Instead of writing every detail of each Salvia session I will instead make posts about anything new I have learnt, anything signigicant.
Before I chewed I was upset, hurt over something very small. I stated that I just wish I was dead and how I would prefer to simply not exist.
The Layers of a Tree
Whilst chewing stared out the window at the trees and I saw the fakeness of it all. The world takes this appearance of a toy, it's all so pretend. The others that make up all the parts are constructed to make things appear to be something - like a tree. There were layers of branches and each layer had a set of individuals who are now aware that I am aware of them. They are even moving left and right to give the appearance, the feel that it's the wind moving. The body felt so unreal, so rubbery, toy like.
The Funny Side of Death
Death has been on my mind since that dream I had about my dad, and just yesterday found out my neighbour passed away. He moved with his wife only a week ago which happened so suddenly didn't even get a goodbye from them which was shocking but then to find out he passed away was just unbelievable. How can someone who after so much hard work and grief want to start life fresh and really enjoy it suddenly drop dead the moment they take the step to make it happen. At some point in the Salvia trip this whole death thing was on my mind. I started to feel or understand that when we die this is what happens : we don't die we wake up knowing it was all a dream, a joke even, that none of it was ever real and I was going through the sequence of that process. I started laughing inside and I thought about murderers and their victims and how once their dead they have this same awareness of it being a game, an act. I was laughing but it was funny there and then I remembered what life is like here and I kept stating that it's not funny here - murder is not funny here, it's not a joke despite it not being real life is not meant to be filled with these horrid incidents. Still I couldn't help laughing about death, it is the funniest joke I've ever heard.
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