Salvia Zooming Out

Last night since I was feeling better I decided to journey with Salvia.

My intention with Salvia last night was to have a greater understanding of the self - the self that is mentioned quite a lot in the Bhagavad Gita and Upanishads.

12:50am chewed on 5 quid balls made out of 20 leaves, mostly large. I kept feeling it was not going to be effective, that somehow the dose was not enough to go deep though higher than before despite it working last time to some degree. Don't know why I keep having doubts during the chewing process. I lay down no external sound as I have ear plugs on. The effects do kick in but feels mild - had too much control I thought I'm gonna snap out of it easily. Can't recall if eyes were closed or open. Things have definitely shifted & suddenly I feel I'm riding in some carriage - is the physical body the carriage, and the carriage is just shifting shape?

I see the surrounding that is shifting is in communication with me. At some point I felt the ear plugs in my ears were distracting - took them out, they felt like 2 big sausages. I also recall that it will be better taking the ear plugs out so a physical sound, or something physical will help me to return in case I get too deep.

Going back I thought that was it - I disrupted the effects by making physical movement and that I'm going to return to normal waking consciousness, but instead I go deeper, much deeper. Consiousness is spreading as though there is a magnifying glass zooming out, I am observing the bigger or still just a small part of the bigger picture. I am among other beings invisible to the eye, there is a competition and there before me is a part of my creation - a small part of something bigger than I was able to comprehend. Inside this small part were other smaller parts like tiny microscopic cells - it appeared from this greater vantage point that the Earth, the galaxy that contains Earth & its inhabitants were but tiny microscopic fractions of the tiniest cells.

Then without words I am saying "Look at that creation". The creation I am referring to is the one containing Earth as I am feeling this I am no longer Jasmine and she is just a part of that creation.

I say that that creation is the greatest. I am speaking to something greater than the expanded perspective I had assumed or did it assume me? - the other beings are also in a similar fashion trying to get the attention from this greater presence.

It's almost as if I am trying to seduce this presence with the creation that lay before me in its magnificent form. Another analogy would be a sales person trying to sell a product. Only we're not selling for money, our hopes seem to remain in the response of that greater presence in our midst. We were vying for attention or acknowledgement from this great presence.

My intention was to meet, to know the Immortal Self or even be but I think I may have got more than I bargained for. I looked down at the creation & looking at it I knew there was still room for improvement that I could still perfect it.

Gently my consciousness zoomed in & focused back into the physical lump that now with the greater perspective I knew it was just a creation - can be discarded, can be re created , can be improved etc. I recall, as a part of that greater consciousness and not the personality of this Earth, Jasmine, that I wondered when I became little/zoomed in/focused again if I am to shout or scream out in that physical body would the cosmos, that great presence hear me.

Another analogy that comes to mind regarding that larger perspective of a small part of something big is that it was a dance movement and upon contemplation I felt there was some way that I could improve that particular dance move - that the One who's attention I was vying for was worth so much more than what I thought was great. All I wanted to do was please that magnificent presence who was invisible, not in a master slave kind of way but with natural auto compliance.

There is still so much that is left unsaid about this experience, and I could come up with a 100 different analogies to try to describe in detail everything that took place (since that is really the only way I can) however I feel no words could make anyone understand what it feels like to suddenly realize that the life, the physical reality one calls real is really just a creation, created by a Creator who was seeking admiration, at the very least some acknowledgement from a presence that engulfs this Creator. This Creator exists for that presence. There is still so much that I can learn from Salvia - there are still some pieces missing that can help me make sense from all that I've already learnt.

While writing this I still feel very ungrounded, everything still appears slightly wobbly and a bit dizzy. This also happened last time, especially when I am on the computer I seem to get unstably dizzy I would definitely have to limit my use of Salvia.

I was back by 1:30something am, about 20 minutes passed since feeling the effects of Salvia.