Fear Test

Last night before I fell asleep I asked realizing that maybe I hold some fears, and in the long run my awakening can be aided by the harmonizing of these fears I asked that my sleep process works on this.

I thought about some fears that I might still hold - and one of them I admitted more to myself than to the beings around me is the fear of loss. I chose the fear of financial loss - this is one fear I'm comfortable to work on at this point until I can identify the other fears.

The dream starts off with me in a street - I'm in a telephone booth sorting out cash in a plastic pouch - there's a lot, maybe over £1K. Someone is staring at me - he's across the street looking out from the window of a store. I read his body language - he is discussing with his friend the intention to mug me. I walk out fast increasing my pace until I am running as fast as I can. They're chasing me now. Intentions have changed - it seems another agenda they hold is rape at which point I'm sprinting for dear life.

Somehow I've gotten into a car - parked outside the house. Relieved I get in the house only moments later watching outside the window I see parking attendants (ugh! I hate parking attendants). There's two of them which makes the scene even more ugly. The parking attendants have spotted the loot - no doubt it looks much better than what they could fine me for. The worst part is I've left my purse and money bag of £1k right on the seat - and even worse is that I forgot to lock the door. I panic more coz the cash isn't even mine - my brother gave it to hold on for a while. I fear he's gonna lose his mind - this will depress the crap out of him. I can't simply stand here watching doing nothing with all these frantic scenes in my mind. Jump out window land on feet - suddenly I've become wonder woman and run after the parking attendants - I snatch the cash and purse, but still I'm not done. I need to kick some ass.

I've always known I had this major girl power in me - it was fun. I woke up relieved it was just a dream but knew that I also miserably failed the test.

The only thing this dream revealed to me was my attachment over the fear of loss. The fight symbolizes attachment - resistance to change. It revealed how I still hold on to the sense of security that money provides - and that this same security is held on to tightly by many others. In order to pass I had to let go what I was losing - the sense of security.

I have no idea what the 'rape' intention coming from the DC meant nor how it fits in with this test. Maybe revealing another fear.