A Sinister Visit

Last night several times awakened and then back to sleep. Later struggled with insomnia I tried relaxation. The insomnia seems to have something to do with the detoxing.

Eventually I drifted off but was aware of a stairway, can't recall whether I was going up or down. I could clearly see a man in a cloak with a hood on. He was old looking with a sinister vibe. I just allowed the auto movement. It seemed as if I would just bump in to him. I went right through him and was alarmed by this. I saw a few other things and tried to remember these things to make note of. Unfortunately have forgotten them now. I then felt my physical eyes partially open. Tried to raise my arms which were faded transparent looking, again alarmed by this, then tried to raise legs but movement was very sluggish. Had this odd feeling of being almost possessed somehow.

All just ideas

When I am there I remember the process instantly, so quickly I tend to forget these important truths when I return to normal worldly state of mind. I can remember about everything being ideas, the body as an idea, everything based on ideas. From sensations to the simple act of walking. Everything to the minutest detail is based on ideas. Lugols iodine recently induced swollen lymph nodes and even thyroid glands here I am seeing them as just ideas caused by the pattern of thought, a combination of thoughts. I relax go deeper, the body as an idea is unraveling and whilst it feels like an undoing or unbecoming of what I think myself to be even this feels like an idea.

All fears, desires, hopes dreams anything one carries here dissipates into emptiness, it all loses it's relevance. Continuing to relax the sensation and feel of the body is still there, I have my eyes closed and ear plugs on with a scarf around the ears to cancel out as much noise as possible. I am doing some new experiments with Salvia where I will try to exclude as much use of the senses as possible. My digestive system begins to make an unusual sound. The sounds that my organs are making would be shocking to anyone beside me at that time, it was well timed pattern almost musical but a squeaky kind of sound  - something was controlling this. I sense the beings that make up these parts like essential components. All disease and thoughts of illness on the body had very much to do with ones pattern of thought but it seems they have some kind of control.

All the senses were based on ideas, from taste to touch. Here I felt as though I were seeing the raw actual process almost like the real part of it, I don't know how else to describe it. When we experience it in the normal ordinary state that part feels like the pretend part of it.

I suddenly recalled that I had eaten sardines that day, opening my eyes I felt I think I was trying to shake of the unbecoming and feel what it is like to taste in this open state where ones taste buds and all senses are awake.

I get up and hear my brother in the hallway who is with his son. He's near the door but his son starts to cry in an unusual way and it's like with some part of the mind I can feel them. My brother walks away with his son and I can feel his mind and what he's thinking. He seemed curious that his son cried near my door so he walked away and then back where his son cried again at which point I felt his curiosity of why this was happening. It felt like he shook off whatever ideas were floating in his mind. I had this thought that there was going to be a discussion about how kids can sense things, and I imagined myself saying that everyone kind of says this so it must be true. Not because it's a fact but because most people say it, and if enough people have a particular thought it becomes true.

I got up and took a tin of sardines out, I was eating but not in the usual sense with each bite I can feel the essence and all those things that were put together in the idea of the taste of sardines. It was like it was all being broken down to me and I was completely detached from the flavor and even the desire for food, the whole idea of it. I even had the thought in that moment that I would never eat food in the same way again.

The human limitation becomes so apparent in this state of mind and I find myself questioning once again; how is it that I forget this in the ordinary state of mind?

Here I am free, and freedom isn't to have the power to do whatever you want and acquire whatever one wishes or even to be a potentially unlimited being. Freedom is to be free from everything, it's a pure state of complete detachment.

Suddenly a wave of energy showed up, it was like a formation of something and this is something that I can't seem to work out. It seems this wave is a part of someone who is actually quite destructive and constantly angry. As I felt the bad vibes there was this knowing a feeling of some kind that I can actually shun or move it away with my mind somehow and I did a little at first but then let go. It seemed to cause a kind of tremor and vibration in the peripheral vision, there was also some heat in the forehead. I got this sense that I should not use Salvia around certain people.

This time round Salvia did not cause excess urination as it had done in the past but I did feel liver pains and used a very small amount, about 1 tbsp of crumbled Salvia leaves.

Again I need to use Salvia a bit earlier in the morning.

Sleep Deprivation Experience

Last night my sleep was disrupted several times. Unable to sleep after this. After around 4 or 5am sleep was starting to take over my eyelids but I refused to sleep busy researching some things on my phone. I was kind of fixated on my research.

Somehow sleep started to take over automatically where I just let the eyes drop. Those pulling tugging sensations started to become more apparent. I got a sense that the others have been waiting for me to sleep, same 'others' I sense on Salvia. These particular lot seemed kind of invasive. My body was as light as air, there was that strong magnetic bubble like feeling all around me. A sense of vertigo. I opened eyes and my vision seemed to split in such a way that either the room or that sense of me was spinning. The rotation was rapid, a lot faster than I've ever experienced in my astral excursions.

The others were definitely there, had my guard on. I had an unusual sense that they wanted to occupy the body somehow. Kept forcefully trying to fight it. After a short while I must have given in or just drifted for the next two hours.

This is a very interesting phenomena where these particular others are actually waiting for me to fall asleep - have been meaning to experiment some more with sleep deprivation but not on a regular basis.

I have had this sense in the past where there's this feeling others seem to be waiting on me falling asleep.

I wonder what happens when I do fall asleep, somehow the sleep deprivation made me more lucid and aware of their activity.

Changes with Hemi Sync and Emotional Releasing

Yesterday evening after a quick workout I drank about 2 or 3 drops iodine in water and then went to bed. Before listening to hemi sync sleep exploration track I did some major emotional releasing and had that feeling where I just wished a whole lot of good for the entire mankind.

During the sleep exploration track I decided to do the resonant tuning a bit more louder and deeper than usual. Suddenly I heard a strange sound that has never been heard before in the audio just shortly after the RT. I think this change in audio with hemi sync is something that is mentioned in instructions, will need to check this.

My left index finger raised up followed by right finger which is something that has happened in the past.

My breathing stopped but I felt inside I was pumped like a helium balloon. Then a sudden release of this hold of breath - I felt like beings or perhaps energies were being released. I then began to see the movements around closed eyelids as though beings were peering down much like how I encounter beings when taking Salvia. I continued to relax and just let everything take place without reacting. There was a strange feeling that came with this incident.

At some point there was a large bee flying around but I can't recall if it was in one of the dreams.

When I awakened from sleep around 4ish am there was some dreams I couldn't quite recall. I relaxed again and fell asleep easier. At some point in the dark I was still very much awake. I heard the voice of my sister who is actually not in, then the door knock and then heard a few family members staying over talking amongst each other. It felt like I was very much awake in this reality, not at all dream like yet those sounds and things did not actually physically take place.

It felt like some bits of memories were being used to create this particular scene.

When I see any kind of creatures in dreams or visions or even generally I like to look up animal totem meanings.

Here is what is said about the Bee: link

Fertility and the Honey of Life, Accomplishing the Impossible

Bees are the symbol of fertility and sexuality. Its honeycomb, a hexagon, is the symbol of the heart and represents the sweetness of life found within our own heart. It is also the symbol of the sun and all its energies.    The bee reminds us to extract the honey of life and to make our lives fertile (productive) while the sun shines. No matter how great the dream is, there is the promise of fulfillment if we pursue our dreams.    If a Bee has shown up in your life, examine your own productivity.  Are you doing all you can to make your life more fertile? Are you busy enough? Are you making time to savor the honey of life and not becoming a workaholic?    The Bee is the symbol of accomplishing the impossible. Aerodynamically, its body is too large for its wings and should not be able to fly. Although now we understand how it does fly (high rate of wing movement), the Bee remains a symbol of accomplishing anything you put your mind to. In Hinduism, the Bee relates to Vishnu, Krishna or Kama, the God of Love. In Egypt, the Bee symbolized royalty. In Greece, it was the symbol of the Eleusinian Mysteries. The Celts associated the Bee with hidden wisdom.