailbone pulsing followed by a pumping pressure. Soon enough things were almost returning to normal and I managed to turn around on my back, feeling so drunk and out of it managed to just crash into a really deep sleep which was broken earlier than it should have.

Upon reflection on this experience I realize that I was startled by the whole event which may be the reason I was afraid of the others. It was very unexpected and the fact the others were too visible and very in my face didn't help much with fear levels. So perhaps I should be more mindful of this and not be so quick to panic.