I have a lot of fears and I think since the presence of K I've worked on a lot of these fears.
Here are a few:
I had a fear of Spiders but slowly I started to appreciate more and more the significance of such creatures who are a part of this planet earth. I am now able to pick up spiders with long legs (not sure bout tarantulas) - I had a small spider doing a marathon on my finger recently. I would place one index finger over the other and switch over and the small spider ran in a continuous loop not realizing that it was running on the same surface over and over again. I think the spider was more afraid of me then I could ever be afraid of it.
Fear of being Homeless is one fear that I had no idea I had, since my housing situation is secure but then anything could fall apart at any moment. I think this fear is part of a cluster of fears regarding survival issues, has a lot to do with an event in my teens that I will probably save for another post - this has a lot to do with Root Chakra. Now I am not so afraid of ever finding myself in a situation where I am made homeless, because this planet is my home whether I find myself inside a cardboard box or in a cosy home - what does it matter. I think to myself that I am well provided for and that will always be the case and looking around myself I see abundance everywhere.
Fear of not enough money, somewhere, despite that I have the luxury of being able to afford all my bills and more I know there has been this fear of not having enough money. I am learning more and more that money isn't everything. So much that I have questioned a lot my principles on businesses. My drive and motivation for it has always been to become wealthy and successful, now with changing priorities the business has become more of a temporary obligation to someone else - something that I am so desperately tyring to see the end of. People are surving without spending much - there are all kinds of movements now that go to show people can live without money and that money is just a part of a slave like system that diminishes greatly peoples ability to think with a greater capacity. I had a discussion with my sister and like many people she believes that having a lot of money solves a lot of problems - with my new perspective on life I begged to differ and told her that money creates sick, depressed highly stressed out hard working people all for zero return. Her argument was that people need money to survive in this world and she asked me how are people going to get electricity without money. I told her if people do not pay for electricity with money electricity doesn't just suddenly stop working. Besides, the good things in life are free.
So those are a few examples of fears that I've worked through. This morning my dream reflected another fear that I don't think nor ponder much, nor have I really experienced it much but may still be there to some degree and again related to an experience I had as a teen. The dream involved myself travelling a long distance - I'm on a train and suddenly realized I've got on the wrong one. I'm being told it could take 5 hours for me to get home. To make things worse it is very late and the train is near empty. I get off one station and see an old friend and tell her to wait for me coz my oyster strangely seems to be out of credit. I hope that she is waiting because she can help me get home since we live in the same town. The dream continuously escalates to me getting lost - I am so bereft with anxiety I fear that I'm going to eventually forget where I live. In some part of the dream I became aware that I was being shown one of my greatest fears.
Other fears: I'm still deathly afraid of wasps - so much that I have window screens placed around the house.
Chrism has mentioned entities and how they will do things that may startle you. I have experienced the knocks, sometimes these will wake me up in the morning and there's no one at the front door. Recently whilst in the toilet there was a knock on the toilet door but strangely no sign of anyone walking in the hallway where there are hardwood floor and anyone walking there are bound to make some noise since it is creaky.
According to Chrism this really is just K doing a fear test to see what level of fear an individual has for what reason I'm not quite sure yet, maybe to see just what is the safest amount of phenomena we are able to endure. For the most part a lot of the phenomena that I have experienced were really startling. The knock on the door did not scare me but I was curious on the source of this knock.
I have been thinking how the K energy has been silent compared to what I was going through initially. Now I think it's not that K is gone quiet and calmed down, it is obviously still present working in different ways such as reflecting to me my fears and life situations that have been causing some stress shining a light on areas that are being worked on. I think others probably go through something similar to this, where at first the K energy is like a blow to the head with all the phenomena and then suddenly it seems like it has stopped or is in the process of stopping simply because the phenomena dies down. The actual reality is that Kundalini isn't just about the more paranormal type phenomena it has other basis. This has a lot to do with the individual layers of the body. Yesterday I had the phenomena of lights sparking in the field of my vision.
I do wonder though if I were to see a ghost, entity - call it what you may, what would be my reaction? I would probably die on the spot because seeing a ghost, is my all-time number 1 greatest fear, especially seeing it in the waking state and not in the astral.
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